Well, here is that second chapter you've been waiting for!! REVIEW IT FOR ME!! It'll make me happy...again. (smiles)
Disclaimer: DON'T OWN THE CHARRACTERS OR THE ANIME...only the plot line!!
A full month had passed. Summer was at its hottest peak, making the atmosphere outside almost unbearable. Today was especially terrible, for it had rained the day before, making the air thick and muggy. In this type of weather, people got agitated more often and had a shorter tension span. The effects of today had also taken its toll on the Hitachiin estate.
Yuzuha had just returned from a week long business trip that had left Hikaru with his father in the mansion. Originally, she was supposed to take her spouse along, but Hikaru's depressed state hadn't gotten much better like she had hoped it would. Even if she kept telling him to send letters or call his brother in France, he kept telling her it wasn't enough for him. Even so, she was happy that he would even say that, being the negative statement it was. Hikaru hadn't talked much at all since Kaoru had left; making her worry that he may forget how to be able to talk.
She traveled through the mansion, going up some stairs to her room to drop off a couple of suitcases she needed for her business trip, then she made her way to Hikaru's room to check on him.
Yuzuha arrived and faced a closed door, most likely locked like it had normally been. Hikaru rarely came out of his room, mainly for the basic needs every human is dependent on. She timidly knocked on the door as if she was afraid to break the tense feeling in the air. "Hikaru?" she called, hoping to get an immediate reply. When she didn't she gave a heavy sigh and called again. "Hikaru? You need to come out of there sometime…" She stated, worry showing through her voice.
The door suddenly opened, making her jump. She was now face to face with Hikaru, his face showing no expression; no feeling of any kind at all. In a way, his glare scared her, giving her chills down her spine. "I-I'm back now." She stammered. Hikaru only blinked and immediately closed his door, leaving her to stand there, following the wood grains that ran from top to bottom.
"Hikaru…What if Kaoru came back home today and saw you like this? He wouldn't be happy now would he?" She taunted, hoping that it might get him to think about what he was doing to himself. Instead the door opened again, more slowly than last time when it was flung open. Hikaru's normally expressionless face had turned to a bitterer, angrier mood.
"Kaoru's never coming back." He said his voice low with fury; yet tinted with the smallest amount of sorrow. "If he wouldn't have left in the first place, I wouldn't be like this."
"But you shouldn't be like this at all! No matter what had happened! You even tried to commit suicide at least five times over the month of your brother's absence! Not to mention-" Yuzuha reached out and grabbed both of his arms, which had been slashed up to the middle of his forearm. "-you've been cutting yourself. You really think he would appreciate your reaction like this?!" She explained, letting go of his arms gently, allowing them to fall back at his sides.
"Kaoru wouldn't know…" He replied in almost a whisper. He tilted his head down and looked at his arms, suddenly getting the sudden urge to watch his wounds reopen.
"You've got to stop this behavior Hikaru…It's making everyone so worried about you…" Yuzuha added, looking at the ground and holding her arm in a worried position. "I love you too much to let you continue to destroy yourself like this…it hurts to watch my son slowly fade away." Hikaru didn't reply, but merely glanced up at her and then turned and walked back into his room, closing the door quietly behind him. Yuzuha realized then, that there was nothing that would snap him out of it.
She turned and began walking down stairs. She walked outside into the blistering heat wave and sat down in the small garden entertainment area, hoping to be to herself and just let out all her grief in a brief crying session. Only about five minuets into her alone time did her husband appear, wrapping his arms around her, trying his best to comfort her in the small ways that he could.
Hikaru lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was true; he had started to vanish since his twin had left him. He knew if Kaoru could see him now he would be very disappointed, maybe even worried just like Yuzuha had been. There had to be a way he could be reunited with Kaoru…there just had to be, no matter how impossible it seemed.
He sat up, dangling his legs limply over the bed, letting his feet gently hit the cold floor. Looking down at his arms, he examined every scar left behind by the blade from his pocketknife. He took out the red pocketknife and un-tucked the blade from where it had been and examined it, finding the sharp part stained with an orange-red color…the tint from his blood. He stared at it deeply, his mind pondering on why Kaoru would decide to leave him so suddenly. It just wasn't like him…Kaoru was too sensitive to just walk away like he had done.
Hikaru snapped himself out of his thoughts and stood up, walking to the bathroom. When he arrived, he looked in the mirror. Instantly, he saw Kaoru's face staring back at him. Hikaru knew it was just because they were twins that he could see Kaoru in the mirror, but it didn't solve anything. He leaned in closer to the mirror, gripping the sides of the sink and stared deep into his own eyes as if concentrating harshly on one spot.
