Operation: Santa's Elves
Chapter Two
(Jonesn)
Luckily, the only casualty of Edward's thoughtless prank had been the office watercooler. But after he and Ty cleaned up that mess, they had to suffer the captain's wrath before filling out a slew of paperwork, and now they are running late. Way later than either one of them anticipated, and Ty's live-in girlfriend, Lauren is never going to understand.
Damn that idiot, Newton. Even if he had thought the pistol was a gun shaped donut, wouldn't he have realized it wasn't before pulling the trigger?
"Dumbass actually pulled the trigger," Ty says.
Shaking his head, Edward hangs a right onto 34th St. "Welp." Pulling up to park along a broken piece of curb, he cuts the engine. "This is Mike we're talking about. Remember when he locked himself in the back of his cruiser to prove to a perp there was no getting out?" Both chuckle when Tyler nods. "Makes perfect sense if you ask me."
Climbing out of the cruiser, Edward tugs on his snug, green tights, wishing he had opted for leggings instead.
Christ.
Did he really just think that?
In a perfect world, he could deliver gifts and wear his uniform, too. But as it turns out this world is far from perfect (a fact proven by the living conditions of these underprivileged kids) and a big heart can't go unpunished. Not unless he wants a repeat of last year...
"I get why we have to dress up," Ty says, drawing Edward's attention back to the car. "But don't you think if the kids wake up this time they'll be equally traumatized to find black Santa casing their living room?"
Stooping down, Edward peers at his not-so-jolly friend, trying not to laugh as Ty adjusts his padded belly and straightens his fluffy, white beard. "This is 2014." Edward reminds him. "You're racially diverse Santa and I'm your trusty elf. Now, get your fat ass out of the cruiser and help me with the toys."
Twelve flights of stairs later and Ty is huffing and puffing, ready to blow Apt 23's door down.
"How many times have I told you to throw some cardio into the mix?" Edward asks. "I really think you should start working out with me, 3 days a week, 2 hours a day. I'll have you sprinting up these stairs by next year."
Next year? Ty thinks. He'll be lucky to make it to the next delivery at the rate this evening is going.
Wheezing and unable to answer, Ty fishes key #1 out from beneath his wide, leather belt, and once they're inside, Edward swiftly moves into action, leaving behind a shuffling, disheveled Santa.
They both notice that this apartment is much nicer than the one's they are used to seeing. The walls are without any holes and painted a fresh shade of beige. Black picture frames lead the way into a cozy, Christmas light lit living room.
"Cute family," Ty remarks, taking a seat on the lumpy sofa.
Nodding, Edward agrees. "Yea, real cute," he says distractedly, pulling one Miss Bethany Swan's toys from inside Santa's crushed velvet bag. He pauses when he hears the distinct sound of snoring. Looking back to find Ty passed out from apparent exhaustion, he senses the attack just as it comes from the left.
Hey, ho-ho-hos! I missed you! I also missed writing with my Hoodie (that was until I realized when she said she can't wait to see what this h00r comes up with, she actually meant how many ideas she could shut down) -_- I still love her tho, and her cute, little delusions that Santa can actually drop by while you're out and about, nibbling on tasty chicken strips at the local Friendly's... Please. Everybody knows Santa comes when you're sleeping. Everybody.
Special thanks to her Minnie-me for obsessing over racial diversity. That was probably the funniest scene of this whole chap, and it's all because of Hoodie.
Happy Holidays! We hope you enjoy!
The murderer of merriness is up next ;)