My Way is Wrong

I smashed the trunk of a tree standing next to me out of frustration. I hated the pretenses that were necessary for Bella and me to be together in the public eye. I wanted her to be here with me always. It was driving me mad to have to spend any time away from her. Especially now that she had agreed to marry me.

I slipped my hand into the right front pocket of my jeans to finger my mother's engagement ring. Another pretense that I was ready to be rid of. I wanted Bella to wear my ring. I wanted people to see the physical proof that she was mine. Mine. She was mine. But she didn't have to be.

I slammed my fist into another tree. Esme was going to kill me if I diminished the tree line too much. She had a way of making things look so perfect that they looked natural. I knew that the last six trees that I'd smashed had been more than she wanted.

I slumped to the ground, lingering on my thoughts of my Bella. She didn't have to be my Bella, but it would kill me. Like I had told Jacob last night in the tent, I would let her go if she chose him. And now, now that she'd realized that she did indeed love Jacob as I'd seen all along, there was a chance that she would chose him. He could give her things that I could not, while still providing the protection that I could. Jacob could give her children and a life without the burning desire for blood and murder. She might turn away from me for another monster.

It would hurt, but if she decided that she wanted that life, I would gladly let her have it. It was the life I had chosen for her when I had left her months ago. Of course, I'd hoped that she'd choose someone with less of a mythical connection, someone who could give her a normal human life. I chuckled darkly, Bella could not have a normal human life. She seemed to be a magnet for anything from my world. Maybe she was meant to join my world. Maybe that's why she seemed to be in the middle of all the dangers that my world offered.

I shook my head. Nobody was meant to join this world. This is not the type of life that any person is meant for.

I needed to know where Bella was. "Alice," I spoke up just loud enough for her to hear me in the house. "Do you see her yet?"

Relax, Edward. Alice thought. I searched her mind, but she couldn't see Bella. That meant she was still on the reservation. She'll be done soon. She has a lot to work through with Jacob. You know it's not going to be easy for her.

"I know," I relinquished. She had clung to my hand so tightly as Carlisle and I had worked over Jacob's unconscious form. It should be reassuring to know that she needed me so much, but it wasn't. I knew that she could still change her mind. And there was a good part of me that would support her. I still didn't want her to be changed. Even though I didn't have the strength to leave her on my own again, I knew that it would be better for her if I was no longer there. I'd find a way to protect her from the Volturi if she wanted to choose a human life with or without me.

Edward. Alice's thoughts broke into my mind. She showed me an image of Bella slumped over in the seat of her truck, sobbing uncontrollably. You better go get her. She's done it, and she needs you.

She'd chosen me. I was both overjoyed and disappointed. It would have been healthier for her to choose Jacob, but now, I got to keep her forever.

I pushed myself up from the tree and started running. I didn't know how far from the reservation she'd stopped, or if she was still on the reservation, but I needed to get to her.

It only took me a few minutes to find her old truck. I opened the door and slid in. I took her into my arms without hesitation. I could feel the hesitation that she felt for being in my arms, and then her sobbing increased in volume and the tremors of her body grew harsher. I worried that her small frame might break the way that she was shaking.

I was worried that my presence was upsetting her. Her disposition seemed to become worse with me holding her, but when I'd made a small move away, she'd clung to me tightly. Her hands had gripped my shirt in a death grip, and I made no more moves away from her. I rocked her gently as she continued to cry. I stroked her hair and rubbed what I hoped were soothing circles in her back, though I knew she was beyond being soothed at this point.

She began to choke slightly and I worried until the unintelligible sounds began to string together. "Ch-ch," she stuttered. "Cha-harlie," she finally got out. She said his name several more times. Not once was she able to get his name out once without choking on it.

She wanted to see her father. She wouldn't make it past her father this way. He would know something was amiss, and he might try to question her. She definitely wouldn't make it through questioning. But she did need to get home soon. The sun was beginning to set. Maybe she needed just a little bit more time. "Are you really ready to go home?"

She couldn't get a full sentence through her lips, but I knew what she was trying to tell me. She needed to get home before Charlie started to look for her. We both knew tonight was going to be a long night. She'd need to get past Charlie.

I turned toward the wheel of her truck and began to push it forward. I wanted to give her a little more time to get control of herself, so I drove irritatingly slow up the road to her house. After several minutes, her sobs began to silence, though I could still smell the salt, so I knew the tears were still spilling down her face without even looking at her. Guilt pressed into me. She was in this pain because she chose me instead of Jacob.

