Disclaimer: I own not the characters, situations or locations from the Nickelodeon series iCarly. They are copyrighted by either the network or Dan Schneider. I don't know and I don't care. I also don't own the rights to the song used in chapter 1 that this story uses to its fullest potential. I write stories using the characters and such for my own, and your, enjoyment. I know I enjoyed it, but I'm just strange that way.

Xxxxxx

BFB

Chapter 2

Two Conversations

Xxxxxx

"A Strawberry Splat for the lady and a Blueberry Bang for her father," Freddie said as he set the proper cups in front of the two people sitting at the small table before taking a seat next to his friend with his own drink in hand.

"How much were they?" Colonel Shay asked as he took his wallet out of his back pocket and opened it to get a few bills out.

Freddie waved him off and said, "Don't worry about it, Sir. I'm used to buying three smoothies. I always pay for mine and Carly's and Sam never pays. Besides, you're our guest."

"Well, thank you Freddie," the Air Force Colonel kindly replied and put his wallet away. He took a sip of his drink, swished it around in his mouth for a few seconds before holding the cup out in front of him to look at it as he swallowed. He licked his lips, smiled and stated, "This is very good."

"Yes it is," Carly laughed at her father's reaction before holding out her own cup to offer him a sip. "Would you like to try the strawberry?"

"No, thank you Cupcake," the Colonel replied as he gently shook his Styrofoam cup in her direction. "I'll stick with the blueberry for the healthy oxidants."

Freddie let out a light laugh as he said, "That won't work with Carly, Sir. We've had this same argument quite a few time."

Carly quickly cut in, slightly miffed that her friend would bring up their long-running disagreement. "I don't care if blueberries have more oxidants than strawberries. So what if blueberries are number one in the amount of oxidants in fruit. Strawberries aren't that far behind at number three."

"Yes, yes," Freddie huffed out, also fed up with their little ongoing dispute. A sly smile arose on his lips as he said, "But I like the taste of blueberries better while you love strawberries. I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this."

"I suppose," Carly sighed before she leaned in, coyly looked him in the eye and firmly said, "but I'm still right."

All Freddie could do was laugh. Colonel Shay also let out a soft chuckle as he said under his breath loud enough for teens to hear, "Shay's and their stubborn streak." He leaned over to the boy and whispered, "That's something you'll need to put up with in the future if you know what's good for you. That's if you haven't learn that lesson yet."

"What do you mean, Colonel?"

"We'll get to that in a moment," the Air Force Officer said aloud to both of the teens, then specifically looked at his daughter. "But I'd like to hear your thoughts about Sam's little song. Give me a sit-rep."

Carly knew enough about her father's work to know that a 'sit-rep' was military jargon for a situation report. He'd watch Carly drag Sam up to her room to talk so he was trying to find out what she had learned.

"Well, Sam admitted she does have more than a little crush on Spencer since they both have a lot in common, and she's not worried about their age difference. If I had to guess, I'd say Sam loves Spence."

"That's good to hear," Colonel Shay said as he relaxed a bit in his chair. He had been worried that the earlier kiss and later change in lyric were sheerly motivated by gratitude alone, like Spencer had proposed.

"Do you really mean that?" Freddie questioned in surprise. "It sounds like you're in favor of Sam and Spencer dating."

"I won't stand in the way if it happens," Steven Shay, in father mode, said to the young adults. "As I told Spencer during our talk, that's why some young men go after cougars and some young women chase after..." The Colonel scratched his chin as he pondered for a second, then asked, "...What's the male equivalent of a cougar?"

"Manther," both Carly and Freddie responded at the same time. They quickly peered over to the other then broke out in a small laugh at the coincidence.

Freddie explained during the ensuing jocularity at the table, "It's the combined words 'man' and 'panther'. At least that's the word everyone's using right now for an older man being pursued by a younger woman. It's changed a few times over the past coupla years."

"Okay," Colonel Shay laughed along. "So my son is a bit of a Manther."

The laughter slowly died down to an amiable silence as the three enjoyed they smoothies. After a few minutes, Colonel Shay put his Styrofoam cup down and said in all seriousness, "There is one other thing I'd like to know. What happened after the taco truck accident that made you two break up?" He looked to his daughter and added, "You never got into that in your e-mails to me. Just that Freddie had broken up with you."

