Chapter 1

I was only a little girl, in the beginning of my shogakko (elementary) school years, when I first met him and the Niimura family. They lived just across the street from where I lived in a different apartment complex that was above their small family-owned panyasan (bakery). I was only six year when my mother took me out that day to the bakery, a day I often thanked and cursed it. It was during a time when my mother still appeared as the beautiful lively women she was all before my unawakening nightmares began to set in. A time when I lived in a torturing one-sided love, an incurable disease it is still. Only the year before, on this very day of my childhood, my friends that I had left, Termachi -City of Temples (Kyoto) to the country's capital and bustling city, Tokyo-City of Opportunity; they left me behind so that I could become friendless and alone. Even when my mother reminded me about the good things in life I couldn't help but think about the bad that often trailed behind and how it always seem to out weight the good; until the day that I too left Kyoto for Tokyo, that was a day that when I didn't care much anymore. My mother that morning got everything done early so that she could take me to the bakery if I can recall correctly, to buy some bread that we needed and for some sweets to cheer me up. For she said no one on this day should be sad, for it is a glorious day in April worth remembering for it was the time of cherry and plum blossoms to bloom again. It was that day in time were spring, everlasting, existed, that when I laid my eyes on him and him me; it would one of the many days of my past that I would never truly forget...

We enter the shop with the resounded sound of a twinkling bell that hung above the door entrance announcing are arrival into the shop and was greeted with a very warm welcome.

"Irasshimase," said a young girl about my age with a pleasant smile of her face and jumped from the tall stool behind the counter and to greet us further by approaching closer to the counter.

I followed my mother closely staying right behind her and kept my gaze facing downward gazing at tiled floor beneath my black shoes. When suddenly someone came bursting through the room from behind a curtain that led to the apartment over head. With an over cheerful voice that echoed loudly against the walls of the room was given to us in greeting of our arrival. It turned out to the voice of Mrs. Niimura, a friend of my mother in her teenage years I suppose.

"Isn't just a beautiful day to take a nice peaceful stroll in the park? Well, who can certainly not today with the Sakura Matsuri is fast approaching. Working is mounting up along with mounting excitement from the people of this city. I just wish I had more free time on my hands to enjoy this nice weather. Anyway I have a job and children to attend to as well as a husband. And I'm sure that something you very much relate to, isn't that right, Murasaki-san," she asked.

"Yes, so many things to do so little time to do it. We deserve a break in our schedules and remember to slow down and taken in the moment. I guess that is something that seems to be slipping away from us like the good old days of Gion. But rest assured almost everyone one will be on vacation on the day of the festival, so you'll have plenty of time to take in the weather and a break from taking care of the children," my mother replied.

"You're probably right about that Murasaki-san, so this must be your only child, Kyoko-chan, why she must be the same age as my Kuernai-chan," she said comparing.

"Yes she is the same age as your daughter and will entering elementary school this year along with yours," she said proudly and pushed me slightly forward so that Mrs. Niimura could get a better look at me.

"My, my, my…she looks very intelligence with those glasses and just by the looks of her she going to become a spitting image of you, especially with those blue-gray eyes. I remember the Baron of Yamaha, saying that you had eyes like color of the rain, now that is something you don't see or hear nowadays. I think we will have one of the most beautiful women in all of Termachi, that isn't a geisha, even with their fabulously expensive kimono," she said practically shouting, embarrassing me in front both my mother and her daughter.

Mrs. Niimura as you can tell was a very cheerful woman, most of the time, who loved to talk but she never would gossip. She was also very positive and thought only about the good side of things; she was like the sun shining on a field flowers; which was surprising to find out that her favorite color was yellow. She was also my mother's best friends amongst the other women who were family. I liked her; she was like a second mother to me as well as another aunt. So while my mother and she continued on their conversation allowing me and Kuernai to go unnoticed for awhile; I slowly went ahead in starting up the conversation by approaching closer to the counter. Kuernai was a girl about my height, with medium short brown hair and her eyes were a soft gray like that of her mother; she was like me a spitting image of her mother as well but I never said anything about it.

"How do you do, I am Kyoko Murasaki," I said bowing respectfully.

"How do you do, I am Kuernai Niimura," she said performing the same gesture.