I pulled up in front of her house and we got out. She had quieted and the tears had slowed, but this was nowhere near the end. She was just holding back. I hoped that she would last long enough to make it past her father. He was not one to deal with emotions.

I pulled her into my arms before she went inside. She didn't look up at me. "Wait for me upstairs," she mumbled.

I hugged her more tightly, trying to convey all the love and support that I had for her. I wanted her to know that I was here for her, but I was afraid to speak. She seemed so delicate that I word might break her control

I left her standing in her driveway and went directly through her window. I waited anxiously, not liking how long it took her to get through the door. But she did get through the door. I heard the quiet creaking, she was trying to not be noticed. She walked with quiet footsteps to the stairs, but of course, Charlie had been waiting for her.

"Bella?" He called as he got up from his chair. Then he looked at her. I could see her in his mind. She had not been able to stop the tears. They were still running down, and she looked as though she were being tortured. It tore at my dead heart. "What happened? Is Jacob?"

She shook her head, "He's fine." Her voice was rough and low from crying, so she tried again. "He's fine."

Charlie was still distressed by her appearance, as he should be. "But what happened? What happened to you?" He placed his hands firmly on her shoulders, planting her in place. Pinning her to the spot. I prayed she'd make it through long enough to make it up to her room. If she broke down downstairs, I wouldn't be able to get to her, and Charlie would be unable to provide any sort of comfort.

"Nothing, Dad." She looked away from him. "I just had to talk to Jacob about some things that were hard. I'm fine." She wasn't fine, and it was going to break through soon.

Charlie had settled by this point, but hadn't moved his hands from her shoulders. He was unhappy about what she'd done. Though he was beginning to find qualities in me that he liked, he was still in Jacob's corner, and didn't want Bella to give up on that route yet. "Was this really the best time?"

"Probably not, Dad. But I didn't have any alternatives. It just got to the point where I had to choose. Sometimes there isn't any way to compromise." She choked on her words a little. No, there wasn't a compromise. It was either vampires or werewolves. In the world of mortal enemies, you couldn't have both.

"How did he handle it?" Bella looked up at him, but didn't answer. Charlie could see it in her face. It was enough of an answer for him. "I hope you didn't mess up his recovery"

Bella looked down at her hands. "He's a quick healer"

They stood there for several uncomfortable moments for all of us. The damn was breaking, and the tears were beginning to flow at a quicker rate again. "I'll be in my room," she choked out. The words were slurred together slightly, but she'd been focusing her energy on getting out of Charlie's grasp.

He nodded behind her, finally realizing that he was out of his league with what was going on. "Kay"

She tripped up the stairs to her room. It took everything in me not to expose my presence to her father and catch her. She finally reached her room and fell against the wall. She didn't notice me in the room immediately as she was too busy trying to take win a fight with the clasp of the bracelet that Jacob had given her.

I grabbed her wrist, stopping her movement. "No, Bella." Even if my diamond hadn't been on the bracelet, it would have been wrong to let her take it off. "It's part of who you are."

I pulled her into my arms and cradled her as I led her to the bed. I held her and rocked her as the sobs and the tears again broke free. They were back with a vengeance. They seemed to have gained strength when she was holding them back, and now they were so loud that Charlie could hear them downstairs.

She cried well into the night. It seemed that there was no end to the pain that she was feeling. It hurt me that I had caused her this much pain by leaving her in the forest that day. If I had not left her, she would not have become so close to Jacob. She would not have fallen in love with him. Her heart would not be torn in two now, and there would be no decision to make.

There became a point in the night when she became hysterical. She apologized to me incessantly, but about what, I couldn't understand. I tried to soothe her, but that only seemed to make it worse. She would flinch and cry out whenever I tried to comfort her. But eventually, that calmed as well.

She continued to cry until the sun was only a few hours below the horizon. The tears and the sobs calmed as she finally slipped into unconsciousness. Her sleep wasn't peaceful, but at least she was sleeping. She alternated between talking to me and Jacob. She told us both that she loved us and that she was sorry.

If I could have cried, I would have. How could I have caused her this much pain? It was wrong for me to keep her. If it hurt her this much to be away from Jacob, then she shouldn't be. I would let her go. I wouldn't leave her like I did last time, I would watch her walk away from me. I flinched at the thought, but I knew that it was the right thing to do.

