II.
Felicity Smoak started working for Queen Consolidated three years after Oliver Queen went missing on the Gambit.
Returning to Starling City came with equal amounts of excitement and trepidation. She looked forward to catching up with the city and people she left behind, finding out exactly how much had changed in eleven years, but there were things—missing things—she was absolutely terrified of returning to.
But she did what she'd done her whole life: faced her fears head on.
Packed her bags and moved. Went about the whole thing sensibly. Tried not thinking about everything she was returning to that was no longer there.
Like blue-eyed boys on backyard swings with summer smiles.
Throughout the years she'd kept up with the tabloids. Learned that the Oliver she knew wasn't who he became without her. But she wasn't all the same, either, made from the same stuff she was born with, but with added years and experiences that made her something more. And that was why she never moralized over what she read about Oliver's life after her; she accepted they turned into different people over time.
A long time.
She had gone back to Starling City once.
For his funeral.
Standing at the back of the crowd, she watched his mother and sister bury their son and brother. After the procession was over, Felicity wanted to go up and say something to them, but so many people swarmed up to them, people who know them better, had known them longer. And she…
Felicity hadn't seen Oliver for six years. Known him when they were both younger and different people.
So instead she remained at the back, waiting until the crowd was gone, until she was left alone with the tombstone belonging to her childhood's best friend.
"Hey, you," she said bittersweetly.
In her mind she heard his comeback, a voice through time.
"Told you it wasn't goodbye. I know you're not here… but I like to think you can hear me, anyway."
The wind did not move the trees and the birds were silent; everything around her was peaceful. She cried at the procession, but now a strange calm had found her and the words were easy to speak. She thought of the missing years between them, how different their lives had been, what she would have said to the 'Hard Partying Billionaire Playboy' now.
But all she could think of was a boy with blue eyes and the sweetest smile she'd ever seen.
"I wasn't here," she said calmly. "I don't know the choices you were faced with. So, no judging. But if I could change something?" Her voice dropped. "I wish I had come back. I wish I could have seen you, before you tried going to college… any of the times, really. And that's on me. Not coming back, not seeing you again—that's my mistake. I like to think that, if I were here… maybe I could have helped you find another way." Her breath shuddered out of her. "But we all make choices. I guess I have to live with mine. I only wish you still had ones to live for, too."
Felicity knelt beside the tombstone, the words on it from now on entrenched in her mental catacombs. The wind gently stroked her face, and for a moment she closed her eyes, pretending she wasn't alone. That the whispering wind was the presence of someone she knew.
"I'm sorry it took me this long to come back, Oliver." She blinked back the sting of tears. "Hey. Maybe we'll see each other in another life. I'll be the girl missing a green marble and you'll be the boy holding one. Look for me in that life, Oliver. I'll meet you there."
She touched the green marble in her coat pocket. She had planned to lay it down, bury it in the earth next to his stone, but… she couldn't bring herself to do it.
One last piece of what they were she couldn't let go of.
Instead, Felicity swept her hand across the tombstone, stood, looked back once but no more and walked away.
When she returned to Cambridge, Felicity thought she had left Starling City for good. But then she graduated, a year early with honors, and going over the job offers she received going back to Starling City felt right. It all boiled down to making a sensible decision; Queen Consolidated's offer really was the best.
So she accepted, packed her bags and kept looking forward.
She quickly found a place in the IT Department. In a few months she was already taking on tasks her colleagues worked on for years, helped develop a new accounting information software, picking up her supervisor's slack on the side. Found an affordable townhouse that made her heart hum the first time she stepped into it, went out for drinks every now and then with a small group of friends from the office.
She worked hard, tried establishing a life outside work all the while pressing back the stubborn feeling life could be something more.
Felicity went on living her life the way she planned since the day she discovered the limit of forever and the eternal strength of goodbyes.
Back in high school, Tommy had a hard time watching how Felicity leaving affected Oliver. When he saw how sad Oliver was after she left, still sad, weeks after, he finally couldn't take it anymore.
At the end of a school day, Tommy wrapped his arm around Oliver's shoulders.
