Chapter 2

My entire night was filled with thoughts of Eli. I wanted nothing more than to understand why his mood had become so downcast. It troubled me but Eli was the type of person who would say things in order to pacify my feelings. He wouldn't tell me upfront what the issue might be. Rather he would opt for a bit of probing. I suppose in his eyes he saw this fit. He'd never want me to know how much he was dealing with. Although it was for my own protection, it still made me worry. I sighed as I tossed and turned in bed. My thoughts were a million miles away as they all focused on Eli. My mom was out late once again. I rolled my eyes picturing her latest outing. Undoubtedly she was with some random man I wouldn't ever care to know anything about. I curled myself into a ball and fought back tears. I wanted to call him like I always did when I felt this way but it was clear Eli was dealing with his own troubles. He didn't need me tacking on yet another concern. I turned onto my side and closed my eyes. Before I knew it sleep found its way to me.

As I dressed in the morning, I couldn't shake this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. It felt foreboding in a sense. I knew something was going to happen, something I wouldn't particularly like. Nonetheless, I shrugged into my purple polo and readied myself for the daunting day before me. The walk to school was quiet enough. The only sounds were that of my feet hitting the cement as I ambled down the sidewalks on my way to school. Soon enough I mixed in with the crowd of kids donning yellow, purple, red, and blue. They all smiled and laughed among themselves. I wished I could join in with their cheerful dialogue but I still felt so distant from everyone. A frown fell upon my lips, etched there for a majority of the day. I scribbled in my notebooks as my teachers droned on discussing topics that didn't hold any interest for me.

"Miss Edwards, is everything okay?" my History teacher asked. His voice broke through the fog and I felt at least twenty set of eyes fall on me. My cheeks flushed under all the unwanted attention.

"I...I'm fine sir," I stammered, averting my eyes. He seemed content and carried on the lesson. All the while I kept my face buried in my book.

Relief came in the form of the bell ringing. For the first time that day I felt my spirits lift. It was lunch and I'd be able to see Eli. Just the mere thought sent my heart racing. I quickly packed my bag, stuff my pen and notebook inside and rose to my feet. I weaved in between the cluster of students on my quest to see him. I knew he'd be at his locker, ridding himself of the now useless books of the day. As expected he was there, locker ajar and he tossed his books in. I crept up behind him, putting my hands over his eyes.

"Guess who," I said softly with a laugh.

Eli put a hand over mine and pulled it off his face and turned to face me. I knew him well enough to know the smile on his face wasn't a genuine one. I could feel my face drop as he looked at me. "Hey, beautiful," he said. Even his tone was off. I searched his eyes for a moment. "What? Is something wrong?" he asked expectantly.

"Funny, I was about to ask you the same." I continued to watch him with curious eyes. Eli seemed unsure of what to say or do next as he looked at each other in an awkward silence. He was the first to break the stare, turning back to his belongings and closing his locker.

"I'm fine, Clare. See?" he smiled ",happy as can be. Now can we go?" His sharp tone brought me up short. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away. "Great, now you're upset. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to snap at you. I just don't understand why you won't let this matter drop." He gave me a strong look and shook his head.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I care about you?" I said sarcastically.

"No one said you had to." His features were dark, his eyes seeming to pierce right through. I was stunned. I searched his face once more before I spoke.

"Well I want to, Eli. I love you. I'll always care and worry about you." I could hear the cracking in my voice and I resented the fact I was so hurt off of this. My eyes started to tear and I angrily wiped my eyes and sighed. All around students continued chatting and moving on with their lives. Eli and I remained in our own world.

He sighed as well and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't haven gotten upset. I'm just in a weird head space right now." I looked back at him. I wondered what was going through his head.

"I wish you would tell me what's going on with you. I swear it's like-" I was cut off. The late bell shrilled. I looked around and noted we were alone in the hall. Eli turned and leaned against his locker. He sank down to the floor, his eyes closed and his head resting against the locker. It troubled me to see him this way. I took a seat beside him and waited patiently for him to collect his thoughts. After about a minute he still didn't speak. I continued with my earlier statement. "I swear it's like you want to suffer alone. I'm here for you, Eli. You can't shoulder all of this by yourself. You aren't a superhero...you're not invincible," I said. "Please, let me help you." I took a hold of his hand.

Eli's eyes opened and he looked back at me. He pulled his hand away and rose to his feet. "I don't need help. I know exactly what I'm doing." His voice wavered but his eyes were serious. There wasn't a single trace of the Eli I knew. I looked up at him and bit down on my lower lip.

"Fine then. If you don't need me, I won't be here." I got to my feet and adjusted my bag. "Consider me gone then. Good luck with everything, seriously." I put on my best brave face and turned away from him, my foot steps seeming to echo in the desolate halls.

A part of me wanted to here his footsteps follow after mine but the didn't. I dared to look back and my heart broke as I saw him walking even further away. I stood in place and watched him go. His shoulders slumped over as he gripped the strap on his bag. I didn't mean to be so harsh but his habit of pushing me away was getting to me. I wanted to be there for him but I didn't have any means of doing so. He just wouldn't let me inside in mind. Why, I would never know. Didn't he know how much I loved him? Couldn't he see how much I cared?

Instead of feeling sad, I grew angry. I shouldn't have had to cry my eyes out for someone who didn't put forth the effort to prevent the tears in the first place. I squared my shoulders and stalked off in the opposite direction. I refused to cry anymore. It wasn't fair to me. I cared for Eli more than anything in the world and if he couldn't see that, I didn't know how I could. Weren't my actions enough?

Angrily, I pushed open a side door. I didn't have any regards as to who may have been watching. A teacher or even the principal could have been right behind me and it would have done nothing to change my resolve. I needed an escape and the glowing red EXIT sign seemed like fate. Once outside I felt as if I could breathe again. I let out a sigh as I walked down the short steps and out onto the street. My heart was in my hand as I fought back tears I didn't wish to cry. I was sick of always feeling miserable. A change was needed and I wasn't going to let anything stand in my path. I raced home, not caring that I still had a few more lessons for the day. The world could be put on pause for a moment. I needed time to myself to think and unwind.

I made it to my house in what felt like no time at all. I practically ran down the block once I caught sight of my house. The promise of curling up in bed was all to promising now. I walked quickly to the door and stopped in my track as a figure stood a few paces away. I shuffled on the balls of my feet and bit down on my lip as he looked at me with tears in his eyes.