Finally decided to update again! My memory card went kaput so I had to re-write a lot of my newly-started stories.

Enjoy! Review if you like (:

DECEIT

I suppose I expected life to be like a fairy tale where everything just happens to work out in the end without anyone really trying. That's not real. Life's never been like that. It's a mask. Zidane had everyone believe him to be a flawless hero who saves the day and everyone loves. And he was; he absolutely was.

But that wasn't all.

My eyes glanced around the table at everyone's conversation until I realized who it was that was missing. The only one that really mattered to me. The only one that, regrettably, still sends butterflies up my stomach. So many that it makes me sick. Dagger sat alone at her seat. She didn't seem to care; but, again, I know Dagger very well. That mask won't stay dry for long.

Sighing a bit, I placed my napkin back on my plate and silently stood up, disappearing out of the room hopefully unnoticed. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence. Unfortunately, other people seemed to think it was something different than what it was, including Dagger. Honestly…they aren't too far off, either, as much as it kills me.

I found Zidane where I always did. Atop the castle beside the telescope. Except, this time, he sat down against the wall underneath it…and he was crying. While I knew he saw me come forward, he made no acknowledgement of my presence. So I said nothing as I sat beside him, waiting. Waiting for whatever train wreck he had got himself into. Only, this time, the train wreck was my fault.

After our group saved the world, I became adopted into the royal family and then Zidane married into it. Coming from similar backgrounds, it was a completely different transition for us and, often times, we would meet halfway in Treno sometimes to just sort of unload. At first, it just started off as him teaching me how to play cards and gamble on the tournaments. Money wasn't an issue because we had loads of it and it was a way for us to talk about where we were at during the transition. Zidane became my best friend over those years and that was when I was just starting to go through puberty.

Of course, add a few more years and drinking became a part of the equation rather quickly.

It got out of hand. In my right and sober mind, I know I never would've done to Dagger what I did but, you know what, it happened. There's no taking it back and there's no denying it anymore.

I had sex with Zidane Tribal…and it was awful.

I remember it being awkward. For one thing, that damn tail of his kept getting in the way (mostly because he insisted on doing rather inexplicable things with it) and my horn kept lighting up anytime something remotely exciting was beginning to happen. I had never done anything like that with anyone before. And though I'd dreamt it thousands of times, I never actually believed that Zidane and I would become anything but a fantasy.

Guess I should be careful what I wish for.

There are many words to describe what happened, exactly, that night, but the main one for it would be unpleasant. Afterwards. During, it was really everything I'd ever dreamed of. After all, I'd only had a crush on the monkey since I'd met him. It didn't feel as satisfying as I thought it would, though…because when we sobered up we remembered who was royal, who was married, and who was under aged.

I sat next to Zidane with my hands at my sides, playing with the stone cold floor beneath me. I didn't have any words to say. It hadn't been that long since our little bedtime adventure. No longer than three months, I'd say, so we were still sort of getting used to being around each other.

"She wants a divorce," he finally said.

I remained quiet, gritting my teeth trying to fight the urge to cry even though tears were slowly starting to reveal themselves.

"Told me last night. Said after we celebrate your birthday…she wants me to stay in Lindblum. Says she doesn't ever want to see me again."

I said nothing. All of this was my fault. I never should've gotten drunk with Zidane in the first place, especially since that childhood crush had never gone away. It used to be that I wanted nothing but their marriage to fall apart and for him to finally realize that I am the perfect girl for him. It was never gonna be like that; I don't know why I ever thought it would be. And now that it's come true, I feel more guilt than anyone could ever possibly feel.

For now and forever, Zidane's heart would belong to Garnet. I know that now. I just wish I did a year ago.

"This is my fault," I told him.

"No, it's not," he assured me.

"It is!" I argued, my childhood stubbornness coming back. "I knew what alcohol would've made me do and I did it anyway! I took advantage of you."