"Buddy, listen to me. If you keep this up your shoulders are going to stick like that. Sagged down like an old man. And that frown of yours? Not going to help you get laid." He smiled widely. "Though, on one hand, it leaves all the more ladies for me…"
"The fact I'm not listening is a direct consequence of the bullshit you're spewing, Tommy." Oliver passed around the hallway corner to the school's exit, an old wooden entrance set between marble walls.
"My point is…" Tommy jogged after him, stopping him with a hand to his shoulder. "I have an idea. You've been moping around way too long, but, lucky for you, I got just the remedy." The smile returned. "Friday night, party at Spencer's. You, me, tons of free alcohol and a bunch of pretty girls who know what your last name means in this city. What do you say?"
Oliver stood very still. He watched people pass them in and out the school entrance. Ever since Felicity left, he'd felt disconnected from the world everyone else seemed to move in, the world where hearts ached and friends left and everything else went on as before.
And maybe that was it. The other people, the happy ones… they made a choice to let life continue. To carry on.
And maybe what he needed was something new to take his mind off what he'd lost.
He took a deep breath and said, "Okay."
Tommy beamed. "Okay?"
Oliver nodded. Tommy slammed him twice on the chest, shouting his excitement out in a woo! that had three girls jumping back. He brought that smile with them as he pulled Oliver out the door, unable to shut up about how awesome this would be, how it was just what Oliver needed, that they'd have the time of their lives. The world was theirs for the taking; all they had to do was grab their slice.
So Oliver followed Tommy into a world that welcomed the young, handsome son of a billionaire with open arms.
Oliver met Laurel Lance at a high school party.
Sitting in a couch, surrounded by friends more into the rowdy conversation than her, she caught his eye ten minutes into the party. He recognized her from previous parties, in the way you know someone's name and who they hang out with, without actually knowing anything about the person. He did know she was striking, the kind of girl who didn't need to adorn herself to stand out in a room. He still remembered being fascinated by the way, when she opened her mouth to say something, everyone listened. He'd seen that quality in his Mother, the kind of intrinsic authority that didn't need to raise its voice to be heard.
He swept up to her when some of her friends went to grab more to drink. "I'm sorry… I just had to come up here and tell you what a gorgeous smile you have."
Laurel smiled, letting out a breath. "Are you serious? That's your come-on line?"
"Yeah…" Insecurity swept into Oliver, tying his stomach in knots.
(He would come to feel that way around her a lot, through the years, but at first meet brushed it up to not being used to high school girls not going along with, well, whatever he said.)
"But, you do," he added insistently.
"I do what?"
"Have a gorgeous smile."
Laurel stood from the couch, shaking her head. The only thing telling Oliver he wasn't heading for a straight nosedive was the way the corner of Laurel's lips kept pulling up.
"Listen," she said, "this is really not my scene. I'm only here because the person who is throwing this party's in my study group."
"So you're saying parties aren't your typical scene."
Laurel scoffed. "Most certainly not."
"So how about you let me buy you dinner instead?" Oliver put on one of his best charming smiles. "I promise, no party people present."
"Except, you will be there."
Oliver smiled. "Is that a no?"
Laurel looked at him for several seconds, eyes sparkling, before she eventually softened.
"How about lunch," she suggested. "The day after tomorrow. How about the bistro on the corner of 21st and 7th?"
"Alright," Oliver nodded. "Lunch."
One of Laurel's friends came up to her, pulling her along with her out onto the patio. Oliver watched her go, liking what he saw. She didn't act or talk like a high school girl and there was something very appealing about that.
He kept watching her talk to her friends outside, until Tommy crashed into him and pulled him over to a beer pong contest.
Laurel and Oliver fell into a relationship. Lunch lead to dinner, dinner lead to discovering each other, including finding out early on they were both good kissers. They explored that, in and out of dorm rooms, couches, beds. Laurel was the first girl Oliver brought home. Moira approved of her, saying Laurel was just the kind of girl Oliver needed. And for a long time, Oliver made himself believe that was true.
But when Laurel began college, things changed.
