Author's comments: My problem is that I don't have Beast's Obsession DVR'd (I did, but it's been erased somehow), but I didn't want to miss any details, so I bought the episode last night and watched it again. And then I realized that I already missed a few details, like the fact that he handcuffed one hand to the table and tied the other with a rope (oh well), and he had her legs duct-taped to the table as well. But I haven't heard any complaints so far, so I guess nobody noticed.

Trouble

In the screen shot that caught Elliot's attention on Nick's computer monitor, Olivia looked annoyed, her hand partially blocking her face while she brushed back a chunk of hair. It was one of the few pictures he had seen of her, because she avoided having them taken, saying she feared that the camera might catch a glimpse into her soul. In this one, her hair was shorter, and although he had seen her various styles over the years, somehow this time it was as if she was Samson, giving away her power along with the chopped off locks.

All these years, he had avoided her, telling himself that she didn't want to see him because of the distance he had created after leaving SVU and New York, and he had even convinced himself that he was done with her too. But oh, what tangled webs he had weaved—especially when he had deceived himself into thinking that he didn't love her, at least not in that way.

And so, he had conveniently dropped her from his thoughts, the best he could, anyway, and moved on with his life, working as a corrections officer in a prison near L.A. But after Kathy left him for good, complaining because he immersed himself into his work sixty to seventy hours a week, he began to remember. And the remembering became painful once the distractions of a marriage no longer took up space in his life.

But that made him work even harder—trying to forget Kathy and Olivia, spending every waking moment at the prison, hoping that no time for reflection would seep through. And he had succeeded at keeping Liv out of his mind, until he saw her on the news. The image of her sober confession had trickled all the way across the nation, until it made it to his television set, and he just about dropped his beer when he saw her standing there, in uniform, talking about events he knew nothing about.

Of course he had to search for answers. But he couldn't just pick up the phone and call her after all these years—or worse, fly out there on the spur of the moment and just show up at her doorstep like a homeless dog. She may not even want to talk to him.

So instead, he called someone else who might be a little more receptive.

"Fin," he said into the phone.

"El?" Fin's voice radiated disbelief. "I didn't recognize the number you're calling from. Where you at?"

"Hey, man. I'm in L.A."

"What the heck you doin' out there, bro?"

"Nevermind all that. Long story. I just saw Olivia's statement on the news."

Elliot's stomach dropped as Fin began to tell him the events that took place once William Lewis entered Olivia's life. "And then she just called, four days later," Fin continued. "She was pretty beaten up—her face was all dinged up from being cold-cocked with a gun, and he burned her with cigarettes. Pretty brutal. Not only that, but he also made her watch as he raped and killed a bunch of people."

"Oh my God," said Elliot, fists clenched, and he felt like he might throw up at the thought of what Lewis had done to her. "How did she get away?"

"Well, that's where we get the conflicting stories—his version and hers."

"He's lying, of course," Elliot said, trying to keep his voice in check as he felt the anger rising into his face.

Fin told him every detail of the trial, and then everything that had happened the past few days after Lewis escaped, and that Olivia and some stand-in sergeant were looking for Lewis right now. It sickened Elliot to think that she had gone through all this alone—although he guessed Brian had been there for her through parts of it. He didn't know whether to be grateful or jealous, but it didn't matter now, because Cassidy was out of the picture.

"I'm coming out there," he said.

"To do what? You're not a detective anymore, not much you can do to help."

"At least I could be there for moral support," said Elliot, his mind already made up, even though he might end up right back on a plane home, depending on how Olivia received him. Or whether she would even talk to him at all. "But Fin," he said, "don't tell Liv. She might try to talk me out of it."

Elliot had caught a flight only two hours after the conversation with Fin, but by the time he marched into the squad room, Liv had slipped away from her protective detail. The news sent Elliot into a flurry of mental activity, wondering where she had gone to get Lewis (because he knew that's what she was doing) and how much danger she was in. If this guy was half as crazy as they all said he was, Elliot wondered if he had come too late, if he had missed his chance to see her before she met some horrible fate.

But he couldn't obsess about that—he knew Liv was smart too, and he had to hope and trust that she knew what she was doing. So he waited by his old desk, now Nick's, and stared at her picture, waiting for some word. He sighed and looked down at his hands. If only he was able to contribute to the search in a more meaningful way, but he didn't have access to the databases or files anymore.

"Coffee?"

Elliot looked up to find Nick standing over him with a steaming cup in his outstretched hand.

"Yeah," said Elliot quietly, taking it from him.

Nick sat down at his desk. "You know, Olivia's told me a lot about you. She'll be happy to see you."

'If we find her,' thought Elliot. "Thanks," he said to Nick. "I'm not so sure though, the way I just took off without even saying goodbye."

Nick shook his head and looked down at some papers on his desk. "Oh, I don't know. Time makes people more forgiving. And I know she's never forgotten about you."

Elliot thought he sensed something in that last statement, a bit of wistful mourning over something that Nick couldn't have, perhaps. His thoughts were interrupted when Sergeant Murphy burst out of his office. "They traced Olivia's cell phone. Let's go."

But when Elliot got up to go with them, Murphy stood in his way. "No, sir. We can't have any civilians along, even if you are an ex-cop. Too risky."

Elliot puffed out his chest and stood too close to the man. "I'm not just an ex-cop, I was her partner for twelve years."

Nick intervened. "Murphy, he's got a point, he may be able give some insights into her thought processes. He can ride with me."

Murphy's eyebrows lowered, but he said, "I don't have time to argue right now." Pointing a finger in Elliot's face, he said, "Just stay out of the way, and no grandstanding."

"Yes, sir," said Elliot, picking up his jacket, in which he had concealed his old service revolver.