He normally did this almost everyday, but today it was different for him. Staring at the hurt inside himself made him grip the sink more fiercely, making his arms shiver with the rage that surged through them. He gritted his teeth together trying to keep himself from doing something reckless, which proved to be useless. He closed his eyes as hard as he could and slammed his forehead into the mirror, shattering it into small shards cutting his forehead. Small rivers of blood leaked down the bridge of his nose, veering off the side and trickling down his cheek and dripping off his chin onto the marble sink. He hadn't once opened his eyes; he kept them closed, tears threatening to fall. All that could be heard was the tinkling of small shards against the sink, which was now dotted red. For some odd reason, the feeling of blood trickling down his face calmed him.
Hikaru had forgotten all about the small pocketknife that had been gripped between his hand and the sink surface. As he stood there motionless, with his head pressed against the mirror still, he regained feeling in his hand and realized that he still had the pocketknife with him. He remembered why he had it and thought about the significance it had. He and Kaoru used them to prepare their planned out mischievous tricks that required a lot of work. Not to mention using them for emergencies in case something happened, but it hadn't been used for that yet. The only way they could tell which knife belonged to who was by the color of the outside of the knife. Red was Hikaru's and blue was Kaoru's.
By now, Hikaru had stopped pressing his teeth together. Gently, he removed his forehead from the broken mirror, small shards that had been kept in place by the force of his forehead tinkling down into the sink below. Some of them had stuck to his wound, getting trapped in the thick blood. He had let go of himself, letting his tears trickle down his cheeks, mixing with the trail of blood as though he had started crying blood.
He stood up straight, lifting his hands up off the sink and fingering the pocketknife in his hand. He stared at the broken mirror, then gazed down to the speckled sink and then down at his knife. 'Damn you Kaoru…' he thought, tilting his head down to where his bangs covered his eyes, giving him a darker appearance.
"I hate you…" He whispered quietly with venom in his voice. "I hate you…" He repeated, this time in a more deadly whisper, a whisper that was full of spite. He walked out of the bathroom, not bothering to wipe off the blood on his face. He sat down on the bed once again, gripping the knife in his hand as though it were a stress reliever.
"I hate you Kaoru!"
It had been a month since Kaoru had left Japan to live in France. As a supporting job, Yuzuha had let him take over the fashion department that had branched from Japan to France. He had been stationed in the main mansion of the corporation. Though it was smaller than the one he had grown up in, it was still pretty big.
Kaoru had often found himself wandering around the mansion, seeing how empty and lonely it had been. No matter how many times he had been stopped in the middle of his walks by company personnel, he would somehow manage to carry on his thoughts while he worked. His nights he would spend sitting up and looking out his window, constantly wondering what Hikaru had been up to at that moment.
It was his day off, but it had to have been the hottest day he had been in since he had arrived. Kaoru had gone on one of his daily walking trips like he normally would, pointlessly wandering around the roomy mansion. He stopped suddenly in the middle of the dining hall and winced at a sudden ringing in his ears. It had pulsated through his mind, the high pitched screech that randomly happens.
After a few seconds, the ringing had stopped. Kaoru blinked a few times and then thought of the old rumor he had heard. 'Maybe Hikaru is thinking about me…' he thought, smiling to himself. His smile turned to a more sorrowful smile, thinking about what Hikaru might have thought about him. Maybe he was trying to curse him with his whole being because he had left him or maybe he was thinking about how strange his twin was; considering how he had poured his feelings into that letter he had written a month or so ago.
Since writing that letter, Kaoru had dreamt the strangest dreams about how he would be with Hikaru one day and be accepted by the world, no matter if it was a strange relationship or not. He had realized being gay was harder than it had looked; keeping in feelings for friends of the same sex was definitely a challenge. Not to mention knowing that your feelings could never be accepted by that person who you loved. Even so, his love for someone was a special case, considering he was in love with his own brother, his twin no doubt. People may think that he was narcissistic, considering how much he and Hikaru looked. If they were a couple…it would definitely look strange…
Once again, his thoughts were interrupted by another wave of pulsated, loud screeching in his ears. He winced again, this time pulling out a chair from the dining table and sitting down. He put his hands over his ears, wondering if it would help dampen the noise, but it didn't help at all. Once the ringing stopped, he sat upright in his chair, looking down at the table with a far away look.