Oliver enjoyed partying more than studying. He also enjoyed partying more than spending time with his girlfriend, so when, after he showed up at her door in the middle of the night for the umpteenth time—clawing his way into her bathroom only to spew his guts out—Laurel broke up with him.
They went through this pattern. A lot.
They broke up, he begged her to forgive him, telling her this time he'd change. They would get back together, but it was never long before he screwed up again, and again they fought, got back together…
But during one of their break ups, something happened that would come to change the way they broke up and got back together definitely.
Laurel was at the local college bar with her study-group.
At the same bar was Tommy.
At the end of the night, Tommy offered to drive Laurel home and she could think of no reason to say no. He followed her to the door and Laurel invited him in. They talked about Laurel's studies, Tommy told her about his latest argument with his father, and, without thinking, and because it made sense, they moved into each other's arms. Into each other's embrace, Laurel's bed…
Tommy returned to Laurel's dorm the day after, to apologize. They talked, she offered him a glass of wine and it wasn't long before wine lead to something else, something more.
They ended up together again, kept ending up together, for weeks turning into months.
Oliver's reaction when he found out was less loaded than what either Laurel or Tommy anticipated.
He looked between the two, armed to defend themselves against the verbal breakout they anticipated. But he gave them no such thing. Instead, he pressed his lips together, nodded once, and looked anywhere but at them.
"Okay," he said.
Laurel and Tommy looked at each other worriedly. That was not how either had expected it to go. Both watched Oliver smile and ask them if they felt like burgers or sushi, and exchanged a look before eventually following him out into the awaiting car.
It wasn't that Oliver didn't care. He would care.
But in that moment he was distracted by something else.
His mother had put an ultimatum on him the day before. He barely remembered what started their argument, all he knew was it ended with her demanding that he either applied to one or all of the colleges she'd printed out forms for, or he started shadowing his father at work. If he refused either, he could find somewhere else to live.
So the realization that his ex-girlfriend was now hooking up with his best friend didn't fully hit him until the evening.
In a bar, downtown Starling City, surrounded by a group of eager young women and the world at his disposal, Oliver fished his phone out of his pocket to call and ask Tommy where the hell he was, when it hit him.
He probably was with Laurel.
Watching a movie, eating dinner somewhere, whatever it was boy and girlfriends did. Or, something else, he most definitely did not want to be thinking about…
His best friend and ex-girlfriend. Ouch.
Oliver spent the rest of that night in an alcohol-induced haze. He wouldn't remember much, save for not waking up alone, in a hotel room where half the furniture had been turned upside down during the night, with wind drifting in through a hole in the window the TV had been thrown out of hours before, a banging headache to match.
It still hurt less than picturing Tommy and Laurel together.
Oliver tried closing his mind's eye as he got into the shower to rinse the night's activities from his body, but in trying to empty his mind from the present the past started seeping through.
In his mind's canvas a particular pair of blue eyes drifted through time and memory.
His heart ached.
He wondered what Felicity was up to.
Oliver opened in his eyes under the running hot water, placing both hands on the wall in front of him. He knew, even with the distance of years between them, that Felicity would have told him not to be angry at Tommy and Laurel. She would have told him to be understanding of people finding pieces of themselves in others, and not to blame them.
He clenched his fist. He wanted to see her so badly; he could taste it. It had been years, he didn't even have her number anymore… but there were other ways of seeing her.
That evening he apprehended his mother after supper by asking if he could borrow the family plane.
Moira stopped, looking at her son sternly. "Where on earth are you going?"
"I need to go to Las Vegas."
He didn't realize how it sounded until the words left his mouth. Scrambling, he intended to elucidate, but his mother held up a hand, dismissing him.
"No, Oliver. I am not allowing you to take the family plane to… entertain yourself with a weekend of fun in Las Vegas. Absolutely not."
Moira started walking away, but Oliver jogged after her.
"Mom, it's not what you think, I swear. I—"
Moira stopped in the hallway. "You know what I think, Oliver? I think it would do you well to remember the conversation we had in this very house. You need to think of your future—your career. It's time you found your place in this world." Moira's eyes were firm, her expression set. "I told you, I'm giving you two months to figure out what college you want to apply to. Considering everything that is quite generous of me."
