A/N: Ok, so there are aspects of this which have been done before. But... I'm just going to go with it. Hope you enjoy!
Finding it All
Chapter 1
Three and a half years later…
Kate sighed a tired, but not unhappy sigh, and leaned back against the headrest of the airplane seat as she waited for her flight to take off. Home… she was finally going home, and she couldn't wait. Her month long mission had finally ended, and it was the longest she'd gone without seeing Castle, her friends, or her family in the past four years.
A woman sat down next to her, perhaps the same age as Kate, holding her son, a little boy of about two and a half, with sandy brown hair. Kate smiled at the woman, who was wrestling with the little one as she tried to put her bag under the chair. Kate almost reached an arm out to help, but figured the woman could manage on her own. Soon enough she sat down, with her son on her lap and though he squirmed, she managed to get him to sit still. Even before the plane took off, his eyelids were drooping, and he quickly fell asleep.
"Sorry for his squirming and screaming a moment ago," his mother said softly.
Kate smiled back at the woman.
"No problem, I totally understand." Kate looked at the little boy asleep in his mother's arms and felt a twinge in her heart. Soon. Soon she would be home.
"I'm Jessica," the woman said, seeming to want to have a conversation.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Kate. I'd shake your hand but…"
Jessica laughed,
"Yes, my hands are otherwise occupied." Jessica held onto her son tightly, with one arm, and stroked her other hand through his hair.
"Chase – my son - is so tired, worn out from all the travelling!" she commented.
Kate smiled a wistful smile,
"He reminds me of my own little one."
"You have kids too?" Jessica's face lit up.
"Just one son, Hunter, and a step-daughter, Alexis, who's twenty-two now."
"How old is Hunter?" Jessica asked.
"He's just over two. I haven't seen him or my husband in a month," she admitted, "I'm so anxious to get home."
"A month!" Jessica said, raising her eyebrows in surprise, "How come?"
"I was here in London for work. We did video chats almost every night. It wasn't the same, but, at least it was something."
Jessica nodded,
"We do the same thing with my mom… I live in Illinois, but she lives in Nebraska. Chase's dad isn't in the picture… and we don't have relatives nearby, so it's good for him to have some connection to his gram."
Kate smiled again, and instinctively looked down to her own wedding band, grateful for Castle, for her son, and for all they had together. She could only imagine how difficult it would be to raise a son by herself.
She and Jessica chatted a little more, but she found herself becoming more and more tired by the minute. Soon, their conversation waned, and Kate lay her head against the pillow, and with the thought that maybe if she slept, she'd be able to see her family sooner, she fell into a deep sleep. Perhaps there was another hidden apprehension there… left over from the stress of the case. But she tucked it deep inside her and ignored her worries. It was over. She was on her way home. Soon, she'd be with them. The sooner, the better.
A harsh jolt bumped Kate to awareness as she was catapulted to awareness by the turbulence the plane was experiencing. She jerked forward, getting minor whiplash as her head slammed back into the cushions. She looked around with bleary eyes.
Jessica and Chase were nowhere to be seen. Maybe they'd gotten up and gone to the lavatory.
A moment later, as Kate was rubbing at her head, one of the flight attendants, a man of about 5'11", around thirty years old walked up to her chair, and said,
"Mrs. Castle?"
"Yes?" she looked up.
"You've been promoted to first class."
Ok, the last time this happened, Castle had showed up on the plane. Her heart tripped in her chest at the possibility of that happening a second time, but she wouldn't count her eggs before they hatched.
She nodded, reached to grab her purse from beneath the chair in front of her and followed the flight attendant to first class.
He showed her to her seat, but there were two empty seats. No Castle then. Ah well… soon enough she'd be back. Just a little bit longer.
"Sit down here, Mrs. Castle," he said.
"Ok. Thanks," she replied and sat herself down.
She got comfortable, but just as she was about to fall asleep she felt a sudden, harsh prick at the back of her neck. Ouch! She went to sit up, but found she couldn't move. No! It felt like a syringe.
