Thanks guys for reading and reviewing! Here's the new chapter. Hope you'll like :) It's getting a little dramatic lol.
The door of Lanie Parish's appartment opened in a crash. The way back in the taxi had passed in dead silence between her and Kate. Sometimes, Kate could hear Lanie sniffing quietly in the car. But once she was back at home, the M.E looked way angrier than sad.
After throwing her bag and cloak on the couch, Lanie turned to Kate, tears dripping on her face.
"I hate that jerk, you have no idea how much ..." she sniffed with a trembling voice full of rage and frustration. The sadness in her eyes usually so bright was breaking Kate's heart. She approached Lanie slowly.
« Lanie…I'm sorry for saying this, but….you guys broke up. She said, very softly, as she didn't want Lanie to get mad again. But Lanie didn't care about her soft voice, and gave her a surprised look.
« So you're taking his side, now ?! » she barked.
« Of course I'm not…But things have been so confused between you lately…I'm just saying, maybe Javier is confused too… »
Lanie ran her fingers under her eyes to wipe away her latest tears and sniffed loudly.
"Confused, please... He didn't look confused at all, when he was flirting with that...Asiatic bitch."
Kate's eyes widened.
"Lanie, don't be unfair. She didn't do anything to be insulted like that, and you know it."
Lanie bit her lips and didn't answer anything.
"You should talk to Esposito." Kate added. "He's not a jerk and you know it…otherwise you wouldn't be crying right now… Am I right?"
Lanie rolled her eyes and sniffled again.
"Please…I'm not crying…Besides you talk like I'm still in love with him..."
Kate arched an eyebrow and kept looking at Lanie. When she realized Kate was still eying her, Lanie looked up and rolled her eyes again.
"Okay…maybe I am…a little."
Kate's eyes widened again.
"A little? Girl, you're still crazy about him."
Lanie sighed and shook her head.
"I don't wanna talk about this. Actually…I don't wanna talk at all. I had a tough day and I'm tired…So I appreciate you're here, but, I really want to be alone right now."
Kate shook her head.
"I'm not leaving you like that…you're so upset, and…" she started, but Lanie didn't let her finish and touched Kate's arm.
"Girl, don't worry about me…I'm fine...I'm just tired. All I'm gonna do is take a hot bath and go to bed."
"You sure?"
"Yes."
Kate stared at her friend, and although slightly annoyed, eventually accepted her decision. Anyway, she knew it would be hard to change Lanie Parish's decision. Without a word, Kate leaned over and hugged her tenderly.
"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" she whispered, while stroking Lanie's black long hair.
« Okay. »
« And stop crying », Kate added just before kissing Lanie's cheek. The beautiful M.E laughed and nodded.
Kate smiled one last time at her friend, then left her apartment.
By walking in the hallway, head down, and dreamy, Kate didn't even notice the silhouette who was walking just in front of her, in the opposite direction.
"Beckett? "
Kate looked up. None other than Javier Esposito.
« You again ? » She glared at him, stopping in front of him in the middle of the hallway.
"Gotta talk to Lanie."
Kate sighed and slowly shook her head.
"Espo…I don't think it's a good idea…She asked me to leave because she didn't wanna talk."
« Well maybe she didn't wanna talk to YOU, but I know she will agree to talk to me. » he retorted.
« Hey ! » she reacted, patting his arm.
« How is she ? »
« Let's say you're lucky she's not having her autopsy tools with her… » she joked.
Esposito smiled.
« Well, she's still having knives in her kitchen… » he added, still smiling.
Kate slightly smiled and rolled her eyes.
« Fine. Go talk to her. But if you hurt her again… »
« I know », he stopped her, « you'll kick my ass, break my legs, and so on…and you have no idea how scaaared I am right now. » he mocked her with a smile, as he started walking again.
Kate turned and watched him with a glare, but couldn't help and smile herself. Inside, she truly hoped things would get better beween them.
When she heard a knock at her door, Lanie Parish was sure of it, Kate Beckett had forgotten something. She left the bathroom and walked to the front door of her appartment. Most likely, Kate had forgotten her umbrella, though, after looking around, the M.E hadn't find it.
« Coming, Kate ! » she said, as she almost reached her hallway.
When she opened the door, she couldn't believe who was standing in front of her, as her heart skipped a beat. That person wasn't Kate at all.
Her mouth opened in surprise as her eyes widened.
« What are you doing here. » she barked after a few seconds, without even looking at him.
« Can I come in ? » he softly asked.
« No. » she quickly answered, looking up at him.
Javier rolled his eyes.
« Lanie, please. Won't be long. »
He put his massive hand on the doorknob and Lanie knew that he could easily push the door, to enter her apartment ... But he didn't, and wouldn't. He had too much respect and kindness and that' what attracted her the most at first, in addition, of course, to his dazzling eyes and smile.
A few seconds later, Lanie sighed and stepped away from the door to let him enter.
"Thanks."
He had already made a few steps in the living room when she closed the door behind them.
