Title: Hard Days

Author: Fluff

Fandom: Gundam Wing

Pairing: eventual 2 x 3

Warnings: Some vague spoilers

Summary: Duo decides he can no longer be left alone with his memories. He calls on an old acquaintance to relive a life he both misses and regrets.

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is copyrighted to its lawful owners.

Hard Days

Chapter 2

By Fluff

Duo couldn't sleep. The wind outside was rattling against his windows, threatening a chill Duo was all too familiar with. He stared in annoyance and vague uneasiness through the glass, a forgotten book in his lap, watching naked tree branches flail wildly against a breezy onslaught. His uneasiness rested more with his temporary housemate rather than the wind, but that whistling howl did nothing to calm his anxiety.

Duo had left Trowa to sleep on the lumpy pull-out downstairs, amid a cluttered mess that was wholly Duo. Trowa hadn't even said good-night before nestling himself under a thick comforter and leaving Duo to a sleepless evening full of wind and the spiny silhouettes of barren maples.

Duo thought frantically about his decision to invite Trowa to his home. His guest had acted strangely from the get-go - well, Duo could only assume Trowa had been acting out of character, as Duo didn't know the other particularly well. Perhaps that was his problem. He had assumed that what he knew of Trowa during the war was all there was to know. After all, the likeliness of Trowa Barton having a personality was slim to none, Duo had thought.

But, then again, Duo mused, Quatre liked Trowa, so there must have been something interesting and human about him.

This had always been Duo's problem: He rushed head-first into every situation, blindly trudging forward to whatever his goal might be, damned be the consequences. He was beginning to learn that, perhaps, this was not always the correct route to take.

So, here Duo sat, sprawled in his chilly bay window, watching trees take a brutal, undeserved beating from a cruel wind, and worrying that his choices in life always led to something he really hadn't wished for.

He had only wanted to talk to Trowa, to spill his guts about his nightmares and how he missed Deathscythe, and how sometimes this town was just too damned quiet and isolated to really make him happy. Instead, Trowa had shown some level of resistance and humanity and caught Duo off-guard. And then he had plunked himself down and went to sleep without a word.

Duo was angry, both at himself and at Trowa, and he didn't know how to shake his ire. He figured going downstairs and waking Trowa up with pointless accusations and assumptions would only piss off his guest, so that option was out. Then he considered going downstairs, waking Trowa up calmly and launching into his tales of woe. That idea, Duo mused bitterly, was probably more idiotic than the first. Who knew how Trowa would react to being woken up by someone who he didn't, Duo was quite sure, consider a friend.

A drink would help. Maybe.

Duo set his book down without even marking his page and headed downstairs, looking forward to drinking himself to sleep. Save for the hangovers, rye worked brilliantly as a sleeping aid.

Duo wouldn't say he was necessarily surprised to see Trowa awake and staring out the window at the naked trees and wind, but he certainly wasn't prepared to answer to the raised eyebrows and questioning gaze that turned to him.

"Can't sleep," Duo said after a length, stopped in his tracks at the bottom of the staircase.

Trowa nodded slowly and said, "The wind's keeping me up. I don't know how you can stand it." Duo felt relieved as Trowa so graciously gave him an excuse for insomnia: Of course it was the wind! Who could sleep through that, anyway?

"You'd think I'd be used to it by now," Duo said airily, waving a dismissive hand toward the window.

"You aren't?" Duo grimaced as Trowa violently ripped that excuse of the wind away from him, as quickly as he had offered it.

Instead of replying, Duo walked past Trowa into the kitchen, grabbing a near-empty bottle of moderately-priced rye. Debating on whether or not to use a glass distracted Duo enough not to notice Trowa follow him to the kitchen and lean against the counter opposite his companion.

"Does that actually help?"

"Yes, it actually does," Duo said waspishly, banging open a cupboard to snatch at a chipped mug. "At least it's not pills."

"Oh, those pills never helped me sleep." Duo whipped around to face Trowa angrily, and was infuriated further by the tiny smirk that graced the other's lips.

"Act like how you used to, for God's sake!" Duo yelled, throwing his arms out in exasperation. "I can't take the morbid humour or the bizarre semi-sociability!" Trowa blinked once, twice at Duo's outburst, then crossed his arms over his chest. Defensive?

"And how did I used to act?" Trowa asked quietly, his eyes narrowing defiantly.

"I don't know - indifferent, distant, stoic. You never wasted words, and you never cared."

"Didn't I?" The world seemed to stand still for a brief moment. The pair stared at one another meanly, and neither was prepared to break that gaze. Finally, it was Trowa who dropped his eyes to the floor. "You know nothing about me, Duo. And what you're looking for, what you invited me here for, you won't find." Trowa pushed himself away from the counter with a posture unbefitting of an acrobat and left the kitchen. Duo could only stare at the void Trowa left, the bottle of rye still clutched tightly in his hand. His anger was beginning to ebb away, making way for a new slew of emotions, including bewilderment, betrayal, and that cold feeling of being undeniably alone in the world. Slamming down the bottle on the counter, Duo stormed into the den after Trowa, and the feeling of loneliness won out above all the other nagging emotions as Duo witnessed Trowa packing up his bag.