Everything in her started to burn, she felt as if she were on fire, but she was drifting and drifting closer towards unconsciousness. She wanted to call out, wanted to be able to move, but she couldn't even move a finger. Everything felt as if it were held down by a giant weight, as if she were crushed.
If she could cry out, she would cry out his name. As it was, he was still thousands of miles away yet. Still, it didn't stop her mind from reaching for him as everything went black.
Castle. Help me.
Waking from a fitful catnap on the plane, Kate mused as the captain called they'd be coming in for a landing in a moment. Weird dreams. But there was a niggling feeling at the back of her head like it wasn't important, and she couldn't really remember them anyway.
Fifteen minutes to go... It had been an uneventful flight, completely silent. Kate pulled her phone out of her pocket, and held it in her hand so she could text Castle, who was scheduled to pick her up from the airport.
Another twenty minutes and they had landed, taxied to the gate, and she'd retrieved her bags. She was so ready to get off the plane. It was slow going, so she rattled off that text.
Getting off the plane right now. Meet me at the baggage claim?
His reply came not two minutes later.
Got it. We'll be there.
We? Maybe he was bringing Alexis with him. Kate hauled her purse higher up on the shoulder and waited expectantly to get off the stuffy plane. It was time to go home.
Finally in the baggage claim, twelve minutes later, she rolled her carry-on, and searched for Castle's face in the crowd of passengers and those greeting them. It was all a blur of loud motion, and she pulled her suitcase over to the side to walk along to see if Castle was on the other side of the baggage claim. She scanned the faces before her and then, suddenly, she saw him at the opposite side. He too was scanning the crowd, his face intent as he searched for her, but he looked up and across at the same time, and when his gaze met hers a giant flood had been released and a smile came over his face unlike any other she had seen. All of a sudden she couldn't breathe – she didn't know she would be this excited to see him, could be this excited at seeing him again. She quickly began to make her way over to the other side, and he moved along the edge, fast, and unencumbered. It was as if he couldn't wait to be by her side.
Within a few seconds they got to each other - Kate walking towards him, as he just beamed at her, but he practically ran forward, reached for her and wrapped her in his arms, holding her impossibly close to his chest, slamming his lips into hers. She couldn't react – she didn't know how. She couldn't breathe, she could barely even move; a billion questions swirled in her brain. She had only felt it once before, but oh, how she had replayed that night in her head. How she had remembered what it felt like when he sank his fingers into her hair, and pulled her closer.
But this… this was completely different. The way he kissed her – it was like he knew every part of her, knew what made her brain spin, and her knees go weak. How? How was that even possible? What was he even doing? And why did he think he could do it in the first place?
"I missed you, I missed you," he said in between kisses. What? She wasn't even gone for a weekend, yet she could taste the desperation on his lips, the determination, the relief. Gathering the shock and what remaining strength she had, she set her hand on his clavicle and pushed him away with as much gentleness as she could muster.
"Castle?" she gasped out, "I don't understand. What…" but before she could get any further, something small and fast barreled into the back of her legs, latching on and yelling a high-pitched, excited shriek of,
"Mommy!"
Kate nearly stumbled backwards but Castle caught her before she could.
"Hunter!" he exclaimed in somewhat mock disapproval, and Kate looked down to see a tiny toddler clinging to her legs.
Alexis appeared, and reached forward grabbing the little boy from his death grip on Kate's calves, and holding him squirming in her arms.
"No! No, let me go!"
Castle looked from them back to Kate, who disentangled herself from his arms and pushed away from him, backing up a few steps.
"Castle… what. What's going on? I don't understand."
Castle quickly grew alarmed,
"What do you mean? You're home. Finally!"
"No, Castle, I don't…" she looked at the little boy, who yelled 'mommy' again and reached out his arms in her direction, beginning to cry. "That's not my kid. I don't have kids."
Castle's eyes were wider and more terrified than she'd ever seen them before.
"Yes you do," he said, too quiet. "You do. His name is Hunter, and he's right here, and he's both of ours."
Kate shook her head again, feeling lightheaded and a bit sick.
