A/N: I'm rather surprised by the response of this... I mean, I actually got reviews! I kinda expected everyone to stare for a couple minutes then pretend this never happened.
Disclaimer: Me no own Heroes, Phantom of the Opera, Labyrinth, Star Trek or any such affiliation.
Fandoms: Look above.

Lushy sighed lightly as she walked up on the stage, Erik and another man behind her. "Well, thank you for that lovely performance, Doctor. It was…intriguing." She laughed slightly as she took her place at the podium, fiddling with the fringe of her wrap. "I can tell we're in for quite a night. Anything to say, boys?"

Erik turned slightly to the man next to him—a blonde with wild hair and glittery clothes that were far too tight to be legal in most states. Thank God this is only fanfiction—and cocked his head to the side. "I believe Jareth has been awaiting the chance to speak about the after-party."

Lushy stepped back obediently, nodding to the Goblin King in respect.

"Ah, yes, the after-party." Jareth grinned lazily. "It shall be held at the Palace, of course, where the goblin's will be serving a variety of non-alcoholic drinks—" a series of groans followed this announcement and Lushy stepped up.

"Hey! I'm pretty sure that we have under-agers here, so non-alcoholic is what you'll havta suffer." From somewhere in the audience, Molly, Micah, Luke, Lyle, Young!Spock, Young!Jim, Young!Bones, Toby, and various others yelled their joy at this. Lushy nodded in finality, stepping back and letting Jareth take over once again.

"Yes, well. As I said, non-alcoholic beverages and snacks shall be served. Entertainment and acceptance speeches for the various awards for the talent show shall be repeated/continued. Because everyone knows we're just a bunch of attention-hogs." Cheers filled the air—though none more so than James Tiberius Kirk and Dean Winchester—and Jareth grinned. "Costumes are mandatory." He winked down at Sarah, who buried her face in her hands and groaned.

Lushy rolled her eyes, "Alright, enough with the sexual innuendo. Who wants to see the next performance?!" she yelled into the mic, producing a very loud response from the audience.

The three exited the stage with large grins as two other men entered the opposite side.

The first of the two men—dressed in a tuxedo, of course—had long black hair with bangs that fell into his dark eyes. He gave a crooked grin to the audience and tugged the other man behind him by hand.

The second man was slightly taller, dark hair slicked back, and had a sinister smirk on his lips that darkened his features. He wore an entirely black suit—black pants, jacket, shirt, tie, shoes. It was safe to say that the pair were extremely sexy.

"Hey, everyone, I'm Peter Petrelli from Heroes." The former announced as he neared the podium, glancing at the man beside him.

"I am Gabriel Gray from the same TV show, but if you call me anything but Sylar I'll rip your brains out faster than you can say 'save the cheerleader, save the world'."

Peter grinned, kissing Sylar on the cheek. "God, I love it when you get all violent."

Sylar smirked some more.

Peter turned back to the audience, "As most of you know, we and our actors are incredibly sexy." The girls catcalled, whistling and looking the men up and down appreciatively. "However, I'm not sure either of us can top how 'hot' this next performance is."

"You know them very well—perhaps because you know me," Sylar grinned, slinging an arm around Peter. "Perhaps because you know of the 'first' slash pairing ever invented. You may know of them because of annoying Tribbles, or terrible Klingons, or a doctor that says 'dammit, Jim' far too often."

"Ladies and Germs, we bring you Scotty, Bones, Spock and Kirk from Star Trek '09 singing a revised version of 'I'm Cute' from Animaniacs!"

The two flew—seriously, flew—off the stage as the curtains pulled back to reveal the four.

In the middle of the stage, Kirk sat on a red lounge-couch, smirking, in a black tank top that hugged his muscles. He wore black form-fitting pants that left nothing to imagination and his skin literally sparkled in the light. It was safe to say that he was hot.

Clustered behind him, swaying side to side, was Spock, Scotty, and Bones. Spock, once again, held no emotion as the other men draped arms around him, forcing him to sway. Scotty and Bones were grinning madly, just happy to be on stage.

"I'm hot," Kirk begun to sing, winking at the audience. "Yes, it's true. I really can't help it, but what can you do? When you're hot, it just shows. With these cunning blue eyes and a well-built nose. And a dark black outfit that makes Uhura swoon, yes. And when they see my ass then everyone says…"

The three behind him placed their hands on their chests where their hearts would be—except Spock, but that didn't really matter—and struck awed faces. "Oh, shit! Isn't he hot? Hot, hot, oh, isn't he hot, hot, hot?"

The men went around the front, helping him off the lounge and struck adoring poses around him—Spock finally seeming slightly uncomfortable with the performance.

"I'm the one they adore. I'm sexy and kinky and if you're not careful I'll give you a hickey. But more, it's a chore, to be constantly hot and laughing at Scotty say 'but' like 'bot'. When my lip's sticking out in a hot little space pout then it's no doubt why the girls and guys like to shout…"

The men turned their backs to the audience and, quite literally, shook their booties, letting their Captain smack each one in turn. "He's a beaut!"

Kirk smirked, rubbing his hands over Spock's bottom just slightly longer than appropriate. "Let's face it, I'm hot!"

"Hot, hot. Oh, baby, he's hot, hot, hot." They turned around, standing up and sitting on the lounger Kirk was previously seated on, swaying back and forth as Kirk sung.

"Being hot is a thing you can't hide. If you look up the word in the PADD there's my picture inside! Interplanetary Love has me on the cover."

The men leaned forward, "Don'cha just love 'im?"

"I hit on Uhura 'cause she was a goddess."

"And isn't he modest?"

"I'm the answer in Spock's logic for 'who's the most hot?'"

Spock turned an interesting shade of green as he continued to sing. "Hot, hot, oh, isn't he hot, hot, hot?"

The three men looked at each other, exasperation beginning to seep through. Spock suddenly smirked, leaning towards the two men and whispering something. The other two grinned, nodding.

"I'm hot and a treat. I'm kinky, it's neat, and so trusting!"

The three rolled their eyes, "If you want our opinion this song is becoming disgusting."

Kirk frowned, glancing at his back-up singers—who grinned at him as if nothing were wrong—as he sung the next part of his verse.

"I'm hot—"

"So what?"

"—I never am vain."

"He's becoming a pain in the—"

"But I'm also real strong. I'm a sex machine through and through."

"So big whoop-de-doo."

Kirk fisted his hands, singing through clenched teeth. "I'm flexible and adoring."

"And also real boring and that's why we're snoring at you."

Kirk let out a yell, turning around and grasping Spock the shoulders. "That is it!" He pulled Spock up, shoving him into the wall and growling in anger. "I have had it! You ruined our entire performance, you pointy-eared hobgoblin! I know you don't feel emotion, bastard, but at least look at what it's like. I am angry, furious, enraged!"

There was a long pause, filled with the heavy pants of human and Vulcan alike. The tension riveted through the air, stilling the audience to the point that they were holding their breath. Scotty and Bones looked on with wide eyes, wincing slightly as the Vulcan leaned forward boldly.

"You are very sexually stimulating—I believe the term is 'hot'—when you are angry, Captain."

Kirk smirked. "Really now?" And proceeded to kiss Spock senseless, showing just how 'sexually stimulating' he could be.

Scotty and Bones grinned at one another. "A-babba-dabba-doo-wah!" They pointed to the two. "That's hot!"

The curtain closed and Lushy quickly scrambled up, laughing. "Who knew Spock had a sense of humor?" Her voice was almost drowned out by the laughter and applause.