Author's Note: So my Degrassi Goes Hollywood got deleted from my DVR because it broke, so I have to use The Click which more than sucks so it's going to be a lot harder to write this. Also, sorry for the lack of update…school has been super busy.

Despite what she thought, being in L.A. wasn't helping Ellie much. Paige kept bugging her to go to the studio, and Ellie wanted to but she couldn't. There'd be a lot of people there, even if none of them noticed it would be hot. Between the people, the lights, and all the equipment it was bound to be an inferno, at least too hot for long sleeves. She took her sweet time going to the Canadian store, getting Paige her much needed bacon.

God, you're so pathetic, you can't even get through a few layers of skin! The scabs scattered on Ellie's arms weren't near as deep as she thought they'd be, needless to say this upset her. After her run in with Craig something in her snapped, Ellie was dragging that piece of metal across the untouched parts of her arm in the stall of a dirty public bathroom. It had been only a day since she had gotten to L.A. and already she didn't flinch as she made a mess of her arm. They say old habits die hard, but they really don't die at all, you just suppress them for a while until something makes them resurface. For Ellie it wasn't just cutting because that always led to the lying, the hurting others just to feel better.

Because of her recent binge, the clothes she brought would not be sufficient, so Ellie decided it was best to buy some new long sleeves so no one would catch on to her. I must have gained weight if an extra small won't fit. I'm fat. Fatfatfatfatfat. No more nutty buddies for me, I need to take care of this as soon as I get back to the house. Ellie could not stop thinking about what she saw in the mirror in the fitting rooms when she was shopping. She wouldn't make herself throw up, she couldn't do it. Funny, she could drag a sharp object across her skin until she had no blood left to bleed but she couldn't make herself throw up, or even stop eating. So instead she promised a cut for every piece of food that passed her lips. Finally she started the journey home.

"In case you didn't notice I had a panic attack in there and you just laughed at me. You know, I thought you would come to L.A. and be my friends but Ellie doesn't even wanna come to the studio and you're not on my side." It was the tone she had used a thousand and one times, Paige was angry and it showed.

"I am, Paige, it's gonna be okay."

"No it's not. I'm gonna get fired and have to go back to picking up after Haley's stupid dog!"

"I thought you were her stylist.." a confused Marco replied

"I was her assistant" And with that, Paige was answering her phone, storming out a mess.

Marco's phone started ringing, and when he looked to see who it was he was slightly surprised to see the screen read "Ellies moms house." Why on Earth would Ellie's mom be calling me? He flipped the phone open and answered the call. "Hi Mrs. Nash, what's up?"

The sound of high heels echoed and softened as Ellie ran across wood floors, and then carpet. After managing to pull herself together she became very excited about seeing Craig perform later that night.

"Okay, guess what!" Ellie could hardly wait to tell Marco who she ran into.

"You're mom called me," these were not the words she expected out of her friend's mouth, "she said you weren't answering your cell. Ellie, she told me your dad's back from Afghanistan."

"It's complicated." It really isn't, he's back and hurt and I'm running away. I'm cutting again. I suck. It's that simple.

"I know. You're father's sick and you haven't even been to see him yet."

"Okay, I really don't wanna talk about this." Ellie shoved the bag from the Canadian store into a clearly upset Marco's arms.

"You can't just avoid it"

"Watch me" The clicking of heels fading as Ellie stormed upstairs.

She was at it again, pushing away the people she needed most. This is what cutting did, but in an addict's eyes the release was worth it.