"No. No, I don't understand what's going on," she said.
He reached forward with his right hand and took her left in his.
"Kate, I need you to tell me the last thing you remember. Please be totally honest. What was it? What's the last case we worked?"
"I remember… you ran off with that Ethan Slaughter. Nearly got yourself killed. I think that was the last case. Why-"
He cut her off,
"What year is it?"
"2012," she replied, without hesitation.
He let out a sigh as if he'd just been punched in the chest.
"Oh Kate," he said.
"Castle what is it? What's going on?"
Beside them, in Alexis's arms, Hunter still was crying. Alexis rocked him back and forth, trying to console him.
"Kate. I think you've lost your memory. It's 2016."
Kate went stock still, panic rising in her throat. Castle held on to her hand tightly.
"I… that's not possible! Castle stop! It's not a joke!"
"No, it's not. Kate, look!" he dragged her over to the flatscreen TV displaying the departure and arrival times of the flights. "Look at the date."
April. Ok. It was April 21st, 2016. No! This was not ok! Kate felt as if she were going to be sick, and she grew lightheaded.
"I feel sick," she told him, "where's the nearest bathroom?"
He looked around.
"Um…"
Alexis jumped in,
"It's out through those doors. I went there earlier with Hunter while we were waiting. I can show you if you want."
"Just point me in the right direction," Kate said.
"Down that hallway and to the right," Alexis filled in.
"I'm going to walk with you there," Castle said, not relinquishing his hold on her hand.
"I can go on my own."
"No," he said, his voice calm, but a steely determination resting beneath it.
"Ok," Kate said and the two of them made their way over to the hallway. They were silent, but she could feel his pulse beating wildly in his wrist where their hands were joined.
They reached the bathroom.
"I'll wait for you here," he said, as if he was afraid she might leave.
She gave him a half concerned, half angry look the nodded a curt nod, going into the bathroom.
Once in the ladies room, everything hit her, and she felt as if she were going to throw up. She ran into one of the stalls, leaning over the toilet for a good seven or eight minutes, but nothing came.
How? How could this be happening. When she finally managed to push the sickness back down, she came out of the stall, washed her hands, and looked at herself in the mirror. She felt her heart sink. 2016… that was four years past when she thought it was. She could see the difference – not so much in ageing, she still looked fantastic, but in the look in her own eyes that spoke of the passage of time, and her haircut. Her hair had been dyed a honey-golden color. When she'd left it was a darker brown. Ok, so her hair had been recolored without her knowing it. But that didn't mean she'd lost her memory, had it?
She looked at herself in the mirror and thought back to the toddler, Hunter. What if it was some sort of cruel joke? Could it be that someone was punking her? Castle had seemed distant, but he hadn't ever in all of the years she'd known him, seemed as cold-hearted as that. To make her think she'd lost her memory, to make her think that they were together, that they'd had a kid together.
Kate suddenly looked down to her left hand. If they were together then… oh. There it was – a golden wedding band on her ring finger, with the complimenting ring shining with simple, elegant diamonds. Her heart hammered in her chest. Married. To him. She didn't realize how panicky the thought could make her. She didn't even know how to process that information, all she could focus on was denial. It had to be a trick. However cruel – he couldn't do this. It couldn't be real.
Her fingers trembling, she reached for the rings and as gently as possible, took them off her finger. She held them in her palm for a moment. Holding her breath, she lifted the wedding band and looked on the inside to see if there was anything written there. She froze when she read it. One word.
Always.
She felt her eyes well up with tears and couldn't do anything to stop a few of them from slipping down her cheeks. As gently as she had taken them off, Kate put the rings back on her finger, and walked out of the bathroom.
Castle was there waiting for her, his eyes wide and concerned.
"Are you ok? Do you need anything?" he reached forward and lay a comforting hand on her arm.
"No. I'm good," she replied, still teary eyed.
They took a few steps to the side, clear of the doorway.
"Kate," he whispered.
She held out her left hand to him, showing him the rings.
"Are these… are they… are we…?"
