Escape

Midnight. The perfect time to escape. The perfect time to be alone. The perfect time to cry my heart out. The perfect time to flee.

Charlie wanted me to leave to Renee but I couldn't impose my deathly shell on her either. Not Charlie, most definitely Renee nor Phil, who live happily together without my shadow looming over them.

I threw the biggest fit in the world and I hated it. I was never one to whine, I hated people who whine with a passion. Just deal with your misery without acting like a baby.

I am a hypocrite. Here I am lying pitifully on my bed crying after my monster of a fit and worrying Charlie in his sleep. But words cease to mean anything to me not after what he did to me.

It's not his fault, after all I knew, I KNEW he would tire of me eventually and yet I hoped he wouldn't. I hoped and it came down to nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I get up slowly going to the mirror looking at an already changed person. I seemed darker, and my eyes seemed emotionally devoid. I felt paler.

Without thinking I was moving I went to my closet pulling out three pairs of clothes and turned to my drawer and pulled my 'college fund' and my passport stuffing it in my emptied school backpack. Slipping it on my back I tip-toe down the stairs without my shoes which are in my hand.

I step into the midnight air which is frozen. So cold and so familiar... NO! I must not remember! I won't remember!

No one awake and no one to stop me.

I don't bother with my truck one: it'll wake up Charlie two: It'll wake up the entire town. Three: The radio, that's all I'll say.

I walk down the street rushing to get out of the town and start on the highway to town with the nearest plane I have to get far away.

I don't really feel anything I just feel numb. Numb, Numb, Numb.

I thought about what it might do to Charlie and Renee if I suddenly disappeared. It would kill them but it would destroy them entirely if I stayed an empty shell. They would constantly worry and maybe put me into a hospital for being catatonic.

I won't put them through that I could never do that to them. So I'll disappear, they'll get over it eventually but my wounds will never heal they're too deep and too wide to heal with any amount of time.

Before I know it I'm at Port Angeles. Somehow unharmed, untried and still numb. The sun has just risen and I go to the nearest bus station and buy a ticket for anywhere. The person at the front gives me a strange look but doesn't say anything.

I bought a ticket to North Dakota which is near and going to depart soon only half an hour to leave. I sit at the waiting room for my bus allows entrance and just sit. Not much I can do but sit and hope the numb stays and stays. I don't know how I'll survive or if but I hope I don't.

I'm not suicidal but I don't want to live either I find no reason for living and I find no reason for dying I'm not sure but I know I'll feel the pain even in heaven.

The announcement that my bus is leaving snaps me out of enough wandering to get up and leave for my new destination.

September

October

November

December

January

Time passed and I survived. Surprisingly enough I found and abandoned house which was clean enough to live in and dark enough to endure life. I haven't felt anything in along time and I don't complain.

I'm not suicidal but I don't want to live. I got a job at a grocery store and take week long breaks in the wilderness to meditate and try to get some emotion back but right now all I've gotten is scratches and bruised from falling. I'm smart enough in self preservation to know that I shouldn't wander too far.

People in this small town are nice enough. They no to leave me alone and they know I need the money so they gave me a job.

I met a nice girl about a year younger than me. She is nice I suppose she has her own way of seeing life and has her up days and down days. When she's hyper it reminds me too much of them. When she's down she seems to understand me and says the words I never say.

Her name is Nina and she is a strong girl. I admire her sometimes. She comes with me most of the time on my meditation rounds because she wants to make sure I don't go suicidal on her. She's like my mother but I can relate to her most of the time.

But even with her around I still fill soulless and worthless. She looks at me sometimes for minutes on end and suddenly hugs me. I don't know why.

"Bella, wanna go out?" she asks me at work. Her midnight blue eyes with boredom and not much excitement in them.

"Not really." I say struggling to pay attention as I never do. I pay more attention to her than any other person in this town.

"Alright then are you going to go to the woods anytime soon?" she asks stacking a few boxes together after we've emptied them on the shelves.

"I guess." I mumble passing her cap to her as we take off our aprons and take off from work.

"Alright we'll leave tonight." she says shoving me out the door as I scowl at her. She smirks at me and I can't help but frown in return.

"I want to go alone." I retort as always and as usual she pulls me to her car and old Honda with no possible hope of having air conditioning or a heater. I hate riding in her car but I don't have one myself.

I rarely think about my old life and I never talk about it the only one who know something about it is Nina. She forces it out of me.

"I have this strange feeling you know. Like something's going to happen. Something good..." she smirks racing down the street to her house. She drives like a maniac and It scares me. The only feeling I feel is fear for my life when I'm with her. She has the strange violent side to her that you don't want to mess with.

Some sorry soul decided to ask her out but only as a pity date and a bet and she almost killed him when she found out. She sent him to the hospital with a broken nose and two broken ribs. Scary, right?

Instead of stopping she keeps going at almost 90 mph and makes a sharp turn and heads up the mountain where we usually stay. She always keeps spare clothes in the trunk. So up we go and I don't know if something good is going to happen more or less something bad...very bad.

well well well new chappie up I'm sorry its going too fast but the excitement starts next chapter. And Nina is one of the new important characters. Ha!