I was sat outside texting Calum, telling him what happened; he was the only one who knew about my past and that was only because I was able to trust him. The texting conversation between the two was brief.

"It's happened again."

"What's happened?"

"I had my `problems` again :/"

"Oh shit. I'm 5 minutes away, I'm coming to get you. STAY WHERE YOU ARE."

My friends came out into the corridor to try and comfort me, but as they went to turn the corner into the corridor, they saw that they wouldn't want to get in the way. After I knew that Calum was coming to get me, I started to speak to myself.

"I didn't do anything wrong! I was just defending my friends! I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP!"

More irate now, I was punching through the dry wall of the corridor and breaking out ceiling panels trying to relieve the pain I felt. Nothing was helping, all of the emotion I felt at that moment was burning a hole in my heart and it was worst than any pain I could imagine, I knew that this was what happened last time and I swore to myself that I would never face the consequence of hell again, I would never escape the second time. My friends cowered behind the corner wondering whether or not to go out and try to confront me in this highly volatile state. They took a chance when I was considering what else to try to relieve my pain, suicide passed through my mind but I remember what it was like to lose someone you loved and I couldn't put Calum through a fraction of the same pain I felt.

"What's happening to you! I've never known you to be a violent person but that wasn't you." Ceiron yelled.

I paused to try speaking in a normal tone, without sounding threatening or beginning to break down to my only friends. I bit my lip and responded in a reluctant tone.

"If I told you, you wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Just tell us, we won't be judgemental." Replied Heather

"No, I just can't do this. I really don't want to do this. It took me so long to get my life back to something that was close to normality, I'm not going back."

My friends knew that they shouldn't delve into someone's subconscious especially someone that they didn't know much about. They knew nothing about my family or my personal life because to be honest there was never anything to tell, whenever the point came up, I always tried to avoid the question by changing the topic because I didn't have a family anymore and my personal life was just me living with Calum, he was my family. All they knew is that I go to college and go back to wherever I came from again.

"Conor, if you don't want to tell us then that's fine, we're not going to force you into telling us something personal or secret."

I was glad I didn't have to tell my friends from college about what happened before they met me, but I knew that when I left college to go home, Calum was going to convince me to tell them all about what happened, he would think that it would release the burden I was carrying. I didn't know why but I knew deep down that Calum was right, but it wasn't that I minded telling people, I was just worried about their reactions. It took so long to get some normality back to my life and I just didn't want my past to ruin my life and my future.

We left the college and went into the town center for a coffee and a chat. I was not looking forward to it because I knew that I would have to have a talk and make a decision.

"Listen Conor, I know it's hard having to live with what you've done and had to put up with but the best way to know who real friends are is to be honest with them and let them know things about you. At the moment, they only just realized you have a boyfriend, but they still don't know where you live, if you have a job or a family."

"But I live with you, you are my only family and I just feel scared, I don't want to lose my friends, I can't lose anyone else. I already lost my family to my actions. I don't want to lose my friends as well." I said trying to hold back a tear.

"Well, that's just a risk you have to take, to know whether or not they are true friends because they stick by you no matter what happens. I'll come with you tomorrow, when you tell them, if you feel anything bad inside then just turn to me and I'll help you, that's why I'm here"

Right then, I knew that Calum was right. Tomorrow was going to be the day, no matter what the outcome; they would still have each other. Only a few words were uttered before they left for home.

"Calum. I love you." As the tear escaped from my eye and slowly rolled down my cheek.

He didn't reply, he just wiped away the lone tear with a smile and responded with a kiss. That's all I needed.