"Yes," he replied.
"Oh."
They were silent for a moment. Then he said,
"You're my wife." It was as if he'd never been surer of anything in the world. She felt her heart snap in two, flooding with emotion – all of the emotions – both for and against this man who spoke with such conviction.
"I can't remember," she said, tears falling again.
"Can you think of why? Did you hit your head? Did anything happen while you were overseas?"
Castle brought his other hand to her opposite arm, longing to hold her close to him, but she had pushed him away once, and there was nothing stopping her from pushing him away again.
"I don't know. I can't remember. I just remember getting on the plane in London, heading home. I'm not sure I can even recall details from the case."
"Ok… ok. Can I see your phone?"
Kate dug her phone out of her pocket and handed it to him. He unlocked it and checked the recent calls. His brow furrowed when he discovered that all recent calls had been cleared.
"I'm going to call Ryan and Espo," he stated, "they might have an idea of what happened to you."
"Were they in contact with me before I left?"
"They said they were. You were supposed to meet them back at the precinct on Wednesday. Today's Monday."
Kate nodded.
"Ok. Do what you have to do."
Castle got out his phone, and dialed Esposito.
"Esposito," he answered the phone.
"Espo, it's Castle."
"Hey, Castle, what's up? Beckett make it in ok?"
"Yeah… about that. Did either you, Ryan, or Captain Gates call her before she got on the plane in London?"
"Um… Ryan might have. I know Gates didn't, unless she called on her cell. She's got a scheduled day off today."
"Ok, well can you get Ryan for me?"
"Sure, hang on."
There was some shuffling on the other end of the line, and then Esposito said,
"You're on speaker. Ok, go."
"Ryan? Did you call Beckett before she got on the plane in London?"
"No. Why?"
"No reason, we've just got a minor problem here. Did anybody else phone her?"
"If they did, I don't know about it," Ryan replied.
"Ok. Can you check into her phone records? I'll phone you later."
"Sure. Is everything ok, though?" Ryan asked.
"It will be," Castle replied.
"Ok. We'll talk to you later," Ryan said.
"See ya, Castle," Esposito echoed, and hung up.
Castle put his phone away and turned to Kate.
"Ok. So neither of them called you. How about your contacts in London? Did you speak to anybody there? Did anything happen on the plane?"
"I don't… I just don't remember, Castle. I'm sorry."
"Hey, it's ok. We'll find out what happened," Castle said, his hand still on her arm.
"No it's not ok. It's not ok, Castle," she said, her eyes full of fear.
"Kate," he pleaded with her, stepping closer, "if you still think it's 2012, then at the very least I'm still your friend. And I l-" he paused, "I care about you."
She looked up at him, trying to read his face.
"We don't have to deal with all of it right now… I can have Alexis take Hunter home in a taxi. We can go out to a diner or something, and talk about it."
She really didn't want to be alone.
"Alright. Ok. We can do that," she nodded.
"But first we need to go back to Alexis and Hunter. And Hunter… he's going to want you."
"You want to know if I can handle that," Kate said.
"Yes, I mean…" Castle turned away and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "It's not supposed to be like this."
Kate felt more tears prick at her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"No," he turned back to her quickly and without thinking, enveloped her in a hug. This time, Kate hugged him back. He was an anchor, despite the confusion. "No. You're going to be ok. It's not your fault."
"But what if it is?" she said against his neck.
"Then we'll get through it together." He held her tighter and she too wrapped her arms more securely around his neck.
After a moment, Castle let her go and they went back to the terminal, where Alexis and Hunter sat in two of the chairs by the window, Hunter standing up and leaning against the back of the chair, pounding his tiny palms against the glass at passerbys on the sidewalk.
Kate paused about 20 feet away as Alexis looked up. Castle held up a hand to his daughter to stay where she was.
"Kate?" he questioned.
"Just… let me watch him for a moment," she said.
"Ok."