"It really nice to meet I hope we can become the good friends," I said shyly.

"It nice to meet you to, even better best friends maybe," she laughing but she then paused and asked cautiously, "If you don't mind me asking in all, are you really an only child?"

"Yes, I am the only child in the family; it's just my mother and my father," I replied sadly, it was more my mother and me than my father.

"Well, I have an older brother, he's in the second grade in school that I will be attending hopefully you will too. His name Tooru," she said cheerfully, trying to change topic.

"It must wonderful having an older sibling to play with you and to talk, most of my friends moved to Tokyo last year. But I do wish to make new ones soon. Maybe we can be "sisters"," I said glancing at her hopefully.

"Of course, I guess I rather have you as a sister than my own brother, but don't my mother that she kill me for sure. Tooru isn't exactly the brotherly love type…he rather sleep all day then to play with me and when he does play he play either with his video games or action figures he collects."

"Oh, I see…maybe because he's older and male cause the differences," I said weakly never actually considering troubles of have a sibling.

"Don't be sad I'm use to it that's how my brother is I won't love any other way," she said comfortingly.

"Excuse me girl but Kuernai-chan could go call your brother down here please. I want to tell him something, it will only take a few minutes," said Mrs. Niimura interrupting politely.

"Yes, mother right away," giving her mother a bow.

Kuernai-chan then excused herself from me and disappeared from behind the counter through the curtain covered doorway leading to the apartment complex above. There was sound of a door opening, murmuring of a small quick conversation, followed by a closing of a door. Followed by one pair of feet walking down a stairwell then stopping mid-way, the door that was closed re-opened, suddenly there was sound of a two pairs of feet coming down the stairs. Kuernai suddenly appeared from behind the curtain with a boy about a head taller than her, possibly eight to nine years old, he wasn't exactly tall or skinny just a little underweight from the looks of his frame. From the look on his face he looked like he had been just woken up for his straight black hair poked out in several directions, his uniform was in disarray, and his glasses were off set on his nose, yet behind those glasses radiated and magnified his fierce black eyes. Even with his sleep dominating his appearance, I felt that there laid a tormented soul trapped within for it came of him in waves and the smothering smoky look of what should have been shiny black eyes. A boy torn by a hidden battle within himself it seemed yet was un-noticed by most people, making him just another ordinary boy. But I knew that he was special even before…everything else changed for him.

"This by brother Tooru-kun, the one I mention earlier, I'm sorry about his presentation he just got off from school and very much would like to be asleep right now, right Tooru-kun," she said pushing him a little closer to the counter to where I was.

Niimura-san abruptly looked up, though the direction of his gaze was something I couldn't figure out, he more or less cringed at the physical contact made by his sister against him. It took a little while longer before he actually looked at me and there was a suddenly flash of light in his dull fierce eyes that were once sleepy were now fully awake with what seemed as curiosity. I felt a strange as he swept up through me as he started at me, more directly to my face when are eyes locked on each other's for a moment and heat suddenly settled in my chest causing my lungs to burn furiously like the black flames in his eyes. I suddenly felt lost in those black watered pools and even though there was no light shinning in them I felt a strange sense of calmness in my soul. But just as quickly like suddenly flash of lighting he's expression in his eyes began to soften a little granting me a passage to what seemed to lead toward the shadowing cloud that covered his soul. Like a snake I felt the heat claiming my face in a powerful venomous bite, when his eyes lowered their gaze for a moment…like the flash of light that shone in his eyes for only a second, he realized what he had done and hardens his eyes against me like water turning into ice…black ice. Then he quickly turned his direction of his head toward his sister and let his glaze slip to the tiled floor. I did the same only in trying to manage the burning sensation in my cheeks with my long black hair. Yet even with the awkward silence hanging among us, I did my best to introduce myself to hide the unknown incidence from our parents, without stuttering miraculously.

"Konnichiwa, I am Kyoko Murasaki, it is very nice to meet you, Niimura-san," and gave a quick bow to avoid his still harsh gaze from piercing me.

There was a small pause of silence before he spoke in a low emotionless tone, "-what's wrong with her eyes," he asked with a slight curiosity remerging at the end of his sentence.

