A/N: You don't even know how sorry I am. This took forever to get right and I was completely overwhelmed during finals week (last week). Thanks so much for the nice reviews, and please keep reviewing. I'm definitely into this story and won't leave you hanging like that again. I, too, am annoyed at myself. On a lighter note, this chapter is pretty long, especially considering that it's only half of the second chapter. I'm not quite done with the second half so I figured that this would keep you happy until I get my mind wrapped around what comes next. Please review!

Disclaimer: Don't own any of Rowling's stuff. There you have it.

Warnings: SBRL (not yet, of course. Hang in there.) AU.

Chapter Two: Part One

by luermide


"Excuse me," Remus Lupin began, frantically looking around for anybody from the internship program. "I was supposed to be here about an hour ago, I'm one of the interns? See, there was this problem with the alarm and…"

The blonde man lifted an eyebrow and gave the kid a once-over as he was attacked by a tsunami's worth of explanations. Remus looked disheveled, to say the least: his hair was mildly rabid with it's own personality, his skin had the pallor of Queen Elizabeth, and his cheeks were flushed with panic. Joe felt some internal calling to pick on the kid, some sort of high-school-worthy urge, but chose to keep his decency. After all, this one was Sirius's. And Sirius must sure be pleased with him! Late on the first day. Great impression.

Remus was nearly breathless with nervousness. Once he began heaving in explanation with a new fervor, Joe had to intervene. "Look, Frenchie, I'm not exactly sure who you are, but Sirius is in the back room. Tell it to him."

He stared at him in a while, confused. "Where?"

Joe nodded towards the back of the hall. "Oh," Remus said. "Thanks."

As Remus grew closer to the room, his pace grew more and more lethargic. Through the doorway he could see Sirius sitting in one of those plastic chairs, facing away from him. His long, black, ridiculously shiny hair was tied back into a tail, contrasting wildly with his white jacket. Remus swallowed. Nearly there.

"Doctor…Black?" Remus began as he approached the table. He just knew that his cheeks were flushed.

Sirius spun around. "Ah, you're here!" He grinned jovially.

Remus froze as if he was just asked to turn in an essay, which he had not known was assigned. "I'm sorry about being late! This morning I didn't remember the time difference and--

Sirius was hardly taken aback by the onslaught of excuses. "Mr. Lupin, Mr. Lupin…would I be so rude as to scold you on your first day?"

He flashed Remus a smile again, putting Remus in the red-light target of a sniper. He was happy. Remus bit his lip. Too happy.

"I'm sorry," Remus uttered lamely, looking down at the floor.

Silence.

The screeching of the chair against the floor made Remus glance up, which, in effect, caused him to be directly in Sirius' face. His eyes are silver, Remus thought, something strange fluttering in his heart. Merlin. Taken aback, he missed most of the fire in those clear eyes. That is, until Sirius began talking.

"I don't care what you were doing at home," Sirius muttered 'lethally'. "I don't care if your house bloody exploded and your cat was melting into the ceiling. I don't care," he continued, "if your dear mother forgot to pack your lunch this morning and you had to turn back to get it."

Remus was paralyzed.

"You call, if you're going to be late."

Remus nodded, staring down at the floor unseeingly.

Sirius bent down to Remus' height so that they were eye-level. "You may have been the valedictorian-prodigy-whatsit back in school, but when you're here, you're just another employee. An intern, at that. And," he added, a slight smile turning up his lip, "you're most unfortunately paired up with me. Do you know what that means?"

Remus nodded.

"Good."

When Sirius left the room, Remus followed behind, mortified. There was work to be done, he supposed, and if Sirius Black was really all he was cracked up to be, he would probably learn a thing or two as well. I guess I have already, Remus thought, reddening.

"Hurry up," Sirius said, tucking a stray hair behind his ear. "We're behind today, and God knows we'll have to deal with Doris."

Remus shuffled to keep up his pace, only to nearly bump into Sirius, who'd stopped in front of a big wooden door. "Alright," Sirius said. "You watch this time, and try to stay out of the way."

The room was clean, white, and smelled of lime and Lysol. Four beds jutted out from the wall, each holding a senile-looking old patient. Sirius approached the first bed and commenced in talking with the patient about the weather and medication.