"Please don't make me out as a rape victim, Eiko!"

I knew he was joking, but it was a somber and guilt-ridden joke. I wondered when the next time I would ever see that smile on him again. That cheeky Zidane grin that he only ever seemed to get after viciously flirting with Garnet and being scolded afterwards. That little pout on her face. He lived for that. Not me.

"It ain't half wrong. I initiated it; not you-"

"But I went with it."

"If you were in your right mind, you wouldn't!"

"Yeah, well, I wasn't, was I?! Let's forget the fact that I basically got my underaged sister-in-law drunk in the most shady city of the Mist Continent."

I folded my arms and banged my head against the stone wall that I was sitting against, starting at the floor below my feet. I hated when he acted like I was a child. Like I was so young. Like this would've been the last thing he would've done.

"I'm not your sister-in-law," I mumbled quietly, glaring at the ground.

Zidane sighed heavily and I felt his eyes on me through my peripheral vision. I hated that look. The look of absolute hopelessness. His life spiraling into an immense black abyss with no end in sight. The end of all things. All because of me. It was a look I'd never wish on my worst enemy. And here it was on my best friend.

"Hey," he cooed calmly. I felt his arm glide around my shoulder and pull me closer to him, squeezing gently. Not in a romantic way. Just comforting. "Let's just…stop trying to play the blame game. It takes two to, well, you know. It was both of our faults."

"What are you gonna do?" I asked him.

His silence told me everything. He didn't know. Zidane never had been one to let sleeping dogs lie, but he just might make an exception this time. He'd been defeated; he even knew that. I could see that desolation in his eyes the same time we found him in Pandemonium, drenched in sorrow upon realizing who he was. What he was. Empty. Helpless to be anything but.

He wasn't planning on fighting this time. He'd given up. Game over. Except, I couldn't let him do that.

"You need to fight for her," I told him. Ten years ago, I'd slap myself for saying something like that. Ten years ago, I didn't really know what love was. Now, I do. Maybe I don't feel it…but I can see it. I see it in them. And they're more than this. They're so much more than this.

"Eiko, I can't. You don't understand."

"No. I don't. But neither do you. And you're not thinking straight. When I first met you two…you'd punch yourself in the face just to make her laugh. You'd go to the moon to make her smile; you'd do anything."

I could feel the tears fighting to run down my cheeks but I stopped them. I wasn't sure why I needed to cry so badly. I truly didn't want to ruin a marriage; in fact, I wasn't exactly sure what prompted me into thinking that Zidane would ever want me over Garnet.

I knew he never would.

That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

"So what am I supposed to do?" he asked. Forcing tears back up, I scrunched my face together and bit my lip, smiling.

"You go to the moon," I told him.

For a moment, my mind became flooded with memories of the past. That lovely song that only Dagger and I have the pleasure of having in common. The sound of the waves flushing against the shores of the island. That beautiful moon that I alone witnessed under the roof of the moogle-infested village that kept me safe for the first six years of my life.

Home.

Sometimes, in my dreams, I find myself back on that shore. Alone. It used to depress me, living day after day with nothing but a moogle with an orange pom pom for company. I used to pray as a child to rid myself of that loneliness. Yet, somehow, I found myself to be a Princess and I still feel more alone than ever.

Funny how life solves one problem but then creates a dozen more.

Let's go build something…and then we'll tear it down.

"You need to go after her, Zidane. On a dragon if you have to." I caught him smile a bit. It probably had even crossed his mind a bit. God, was I going to miss that cheeky grin of his. His fun little antics that always got us all into trouble. His inspirational speeches in times of need. His tail that got him into all sorts of trouble. I'd miss it so much…but it couldn't go on.

Like a band aide.

"I don't think we should see each other anymore," I whispered. I felt his surprised glance upon me and I could feel he was about to retaliate, but I cut him off.