Kate observed Hunter, taking in his features. He had wavy honey-brown hair slightly darker than the current color her own hair was dyed that looked incredibly soft, and as he turned, not yet noticing her, she could see bright, happy blue eyes. He had been dressed in burgundy pants and sneakers, complimented by a grey-blue button up shirt. As he turned to exclaim something to Alexis, his face changed into a scowl that reminded her of Castle. Then Alexis poked his nose and his face spread back into a sunbeam of cheerfulness again.
She looked at Castle again, aiming to compare Hunter to him, but she stopped at the soft smile on Castle's face.
"What?" she asked.
"Nothing, it's just that you had the exact same look on your face when he was born. Seeing him for the first time. Look, I have pictures on my phone!" Castle took his phone out again and flipped through pictures until he found the ones he wanted.
"Can you wait to show me those?" Kate asked, laying a hand on his arm.
"Yeah… yeah sure. We don't have to look at them now."
"Thanks," Kate said, nodding awkwardly.
She turned back to look at Hunter. Being honest with herself – he was a handsome, handsome baby. His face shone with distinctive Castle-esque features, but she noticed his nose looked like hers did when she was young, and the way he held himself reminded her more of herself than of Castle.
She walked towards them and Castle followed at her side. Hunter looked up when he saw them approaching, his smile turning into a full-blown grin. Alexis held out a hand to hold him back from jumping off the chair as he exclaimed,
"Mommy!" and raised his arms to be held.
Kate paused and thought about how she was going to do this. Slowly squat down in front of him and lay your hand on his arm? Sit next to him without touching him? Stay standing and just not touch him? She decided to just go for it. He was starting to whimper, 'mommy, mommy' over and over again, more and more desperate to be held. So she reached down swiftly and grabbed him under the arms, lifting him up and holding him to her chest as he flung his small arms around her neck and buried his face in her shoulder.
"Mommy," he breathed in a happy sigh against her skin, and pressed a few sloppy kisses against her neck, and cheek. "I miss you," he explained.
She felt her heart stutter, and felt almost as if she might drop the boy from the way her arms felt weak.
"Well… I'm here now," she said, her voice shaky.
She felt another surprise as Castle instinctively came up at her side and reached around to lay his hand on her hip, leaning down around her to put his other hand on Hunter's back, kissing the top of Hunter's head. Kate stood very still as Castle rubbed his thumb in small circles on her hip, as he simultaneously rubbed his hand over Hunter's back. She wondered if he even knew he was doing it. Maybe he was doing it to make her go crazy. That was probably it.
"Are you hungry, Hunter?" Castle asked, "How about you, Alexis?"
"Yeah, I could definitely use a bite to eat," Alexis replied. And Hunter perked up,
"Eat? We have lunch?" he said.
"That's right," Castle replied, kissing his son's forehead again.
Kate held the boy in her arms and wondered if she should set him down. She still had no idea what to do with all of this.
"I'll take him if he'll come to me," Castle said softly, and held out his arms to Hunter. "Want to come with Daddy and we'll get some lunch?"
Hunter groaned and buried his face in Kate's shoulder again.
"I'll take that as a no," Castle said.
"No lunch?" Hunter said moaned pitifully, turning to look at his father, yet not relinquishing his hold on his mother.
"Not if you don't let Daddy hold you."
"Mommy," Hunter said, and tightened his hold on Kate.
"Mommy will come too," Castle supplied. Kate guessed they were changing the diner plans.
"It's ok. I'll carry him to the car," Kate said.
"Are you sure?" Castle asked. He could see the hesitation in her eyes.
"It's ok. I've had experience with kids before."
Castle pursed his lips into a thin line and then after a moment, nodded.
"Ok. But let me know if it gets to be too much."
He'd always been perceptive when it came to her, perhaps that was part of why she kept so many of her true feelings hidden. She was scared of letting it all out there. But now he seemed even more perceptive, and she was struck with the same feeling as when he had kissed her just minutes before. It was like he knew every part of her. There was a larger part of her heart than she'd like to admit that was stunned and somewhat pleased about the way it made her feel.
"I will," she said.
That seemed to suffice, and with another nod, he grabbed her carryon bag, and they headed out the sliding glass doors and into the bright, April sunlight.