"Foreign bacon," Carly almost whispered, her head bowed with an anguished expression.

"Foreign... bacon?" her father begged in curiosity. "I'm sorry but I don't understand the reference."

It appeared as if the brunette wasn't willing to respond so Freddie answered, "You probably wouldn't get the reference because it has to do with Sam and one of the first guys she dated, Eric Moseby."

Carly partially came out of her funk and added, "Noseby Moseby."

"Noseby?" Colonel Shay begged out of curiosity. "That's a curious nickname. I would guess it's because he butts into everybody's business."

"No." Carly giggled before clarifying, "He has a big nose."

"It's huge," Freddie added before he got back to the subject the Air Force Officer had asked about. "Anyway, Eric had asked Sam out on like a million dates but she wouldn't go out with him. She finally agreed to a date after he got her a subscription to the Foreign Bacon of the Month Club."

Colonel Shay only thought about that information for a second before he said to Freddie, "So foreign bacon swayed Sam's decision to date the young man and you thought your saving Carly's life had the same effect; That she was only grateful to you for saving her life."

"Yes, it may have been stupid, but I thought it was the right thing to do."

"It was the right thing to do at the time," Colonel Shay said to the young man with a fatherly pat on his shoulder. "You two needed to let things settle down before exploring a possible relationship." He turned to his daughter and explained, "You were in what's called hero worship mode so it was wise for Freddie to break up with you. But you only should have waited until the casts came off and then gave it another shot if you still loved him."

"That's what I said," Freddie cut in. "I told Carly that after the casts came off and she still wanted to be my girlfriend, that I'd be psyched."

"Oh my Gawd," Carly gasped in realization. "I forgot all about that. You were in those casts for over two months and things sorta went back to normal and I completely forgot."

Colonel Steven Shay scowled at his daughter and almost growled at her, "And the casts weren't a constant reminder of what he had sacrificed for you?"

Carly ashamedly squeaked, "No."

"Well the casts are off now," the Colonel said to Carly, "and the question still stands. What are your feeling toward Freddie?"

Carly appeared to be in deep thought over the question so Freddie answered for her, "I think she gave me her answer when she started dating other guys: Adam, Steven, Cort; And Lance being being the most recent after the accident."

"You have been busy," the Colonel said to his daughter.

"It's not like that, dad," Carly defensively spat to her father. "Sure, they were all gorgeous and exciting when I started dating them but they all let me down in one way or another. Adam dumped me after what happened at Webicon and Cort was too stupid for his own good. Lance was no help at all when I got my toe stuck in the bathtub faucet..." she hung her head in shame and disgust as she hushed, "and I don't even want to talk about the other one."

Colonel Shay ignore the litany of boy's name, he'd read his daughter's abbreviated e-mail accounts about them and she had never gone into much detail about any of the relationships, but something else caught his attention that he hadn't heard about. He incredulously inquired, "You let a boy in your bathroom while you were in the tub taking a bath?"

Carly defensively yelped, "I had a sweater on that stretched out when it go wet and covered all of me." She regained a bit of her composure before she continued. "But that's not the point I was making. I have a terrible track record when it comes to dating and I didn't want to add Freddie to my long list of failures."

She could see her father was about to make a point by saying that Freddie was already on the list after the taco truck incident but she quickly cut him off, "I didn't add Freddie to the list because we never went out on an actual date while we were together."

The web hostess laid a hand on Freddie's arm that was on the table, his hand holding on to his cup, looked him in the eye and said, "I think our friendship is more important that anything else in the world. I'd hate to lose you if we tried and failed."

Silence fell over the two Shays and one Benson for a half minute before Colonel Shay leaned in close to his daughter and angrily hushed, "Bull."

Carly was totally shocked but got out a defensive, "What?"

The Colonel leaned back in his stool and answered, "I said that's bull. You're just afraid to even try."

"But if we try and something happens..." Carly started to protest before she was soundly cut off by her father.

