Chapter Two: Harbor Me From The Anger

Later that same day...

"She's finally asleep," Gail said softly, ushering Juliet in.

"She must be exhausted." The woman was carrying a box that was larger than Gail had anticipated.

Gail hesitated. "I gave her some Haldol." When Juliet stared at her, shocked, she shrugged. "What? It was Ira's idea."

Shaking her head, Juliet put the box on the kitchen table. "Where the hell did you even get that, or do I not want to know?"

"The hospital. Ira called her doctor, we explained what happened." Their doctor, thank god, was understanding of the situation and willing to make an allowance. He'd given them one pill, given Gail a hell of a lot of instructions, and then muttered that it was probably illegal. Apparently coercion was a Peck skill she'd not known she'd had.

Her partner looked doubtful. "Where is she?"

"Couch." Gail glanced at the files, but went to check on her wife first. Curled up, hugging a pillow, the blanket had slipped off Holly's shoulder. Gently, Gail tugged it up and kissed Holly's forehead.

When she got back to the kitchen, Juliet had opened the box and sorted things out. "That pile is Jeremy Wilcox. That one is Jane Doe. The rest of the case files are in Toronto. Maybe Noelle would grab 'em?"

"No. No that's Holly's call, not mine."

Juliet looked suspicious. "And this?"

"This is... This is as far as I'm willing to go."

Looking over at the couch, Juliet sighed. "I just feel intrusive."

"Who took the case?"

"It's still ours. But it looks like an accident. The skid marks." Juliet opened one file and handed it over.

They ended up going over Jeremy's death, page by page. Ballistics was still running the slugs found in their dead man, but they'd processed the road and had a working theory of the situation. Based on Jeremy's attire and the wear on his clothes, he was a regular bicyclist. Gail muttered that athleticism ran in the family.

But, as Juliet noted, the skid marks on the road looked like Jeremy had been clipped by the car as it stopped, subsequent to being shot, and flung into the road. Either the shooter hadn't seen him, hadn't cared, or had assumed that he wouldn't hear the gunfire. The parents, George and Mary, had been contacted and would be there in the morning to ID the body.

Gail grimaced. That was soon and yet not. "Why tomorrow?"

"They're in Whitehorse, filming some reality tv series." Juliet yawned and her stomach grumbled. "Can we order food?"

"That's a great idea." Gail reached for her phone. "Thai."

"Noodles. That chicken thing."

Gail hushed her and dialed the familiar number. "Hi, it's Gail Peck. I'd like to make a delivery order." The woman on the phone recognized her name and asked if she wanted the usual. "Not today. One ginger cilantro chicken, a crying tiger, the short pork ribs with mango, fried rice, and two orders of the crab puff pastries. Oh and can the guy text me instead of ringing the bell?" Transaction completed, Gail smiled. The idea of good Thai food sounded great.

"No doorbell?"

"It'll probably wake Holly up, and I bet she'll have a killer headache."

Juliet frowned. "How has us talking not done that already?"

"The doorbell is really fucking loud." Smiling, Gail flipped the notes again. "So this is what you're gonna present to the boss?"

Her partner nodded. "Murder causing an accidental homicide. Do you think that will be any easier for Holly?"

"No. Not at all." Gail sighed. "Type this up, will you?"

Juliet flipped her off and booted her laptop to enter the case notes. As quietly as possible, Gail boxed up the papers on Jeremy Wilcox's death, leaving out the ones on his birth, abandonment, adoption. In a second stack were the papers about Jane Doe. No name. No ID in the system. No DNA.

DNA.

Hand on the file, Gail frowned.

"What's going on in that brain, Peck?" Juliet hadn't even looked up.

"We can't ID his mother because there is no DNA."

"Correct."

"What if there was?"

Juliet looked up. "From Holly's case file? That shit is sealed."

"Yeah, but her brain isn't. She ran a DNA check on the hair when she was in Toronto."

Blinking, Juliet tapped her keyboard. "Okay. Your wife checked the DNA of hair from her own, sealed, case files? Was she bored on Christmas or something?"

Gail waved a hand. "It was after her girlfriend before me dumped her. She was feeling depressed."