For some weird reason or another, the burning sensation spiked up in my cheeks again this time spread even further into my face, the heat was so strong that tears came pooling in eyes and began to stream down the sides of my face. I was got extremely embarrassed when people asked the question or mention about my eye color, I thought I would get use to it by now, I guess not…yet why was it more so with him?

"Tooru! Baka (Idiot!) Why did you ask a question like that, you hurt her feelings like that and out of all the things you say for introduction you say something totally not related to the topic," said Kuernai-chan scolding and punching him in the arm.

"Tooru Niimura, that is no way to a young lady like that, young man, you practically embarrassing the poor dear for goodness's sakes what's gotten into you? Now I know you're very tired from school and wish to be left alone right now but one thing for sure is that I taught you are manners young man. And for your information I think there a lovely shade of blue-gray, due to the large amount of water in her personality, and there is nothing and I mean nothing wrong with her eyes. You say it if it some kind of disease, shame on you apologize to her right this minute, you hear me," yelled Mrs. Niimura into his ear, while pulling it at the same time.

For some reason I couldn't bare to see him cringe beneath her grappling grip wincing in pain like a worm in the harm full rays of the sun. "There's no need for an apology, Mrs. Niimura I'm alright. I thought I would be use to the question by now but I still get needlessly embarrassed after all my eye color isn't very common," I said. Pleading in my mind for her to let him go, just I couldn't bear witness him in pain I could stand the chances of making him mad even worse to hate me…the pain would be strickening to me.

"Non-sense, Kyoko-chan, apologize this minute otherwise I'll make a punishment for you far more suitable for you," she lowering her voice in pure disappointment and released her hold on his eyes leaving it red like a strawberry.

"I'm sorry if I disrespected you intentionally and I asked you for your forgiveness and sincerest apologies, Murasaki-chan," he replied with a smooth distinctive voice that was unforgettable in my memory; end his apology in a long respectful bow.

"It's alright, forget about it, you just woke up anyway, though your mother will probably say that doesn't matter, I'm guessing that there's only a few people in the world with blue-gray eyes," I said try to mend the damage between us, if there was any.

"No," he said suddenly and coldly firm, "I shouldn't have said it in the first place. So don't be going feeling sorry for me ok, there are no hard feelings between us, kid," he said it while looking away at what seemed as disgust and did not once try to look at me and my expression then just began messing with his glasses into the proper position they should have been.

"Don't take it so hard on yourself or the harshness in his response Kyoko-chan, my brother isn't the best at displaying emotions or regarding sentimental type of things," said Kuernai judging me and my looked of stunned hurt expression of my face.

"I'm alright I just feel bad about starting everything, I just don't want any more hard feelings," I said with my voice barely audible whisper, feeling an un-necessary sadness in my heart.

Niimura-san glanced up, he stopped messing with glasses and just stopped fussing with his uniform jacket collar and gave me a somewhat of an apologetic yet confused glance, though I felt he truly understood by what I meant. But once again he felt my gaze upon him and hardened himself against me.

"Now it that's settle between you to, please forgive my rudeness but I think we spend more time then we can spare for my husband shall coming home from work soon without dinner being served," replied my mother, who had stayed silence during the incident up until now I had almost forgotten her.

"I'm truly sorry for the unexpected hindrance; now Tooru-kun, the reason I called you down here for was to say that it will be you who will be in charge of taking the girls to the correct bus stop to be picked up for school; every single day and some afternoons for Kyoko-chan. Now Kuernai-chan would you be a dear and hand them their order," she said wiping her hands on her apron, looking still directly at Niimura-san.

"Here's your order just like you asked for, see you around Kyoko-chan, you too Mrs. Murasaki," said Kuernai happily handing the bag with the bread and sweets to my mother, who graciously paid her.

"Goodbye, Kuernai-chan, Mrs. Niimura and you too Niimura-san; I hope to see you again," I said trying to met Niimura-san's eyes once before I left but only to watch him uncross his legs, straighten his stance from leaning on the counter in front of him and pushed himself away disappearing behind the curtain wall separating him from my gaze.

"Thank you for everything, it always a pleasure in meeting with you again. I'll come back very soon, I promise," said my mother giving her and me a warm reassuring smile.