"If you don't try, you'll never know." He pointed to Freddie as he swiftly continued. "Sitting right beside you, you have a young man who's deeply devoted to you. Someone who would do anything you ask of him, someone who only wants what's best for you; Even if that means he has to push you out of the way of an oncoming vehicle and take the hit himself. If that's not love, well, then I don't know what is."

The Air Force Colonel crossed his arms and leaned on the table facing Carly. He softly, kindly continued, "Sure you'll have arguments, it's inevitable in any kind of relationship. I bet you've had major disagreements before but you're still friends.

"I've watched some of your web cast and I see how your face lights up when you look at Freddie; And I'm not talking about when you look into the camera but when you see the man behind the camera."

Colonel Shay leaned back in his seat and sighed, "I see the love in your eyes and how special you think Freddie is. I can also see it between the line in the e-mails you send me and the few video chats we've been able to have. You practically light up whenever you talk about him, even in you e-mails."

Carly thought about what her father had just said for a whole minute, her eyes pensively focused on the smoothie cup clutched in her hands. Without looking up, she murmured, "You're right dad. I can't let my fears get the better of me. If I did, I might miss out on something wonderful." As she said the last two words, her gaze went from her cup to the guy sitting beside her. A weak but endearing smile arose.

"That's my Cupcake," Colonel Shay warmly said as he stood, pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and took a few bills from it. He tossed them on the table in front of Freddie and said, "Why don't you two go out for a late night snack on me. I'm sure you have a few things to discuss."

"Thanks dad," Carly cooed, got up and gave him a big hug. "But what are you going to do? You won't be in town for very long and I want to catch up with you some more."

"That's what phone calls and video chats are for, Cupcake," the Colonel replied, returning the embrace. "I'm going to head back to the apartment and see how your brother is doing."

"Hopefully," Freddie quietly started but loud enough for the two Shays to hear, "Spenser hasn't burned the place down while we've been gone."

"What," the Colonel said, not surprised at all with the comment. "Are Spenser's pyrotechnical abilities still randomly showing up?"

Freddie was a little taken aback that the Colonel had heard him, but answered, "You didn't smell the fire extinguisher fumes in the apartment? It smelled like someone used one earlier this afternoon."

"I was wondering what that was," Colonel Shay lightly laughed, "I hadn't smelled anything like it in a long time." He turned to Carly and said with a wry smile, "I don't know how many things suddenly caught on fire when Spencer was just a baby before your mother had to find fire retardant blankets and diapers and such for his room."

The Colonel continued his explanation to the two teens, "We normally use fire-retardant foam on any fires we have at the airbase and that's a completely different smell than your standard CO2 or Halon fire extinguishers."

Xxxxxx

Meanwhile

Back in Apartment 8-C

"I take it the Colonel wants us to talk?" Sam nonchalantly asked as she walked over to the couch and laid down, her hands tucked smugly behind her head.

"Yes, he does," Spenser anxiously replied as he stood in front of the couch, staring down at her. He didn't know where to begin so he just blurted out, "Do you have a crush on me?"

Sam lightly chuckled as she answered, "Whatever gave you that idea?" She was really enjoying teasing Spenser. He was just so cute whenever he got flustered.

"Well, the fact that you changed the lyric from 'a punk rock drummer' to 'a full time artist' and almost raped me when I gave you the bike earlier gave me a hint."

Sam laughed before saying, "Yeah, those are some pretty good hints, but I don't have a crush on you."

"You don't?"

"Nah, I used to," Sam said as she got up off the couch and sauntered close to Spencer. She wrapped her arms around his waist and looked him directly in the eye before confessing, "Now Mamma loves you."

"But I'm twelve years older than you are," Spenser defensively protested while trying to wriggle out of Sam's strong grasp, to no avail. "You're eighteen and I'm thirty. I'm like twice as old as you are. That an awful big age gap."

Sam countered with, "Yeah, but when I'm sixty, you'll only be seventy two. The gap won't seem as big then."

"But, why me?" Spencer struggled to make sense of the situation as he also struggled to extricate himself from Sam's powerful embrace.

"Why not you," Sam countered with a winning smile. "We both like the same things; We're compatible."

"But I'm your best friend's brother," Spencer countered Sam's counter and started grasping at straws. "Isn't there some kinda girl code or something that sez you can't date your best friend's brother?"