I had nearly made my decision to do so when her eyes fluttered open. Her eyes were set with a new resolve. "Hey," she whispered. Her voice was hoarse from the tears.

I watched her, waiting for something to break. I was too scared to say anything, yet. "No, I'm fine." She shook her head slightly, trying to smile at me. "That won't happen again."

I continued to study her, trying to find truth in her words, but she looked away, hiding her eyes from me. "I'm sorry that you had to see that. That wasn't fair to you."

I brought my hands up to frame my face so that she would have to look at me. When her eyes finally connected with mine, I could see the pain that she was trying to hide in them. "Bella, are you sure? Did you make the right choice? I've never seen you in so much pain." I couldn't help it, I choked on the last word. She'd been so broken last night. It wasn't right. It wasn't natural. She should never be in pain.

She laid her fingers on my lips. The motion was slightly comforting, but it did not push away my fears. "Yes," she whispered.

It wasn't enough. I could see it in her eyes, she was still in pain. "I don't know. If it hurts you so much, how can it be the right thing for you?"

There was determination and more volume in her voice as she spoke. "Edward, I know who I can't live without"

"But…"

"You don't understand." She cut me off quickly. "You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if that's what's best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you. It's the only way I can live."

She was trying to convince me that I was who she wanted, and I so desperately wanted to believe her. But last night was so hard for me to shake off.

"Hand me that book, will you?" She pointed to the night stand behind me.

I reached around and picked up the ridiculously worn copy of Wuthering Heights. How many times were we going to talk about this book? Was she trying to distract me from the topic at hand? "This again?"

She nodded and began to flip through the pages. "I just wanted to find this one part I remembered. To see how she said it."

She found the page that she was looking for and pointed to a section. I didn't look down to see what it was though, I was too busy watching her. "Cathy's a monster, but there were a few things she got right." She took a deep breath and read the passage quietly. I wasn't sure if she'd intended for me to hear it at first. "If all else perished and he remained, I should still continue to be. And if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger"

She looked up at me from the book, eyes clearer than they'd been in a while. "I know exactly what she means, and I know who I can't live without"

I took the book from her and flipped it across the room. I wrapped my arms around her waist and let the first hint of a smile cross my lips. "Heathcliff had his moments too." I leaned in closer so that I could whisper the words for only her to hear. "I cannot live without my life. I cannot live without my soul"

"Yes." She nodded. "That's my point"

I sighed. I still couldn't push away the images that would be forever burned in my brain of how Bella wept for her best friend and love last night. It wasn't right just to let her continue this way. "Bella, I can't stand for you to be miserable. Maybe…"

"No, Edward." She interrupted me forcefully, almost angrily. "I've made a real mess of things, and I'm going to have to live with that. But I know what I want, and what I need and what I'm going to do now."

I finally let myself try to believe what she was saying. "What are we going to do now?"

She rewarded me for my submission with a small smile. Then it fell as she gave a small annoyed smile that I understood after she spoke, "We are going to go see Alice."

I wasn't exactly sure why we were going to see Alice, but I had my suspicions. And they were confirmed as I came into hearing distance of Alice's thoughts. She was already making all the plans for a wedding that was much grander than either Bella or I needed. But I also saw Bella agreeing. Of course she had her conditions, which Alice already knew. It was a rather one sided conversation, something Bella would eventually get used to with a sister like Alice.

A sister like Alice. That's when the thought really hit me. She was going to be my wife. I followed her upstairs to Alice's room, but was forced to stay outside while Alice showed Bella her wedding dress. I tried to see it, but Alice was persistent in keeping her thoughts hidden. She was the only person who'd been able to perfect that little trick so well. Carlisle was able to think of other things, but Alice was the only one who could keep me out of her thoughts and away from what she was seeing.

Alice and Bella finally exited the room after a very excited Alice had been told that she was the only bridesmaid. It was nice of Bella, and it tore at me. She was doing the wedding for everyone else. Why was I doing this to Bella. I had done everything wrong. This was not what Bella wanted. Bella just wanted to be changed so that we could spend eternity together. Was that really so bad?

I touched her cheek. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to fix what I'd done wrong. I needed to give her what it was that she really wanted. "Let's get out of here. Let's go to our meadow."

She smiled, and I could tell that she really liked the idea. She seemed truly relaxed for the first time in months. "I guess I don't have to hide out any more do I?"