"You're leaving." It wasn't a question, of course. It was quite obvious that Trowa was soon to make himself scarce, and Duo had a creeping suspicion that whatever he said wouldn't change the other's mind.

"As I said, whatever it is you're looking for is not something I can provide." Trowa punctuated the last word by violently cramming his jeans into the bag. "I'd wait until Quatre has a free moment before inviting over the next best thing." Duo sucked in a harsh breath between his teeth.

"Quatre was always too involved," he ground out, his eyes following Trowa's every move. "He couldn't be objective or tell me like it is. He would only listen so far as to give me a hug and tell me everything's okay. But I know everything's not okay, and I think I needed someone else to know what that's like. You certainly seem like that someone else."

"I'm not," Trowa snapped, finally looking up. "I won't be your friend, Duo." And that was that.

"Asshole," Duo hissed into the icy wind. He had stormed out of the house after Trowa's cruel declaration, having enough mind to slip on a pair of shoes and grab his coat from the hook before bursting through the front door. Myriad nasty words raced through Duo's head as he walked briskly down the empty cobblestone streets. The cold was in his lungs, and he coughed every few steps. But it was good, the cold - it distracted him from the heat in his face and the tremors in his stomach.

He walked and walked, keeping his angry gaze perfectly ahead, plotting of ways to destroy Trowa Barton in a pretend, fanciful world. He walked for almost an hour, but when the coughing became too much and his lungs ached from the cold, he spun on his heel and raced back to his cottage. He figured his visitor would be long gone, leaving the house safely empty.

No such luck.

When Duo burst through the door, coughing and trying to warm his hands on his face, he was met by the sight of Trowa holding out a chipped mug full of steam.

"You'll never win an award for smart choices," Trowa quipped as Duo grabbed the mug from his hands greedily. "I was going to leave, anyway."

"Needed to clear my head," Duo chattered out, glaring daggers at his unwelcome guest.

"And is it clear?" Trowa asked, walking past Duo to shut and lock the door.

"No," Duo said between gulps of tea, "but I plotted out several ways to make you eat your words."

"I dined earnestly while you were away," Trowa replied, pushing Duo gently to the pull-out. "Duo, what I had meant to say is that I can't be the friend you ultimately need. I can't understand what you've gone through because you've led a completely different life from mine. I have enough trouble trying to make heads and tails of my own past." He sat Duo down and followed suit beside him. "So ... I guess I'm sorry."

"For what part?" Duo said heatedly, downing the last of the tea.

"For not being what you need, or thought I could be." It was hard for Duo to stay angry at the sight of Trowa's head hung. He looked pathetic, something Trowa Barton should never have been.

"Listen to what I have to say before you tell me you don't understand me," Duo whispered, afraid to speak lest Trowa suddenly shatter into a million pieces for the sound.

"I honestly don't want to hear what you have to say," Trowa said, meeting his companion's eyes. "I don't want to be reminded of the mistakes we made."

"Trowa, this isn't about you!" Duo huffed. "I didn't invite you here to pass the blame or make you think you had anything to do with my regrets!" He rolled his eyes. "You and Sister Helen would've gotten along just great: Your guilt is untouchable." Again, Trowa just blinked at Duo. Perhaps he was confused by the mention of Sister Helen, or maybe he was internalizing some offense he took to being accused of having a massive sense of guilt. Duo had no clue.

"Manic. You really are," Duo sighed. "Why did you decide to accept my invitation, Trowa? Why the hell did you come here, to spend time with someone you don't really like?" Trowa seemed to consider this for a moment, his lips pursing slightly.

"I can't say I don't like you, Duo, because I don't actually know you. Anything I ever found out about you, really, came from Quatre or Heero's mouths. You and I, we never really interacted. But there always seemed to be a closeness between the five of us." Trowa smiled humourlessly and his eyes were very far away. "We went to Hell with one another, driving forward with only each other as lifelines. We got each other through some scary stuff, and in the end, I think it was that closeness that got each of us out alive." He shrugged, then, as if he wasn't quite sure if what he was saying was at all true. "I feel like I know you, which I obviously don't, but the familiarity's there. That's why I accepted your invitation. It seemed natural, I think, to spend time with you, considering all the time spent in the past. I didn't know what would happen once I got here, but I figured I could use the escape."

"Glad I could help you ditch the pills," Duo muttered, eyes focused on the floor. "Listen: You don't have to stay just because you feel some weird obligation because we happened to win a few wars together. I don't want you here because you think you have to be here. I want you to be here because you care about what I have to say." Duo looked up, expecting Trowa to be frustrated again. Instead, the green-eyed man looked thoroughly defeated.

"If it isn't too much to ask, can I care in the morning? Jet lag."

"Excuses, excuses," Duo said, smiling a little. "Go to bed, and wake up a little less crazy, would you?"