"Don't speak," I said. He swallowed his words. A bit begrudgingly. It didn't matter. What I was about to say, I'm not sure he'd have responded anyway. Everything I've ever wanted to say to him could be summed up within these next few seconds, and I can honestly say that I don't regret one word.

"I want these words to be the last…for as long as I can manage. Zidane, I love you. You know that. I always have…but you don't love me. And I want you to know that it's okay. I'm just sorry it took me almost a dozen years to finally figure it out…but I have now. And I don't want your life to be all buggered up just because some six-year-old decided to be your stalker twelve years ago. Loving you was the only way I could manage to express my gratitude. I wanted to tell you…twelve years ago, I was days away from ending my own life. Throwing waste to the world…caution to the wind…falling into that abyss and just vanishing. Where no one would ever find me…but you did. You're my hero, Zidane…now go get your Princess."

Zidane was silent. I had never really told anyone of my state before they found me. I assumed they all thought I was just some cheery little six-year-old who was desperate for affection. They weren't half wrong, but you have no idea the effect complete isolation can have on a person. You've never been so blind in all your life.

He must have been looking at me. He must have. I figured I'd close my eyes and wait for the only person in the world that mattered to me to disappear. Does that sound pathetic? I heard a sigh and felt a soft kiss on my cheek as he ruffled my hair for what I assumed to be the last time. Then he was gone. I sat and waited for a bit, to make sure that he had truly vanished. Perhaps I thought it simpler. I thought wrong.

When I finally opened my eyes…Dagger was waiting for me. Truthfully, I never wanted to see her again either. For many reasons of which I assume you would be able to guess. She should hate me. By all means, I sort of expect her to. I'm a bad person. Maybe that's why I hate her so much sometimes. Because she's so…pure.

"Thank you," were her words. I had none. There were no ways to express my complete shame. My humiliation for tearing down the Tribal family's so very beautiful wedding vows. I deserved every swear word she could possibly fathom to throw my away. Every silent treatment. Every desertion. Every blow to the head with every force.

But I received none.

Dagger simply pulled my bangs upwards. She kissed my forehead, smiling that delicate Princess Garnet smile as she cupped my cheek…and thanked me.

I wasn't worthy.

Zidane wasn't worthy.

Is there anyone on this god forsaken planet who is?!

"Please do not place the blame on that man," I begged. "Hate me for the rest of your life. Hit me. Scream at me. Sarah, I-"

"Shh," she cooed. "You've grown so much, Eiko. Sometimes I forget that."

All I could do was a smile. It was the hopeless smile of a person who had nothing left to lose in this world. Nothing left to love. Is that what I've become? Back to where I started, again. Alone.

"I forgive you, Eiko," she said, quietly. "And I forgive him, too. It's not like I haven't had to before." I only half-heartedly smiled. It's true, Zidane has done some pretty inexplicable things in the past. Maybe not quite as bad as this…but close. "We love you, you know. All of us. Please don't ever forget that."

She left after that. I assumed to go find Zidane. If nothing else, I can at least be content in the fact that although I nearly destroyed a marriage, I rebuilt it the best I could.

After much obvious consideration, I decided not to return to the party. They didn't really come to see me anyway. They came to reunite with long lost friendships and I was at least thankful to see them again, too. Even though I'd never for one day agree with anything that comes out of Adelbert Steiner's mouth and I can never, ever, look Garnet or Zidane in the eyes the same way again…it's still good that they're there. Good for everyone. After all, there have to be some people in the world that still remember Cid to be an oglop. I barely do.

I ventured myself unmissed as the minutes turned to hours and still no company. I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting. Isn't it the fantasy where a lady lay in distress and a mysterious knight came to sweep her off her feet and tell her all was going to be alright? Wasn't that what knights were for? Surely Steiner had kept up that end up the bargain, at least.

Well, I had to figure. I'm not a Lady. I never had been…and I sure as hell aren't one now.

So I gave up waiting.