"Don't worry yourself about a thing Sayuri, I know you'll come back sooner or later, for sometimes water retraces back to its roots and Kyoko-chan please don't trouble for him too much, for Tooru, he's a bit special doesn't warm up to people so easily and is a distant at times but really is a good boy. I guess it's because he was born in the year of the Dragon. But I'm quite sure he'll warm up to quite nicely just you wait," said Mrs. Niimura, noticing the sadness in my eyes in his departure.

"Sayuri? Year of the Dragon, what has that do with anything," I asked very perplexed by her statements. The name she mention sound almost exotic for it rich sounding pronunciation, a truly beautiful name.

"Oh that's your mother first name dear, and the year of dragon, oh forget about that just me in my superstition. I'm the type who keeps a zodiacal almanac, but it's mostly me jabbering away like if it were past instead of the future. You better run along now, time's a wasting. Come now, Kuernai we have orders to attend to," she said now looking a book of orders handed to her by Kuernai from the shelf to side of them.

And with another twinkling of a bell I stepped out of the shop with my mom. And I thought of how Niimura-san looked at me for while, he's gaze of bewilderment and enchantment just like ever one else did all except for the way it made me feel. He was the one who could send my heart pounding away like the hoofs of a galloping horse on an open plain or a bird soaring higher and higher into the sky in the midst of the sun, clouds, moon and stars it was simply magical like being pushed against the wind like a cloud. But as I started walking in direction of home I could help glance back from where I had just come from. But as I shifted my gaze to the rising apartment building I squinted my eyes against the bright afternoon sun but as I brought my hand to shield my eyes for a moment I thought I saw moment of a curtain fluttering back and forth as if someone had pulled away from the window; such a thought sent my heart racing and my mind spinning. Looking away from the building I turned toward the afternoon sky, with it merging colors, soft white drifting clouds riding the gentle breezes against the dominant, now orange giant, star that gave me warmth. Alas as a looked away with the wind blowing the lustrous scent of the cherry blossoms and rain shower of pink flower petals across my path; I thought today was truly a day worthy of remembering like my mother had said, it was truly a glorious day in spring.

"Kyo?" It was Kaoru, who was calling out to me yet…the voice I heard in my head didn't belong to him but to someone long ago in the faintest traces of my past that refused to reveal itself to me. The voice was young and sweet as a fresh blossom bursting from a cherry blossom tree. The voice belong to a girl…could it be the girl, who laid in my arms covered in blood only hours before, is she the same girl, that very thought for some reason my mind wrapped itself in proclaiming it to be so even though I could not remember the face whom the voice belonged to. Has it been that long? Or was that have I truly forgotten what I wanted to forget; but now was not the time to forget what needs to be remembered. I need to know who exactly was this girl and how did she know me? How did she know my name I practically screamed in my mind the very question!

"Kyo?" Kaoru said again with a quizzed look on his face.

[…Tooru…] The voiced called out to me again, that girl's voice who had no face at the moment in my memory. Something so simple as a name, a name could cause all this. My own name sparked all this? A girl, whom I didn't know, who said that I did know, a girl without a name or face in memory said my name, my real name. Yet as I tried to remember, I could only remember a voice that was similar to hers, without a face I can recall nor a name to place it with...that voice with a void-less face. Damn it, I wish I could just stop thinking for just this once, why did my mind insist on finding out who she was? Why did it matter? Was I scared to find the answer…was I truly scared in finding out who the voice belong to and the girl, who said she knew me…and my name.

Yet as I stood there, with my clothes soil in dried blood, blood that should have been mine but wasn't. I was practically drenched in someone else blood, that girl's blood. Then out of my rambling thoughts in how a voice from my past was connected to the voice I thought I heard in the present…I remembered something about the void-less faced voice…the girl had the most unusual eye color…blue-grey, the color of rain, due to the water in her personality. Instantly almost every fell into place. My mind instantly then showed me a girl about six years of age with exotic eye color of blue-grey and voice that matched but her name I couldn't remember. Yet how could they be the one in the same if this other girl had black eyes? They could not be the same because I haven't even assured the possibility if she had spoken and if so they had to be two different people for the eye color didn't match.