"Maybe I should call them…" He said quietly to himself. Kaoru hadn't talked to his mother in a while, so he thought it would be a good idea to contact her too, to let her know how things were going. He took out his cell phone from his pocket and flipped it open. He punched in the numbers and hesitated on pressing call. What if they didn't want to talk to him right now? His heart beat could be heard pounding rapidly in his head as his finger lay across the call button. 'What am I thinking?' and with that he pressed call, listening to the phone ring, his heart racing with anticipation.
Yuzuha had finally cheered up only because her husband had come around and got her mind off of Hikaru's condition. Both of them had been laughing and chatting when the echo of the phone had made its way outside.
"I'll get it." Yuzuha claimed, getting up and going inside. It felt nice to be inside the mansion's air conditioned comfort, but outside was nice too. She ran to the nearest phone, picking it up with a smile and not looking at the caller ID. "Hello?" She said cheerfully.
"Hi mom." Kaoru answered. Yuzuha's smile faded and her face went from happy to shocked.
"K-Kaoru!?" She exclaimed, suddenly getting that cheerful spirit back into her features. "Kaoru honey! How has everything been going!? I've been trying to find time to call you and-"
"Everything's fine and I'm doing great. Don't worry about calling me; I'm really busy most of the time anyway. (sigh) I really begin to wonder how you used to take care of it all…" Kaoru interrupted. He heard a laugh from his mother, making him smile.
"I'm glad everything is going smoothly!" She replied. Yuzuha began asking multiple questions, carrying on a long conversation.
Little did she know, Hikaru was eavesdropping from above, listening in on the conversation from the stairwell. His heart was pounding in his ears. He wanted nothing more than to talk to Kaoru, but then at the same time he didn't want to. All he could do right then was listen in and see if he could learn as much as he could about Kaoru's progress and how he was holding up.
"Kaoru, you should talk to Hikaru! You really need to speak with him!" Yuzuha suggested. Kaoru had suddenly become silent when she said this. "I'll go get him!" She continued happily, not waiting for a reply. Kaoru's mind began frantically thinking things through. What would happen and…what would Hikaru say?
Just as Hikaru had begun to wander back to his room, his name was called by Yuzuha. "Hikaru! Hikaru!" She yelled in excitement, setting down the phone and running to the stairs to get him from his room. She was surprised when she saw Hikaru standing there in the stairwell, looking down to her at the bottom. She blinked and then gave him a warming smile. "Get down here and talk to Kaoru. He called!" She said in a firm but loving tone.
Hikaru blinked and hesitated. 'What do I do...' he asked himself. He wanted nothing more than to hear his brother's voice again, but then he didn't want to talk to him for the possibility of some sort of quarrel over something. He gulped, but began to descend the stairs gradually, taking his sweet time. As he walked almost zombie-like down the stairs, thoughts raced through his mind. What would he say? Should he tell Kaoru what it was like without him there and what he had been doing? Once he got to the bottom of the stairs, Yuzuha could make out his face more clearly.
"Hikaru…what happened?!" She exclaimed, examining the wound on his forehead. He had made sure to clean up the blood that had dripped down his face, but the deep gouge in his forehead had been clearly visible.
"I'm fine…" He said lowly, shifting his gaze off to the side. Yuzuha sighed and shook her head. Right now, all she wanted him to do was talk to his brother. She grabbed his wrist, feeling where some of his scars were and dragged him over to the phone. She picked it up and handed it to him.
"I'll give you privacy." She encouraged, smiling and turning to go back out to the entertainment area to tell her husband the news. Hikaru stood there, staring at the phone in his hand, almost not willing to lift it to his ear. He gulped nervously…why was he so nervous? Not even he knew, but he didn't have control of his hand anymore as it brought the phone to his ear.
"Hello?" He greeted softly. He clenched his free hand into a fist, trying to stop his shaking. On the other end, Kaoru was biting his bottom lip, scared to say a word. It had only been a month that they had been separated but just hearing his twin's voice made him realize how in love he had been. Calling them had been a lot harder than he thought. "Kaoru?" Hikaru asked, not really wanting to wait there for an answer.
"Hikaru…" Kaoru finally muttered out. Hikaru felt his face get warm, feeling like the sweet voice of his twin had turned on a blush switch. From there, it had grown completely silent, feelings mixing around in the atmosphere looking for words to be said and days to be explained. Kaoru was biting his tongue while Hikaru was gazing off to the side as if he was standing in front of Kaoru and didn't have the courage to look at him. "H-How is everything?" Kaoru managed to ask, trying to bring up some sort of conversation.