Sam removed her arms from around Spencer's waist. But before he could escape she swiftly wrapped them to around his neck, pulling him down to be face-to-face with her. She got nose-to-nose with him and said, "There is, but it only sez that I have to get Carls' approval before chasing after ya. I just did that so I'm free and clear to do this."

Sam swiftly closed the small distance between them and smashed her lips to his, just like earlier that afternoon when she'd 'thanked' Spencer for the Sterling motorcycle.

Spencer closed his mouth tight, just like that afternoon, but this seemed totally different. The kiss was aggressive, like the first one, but it was also different, too. It wasn't as... assertive as the previous one, it was more loving than passionate, more boyfriend/girlfriend-ish than animal mating-ish. (If that made any sense.)

Spencer's back muscles were starting to tense up from leaning over (He is a whole foot taller that the blonde girl) so he wrapped his arms under Sam's butt and lifted her up so he was standing erect. At the same time he opened his mouth to grant Sam's tongue entrance.

She had answered all of his questions and settled all his worries. His dad wasn't adverse to he and Sam starting a relationship, (and she'd supposedly talked to Carly and got an okey-dokey there too) so Spencer had decided to go with the flow and see how it turned out.

Spencer knew Sam was a little rough around the edges, but then who wasn't at that age? And who was he to talk? He was thirty years old and had more rough edges than a four year old so Sam's little eccentricities were nothing to worry about. In fact, some would say she acted more mature than he did.

Sometimes.

The lanky artist was brought out of musings when Sam leaned out of the kiss and said, "Spence, are you gonna return momma's affection? Don't you wanna stick your tongue down my throat?"

"Sammy," Spencer answered as he backed over to the couch and sat down with her still straddling his legs and snug in his arms, "you're still young so there's a lot you need to learn; And how to kiss properly is one of those things."

Sam defensively leaned back like she wanted to escape his grasp as she angrily howled, "Momma know how to kiss."

She started to dive in for another fierce lip lock but Spencer held her at bay, saying, "I'm not complaining about how you kiss, Sammy. It's just that there are like a hundred different ways to kiss and you only know a couple. Sticking your tongue down someone's throat may seem like a good idea but you could choke them or lose your tongue in the process."

Sam's anger quickly faded and was replaced with a smirk as she eagerly begged, "Will you you teach me the other ninety-nine ways to kiss?"

"Sure Sammy," Spencer said as he leaned back into the couch with the blonde still firmly wrapped around his torso and gently pulled her forward to begin the lesson.

Sam put her hands on his chest and held back as she said, "Wait a minute. Why are you calling me Sammy all of a sudden?"

"Well if we're gonna start dating, I don't want any mistaken ideas floating around when I tell people I'm dating 'Sam'. It sounds like I'm dating a guy, and I know you don't like to be called Samantha."

"That's so true," Sam ceded.

"Do you want me to call you something else? I could call you sweetie, or honey or ma amour?"

"Oh Hell, no!" Sam almost screamed in disgust. She could never go for any of that mushy stuff. It just wasn't her style and Spencer knew it. Sam thought about it for a quick second and concluded, "No. I guess Sammy will do... for now."

"Hai, Koi," Spencer answered in Japanese for some unknown reason before starting with the quick little peck on the cheek. "That's kiss number one..." then an Eskimo nose kiss, "...number two..." and moving on from there. (Hai, Koi = Yes, Beloved)

Xxxxxx

Spencer and Sam were still perfecting the tenth kind of kiss, having stopped the lesson to practice it for over an hour by that time, when Freddie and Carly came through the door hand-in-hand before Freddie shut the door and wrapped an arm around Carly's waist, pulling her into his side.

"I see you two came to an understanding," Carly happily called out to her brother and her best girl friend when she saw them making out on the couch.

Sam rolled to the side off of Spencer's lap with either a snide comeback or silly comment on her lips before she was stunned into silence seeing Carly and Freddie standing so close together. She quickly regained her wits, coyly smiled and responded, "And it looks like you two came to the same conclusion."