Watching her approaching him, Javier noticed she had taken the time to change her clothes, and was now wearing black leggings and a blue sweater, the one she particularly loved to sleep comfortably. But she hadn't removed her makeup yet, probably due to lack of time. While he was gazing hungrily at her, Lanie stood in front of him and folded her arms. She knew the way he looked at her by heart, and suspected that if they were still together, he would have jumped on her and hungrily kissed her already. Lanie softly shook her head and tried to chase the nice memories from her mind, as she started speaking.
« Okay, I'm listening. »
« You cried ? » he asked, as he noticed the redness under her eyes.
« Allergy to my makeup. »
He smiled.
« You always use hypoallergenic stuff."
« Why are you here ?! »
He was already getting on her nerves.
« To listen to you. » he answered. « I'm not the one having some explaining to do, Lanie…you are. »
She arched her eyebrows.
« Excuse me ? »
« You dumped me and acted like you didn't want to be with me anymore for months…Remember ? Then tonight you make a scene when you see me with a girl in a restaurant, while knowing we are not exclusive anymore? Sorry but I'm lost here. »
« You're right. » she started, biting her lower lip. « I shouldn't have said that... Now that things are clear, you can go. »
« Wow, Lanie, Stop ! » he laughed, raising a hand.
« This is way too easy. »
« Okay, what do you wanna hear, Javi ? That I was jealous ?! Well, you know what ? I WAS Jealous. Happy, now ? » she barked again. But her cold and angry tone didn't upset him. He just shrugged, still very calm.
« Well if you really were, that's a start. »
« What do you mean it's a start. » she sighed. He was so irritating tonight.
« I'm saying, that maybe, we can start having a conversation..People aren't jealous if there isn't any reason to be, Lanie… » he softly added. But Lanie was so upset at the moment, she could have slapped him.
« Okay, stop it. » she retorted as she started walking in her living room to calm her down.
« Now leave me alone. Go find your Michelle Yeoh Date and just…forget me. »
Javier couldn't help but started laughing.
"Wait…She doesn't look like Michelle Yeoh at all." He smiled.
"Wasn't my point." she sighed.
"Just saying." He shrugged.
"Please, Javier…Go find your girlfriend and…just go, I'm tired."
"Told you, she's not my girlfriend."
"Your future girlfriend, then."
"Nope." He shook his head again. "Actually, we talked a lot and she saw that I wasn't really…free. That I had someone else in mind. She's a smart girl you know."
"Good for her." Lanie mocked.
It was crazy how cold she could be sometimes... but weirdly, she always had attracted him when she was angry like that.
"Yep…And if you wanna know…"
"I don't wanna know..."
"We talked a lot about the girl I have in mind…We talked a lot about you", Javier finished, ignoring her, and after a few seconds, she looked up at him. Her eyes were softer now, and the way he was looking at her almost made her melt like hot chocolate.
After a few seconds of staring at each other, Lanie started talking again, trembling.
"Javi…" she started, but Esposito approached her and didn't let her finish.
"You know how I feel about you, Lanie. How I still feel about you." He whispered, and she had to close her eyes not to start crying. She was so angry, and upset, and tired, and he was there now, talking to her with his softest voice…Now she was completely lost, too.
Trying not to look at him, Lanie silently prayed for him to stop there. But he didn't. And after stepping closer, he started to gently caress her cheek. Lanie turned her head a little, trying to avoid it, but the soft touch of his thumb stopped her. His face was so close, now, that she could feel him breathing as he was invading her personal space.
"Lanie, look at me." Javier whispered, still touching her cheek.
As she didn't, Esposito came closer and started breathing in her ear.
"You know I'm still crazy about you…" he whispered, and every single part of Lanie's body shivered.
"Javi, please, stop…" she muttered.
"I don't wanna stop."
« You and I…it was a bad idea anyway… » she had, with a broken voice.
Esposito looked up at her and frowned.
« What the hell ? Okay, maybe it wasn't supposed to last when we started it, and we were just havin' a good time…but you know just like me, that it's way bigger than that now. We were good together, Lanie…and you know it. »
« I don't know.. » she stammered, still looking away from him. Now, she was doubting.
« Of course you do. » he whispered back, now caressing her chin with his soft yet powerful fingers.
« You know you'd never stayed that long with me, if you didn't have feelings for me too. Why is it so hard to admit it ? »
« Javi, shut up please… » she whispered as she put her hand on his torso, to fight him off. But she couldn't.
« Just…don't ask me why. » she added, with an almost silent voice, still her hand on his chest.
« You know I'm right… » he breathed again, approaching his face so much that he was now brushing her nose.
But before his lips brushed hers, Lanie stepped back.
« You say you still love me…and that's why Kate told me you were drooling in front of that girl since you started the case? » she started getting angry again, and totally surprised Esposito with her cold tone, since they were almost about to kiss. Javier frowned and stepped back too, removing his hand from her cheek.