"Mom, I…"
"This discussion is over. Two months, Oliver. Then I want the application on my desk. Or you can find somewhere else to live—and a new way of supporting yourself."
Oliver remained in the hallway, watching his mother walk away, experiencing the familiar feeling of his world changing again.
Oliver never went to Las Vegas. He stayed in Starling City, continued to go out drinking at night, meeting Tommy when he could, hooking up with the occasional girl when he felt like it. Distractions were easy to come by.
As the end of those two months drew near, Oliver discovered his father was going on a business trip to China. Oliver asked if he could go with him, and at first Robert was hesitant to say yes given the clandestine reason for the trip. But when Oliver told him he wanted to learn more about the family business, Robert finally agreed.
The day they were set to take off on the Queen's Gambit, Laurel came to see Oliver.
She found him down in the harbor, with the midday sun a glorious blinding light in the sky. Oliver was lifting things from their car onto the yacht when he spotted Laurel walking up to the car, walking elegance wrapped in a beige coat and a timid smile.
"Hi, Oliver," she greeted, approaching him.
"Hey." Oliver put down the suitcase and looked around. "Where's Tommy?"
"As unlikely as it sounds, Tommy's on a trip with his father. Actually… he's what I've come here to talk to you about."
"Alright," Oliver chuckled briefly, leaning his elbows on the hood of his father's car.
Laurel drew in a deep breath and squared her shoulders. The light in her eyes was clear and steady.
"Ollie, I love Tommy. He's kind, he's good… and I like who I am when I'm with him. And, I… I want us to be together for a long time. I see a life for us together after I've finished law school."
Oliver nodded. "That's great. I'm happy for you. But I don't see why you came here to announce this to me…?"
Truth was, Oliver didn't know how he felt about it, but he knew how to put his game face on.
Laurel shifted. "Because you and I have history. And I want to make sure we're both on the clear that what happened between us in school, and after, is that. History."
Oliver's expression settled into something detached and firm. "I appreciate you coming here Laurel, but. Yeah. I'm definitely on the clear on that."
"Good." Laurel swept a look past him, to the boastful yacht. "Are you going somewhere?"
"Yeah. Tommy's not the only one going with his dad on a business trip." Oliver took a deep breath of briny harbor air, trying to ease the tension out of his body.
Laurel squinted a little. "Tommy's in Tibet right now. Malcolm brought him along for some kind of business. I know it's out of the ordinary—Tommy and business—but Malcolm threatened to cut him off completely if he didn't come with him and at least tried."
"Sounds like his and my parents are in cahoots," Oliver said dejectedly.
A short moment passed. Oliver looked past his shoulder, out to the harbor water where sunlight cast glittering specks of light on the water surface.
He turned to Laurel. "Hey. You want to catch a ride with us?"
"What?" she uttered in a short breath. "Are you serious?"
"Absolutely."
Laurel's lips pressed into a line. "Ollie, I'm not sure that's such a good idea…"
"Come on. We're going to China anyway. It's what, two countries away? Look, I'm sure my dad could help us charter a plane. We could both fly in and surprise Tommy, then I'll fly back and rejoin my dad before he leaves China. You and Tommy might get to do a day of Tibetan sightseeing." Oliver smiled easily. "We both know Tommy loves surprises. Aren't you on summer break, anyway?"
"I am, but my internship starts in four weeks and I have a lot to prepare…"
"Laurel, if I ever knew anything about you, everything you need to prepare is already prepared. You can come with me and my dad, surprise Tommy and be back in time to start your internship."
Behind them on the yacht, Robert came up on deck. He shielded his eyes with a hand and then waved to Laurel, who waved back. Oliver turned.
"Look," Oliver said to Laurel. "We're leaving in an hour, so either come with me or… forever hold your peace."
"That's marriage, Oliver. Not practice of law."
"Yeah," Oliver said, shaking his head. "Not that different if you ask me."