Kate kept her hold on Hunter tight, and protective. Even with her brain spinning, and everything colliding, her maternal instincts still kicked in, and she took extra precaution as she crossed at the cross-walk, and as she scanned the cars and busses and taxis, waiting for their moment to run across to the parking garage. She could sense Hunter's need for his mother, for her, if she was indeed his mother and this wasn't some sort of crazy dream, and she could feel it in the way he'd latched onto her like she was his anchor. It made her heart physically hurt, and she still felt a bit dizzy, but there was something in the way his soft hair rubbed against her neck and the way his mouth blew tiny puffs of air against her shoulder that anchored her as well.
The walk to Castle's silver Audi was short, and when they reached the car, Kate opened the back passenger door, and spoke in calm tones to Hunter.
"Ok Hunter, I have to put you in your car-seat now, then you can go get lunch."
"No, no, Mommy! I stay with you!"
Castle took this as his cue to walk around from the driver's side to assist Kate. Silently he reached forward, and without any bribing or bargaining, pried Hunter's hands from their hold in Kate's shirt. He then put Hunter as he began to cry, into his carseat, and in three deft motions buckling the seat belts in place.
"Hunter," he said, low and gentle, "Mommy is staying in the car with us now. We are going to go get lunch."
Hunter looked up at both of them with watery eyes and Alexis commented from where she'd taken her seat beside him,
"Wow, that is pitiful."
"Cut the kid a break – he hasn't seen his mom in a month," Castle said, more on Hunter's side than he'd at first seemed. Kate's breath caught in her throat. A month… she'd been gone for a month. That would explain Castle's desperation, Hunter's clinginess, and the way Alexis smiled at her when she'd seen her there. There they all were, smiling, and so overjoyed to see her, and needing her, and overwhelmed with excitement that seemed to run in the family - but she couldn't remember anything, and it was too much. She couldn't breathe because the air was thick with it.
Alexis looked a little hurt, even though she knows her father didn't mean it.
"I'm sorry," Castle said, and squeezed Alexis's shoulder for a brief moment. He then stroked a finger down Hunter's cheek and dropped a kiss to his forehead. "I'm sorry. Don't cry," he said. Hunter was only a little bit consoled.
He turned and stood up, and found himself face to face with Kate, and oh. The look on her face cut straight into his heart. He almost apologized again, but thought better of it, and instead reached out to lightly put his hand at her elbow – to be a support to her.
"We'll go to the diner still. I just have to get Alexis and Hunter settled at home."
Home. She didn't even want to think of the implications of the word, with the way her head hurt, and with how hard it was to breathe.
"Ok," she nodded, and satisfied enough, Castle went around to the other side of the car and they both got in.
He was driving before she even knew it, and she couldn't remember getting her seatbelt on, though it was there. He switched on the radio and classical FM came lightly through the speakers. She had never pegged him as a big classical lover. Certainly he seemed to have an appreciation for it, but never enough to put it on in the car driving back from an airport. But then she realized, that Hunter's crying started to dissipate as soon as he put it on. She glanced in the rear-view window at the boy, and was surprised to find the baby's own eyes there, looking back at her. He blinked, slowly, once.
"Mama," he said, so soft that she nearly missed it. She gave him the slightest upturns of the lips, wondering if he could even see it. But apparently he could, because his face curved into a grin. An innocent, joyous grin, and oh, how that hurt. Kate grabbed the armrest of her chair and took a deep breath and tried to steady herself.
"Alexis, will you help Hunter with a happy meal if we get one?" Castle said.
"Sure. Going to the drive-through then?"
"Yes. It'll be at least another twenty minutes, with the way traffic is shaping up. I'll drop you and Hunter back at the loft. Then Kate and I are going to Remy's."
"Ok," Alexis said, a little too cheerful, but she was obviously trying very hard not to disturb the delicate balance they all seemed to be hanging in. She showed a maturity, Kate noticed that certainly hadn't been there the last time she remembered. It wasn't that Alexis had ever been immature. It's just that now, she had gained a few more years of time to the way she spoke. The way she reacted.