"No. The danger is behind us." Just as I promised it would be before I changed her. It was obvious that was what she still wanted. She wouldn't be going through with the wedding if it wasn't. She had finally relented. But that was just it. She shouldn't be relenting to marry me to get something else that she wanted. She should want to marry me.

I continued to think about these revelations as I carried Bella to the meadow. She was relaxed into my back. It was the first time she'd been so calm since before I left. I let her calm seep into me.

I sat her down in our meadow and we both lay in the damp grass. I took her hand as we both looked up at the clouds that floated by, allowing a small amount of sunlight to filter through. It was calm and quiet. Too quiet. I found myself reverting back to my old desires to know what was going on in her impenetrable mind. "August 13th?" I asked. The restrictions that she had put on Alice had intrigued me.

She didn't look from the sky as she answered. "That gives me a month to my birthday. I didn't want to cut it too close."

I sighed. The age thing again. I didn't really understand why it bothered her being a few years older than me before she was changed. "Esme is three years older than Carlisle, technically. Did you know that?" She shook her head from side to side, getting a small piece of grass in her hair. "It hasn't made any difference to them"

Her voice was determined. She'd made up her mind, and she was making sure that I knew. "My age is not really that important Edward. I'm ready. I've chosen my life, now I wanna start living it."

I stroked her hair, removing the piece of grass that had dared to mar its perfection. "The guest list veto?"

"I don't care really, but I," she hesitated. I was still so frustrated by the fact that I couldn't' hear what was on her mind. She was likely to edit what I couldn't hear. "I'm not sure if Alice would feel the need to invite a few werewolves. I don't know if Jake would feel like...like he should come, like that's the right thing to do, or that I'd would get my feelings hurt if he didn't. He shouldn't have to go through that."

We laid there in silence for a few more moments as her words sunk in. It still didn't make any sense. I grabbed her around the waist and shifted her so that she was lying on my stomach, nose to nose. "Tell me why you're doing this, Bella. Why did you decide now to give Alice free reign?"

She sighed, but began to speak. "Yesterday, before I went to see Jake, my father stopped me. He pulled me aside and asked me, and I quote, 'Will you tell me before you do anything major. Before you run off with him or something? I won't kick up a fuss, just give me some advance notice. Give ma chance to say goodbye'." She looked slightly pained as she repeated her father's words.

"It wouldn't be fair to keep Charlie out of this. And that means Renee and Phil. I might as well let Alice have her fun to. Maybe it will make the whole thing easier for Charlie if he gets his proper goodbye. Even if he thinks it's much too early. I wouldn't want to cheat him out of the chance to walk me down the aisle." She cringed slightly as she said the words. Why did she have to be such a martyr?

"At least my mom and dad and my friends will know that best part of my choice, the most I'm allowed to tell them. They'll know I chose you and they'll know we're together. They'll know I'm happy, wherever I am. I think that's the best I can do for them." She brushed a piece of hair from my forehead as she spoke.

I framed her face, looking deeply into her eyes. I couldn't allow her to go through with this. It wasn't right. It wasn't what was going to make her happy. And that was all I'd really wanted. She'd known what would make her happy, and I'd been delaying it. I couldn't do that any longer. "Deal's off."

"What? You're backing out. No." She looked shocked. It was not the response that I'd been expecting, but then her words hit me. She thought I was going back on my word.

"I'm not backing out, Bella. I'll still keep my side of the bargain. But you're off the hook." I quieted my voice slightly, making each word gentle. "Whatever you want, no strings attached."

"Why?" She studied me carefully. I could barely read the expression in her eyes. She had no idea what to make of my decision.

"Bella, I see what you're doing. You're trying make everyone else happy, and I don't care about anyone else's feelings. I only need you to be happy." I stroked the apple of her cheek, there was still worry in her eyes. Maybe she was worried about the promises that she'd already made. "Don't worry about breaking the news to Alice. I'll take care of it. I promise she won't make you feel guilty."

She looked between my eyes, confusion furrowing her beautiful brow, "But I…"

"No," I quickly interrupted her, "we're doing this your way. Because my way doesn't work. I call you stubborn, but look at what I've done. I've clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what's best for you though it's only hurt you. Hurt you so deeply. Time and time again. I don't trust myself anymore. You can have happiness your way. My way is always wrong. So…we're doing it your way Bella. Tonight, today, the sooner the better. I'll speak to Carlisle. I was thinking that maybe if we gave you enough morphine it wouldn't be so bad. It's worth a try." I gritted my teeth together as I thought of her in the pain of transformation. The fires of hell could not burn as hot as the venom of a vampire. And she wanted it to be my venom. She wanted it to be me who put her through that pain. But I'd promised her, anything she wanted.