Laurel hesitated. She bit her lower lip, the way Oliver recognized her doing when he had made her one of his many, many suggestions to do something else that didn't involve them studying. Finally she nodded.
"Alright. But I'm only doing this to see Tommy. Are we clear on that?"
"Crystal."
Laurel got into her car. Oliver remained at the edge of the dock, white sunlight silhouetting him from behind.
Robert came up on his son's right after Laurel drove away.
"I thought you two had broken up," Robert said.
"We did," Oliver nodded.
Robert observed his son a moment, before laying his hand on his shoulder. "Be careful, Oliver."
"Always am, Dad."
Robert only snorted in reply before heading onto what would be the last voyage of the Queen's Gambit.
Oliver remembered the Gambit going under in fragments.
He remembered reaching for Laurel's hand, watching her get sucked into the wild water and wondering if he could go after her, if he could find her, save her…
He remembered the sound of water hitting the boat and how, even though everything was so damned loud, he could still hear his heartbeat slamming between his ears.
He remembered cold water, how he couldn't feel his fingertips.
He remembered fear.
The fragmented pieces put together formed the nightmare that changed Oliver's life forever.
Felicity ran into Tommy a couple of times after moving back to Starling City.
The first time was at a coffee shop two blocks away from QC, the same coffee shop Felicity liked getting her coffee from on her way to work. Huddled in the corner with his arm around a long-legged beauty, Felicity probably wouldn't have seen him if he hadn't come up to her.
"Felicity Smoak? I'll be damned. Is that you?"
She recognized him immediately. Tommy didn't look that different now, only more adult; a boy grown into his body. He still had the same early-morning bags beneath his eyes as he did when they were teens. Considering the time and the girl he was with, Felicity figured he probably hadn't slept yet.
"Hey, Tommy," Felicity smiled, standing to the side of the line with her coffee.
"Wow, I haven't seen you since… what, senior year?"
"Junior, actually. You and Oliver were juniors, I was a freshman."
"Oh, right. Still sharp as a stick. And still pretty, too."
He looked her up and down, but in a disarming way, a look that says you were never my girl but I can still appreciate what I see. Felicity didn't think twice about it.
Tommy motioned to the back corner of the coffee shop. "I'm with…" His tongue ran along his lower lip, eyebrows lifting, confused. "I'm pretty sure her name's Tyra. Or Tina. Something like that."
"Hey," Felicity said positively, "at least you're no longing chasing cheerleaders."
"Oh, I wouldn't say that. You'd be surprised how grateful the Starling City Rockets are when you throw them a party after making it to play-offs."
Felicity laughed a little.
"So," Tommy asked, moving his feet. "What brings you back to Starling?"
"I actually started working at QC," she answered, shifting the hold on the mug. "They offered me a job after college, and honestly, it was the best offer I got. No offense to Merlyn Global."
"None taken," Tommy said airily. "Starling changed much since you left?"
Felicity was hesitant to look at him; both of them thinking the same thing.
The biggest change wasn't what was there but what was not.
Even though their lives were very different in high school, for a moment the two of them met in the present on common ground. They had both lost a friend. But Felicity wasn't there, and that sting silenced her.
Tommy shifted his feet, running a hand down his face. "You'd think after all this time I ought to know better than putting my foot where my mouth is. Even designer shoes don't taste that good."
"I'll keep that in mind," Felicity said, trying to smile.
The edge of the shared sadness shone through them, had Felicity refrain from asking Tommy more. The time would come when she'd be able to speak to him about it, but now, seven in the morning in a coffee shop, Tommy with a date-of-the-day in waiting, was not that time.
Instead she offered him a one-sided smile, touching his arm. "I'll see you around, Tommy."
He watched her walk out the coffee shop, remembering something Robert told him years ago on the anniversary of his mother's death.
He said that the people who weren't there anymore lived on with you for as long as you remembered them. Ghost memories, he'd called it.
What no one ever told him was that some times ghosts came back.
Notes: A lot of backstory in this part... but the next one takes place in Starling City, present day, and may feature a reunion. It should be up at the start of next week.
Again, thanks for reading!