"Yo, you ok, Kyo-chan," this time in was Die, who was calling out to me. This time the voice was his instead of the girl's. I looked up after having my gaze fixed to the blood that covered my clothes and the small river of blood that flowed from my shoes to the floor. I blinked and then gave them a smile, a weak smile, that didn't seem to reassure them much. I felt a weight upon me pressing against my shoulders and aches in my bones and muscles; realizing that I had not stopped moving in getting the girl to the hospital. Kaoru and Die continued to look at me warily but said nothing about it, they understood that now was not the time to talk until the girl was in stable condition. Then I would find out the truth the whole truth of what happen tonight. And in whom in reality she was. The guys' looks lifted slightly into slide glances as Toshiya and Shinya came to join us. Shinya came in carrying a tray of coffee while Toshiya had some snacks and a pack of my cigarettes, Philip No 12.

"Thanks, for bringing me a pack of cigs Toshiya. Though I doubt they'll let me smoke in here," I said trying my best to sound up lifted but I couldn't for some reason my heart ached at thoughts of her dying. It ached in sadness in not knowing the name of girl with blue-grey eyes was nor the girl, who now lay on an operation table getting bullets taken out of her from raiding psycho man.

"Actually there's a patio, you can go out to smoke. Come on I'll show you, there's no need to work up so much anxiety in waiting for the doctor. You're stressed and tired out as it is," said Toshiya who laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I think smoking would defiantly do me some good. Kaoru…call when you hear anything about her. I'm sorry to walk out on you guys like this but I guess some time alone is all I need right now and I don't exactly want to talk about everything that just happened right now," I said, turning on the balls of my feet I faced in the direction of Toshiya, who waiting to see if there would be a reply.

"It's understandable, Kyo, after all we can only feel, not even as much as half, as you do. This something you want to face alone then, so be it, we won't ask anything about it unless you feel you're ready to. This something personal…from your past, there are some things better left unsaid," said Kaoru, who took a cup of coffee from Shinya.

"Your just in shock right now, it will pass, the same is it is for all of us. Whenever you're ready you know you can always come to us, after all we are your friends," said Shinya, who handed a cup to Die.

I turned to Toshiya and he led the way, it would be hours after until I found out any news about her. I finished the entire pack of cigarettes while waiting out on the patio with Toshiya in silence. I didn't feel like talking or thinking about what happened. I just wished the ache in my heart would faded, why did I feel like I had just lost the one I loved? I felt my eye lids become heavy as I rested my head on the railing of the balcony, I was about to go into a deep sleep when my cell phone rang.

/Moshimoshi (Hello)? / Suddenly standing straight up from the burst of tension of the news.

/Kyo, she out of the operation room now, there transferring her into a room. /

/How is she? /

/Ugh, the doctor said she had six bullets lodged within her abdomen, she lost a lot of blood; so they gave her trans-blood fusion from one of the blood banks they have here. She stitched up but the scars can be removed other than that she be home soon after she builds up strength. But I wonder how she'll fair when the paparazzi get here…/

/Fuck don't remind me. I see what I can do about them and make sure they keep their snobbish noses out of this. That at least they can do for a girl who saved a rock star's life. /

/Plus I think you sent that message pretty clear to them, about not to snoop into your private life, when you wrote Mr. Newsman. /

/You can never tell with these gossip loving people. I be right over just let me finish this last bit of cig I got left. Then all that's left is to wait. I'll stay behind to watch her until she wakes up. It's not like I'm going to any sleep much…after this ordeal, nightmares are defiantly in the show tonight. /

/Yeah, are you sure you want to stay by yourself. You already wore out as it is. /

/I made up my mind and I'm going to stay. You guys go ahead and go on and stay at a nearby hotel or something. We'll meet up again in the morning. /

/Alright then if that what you want Kyo. I let the guys know. Bye. /

/Bye…/

"Toshiya…thanks for staying here with me. But you should go with the others. Catch up with you later," and with I flicked the remaining cigarette bud over the edge of the balcony. It fell silently along with the light rain that began to fall.

"Alright, Kyo…see ya' tomorrow," said Toshiya raising the collar of his coat and then left me alone along with the sound of the pitter patting rain.