"Edward, no." She spoke firmly.

I looked up at her for a moment trying to determine why she'd be so against what it was that she'd originally wanted. Then it occurred to me. I place my fingers over her lips. "Don't worry, Bella, love. I haven't forgotten the rest of my demands."

I moved my hands to her hair and pulled her lips to mine. I had never let myself kiss her with so little restraint. And I couldn't deny the affect that her lips moving against mine had on me. She wrapped her hands firmly around my upper arms and pulled herself closer to me, imprinting her body into mine.

I rolled us gently so that I was hovering above her. I held myself up with my elbows, not allowing her to feel my weight. I didn't break contact with her lips until she shook her head, trying to find oxygen. I let my mouth trail from her lips to her neck while she fulfilled her need for oxygen.

"Stop, Edward. Wait," her voice was weak.

"Why?"

"I don't wanna do this now?" Her voice was a little stronger, but her body betrayed her. Her hands were hands were still gripping me tightly, pulling me closer to her.

I smirked into her neck, "Don't you?"

I reclaimed her lips when I could hear that she had gained enough oxygen. I needed to taste her mouth again. I needed her. That was it. But she seemed to have other things in mind. Her hands, which had moved to my hair as I'd kissed her, had slid down to my chest and began to shove lightly.

I pulled away enough to look down at her. She was so beautiful, flushed and panting heavily, "Why?" My voice was so low I barely recognized it as my own. "I love you. I want you, right now." She didn't speak again, so leaned down to press my lips to hers again.

"Wait, wait," she managed to get around my lips.

I growled as I looked down at her. Why was she denying me now? "Not for me?" It was the only explanation that I could come up with. The only reason that she would not want this. I could smell her arousal. Her body wanted mine just as mine wanted hers.

"Please," her plea was breathless.

I groaned and pushed away from her. I wasn't going to take her unwillingly. I would never do that to her. Even with my lack of a need for oxygen, my breathing was erratic. I took a few moments to calm it before speaking. "Tell me why not, Bella. This had better not be about me."

"Edward this is very important to me. I am going to do this right." It sounded like she was trying to convince herself of this as much as she was trying to convince me.

"Who's definition of right?" I asked as I rolled to look at her.

"Mine" She nearly growled at me.

"How are you going to do this right?" My body was beginning to calm with the space that I'd between us.

"Responsibly, everything in the right order. I will not leave Charlie and Renee without the best resolution I can give them. I won't deny Alice her fun if I'm having a wedding anyway. And I will tie myself to you in every human way before I ask you to make me immortal. I'm falling all the rules, Edward. Your soul is far, far too important to me to take chances with." Her eyes pleaded with me to believe her. Not to push her. "You're not going to budge me on this."

I leaned forward slightly, looking deeply into her eyes. "I bet I could".

"But you wouldn't," her voice shook slightly, letting me know that I'd had an effect on her, "not knowing that this is what I really need.

"You don't fight fair." I felt a slight pout forming on my lips.

"Never said I did." She grinned up at me.

"If you change your mind…" I needed her to know that the option was still there if she wanted it. I was going to stick by my decision. I would give her whatever she wanted.

"You'll be the first to know," she said quickly.

We lay that way for a while. It was so strange, but Bella had forced me to get what I'd wanted. The mist began to filter through the clouds, and she glared at the sky. I leaned over and brushed a piece of hair from her face. "I'll get you home."

"Rain's not the problem," she grumbled. "It just means that it's time to go do something that will be very unpleasant and possibly even highly dangerous." I looked down at her as worry clouded my thoughts. What would be dangerous to her now that Victoria was gone? Hadn't we been through enough? "It's a good thing your bullet proof. I'm going to need that ring. It's time to tell Charlie."

I threw my head back in laughter. Relief made me giddy. We weren't in danger, she was going to tell her father, finally tell the world that she was mine. I smiled down at her. "Highly dangerous." I dug into my pocket where my mother's ring had been waiting, for this exact moment. "But at least there's no need for a side trip."

I took her hand in mine and slipped on the ring, admiring the perfection that I was seeing. Bella would be mine, forever.

AN: Please let me know if you have any requests on certain sections that you would like to see me do. I'm open to trying any that are put in front of me.