Thank you, tinkletimekelly, for pointing out my sad, sad lack of disclaimer-ness :)
The next day...
Yugi sighed. He really hated the bullies at his school, sometimes.
"Read it, you little punk!"
He took the piece of paper from the bully waving it in his face and began to read out loud in a dull, monotonous voice.
"Shematite would like to take this advantage to break the fourth wall and write her disclaimer at the same time. She does not own Yugioh, Fruits Basket, the Evil Overlord List, Industrial Illusions, Tsubasa Reservior Chronicles, Batman, Little Kuriboh, twenty sex slaves, Discworld, a banana, The Forbidden Word (Disney), Tim Burton, or anything else she may accidentally or not so accidentally reference in this fic."
Yugi lowered the paper and fixed the bullies with a glare. "You should just beat me up now and get it over with. What kind of bullies make me read disclaimers anyway?"
The bully with the thickest neck shrugged in a manner that made him look oddly like an orangutan trying to shimmy. "We just do what the Master tells us. Beating you up is not actually on our list of things to do. If you would like us to give you a black eye or something, you could take your request to our Master."
"Uh...that's alright. I think I'll pass on this one."
"Are you sure?" said the tallest bully, who also happened to be the one with the worst acne.
"Yeah," Yugi smiled. "If I change my mind I'll get back to you guys, okay?"
As they turned to shuffle mindlessly away, one last question occured to Yugi. "Who is this 'Master' anyway?"
The bully with thw biggest biceps turned and fixed Yugi with a disturbingly zombie-like stare. "You seek the Great One whom it is unlawful that men should seek.." he whispered mysteriously before hulking around a corner and out of Yugi's sight.
Needless to say, Yugi's mother wasn't much help.
"Oh, but I have the best plan, Yugi-muffin!"
Quietly contemplating how long it would take for his mashed potatoes to evolve legs, Yugi merely nodded in his mother's direction. "Yes, mother."
"Well, you see, I figured out that you actually have a long-lost twin brother."
Yugi snorted his gravy out his nose.
"And he's your evil twin," she sighed happily, clasping her spoon in both hands lovingly. "He's framed you for his wicked deeds, and now you must roam the earth, seeking to right the wrongs done in your name and solve the mystery of your missing memories. You'll eventually find out that you're not human, of course, perhaps some freaky cyborg-slash-alien genetic experiment. And even though it will turn out I'm not your real mother, you'll still cherish your memories of me long after I am gone."
Yugi began to wonder if she had been reading his journal, and had somehow missed every other page. Had she figured out about Yami?
"I should call that nice Kaiba boy. I'll bet that he would be willing to put a $$60 billion price on your head..."
"Whoah, Mom," Yugi said. "You don't need to have Kaiba put a price on my head...how do you know Kaiba, anyways?"
"Oh, didn't your grandpa tell you?" She pirouhetted across the kitchen tile. "You're having a party tonight and all your friends are invited. You should really start getting ready..."
Somehow Yugi just knew tonight was not going to end well.