Kate didn't say anything, but after a moment, Castle turned to look at her and asked,
"Remy's ok?"
"That's fine," she replied, with a forced smile.
"Ok," he said, with worried eyes, and looked back at the road.
Twenty minutes seemed to take an age, but at the very least, after McDonald's, the drive back to the loft was familiar. Not much had changed, except some construction had been finished on the highway, and that was chilling proof of her situation. There was no way it could have been completed so quickly unless several years really had passed.
When they drove up to his building, she went to get out, but Castle lay a hand on her arm.
"No, you stay. It'll just take a minute to get Alexis inside with Hunter."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Yes," he said, with a gentle smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Ok," she said, and he and Alexis both got out. Castle went around and got Hunter out of his carseat. The boy went willingly at the prospect of getting to eat, and Kate noticed they deliberately avoided any mention of 'Mommy'. They disappeared inside the building, and she sat in the car, waiting, feeling the air become stuffy with the bright sunlight and the horrible waiting feeling.
It took longer than a few minutes. It took about ten. He came back out of the building with this apologetic look on his face. She forgave him instantly, without knowing she was doing it. Something in his eyes calmed her heart, as he always had. She took a deep breath as he got back into the car.
"You ok?" he asked her point blank.
"Let's get to Remy's, ok? And then we'll talk. And I'll let you know."
He nodded and started the car again. They were silent on the five minute drive to Remy's, but he kept stealing glances at her, as if he were afraid she might burst, or drown, or anything. He'd always been one for creepy staring, so it wasn't too out of the ordinary. What was out of the ordinary was her remarkable willpower to ignore it.
They got out of the car and went into the diner. They both ordered their favored sandwiches and shakes without having to look at the menu. When their food was in front of them, and they had both ordered coffee, she finally spoke.
"Castle, I don't know what happened. And I'm sorry, but in my mind I just… I went to London to help with a case. Something about tracking down a guy there and helping INTERPOL? It was big. I probably wasn't supposed to be there at all, and all the details are a little fuzzy. But I came back with the info that was needed, we caught the killer… there wasn't much to it. I did my job, I phoned you to pick me up at the airport, I got on a plane in London, and I came home."
Castle took a deep breath and looked across at her with and open look in his eyes. Like he would listen to anything.
"Some of that is the same as what happened on my end," he said.
"You mean, your version of what you think happened?" she asked.
"I'm not telling you you're wrong, Kate," he prefaced. "But… I haven't seen you in a month. You left because it was dangerous for you to stay here – among other reasons. We've been here securing things at the homefront, making it safe again, and you were there tracking leads and finalizing details. This wasn't a weekend deal."
"Ok, then what was it? Because the last thing I remember, you were running off with some other cop, trying to I don't know, tell me that you could handle yourself on your own, then and the next thing I know, I come back from this trip and you tell me we're married and there's this kid there, and…" she paused, unable to continue, feeling the words stuck in her throat.
"And it's a lot to take in," Castle said.
Kate nodded and avoided looking at him. Anywhere but at him.
"I need you to tell me what you know. What you can remember, at least so maybe we can figure out how to fix this."
"Yeah, but where does that leave me? Where does that leave us?" She looked at him now, and he held her gaze.
"Do you want to remember?" he asked.
"I - I don't want it to feel like this. It's like I'm somehow…" she paused, searching for the right words, "displaced."
Castle sighed.
"I don't think I need to tell you what I want. You probably already know."
"You want me to remember."
"Of course I do. But I don't want you to feel like you have to… at least not right away. But you're not in this alone. I'm here, and I will be here for you until you sort out what you want to do about this."
Kate stilled at his words, and gave in to the instinct to hold his hand, across the table. She reached across and let her fingers slide into place across his, and he squeezed back, instant, warm, and secure.
"I don't know how to treat you," she whispered. She could feel the metal of his wedding band underneath her fingers. She couldn't begin to categorize the emotions it made her feel.