Remus watched with minor interest for a while as this went on with each patient, but was quickly distracted. One of the old men in the beds sat straight up and pointed at Remus. He froze (for what felt like the twentieth time that day) in surprise. "That's him, Betsy! THAT'S HIM!"

Remus blinked a few times and lost control of his lungs. What!

The man let out a strange, animalistic wail that was like a mix of a bird call and a long "moo". Sirius quickly aided the patient and calmed him down.

"What'd you do?" He asked Remus.

"Nothing!"

The old man looked over at Remus again and pointed. "He stole my radio. It was right here in my room yesterday and now its gone. I know he did it, Betsy. I know it!"

"Betsy", who apparently was Sirius, patted the man's hand and pointed over at a radio on the counter. "Your radio's right there, Mr. Radly. Remus didn't take it."

The man seemed to ponder this for a moment. "He put it back when you weren't looking!" He cried. He glared at Remus with conviction. "Betsy'll get you now! Betsy likes me."

Sirius gave his intern a slight smile full of sympathy and continued to console the patient. It seemed to take hours for them to leave that one room, but the minute the door shut, Remus heaved a sigh of relief.

"That was an easy one," Sirius said with a grin, but then put on a face of mock-seriousness. "But you really shouldn't've taken old Mr. Radly's radio."

Remus wasn't sure if he was joking until that charming smile came upon Sirius' face. "Heh.." he sighed.

"Better luck on the next floor."

The next floor, unfortunately, was no easier for Remus. Sirius had delegated him small tasks to keep him busy, like running papers downstairs to his office and bringing the patients water and ice. Remus wasn't upset that he was given something to do. He was actually very glad that he was proving himself semi-useful to the famous Dr. Sirius Black. But, when he wasn't around Sirius, the problems began. Within the first hour of being upstairs, Remus had managed to practically knock another doctor over, lose his I.D., and get suckered into playing checkers with a man who thought he was his son (making him late getting back to work). The day was actually getting worse.

Sirius ignored him most of the time on the first and second floors, but once they reached the third floor, Sirius' attention was all on him.

"Listen," Sirius started. "There's a reason why I told all of you interns yesterday that the third floor was off-limits. The only reason you get to come up here is because of me. So…stay close." Sirius' ponytail had fallen out so much that he'd just pulled the tie. His hair came down over his shoulders, creating a great distraction for Remus.

"Okay," Remus said, heart swelling with the feeling of being special.

Sirius shuffled through his cards. "Today, I'm only going to take you to see one of them. After we're done, you can go on lunch break." Sirius' silver eyes found his. "Believe me, you'll want to get out as soon as possible."

"Who are we going to see?" Remus asked, following Sirius down the eerily quiet hall.

"A guy who killed his family."

Sirius said it so nonchalantly that Remus nearly missed what he was told. "What!"

"It's a strange story, really. Schizophrenic. Few years back started talking with aliens, told him to kill his wife and kid. He told everyone what they would say and wrote down odd things about the end of the world and stuff. Made pictures of the aliens, too. No one took him that seriously, and they didn't even put him on medicine. Year later he shoots his wife and kid in the head and then kills himself at the same time." Remus gaped at him. "Triple murder suicide."

"Why…" Remus began, suddenly feeling weary of his own safety, "is he here, then? If he killed himself, I mean."

"Oh. Attempt fell through. Shot in the wrong spot." Sirius shrugged. "He feels terrible about it."

"Really."

Sirius brought him into the room. A man was sitting up in bed, smiling like a completely normal middle-aged man. "Hey, Sirius! How's it going?"

Sirius? They're on a first name basis! Remus could do nothing more than blink in confusion. This couldn't be the same guy.

"Pretty good. Got someone new with me," he said. "This is an intern I'll be mentoring. Remus Lupin."

The patient gave him a wave. "Nice-looking kid. He from the high school?"

Remus could tell that Sirius was groaning inwardly. "Actually," Remus said softly, "I'm from graduate school."

The man whistled. "Well, you've got the right man, then. Dr. Black is brilliant."

Sirius beamed as Remus nodded. "So I've been told," he said.

"How are you feeling today?" Sirius asked suddenly, clearing his throat. "The new meds giving you any trouble?"

The man shrugged. "I'm feeling okay. New meds always are a bummer. Nurses keep me well-fed though. Can't complain there."

