Heya, sorry this has been a bit slow coming but I've got my A levels coming up and I'm having trouble finding the time to write this. Thanks everyone for your reviews! Constructive criticism as well as praise was appreciated. This chapter was intended to be longer, but I thought I'd break it up so I could keep you updated. I am also going to apologise because I have difficulty writing about mundane life...
Chapter One
"You hardly have any decent music."
Amber watched as her friend carelessly discarded CD after CD, casting each one into a messy pile on the desk. Her nails clacking irritatingly on the plastic cases as she critically evaluated everything in her album collection, she had not yet found a single thing she deemed worthy.
"I like it," she replied indignantly, lying back on her bed.
Another CD clattered noisily. Amber hadn't expected when Stacey had invited herself over to help choose music for her party that it was going to be a pleasant experience, Stacey liked to pick fault with everything recently, even with her best friend.
Especially with her best friend.
"Yes well, it's all very well if you like it, but no one's going to dance to any of this…"
She selected another, turning it over and scrutinizing the track list swiftly before pulling a face and putting that in the 'no' pile as well. Amber rolled her eyes.
"I think it's better if I just bring some CDs with me on Saturday… There's not really anything partyish in here."
"Fine… That's fine."
It wasn't fine. Amber knew exactly what that meant, the music would consist entirely of what Stacey liked and nothing else. Not that she cared… She hadn't wanted this party anyway.
Amber's parents had been promising her since she turned seventeen that she could have a house party for her eighteenth birthday while they went away for the weekend, providing she didn't wreck the house and no one went upstairs. She'd been planning it for months, no rules, endless flow of alcohol, a good laugh with her friends and the prospect of Josh staying for the whole night without interruption… But lately all her enthusiasm for the idea had disappeared and Stacey had practically arranged the whole thing by herself while she let it pass by without much interest.
Stacey was prying around her room now, picking up her spiral-bound book of notes without asking and flicking through it. Her deep blue, mascara-framed eyes scanning over the pages as she turned them with the same scrutiny she had used looking at her music. Amber watched indifferently without leaping up and squealing at her to stop like she might have done a few months ago. Back then she'd secretly wanted Stacey to nose through her things, to ask her questions about boys and kissing and other girlish things she now considered herself to have outgrown. Stacey had used to be a lot more friendly and bearable in those days, when she'd been going out with Josh's best friend, Alex. Although she'd never said so, Amber knew Stacey blamed her for their break up, it had been more out of convenience than attraction that made Alex agree to go on double dates with them.
Stacey paused on a page, "I don't understand any of this, why don't you keep a diary anymore?"
Amber had thrown out all her diaries, looking back on them she felt ashamed of some of the things she'd written, they seemed so superficial and air-headed, mostly bitching about girls at school and complaining about her parents, she dreaded to think what anyone (apart from Stacey) would have thought should they have read it.
"Nothing to write," she replied expressionlessly, sitting up and hugging her knees to her chest.
Stacey hiked a perfectly plucked eyebrow, snapping the book shut and putting it back on the dresser, "You never tell me anything anymore…"
She sat on the edge of the bed, Amber could tell she was moving in for a girly chat, "Has Josh been in touch?" she asked, her voice taking on a sympathetic tone that sounded completely forced.
"No."
She didn't elaborate, staring blankly at her pale green bed covers, concentrating on the small stain she'd left experimenting with her glittery make-up. Focussing on that made it easier not to think about him… Thinking about him made her feel sick.
"Still not given you a proper reason then?"
"No."
"Aw…" Stacey patted her shoulder, "I'm sure he'll realise he's being an idiot soon… Maybe at your party he'll try to make things up with you."
"Hmm…"
She didn't move, she doubted Josh would even turn up to her party. He'd made it abundantly clear he didn't want anything to do with her.
"What about Alex?" she asked, half compelled to return her friend's 'concern'… Though really she was trying to change the subject.
Stacey waved a hand dismissively, "As if I care, I was planning on dumping him anyway."
That was a lie.
She wound her arms around Amber in an awkward hug, "It's you I'm concerned about sweetie… You've been really quiet, are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"
She shook her head, Amber knew she only wanted to know if she were making any progress because her own progress with Alex depended on it. The initial distress she had felt when Josh, her boyfriend of six years, had broken up with her had long since ebbed, but an empty hollowness had replaced it. She realised she'd become a lot more cynical of everything and everyone around her, primarily Stacey, who she'd started to notice might not be so considerate of her feelings as she'd first thought.
She patted her on the arm in what was probably intended to be a comforting gesture, "Don't worry, you're gorgeous, you'll have them all over you on Saturday."
Amber almost laughed self-deprecatingly at that, gorgeous she was not. She was average. Average build, average face, average everything, nothing that particularly stood out. She supposed that was what had first fascinated her about Stacey because, although she wasn't particularly pretty and wore a lot of make-up to compensate for it, she carried a self-confidence that made her seem so much sexier than all the others in their year. Often she caught herself just staring at her as she stood, poised as if for a photo shoot. She seemed so glamorous, so sure of herself… But what other people failed to realise was that her self-assurance doubled up as inconceivable vanity. Stacey tossed her long, dyed-blonde tresses over her shoulder like a proud mare, a flicker of malice tweaking her little mouth.
"Don't worry, if not Josh, we'll fix you up with someone."
Over the next couple of days before the party, the thought of Stacey's intentions to set her up with someone at the party niggled in the back of her mind. It had an unkind spike to it that seemed to suggest Stacey thought she had no chance of attracting someone by herself.