"Fine." Hikaru replied, shortly and simply A few more moments of silence passed by before Hikaru gathered up enough courage to bring up the topic of the letter. "Kaoru, about that letter you gave me when you left…You're probably wondering my response to it right?" Kaoru had jerked upright into his seat, a worried expression on his face. He wasn't expecting that subject to pop up yet. His face went red with the thought.
"Y-yes? What about it?" He stuttered, waiting for what Hikaru had to say about it.
"I hate you." Was the response. Kaoru quickly pulled the phone from his ear and looked at it like he was looking at Hikaru. A bewildered expression had made its way across his face. He thought Hikaru may not like him as much as he had, but to 'hate' him? This was a new concept for Kaoru. He quickly returned to phone to his ear, his eyes watering a bit.
"Y-you hate me?" Kaoru asked, trying to hide his sorrow.
"I do… I hate you so much Kaoru!" Hikaru yelled, clenching his fist tighter and increasing the strength of his grip on the phone. "I hate you for leaving! I hate you for not giving me that letter the day before you left!" He continued, getting louder as he continued. Kaoru's mouth opened a sliver, realizing that Hikaru didn't hate him in the way he had taken it.
"Hikaru…"
"When I read that letter and I read that last line, I ran after you, hoping to get to your plane in time to stop you from leaving. I tried to stop you, I tried to keep you here, but you left and it had been to late for me to try to stop you. You don't know what I've done to myself since you left. All I have to say now is that you MUST come back! I can't live without you Kaoru… it's just too hard." Hikaru's rant stopped, the last sentence being in a whisper. He probably had said too much, knowing that Kaoru would ask him what he had done while he was away. He squeezed his eyes together, trying to keep his tears of anger in. When he got himself slightly stable he continued. "Since you left, I thought I'd never stop hating you…but I knew that I could never stop loving you either." His tears were now two sided: anger and sorrow. The same feeling he had felt for that past month. As he said those words, the tears he held back poured over, trailing down his cheeks. His whole body trembled with the mixed emotions that he had conjured up.
Kaoru's eyes were wide open in astonishment. He never expected something like this would happen, no matter how much he had wanted it to. Hikaru loved him? No…it couldn't be possible. Maybe he had taken the whole point of the letter and applied it to the kind of 'love' that would be between siblings, not lovers. He too closed his eyes tightly, lowering his head and letting his own tears slide slickly down his face.
"Kaoru? Are you still there?" Hikaru asked, his voice quivering in a small whispered tone, barely audible. Kaoru's mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out. He couldn't figure out how to speak anymore. He didn't know what to say. Nothing came to mind at all, but he had to do something. "Kaoru?"
"Yeah..." Kaoru had managed to choke out.
"I'm in love with you Kaoru. I need you back here with me…" Hikaru added, his voice all of a sudden becoming stunningly calm and smooth. Kaoru bit his bottom lip once more. If he went back now, what kind of life would they both live? It would be secluded and secretive. They wouldn't be able to express their love to each other out in public without getting pointed at.
A sudden loud beep was sounded on Kaoru's end. It was his cell phone letting him know it was about to power down. He jumped up and ran off, hoping he'd make it to his room in time to put it on the charger so he could continue his conversation.
"Hold on a second Hikaru!" He exclaimed, regaining his voice. As he ran, he explained what was happening. "If I end up hanging up on you it's because my phone died!"
"Kaoru! You didn't charge it?!" Hikaru scolded. The mood had returned to a normal state instead of the over dramatic conversation they had been in recently. It was nice to have a break from it, but this wasn't what Kaoru had expected.
He had almost made it to his room when his phone shut down, hanging up on Hikaru. "Damn it!" He cursed, closing his phone and gripping it tightly. He hurriedly plugged in the charger and began charging it. He sighed and sat next to it, watching as it charged.
Hikaru sighed and hung up the phone. Their conversation was clearly over due to his brother's lack of responsibility in remembering to charge his phone. He clearly used it a lot, but it was the first time he called there.
"Maybe he'll call back later on tonight…" He told himself, putting his hands behind his head and leaning back. It was the first time he was actually relaxed in a long time. It was a nice feeling compared to what he had felt like earlier. Maybe talking with Kaoru over the phone was enough, but it still didn't satisfy his longing to hold him in his arms and kiss him. Hikaru blushed at his own thoughts and sighed…he just had to return. For now, he would wait for him to call back.
TA DA!! Well, here is the second chapter...as you can tell instead of only making this a two chapter story, its going to get longer. So I guess this means you'll have to wait for another chapter...again. eh heh... well, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!! I'm really only planning on having one more chapter after this, so STAY TUNED!! AND REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!