Carly blushed a little as she looked to her new boyfriend and said, "Yes we did. Dad helped me understand that Freddie's the ideal guy for me." She caressed the iCarly Tech Producer's cheek and admitted, "I was wrong to give up on our relationship because of some 'foreign bacon' nonsense."

"Thaaaat mighta been my fault," Sam reluctantly admitted as she and Spencer got up off the couch to talk with the others. "I kinda fed Freddork the foreign bacon chizz to break you two up. I didn't think you were meant to be together at the time, but I guess I was wrong."

Carly thought back to just after the taco truck accident when she and Freddie were a couple and realized Sam could be right. She admitted, "Yeah, we were going at it kinda hot and heavy at the time. If Freddie's mom hadn't walked in on us when he first came home from the hospital, we might've gone all the way that afternoon. So maybe it was good that we took a step back in our relationship back then."

Spencer finally perked up as he glanced around behind Carly and Freddie and asked, "Where's dad?"

Carly pulled her Pearphone out of her pants pocket to show it to Spencer and curiously begged, "Didn't you get his text message?"

The lanky artist blushed a bit as he answered, "No, Sam and I have been kinda busy since you all left. What did he say?"

"Dad ran into one of his old Air Force buddies as he was heading back here. They decided to get together with a few other friends to talk about old times and won't be back until late. He said he'll see us in the morning."

"Well momma's hungry," Sam said as she broke for the kitchen and headed straight for the refrigerator. "What's for dinner?" She pulled her every trusty, always handy fork from one of her pants pockets and deftly twirled it in her fingers.

Freddie suggested, "You could reheat the leftover spaghetti tacos from earlier. I put the sauce and noodles in the fridge when I was cleaning up, and you all were having your private conversations."

"Found it," Sam said as she emerged from the refrigerator, bowl and fork in hand as she quickly dug into the now cold spaghetti sauce.

"Let me heat it up for you, Chéri," Spencer said, using the French word for beloved as he moved into the kitchen. Sam, with her mouth full, angrily growled at him and protectively held the bowl off to the side. "Libst?" (German for beloved)

Sam finally swallowed her mouthful of tomato sauce, ground beef and spices and firmly said, "Sammy."

"All right, all right!" Spencer defensively replied as he backed away with hands raised. "Sammy it is." The two started arguing. Sam not wanting to give up her snack and Spencer reminding her that it would taste even better if it was hot.

"Awww," Freddie sarcastically cooed at the scene to his newly designated girlfriend. "We get to watch their first lover's quarrel. Knowing Sam, it's the first of many to come. I kinda feel sorry for Spence."

"Yeah," Carly agreed. "But I do like the fact that Spence was trying to find a cutesy nickname for Sam. It makes them seem more like a real couple."

"So you like cutesy nicknames," Freddie questioned with a smirk and raised eyebrow, "querido?"

Carly could only guess that the name he spoke was Spanish and that she needed to come up with one of her own. She thought back to when they had been together after the taco truck accident and replied, "I do like cutesy nicknames, Cukey."

"Cukey?" Freddie laughed. "I thought you found my tech-talk cukey, not me."

"I did," Carly giggled along. "But you're cukey too."

"Well," Freddie thought about it for a second before he slyly replied, "just as long as you call me every day so I can tell you how amazing and beautiful you are."

"Carly! Freddie!" Sam came storming out of the kitchen empty handed and stomped up to the happy couple. "BFB is getting on my nerves. He took away my bowl and won't give it back to me."

Just then a loud beep could be heard coming from the kitchen. The three teens turned and saw Spencer taking the bowl and another plate piled high with spaghetti noodles out of the microwave and then he began to put the ingredients into taco shells. He yelled over his shoulder, "SBF! Come and get it!"

Sam saw what he was doing and sheepishly smiled. "Well, maybe he's okay." She dashed back into the kitchen to resume eating.

Freddie questioned, "SBF?"

Carly giggled as she answered, "I think Spence is calling Sam his Sister's Best Friend."

"Well, it's a lot better than calling her Sam or Sammy. At least no one will hassle him about dating a guy."

-30-

A/N: And that's how I would have ended the show, with two couples formed from the four main character. (Three couples if you want to put Gibby and T-Bo together as close friends who've bonded over their love of pets.)

I hope you liked it.

pbow