Scraping her namesake hair back with her fingers she heaped a spoonful of sugar onto her Weetabix before mashing them up in the bowl. It was just after noon on Friday, the day of her birthday. Her parents were upstairs preparing to leave on their weekend break.
She sighed heavily, stirring her breakfast mush absently around the bowl, she dreaded the empty silence she would be left with when they were gone, it was usually quiet because she didn't have any brothers or sisters, but being completely on her own filled her with a heavy gloominess. She fingered the small silver and diamond crucifix around her neck they had given her that morning as a birthday present, she wasn't particularly religious, but she liked the shape and the meaning of the symbol. Sacrifice for the greater good, wonderful things that came from the wilful suffering of an unselfish person. Of course her parents didn't know exactly what significance the crucifix had for her, she'd never shared it with anyone.
The doorbell rang, she picked up her bowl and went to the door, making sure the chain was on as her parents had instructed her before she turned the handle.
"Who is it?" she asked through the small gap between the door and the frame.
There was a friendly-looking, plump woman on the other side with a large bunch of orange roses, "Flo the Florist," came her cheerful reply, "Flowers for Miss Amber Emmett."
Amber frowned, she had never gotten flowers sent to her, let alone to her house. Puzzled and curious, she took the chain off the door.
The woman had a round smiley face and chestnut curls, her appearance settled Amber a bit. She held out a clipboard with a form for acknowledgement of receipt on it for her to sign and she scrawled her name.
"Someone's keen on you luv," the woman said brightly, winking at her, "Special occasion?"
She handed Amber the roses, which she took in bemusement, she couldn't imagine who would have sent them. Maybe it was Josh…
"Yes…" she said dazedly, "Yes… It's my eighteenth today."
"Oh that's lovely… There was a note with these as well." She handed her a white envelope, "Have a lovely birthday, sweetheart."
Amber nodded her thanks and bid her goodbye, excitement building in her chest, if these were from Josh then that probably meant he wanted to make up with her. With a renewed sense of enthusiasm, she took the roses to the kitchen table and laid them down carefully, slitting the envelope open with her finger.
Inside there were two pieces of paper, one was a pink business card from the florists shop with a description of what significant meaning her flowers had.
Roses (Orange): Desire
Desire… So far, so good.
The other note had a red wax seal with a snake pattern on it, she felt slightly guilty for breaking the pretty design as she unfolded the piece of paper. The handwriting was decorative and calligraphic and definitely not the messy scrawl that Josh used in the cards he usually sent her. The message confused her.
All I refuse and thee I choose.
It sounded like Shakespeare. Definitely not Josh, he didn't know the first thing about Shakespeare.
She turned the letter over, nothing on the back, no name and no way of telling who had sent them. She folded it back up and went to dig a vase out of the cupboard, at the same time trying to think who would have written something like that. For some reason her thoughts were drawn back to English class and the tale of the courtly lover, a nobleman who would pursue his lady-love in absolute pure intention often wasting away for a love that would never be reciprocated, often not even revealing their identity.
Nowadays to be called a stalker, she thought amusedly to herself.
When she had finished arranging them in a glass vase, she took the roses up to the relatively safe haven of her bedroom. She could overhear the low murmur of her mum's voice as she passed her parent's bedroom door.
Setting the vase and the two notes down on her dresser next to the birthday cards that had came in the post that morning, she was sorely reminded that she hadn't yet heard from Josh at all to wish her a happy eighteenth.
The elated feeling she had had about the roses suddenly plummeted down past her stomach, she thought he would have at least called or text her with birthday wishes… Obviously he'd forgotten about her a lot faster than she'd imagined he could.
Her bad mood suddenly revived with a vengeance, she threw herself down on her bed, throwing her fist into her pillow. In all the time she'd been going out with Josh, she'd never known him to be so inconsiderate and uncaring, even now, over a month on from the break up, it brought a sharp pain of heartbreak and betrayal.
The intricate words on that piece of paper that came with the roses echoed cruelly in her mind, All I refuse and thee I choose… Something she would have gladly pledged to Josh… Maybe something she still would pledge.
The phone rang. Amber was thrown off her train of thought and wandered back down the stairs to answer it. She was pleased to have a distraction from her own thoughts.
She picked up the phone in the kitchen, vaguely noticing that her breakfast, still sitting on the table, looked uneatable now.
"Hello?" she answered.
Silence, just the slight buzz of background noise.
"Hello?" she repeated.
There was a click and a whirring dial tone, whoever it was had hung up.
An odd feeling of uneasiness crept through her as she put the phone back in the handset. First the mysterious flowers, now this… Usually something as trivial as a prank call or wrong number wouldn't have bothered her, but now her mind was plagued with paranoid thoughts that it might have been Josh on the other end.
She jumped when the phone rang again, yanking it up again quickly in case the person should hang up again.
"Hello?" she said cautiously, yet again.
"Hello Amber, it's Auntie Tracey!"
Amber let go of a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding, "Hi Auntie Tracey."
"Alright, just calling to make sure everything's alright."
"Oh… Yeah, everything's fine thanks…"
"Do you need anything from town for tomorrow?"
The party… For a moment she'd completely forgotten, "No that's okay thanks, I think I've got everything under control, Stacey and some friends are coming up later to help me."
"Alright love, sure you don't need anything? Are you okay on your own?"
"I'm fine thanks."
She checked her watch, her mind now in alarm mode, she'd need to be showered and dressed before Stacey and the others came over at one o' clock. Thoughts of the phone call and anonymously sent roses were pushed to the back of her mind.
"Just fine."