"Don't think about it then," he said, and rubbed his thumb in small circles over the back of her hand. It was a comforting motion, but it spoke of years of familiarity.
"I can't not think about it, Castle. It's like travelling to the future… It's not meant to happen. Life is a journey, not a jump in, jump out sort of game. And I hate that I can't remember the events that brought me to this place. I need to know it. Because somewhere along the line obviously we…"
Castle could read her thoughts.
"I can tell you about it, if you want. I can tell you what happened. From my perspective, at least. I can tell you things you told me… I'll tell you anything you want, if it will help."
"Tell me why I left for a month."
Castle took a deep breath.
"Where to start? Um… you left to protect Hunter, that's the short answer. But it's a lot more complicated than that."
"Why was he in danger?" she asked.
He squeezed her hand tighter, as if he were afraid that she might leave.
"Castle. Tell me."
"Someone still wants you dead. Someone wants me dead. And someone wants Hunter. He's got a chip in his head put there by the CIA when he was two days old."
"The CIA… what… how?"
"If I tell you you have to promise me you're not going to run away."
"Why would I run away?" Kate said, feeling the fear rise up within her.
"Because you… this you, always does. Four years ago, I kept secrets – I made choices to protect you, but I didn't tell you. And it did save your life. But you were angry… so angry. And I… I ended it. I ended us."
"How far away for me, is that?" she asked, as if she really had travelled forward in time.
"It's about a month away, in your timeline. Not far."
"Ok. So… if you ended it, then why are we still together?"
He smiled an almost smug, nostalgic smile.
"You came back," he said, almost like it was his doing.
Kate laughed at the expression on his face, before she could be register that she'd let her guard down and let the emotion bubble out of her. But that's who he is, isn't he? Her partner, her friend. The man who makes her laugh. It came as such an unexpected relief that she almost cried, but she stuffed that back down.
"And why is that?" she asked with a sly grin back. Yes, this felt more natural, like falling back onto familiar ground.
"Well… in the end I suppose it was because you love me."
Oh. Oh. That.
She didn't speak for a moment, she couldn't. Her sly grin slowly faded, and she knew she was staring at him, all seriousness, and stunned hesitance. He held her gaze, and she could't tear her eyes from his deep, dark blue ones. There were years of secrets there. Years. Things she knew she knew, but in that moment didn't know. And all she could see was his raw, exposed love and need. He blinked, but he wouldn't look away. He was just, there.
"You are, though, aren't you?" he said, gently, yet sure of himself. "You're in love with me. You have to be. Because people don't just fall in love in a month. At least, not us. Too much history."
She still couldn't speak – that's exactly what it was. Too much history.
Was she in love with him? Was that what the feeling was, clawing at her heart, clamping around her, making her feel simultaneously terrified, but never more secure. Knowing that this man would willingly die for her? That he'd go all the way.
All it took was one soft stroke of his thumb over her hand and she blurted it out,
"Yes. Yes, I'm in love with you."
A smile broke over his face in an instant, and a beautiful, innocent light filled his eyes.
"Oh, I've missed you saying that so much," he sighed. Kate's heart pounded, and she gripped his fingers.
"It… it doesn't make everything ok," she said.
"No, but it will," he said.
"You don't know that," she replied.
"No. I do. I do."
She looked away, finally, and mused over what to say next. But before she could, his phone rang, with the James Bond ringtone.
"Sorry," he said, with apologetic eyes, and picked up his phone. "Castle."
Sitting across the table, she was close enough that she didn't need the phone on speakerphone to hear the deep, male voice come through on the other end of the line.
"Mr. Castle? If you want your children to live, give us your wife. Otherwise, they will die. Slowly. And the baby… he will be of special use to us. You know where to find us. You have 48 hours." Then the line clicked off.
Both of them sat there, frozen.
"Castle," she breathed.
"Kate. We need to run. Now."
AN: So... don't hate me for the ending! But DO tell me what you think! :) Special thanks to all those that reviewed the prologue. I really appreciate it and I'm glad to know you enjoyed it.