"I'll do my best. But you have to get up; you're in my bed." Duo turned a bit to look behind him, as if finally realizing exactly where he was. With a huge grin directed at Trowa, Duo promptly ditched his coat and shoes and crawled under the comforter.

"You can't hear the wind as much from down here," Duo lied, closing his eyes and turning his back against Trowa's surprised face.

"And I'll bet your bedroom is drafty, too," Duo heard a moment later, and the bed sank in front of him.

"Might as well be outside," he replied, opening his eyes to see Trowa laying a foot away. "I was mad at you earlier," he continued, earning a slight nod from Trowa, "for not saying good-night." Again, Trowa was surprised.

"Good-night, then," Trowa said apologetically.

"Good-night," Duo replied, slipping into an uneasy sleep.

Duo had never pegged Trowa for a restless sleeper. He had always assumed Trowa would sleep like the dead, except maybe for a little snore now and again. Such was not the case. More than once Duo had woken up shivering and had to reach over to snatch some of the comforter back. The night was a battle, Duo cold and awake frequently, and Trowa thrashing one minute, cocooned in comforter the next. Needless to say, neither man felt rested when dawn finally broke.

"You're trying to kill me," Duo greeted Trowa the next morning, dark circles under his eyes. "You tried to give me hypothermia in the middle of the night." Trowa just shrugged, then fell out of bed and trudged to the bathroom.

"Not a morning person then," Duo said to the empty room. He crawled out of bed, wrapping himself in the spoils of comforter as he crept into the kitchen. He wasn't really a breakfast person, but figured Trowa might be - who ever knew? - so he made some toast with raspberry jam and poured two glasses of apple juice.

Trowa wasn't long in the bathroom, and Duo offered him his modest breakfast when he came back to the den. Trowa accepted it with a nod and sat back on the bed, eating quietly.

"I heard from Heero not too long ago," Trowa said matter-of-factly after a large swallow of juice. "He's up on L3 doing some engineering work, or something. He seems content."

"I never figured Heero could ever lead a normal life," Duo mused, stretching out beside his companion. "I thought for sure he'd stay in the military realm."

"Me, too. But Heero was never one to satisfy anyone's assumptions."

"Did you ever like him?" Duo asked.

"Not really," Trowa replied. "But I could relate to him. We had similar lives, similar ideas. Maybe that's why I never warmed up to him."

"But you warmed up to Quatre."

"Quatre's hard to deny," Trowa said warmly. "He's a nice guy. He doesn't judge anyone. And he's persistent." A small smile of remembrance passed over Trowa's lips. "Our first meeting, I treated him like garbage, but he still pushed to be friendly. In the end, I can only thank him for that."

"He really was the catalyst, wasn't he?" Duo asked. "He kept us all together; he made everything seem like it would turn out all right." Trowa nodded his agreement, and they both fell silent again.

"What do you want to do today?" Duo asked suddenly, earning him a raised eyebrow.

"We're not just going to talk about the woes of the world, you mean?"

"Maybe mine, but I thought we could do lunch or something, so you don't feel like you're babysitting, or a therapist."

"I said I'd care in the morning," Trowa replied. "You can talk, if you need to talk. I'll listen. I owe you that much after last night."

"Thank you," Duo said slowly, a little surprised, "but I don't think I'm quite ready to open up that can of worms. Maybe later, when you're feeling safe and don't think I'll start whining."

"Duo, I'll always expect whining. Don't kid yourself." The rest of the morning passed much like this, with strange banter and a new friendliness that left both men comfortable and at ease.

"Wufei hated me," Duo laughed, sprawled once again on the pull-out after lunch. "I think he thought I didn't take anything seriously. Man, did that rub him the wrong way."

"And I'm so sure you didn't play into that assumption with every ounce of energy you had," replied Trowa, sitting cross-legged beside Duo. "Pissing Wufei off was what really got you through, wasn't it?"

"Am I that transparent?"

"Your cunning and evil are windows into a very twisted soul," Trowa said, feigning devastation.

"That bad, huh?"

"Not at all, but I figured you might appreciate the sentiment." Duo could only shake his head and smile. He was discovering that when he wasn't saying nasty things or threatening abandonment, Trowa was actually a very interesting and pleasant guy.

"I do, thanks." Silence, again; however, this silence was companionable and easy to linger in, like the steam after a soothing shower.

"You're not going to reveal any of your demons to me any time soon, are you?" Trowa asked quietly, seriously.

"Wasn't planning on it, no."

"Why not?" Trowa said, none too confused.

"Because you're here to listen to me, then you'll leave."

"You don't want me to leave now?"

"Quit with the interrogation, man," Duo laughed. "Your company, while unbearably unpleasant at times, has grown on me."

"Like mold."

"Yeah, exactly. I wouldn't mind you sticking around a few more days."

"I could use the break from Catherine," Trowa mused. "I'll stay. But you're going to eventually break down and voice all the horrors of your life. That much I'm sure of."

"Oh, don't you worry, Trowa my friend. You're still in for an earful."

"I can't wait."