Chapter One: Darkness Beneath the Moonlight

The moon was bright, the stars were shining, and the night was perfect for romance, like something straight out of his favorite books, thought Kakashi. Only there was one problem: his lover was lying on the ground beside him staring up at the stars with an aura of gloom wrapped around him. The moonlight was reflecting off Kakashi's pale skin and silver hair in a way that made him glow, and Iruka wasn't even looking, let alone ravishing him like he'd hoped when he'd brought him out.

Sighing, Kakashi rolled over in the grass so that he was lying in the crook of Iruka's arm, and simply waited to see if he would speak. He knew better than to push, because even after almost three years together, he was trying to keep to his promise not to expect things of Iruka he couldn't give. So instead he waited, his genius mind running wild with possibilities. Iruka had been with Raidou most of the day, so that was one clue, but while Kakashi had often seen Iruka come home upset after spending time with Genma, Raidou seemed to always have a calming affect on him. So it couldn't be Raidou himself, he figured, unless…

"I suppose you're waiting for me to tell you what's wrong?" came the voice, interrupting Kakashi's thoughts. Kakashi stretched up so that he could kiss Iruka's cheek rather than replying, and the other man graced him with a tiny smile. He spent a moment just looking at Kakashi before he answered, taking in the kindness and patience in that single eye. "I almost hesitate to tell you because I know you're friends with Genma more so than Raidou, but… then again maybe you can give me some perspective on this, because I'm quite biased in Raidou's favor when it comes to their relationship."

Kakashi's mind was already racing again. Genma was the person who was closest to Iruka, other than Naruto, not even excepting Kakashi himself… among the living anyway. So it was a surprise to hear Iruka say he was biased in his other friend's favor. He wanted to ask why, but knew that asking questions when Iruka was trying to talk wouldn't help things, so instead he said, "I'll do my best."

That smile showed again, and then was wiped away by a look of worry. "Raidou and I were playing cards today, and we were playing a game we made up, and we got to talking about when we made it up and things that had changed since then. Which is pretty much everything, considering that was almost half our lives ago. But we were sitting in Genma's kitchen, and it's exactly the same, except for the kitchen table that Raidou talked Sakura into breaking so that Genma would get rid of it," he started. He wanted to give Kakashi the full picture, not just jump in with "Raidou's thinking of leaving Genma," because he really did want to see what his perceptive lover's take on the whole situation would be.

"I remember Sakura breaking the table. That was the first one of Genma's parties that a lot of the younger set attended, and none of them was invited back for about six months or so," said Kakashi. "Of course I didn't know Raidou asked her to do it. It wasn't like it was an ugly table or anything, in fact it was one of the nicer antique pieces Genma had."

"Yeah, I always liked it," Iruka said absently. Then he laughed ruefully. "That's why, sort of, and because of a particular incident with Raidou seeing something he shouldn't have involving that table."

Kakashi sat up and grinned down at his lover. "Am I sensing a kink I haven't fully explored yet?"

The blush that followed made Kakashi grateful for the waxing moon, almost completely full. "No, Kakashi, I'm not an exhibitionist." Then Iruka paused. "Well, not to that extent anyway. I certainly didn't want Rai to walk in on me sexing up Gen, considering even then I had an idea he had feelings for him, I just hadn't realized the extent of them. Sadly, I have to admit it's not the only time Rai saw a little more than he should have. I suppose Genma and I were never particularly discreet." The blush flamed even brighter, and Kakashi bit his own tongue to keep from laughing. "Don't say a word, Kakashi, that wasn't my point! Anyway, it turns out the table isn't the only thing Raidou had someone break in order to get rid of it. I want to say it's a horrible way to do things, but Rai says Genma always claims he's going to change some things and then can't do it."

"He's living with your ghost," Kakashi said suddenly, filing away the amendment Iruka had made about his kink to get back to later at a more opportune time.

Iruka shuddered. "That's an odd way to put it, but yes, that's exactly the problem. If that were all Raidou said, I guess I would have felt a little bad about it but hoped it would get better, or tried to think of ways to make it better, but he also asked if I would be angry with him if he left Genma. Can you imagine, Kakashi, Raidou leaving Genma?"

Kakashi looked down at Iruka's worried face with concern of his own, for Iruka as well as for his friends. "I think he might, actually. I know it seems preposterous considering how long he basically fixated on the guy, but he was expecting something to change after they got together, and it didn't change enough for him." Kakashi paused, then changed his position so that he was propped up next to Iruka on his elbows.

"I came into my relationship with you with no expectations really. It started not with an all-consuming devotion but with the thought that the fact you had suddenly disappeared from my life was intolerable to me, and that led to thinking why I looked forward to seeing you and what that could grow into. I nearly walked away in the beginning because of Genma, but once you told me what was between the two of you and why, I accepted it. I made that choice. Raidou didn't get a choice, and his love for Genma was already a wound for him before you were even on the scene, unless I miss my guess," Kakashi said, then drew a deep breath. He didn't give these types of speeches often. "Since Raidou didn't make a choice, or accept the way things are, he still had expectations that things would change. They did, from what you've said and how I've seen them interact, but apparently we're not in a position to see the things that didn't change."

Iruka thought on that for a while. "So he might decide the old pain, of not having Genma, isn't as bad as the pain of being with him but still not having the relationship he wants?"

Kakashi nodded, looking down at Iruka sadly. "I don't really think there's anything you can do to help here, Ruka. It's true that you talking to Raidou helped them get together in the beginning, but anything you, or I for that matter, say to Genma is going to be filtered through how he feels about you."

Iruka nodded. "I know these things, really I do. I know I can't do anything about it. It's their relationship, and I've interfered in it enough already. I'm exactly the last person who needs to poke his nose in now. But Raidou talked to me, and at the end he said of course he wouldn't leave Genma, as if to reassure me. But he smiled… and it was horrible. I can't think what I'll do if I have to see Genma smile like that too."

One of the strongest shinobi in the village of Konoha felt his heart clench in fear then, because while he could copy thousands of jutsu and send countless enemies to their graves, he couldn't free the one he loved the most from old bonds that weighed on him, and couldn't save himself from the repercussions of those bonds. He couldn't move, felt as if every part of him was frozen, and then his lover abruptly shot upwards and kissed him, and he melted again.

When the teacher pulled away, he lightly tapped Kakashi on the nose and said, "Let's be done with this sadness, and get on to enjoying this beautiful evening, shall we?"

It took effort, after long years of looking "underneath the underneath" to take things at surface value and not see what isn't intended to be seen. It took shutting down a certain part of the brain, letting go of a certain awareness, but when he did so, and let himself not see the darkness lurking behind Iruka's eyes, not hear the catch in his voice, not see that he was thinking of anything but Kakashi, it was worth it.