« Not gonna lie to you, Lane…She's a gorgeous and smart girl…And you kept pushing me away for weeks…I'm human, you know… »
"No kidding. "Lanie laughed, pushing him with her hand more forcefully this time. She moved away from him, annoyed by his explanations, which wasn't Esposito's goal, as he only wanted to be honest with her, and fix things. Now Lanie was pacing in her living room to try to calm down a little.
« Did you sleep with her ? » she abruptly asked a few seconds later, turning to him
« Lanie, I told you we're not together. » he sighed, starting to get irritated with their conversation.
« Well…there's no need to officially be with someone or even have strong feelings, to have sex. »
« Oh yeah, you mean like us since you dumped me, right ?! » He was so hurted that Lanie didn't actually care that much about their relationship.
« I didn't say that. » she shook her head.
« Yeah, but you meant it and it's worst… anyway I didn't sleep with Scarlet. »
« Just because you didn't have enough time to do it, right ? What if Kate and I didn't interrupted your date? »
Javier rolled his eyes, in a deep sigh.
« Okay, honestly ? Yes, I could have slept with her tonight…But damn, Lanie ! Why do you even care ?! » he was starting to yell now, and Lanie could feel a shiver running her spine. She wasn't used to hear him yelling like that, not even the night they broke up.
« Don't you listen to me ? I'm here tonight to tell you that I don't care about this girl, and that for two years now, I only want you…but you don't care and keep telling me that you don't want to have anything serious with me, and when I TRY to forget you with someone else, you make a scene and yell at me like I did something wrong ? It's starting to get incredibly ridiculous now… » he laughed, bitterly.
« If it's THAT ridiculous why are you even here ?! I didn't ask you to come. » she barked, irritated.
He bitterly laughed again.
« Seriously…You're not tired to always push me away with stupid reasons ?! »
« Stupid reasons ?! » she repeated as her eyes widened.
« Hell yes. If we are here today, it is only because of you."He added, still cold and frustrated, pointing an accusing finger at her. Shocked, Lanie opened her mouth, but no sound came out.
« Okay, go away. » she finally added, folding her arms again, and not looking at him.
"What do you think, Lanie...That I'll watch you throwing me away like that again for years? Letting you using me for a night from time to time when you want some good time, and sweeping me of your life without explanation the next day, when it suits you? Gonna be honest, at first I thought I could handle it, because all I wanted was to keep being with you no matter what.. I loved you too much to imagine and accept that we were dead... And when you more or less suggested we could continue to see eacher other from time to time after we broke up, you have no idea how happy you made me... But now I can't do it anymore. Because it's clear that you don't want my love and this situation is destructive to me. » He concluded in a hoarse voice.
Silence fell again for almost a minute. Lanie had lowered her head and eyes, and couldn't move, as if frozen by his words.
As she wasn't answering anything, and as he was sadder than angry, Javier, who was devouring her with his eyes, sighed, and took a step toward her.
« Baby… »
« Leave me. Please. » she cut him off with a trembling voice, still without looking at him. She just couldn't. Not after all he told her. She wouldn't show it, but his words had broken her heart. Actually, she was angry at herself for being able to hurt him like that, and having treated him so badly because clearly, Javier Esposito didn't deserve this. Far from it.
Esposito stared at her a few seconds, gutted that she was actually, still pushing him away. After all he had said. After opening his heart like that. She just asked him to go without further explanation as he had unveiled his most intimate feelings.
With a latest sigh, he finally nodded.
« As you wish. » Hesurrendered. He took a few steps across the room, then stopped halfway and turned to her.
"But if I go, I just wanna make clear, that I won't go back. Never."
Lanie looked up at him after these words, a little surprised, and Javier could now distinguish fresh tears in her eyes. He looked at her with such intensity that a shudder ran through her spine, and she had to stop herself not to run to him and throw herself into his arms.
"I won't come back, because there's nothing to come back too." He added. "I won't, because I get to the end, Lanie. From what I can endure with you. I can sleep with you, but not BE with you…just like before. And I don't know why you decided to screw up our relationship like that, and I guess I'll never know…but since you don't want things to get fixed between us, I think it should stop for good ... " He explained, unwillingly.
Her desire to burst into tears burned her throat, but Lanie remained neutral and stoic.
"So to make things clear, if we put an end to…what we have, we'll never see each other again ... outside of work, I mean. It's already hard enough to forget you. "He confessed in a loss of voice.
Lanie was silent, stunned by his speech. As she kept being silent after a few seconds, Javier understood he had nothing more to expect from her, and without another word, but with a deep sigh of deception, Detective Esposito disappeared from her apartment. The door slammed and Lanie felt her heart drop. Without any strength, she slowly sank into the couch, pain clenching on her face. Other hot tears were soon to hit her cheeks, and Lanie completely fell on the couch, laying a trembling hand over her mouth to try to hide her moans.
TBC
Nawww, broke my heart lol. Can't believe I wrote something like that..Poor Javi! Anyway, next and final chapter to come soon...Will Lanie change her mind?