"That's good." Sirius scribbled something on his clipboard. "The nurses haven't told me that you've been any trouble lately, either."

"Of course they haven't!" He turned his attention to Remus. "I'm a charm with the ladies. Right, Sirius?"

The doctor rolled his eyes. "It's true."

"Not to say that Sirius isn't! We talk about his escapades all the time--

"Ahem," Sirius coughed. Remus felt his face getting pink again.

"Oh, come now, Doc. He's a mature fellow. Don't get iffy." The patient patted down the sheets over his legs and continued. "Let me tell you, kid, before you find out for yourself. Sirius has quite the following of young ladies and lads."

Lads. Remus' mood soared.

"But I don't date them all!" Sirius recovered. "I don't date, anyway."

"Liar," the man sighed. "But have it your way."

"Good idea," Sirius said. "After all, I'm the one who decides what medicine goes in who's little paper cup. Wouldn't want to accidentally switch yours with Doris'."

The threat was friendly, but Sirius didn't seem to be one to reckon with. Remus had nearly forgotten, however, that the man they were laughing and joking with was a complete murderer and nutcase until Sirius had brought up the subject of medicine again.

"Uh," the man shuddered. "A reasonable threat."

Sirius got to business. "Alright, we've got to get going soon, so remember to take all the medicine today at lunch. No pill trading, alright?"

"Yeah, won't be doing that again."

"Also, if you see Fred, apologize for messing up his chess game." The patient rolled his eyes as Sirius said this. "Come on, if you don't do it, I have to treat him like a baby every single day until he finally understands that it was an accident."

He sighed. "Fine. But only for you, Doc."

"Thanks. I'll see you later."

Remus said goodbye and followed Sirius out like a magnet. Sirius smiled. "This place creeped you out yet?"

"It's unique," Remus admitted.

"That it is," Sirius agreed. "Now, I've got stuff to do, insurance claims and paperwork to look over. Thrilling things like that, you know? You have about two hours between now and the end of lunch break. I think I overheard that the interns are going out to Applebee's or something."

Remus shrugged.

"You should go," Sirius said.

He stared down at his feet. "I don't know."

"Why not? The lunch room here is hardly gourmet dining."

Remus ran a hand through his light hair. "I think I'm just going to eat here. I don't want to…lose my parking space." The excuse was pathetically lame. Remus practically winced at his own idiocy.

"Alright. I'll see you soon, then."

Sirius clearly had bought none of it, but walked off anyway without further complaint. Remus made his way downstairs, remembering that he had no idea where the cafeteria was, or if he'd brought any money with him. He thought, for a moment, that he would just go home and make some Ramen, but then recalled that doing so would conflict with his "must save parking space!" credo. He was stuck.

"Hey, Remus!" A blonde doctor stopped him. "Having fun with Sirius?"

Remus gave a convincing smile. The doctor (Joe?) went on, "Well, that's good. If you're off to lunch, you can eat back with us in the lounge. Unless, that is, you're going with the other interns."

"No, I'm not." Remus felt the life jacket close around him. Thank you, Merlin!

"Great, great. Sounds…good. Uhm…so…did Sirius completely murder you this morning?"

Remus frowned. "Practically."

Joe nodded with a grin. "I knew it. Didn't cry, did you?"

Could have, Remus thought. "No."

"Oh. Well, that's comforting. He hates it when that happens."

The floor was, as usual, boring and satisfying to stare at. He hardly noticed when Joe left him to find Sirius.

End of Part I. To be continued...

1: Just so you know, that story I told up there about the guy who killed his family because of the aliens? The triple murder suicide? Yeah. That was my friend's neighbor down the street. Thought I'd let you know in case you thought I completely pulled that out of my ass...I'm not that creative. The kid (his son) would have graduated last year.Tragic.

Please review! I know the ending is abrupt...but that's just because I cut the chapter in half. Coming up next: Will Remus do something horribly embarrassing? Will Sirius snog Remus in a broom closet? Will "lunch" prove to be a real sucker? Can Remus actually look Sirius in the eye for more than two seconds? Will naked patients rub themselves against Remus in an ancient "mating ritual" before Sirius' eyes? Only time will tell! Stick with me and I'll figure it out as soon as I can!