The small village of Hollyoaks had been rocked by the murders of three women and none felt this devastation as keenly as Ste Hay. His beautiful friend Rae had been the third victim. The shock that it was Brendan who had been arrested, charged and imprisoned, quickly gave way to anger and disgust. For weeks he found himself racked with guilt that perhaps he could have done something to save the lives of those women. The distress of losing such a close friend was only intensified by the knowledge that he could have prevented it.
Unbelievably it had been his best-friend Amy who had actually defended Brendan to him. Amy who had for months warned him to keep away from Brendan, Amy who knew the violence that Brendan was capable of towards Ste, Amy who at one time had feared for herself, and her and Ste's children Leah and Lucas. But now Amy said she did not believe Brendan to be a murderer.
Ste knew differently though, he knew exactly what dark depths Brendan could sink to, and Ste knew these included murder, because Brendan had killed a man to protect Ste.
"You killed Danny… out of love for me?"
"I just wanted to protect you Stephen"
It seemed no great leap then to believe that Brendan had killed Rae after she had inadvertently outed Brendan as gay to his son Declan. He had witnessed Brendan threaten to kill her and Ste knew there was nothing Brendan would fight harder to protect than the secrecy of his homosexuality.
So Ste resolved to finally move on, to take the opportunity of making a fresh start now that Brendan was surely out of his life for good. Yet he could not deny the part of himself buried deep within that screamed for Brendan's touch, to feel the heat of his body pressed against his, the scratch and tickle of the moustache as he teased him mercilessly with his tongue. He could not deny that he felt the loss of Brendan in his life terribly and he could not shake off the deep niggling feeling that the man he loved would not have killed those women. And the truth was he did still love him and this pained him greater still.
Ste often found his mind wandering back to that time at the beginning of August when he finally thought that after months of hope dampened by hurt his world was finally falling into place. For months Brendan had tortured him, causing him to feel both pleasure and anguish in equal measures, played a cat and mouse game with him, but finally everything Ste had longed for seemed to be within reach. Brendan had told him that he loved him, wanted him and that he was prepared to change and be open about who he really was for him. Ste's better senses at the time had wanted to doubt what Brendan was saying, had wanted to make his feet run for the door, but desire overtook him and he found himself kissing Brendan like his life depended on it.
That had been the last time that they slept together, but even now Ste could hear the groan Brendan had emitted as Ste pushed him back against the wall in the flat and still taste Brendan on his lips. This had been the only time Brendan had really relinquished control to him as he worked to strip Brendan of his clothes. Ste could picture the gold cross that always hung around Brendan's neck nestled against his chest, he remembered fingering it as he had let his hands slide lower over Brendan's body, then he had dropped to his knees and taken Brendan's cock in his hands. He almost stopped to marvel at it before gently kissing the tip, then rolling his tongue around and down its length. He remembered his name being called over and over "Stephen" as he took Brendan fully into his mouth and began to work him, as he knew he liked. He could remember the feel of Brendan's fingers through his hair, first softly and then firmer urging him on.
Then Brendan had stopped him, and had knelt down in front of him. He paused and stared deep into Ste's eyes, and for the first time Ste felt that he could really see into Brendan's soul and that no matter what had happened in the past this was where he belonged. Brendan had reached out and cupped his face with both hands, before leaning forward towards him whispering "Stephen" causing the lightest of fluttering sensations against Ste's lips. And then as suddenly as he had slowed the moment down Brendan pushed Ste onto his back right there on the floor of the living room, sucking and biting at the exposed skin as he removed Ste's clothes.
Ste still tingled now with the memory of Brendan's tongue probing, searching, and his teeth nipping and grazing at he seemed to map every contour of Ste's body with his mouth. And then Brendan entered him and Ste felt like he was home as the wonderful mixture of pleasure and pain mingled and sparks seemed to be lighting all over his body. Brendan had looked down at him, brought their mouths together and then took Ste's hand in his own as he began to thrust into him, slowly at first, until they were both starting to lose all control. As the thrusts increased pace Ste clung to Brendan as his anchor as he felt the sweet release set off fireworks all over his body and then he sensed Brendan shudder to his own climax.
They had lay there then on the carpet in that living room, Ste wrapped securely in Brendan's arms. But when Brendan shifted himself into a sitting position and Ste started to feel the initial euphoria wear-off all of his old fears and doubts started flooding back into his conscience. What if Brendan had said what he needed to just to get Ste to sleep with him again? Ste had asked him, but Brendan had reassured him and asked Ste to trust him. Then he had kissed him again. That had been the last time they kissed.