"Your wife is weird. Anyway, that's back in Toronto. Again, gotta make it official and call Noelle."

"You think Holly didn't keep a copy?"

Juliet turned and stared at the couch. "No bet." She tapped on the keys again. "Technically thats illegal, y'know."

"So? She was abandoned at three years old, Jules. She has a right to wonder."

Juliet frowned. "I can't even imagine that. Makes me want to call my parents and tell them I love them."

Getting fresh drinks, Gail pointed out the obvious. "Your parents are an alcoholic asshole and an actual psychotic. How is your mom, anyway?"

Her partner shrugged. Juliet's father had been arrested four times in the three years Gail had known her. The second time, Gail had been there when he was released sans license for a DUI. Juliet hadn't even shouted at him, just resignedly driven him home, taken all the alcohol out of the house, and asked him to please check himself into rehab. Which he never did.

On the other hand Juliet's mother had, years before Juliet joined the force, suffered a psychotic break and slashed at the mailman when he'd tried to deliver a package. Since Juliet's teen years, her mother had been in an institution, incapable of taking care of herself, and unresponsive to any treatments.

"It's funny," Juliet said thoughtfully. "My parents are crazy. Yours are absolute assholes and emotionally abusive. Holly has the best parents in the world and, simultaneously, the worst."

"Nick's got dead parents," mused Gail. "We make a pretty awesome quartet."

"I'm going to tell Nick you said that."

"Don't you dare, or I'll tell him what you really think of that thing where he licks your neck."

Juliet smirked. "Bitch."

"Love you too." Her phone pinged. "That'd be the Thai. Will you get that? I'm gonna wake up the hot chick."

"As long as you paid this time."

Gail smiled as Juliet went to the door. On the couch, Holly was sleeping less deeply. The doctor had only prescribed a half dosage, which was good. "Hey, Holly. You should wake up."

Her wife, adorably, wrinkled her nose. "No."

"No?" Gail smiled and brushed Holly's hair back. "Why not?"

"Today sucks."

"I know. But your blood sugar is for shit and you should eat."

A pair of beautiful brown eyes opened. "Eat?"

"Thai food. I got you the crying tiger."

"And crab?"

"Yeah, and crab." Gail kissed Holly's forehead softly. "Come on. Get up, wash your face and we can go over the hospital records or not."

Holly blinked a few times. "You got me the hospital records? Of ... Of Jeremy's birth?"

"Yeah, Jules brought them over. I figured if you wanted to compare your birth mother's DNA to his, just to be sure. I mean," Gail hesitated. "I'm sure you memorized it but I know you like to be sure. And this way you can be sure. That was wrong. Shit." Looking at Holly's confused face, Gail felt a wash of self-doubt cascade over her. This was the wrong thing. "Shit, I'm sorry, Holly. Give me five minutes, I'll have it all boxed up-"

A firm hand took hold of the back of Gail's neck, pulling her in for a kiss. Was this what it felt like to be on the receiving end of the kiss in interrogation? There was nothing hopeful or sexual about this kiss. It was just like the coat room. A pressing of lips, warm and welcome and world changing. Gail exhaled as Holly moved away, the lingering sensation of the lips on hers making her smile.

"Sorry," whispered Holly. "I'm too... I'm fuzzy. And I can't think how to make you shut up."

"That worked." Gail reached up to caress Holly's face. "Maybe we should look tomorrow. The Haldol has to wear off."

"Ah." Holly sighed. "Vitamin H. That was a good idea."

"I thought about weed, but it's easier to get a prescription for Haldol, which is disturbing."

Holly giggled. "Weed makes me paranoid. The last time I took it, I locked myself in a closet and Lisa had to lure me out with pizza."

Smirking, Gail stood up. "Good to know. Come on." She held out her hands and tugged Holly up.

By the time Holly washed up, Gail and Juliet had set the table and moved the boxes around.

"Is Nick coming?" Holly glanced around, thoughtfully.

"No," said Juliet. "Do you... Do you want him to come over?"

Holly looked stricken. "No. Just. I don't know. Can I have coffee, Gail?"

"Yes, dear." Gail kissed her head and started the coffee making process. "Jules?"

The native to Vancouver held a hand up, thumb up. "The super strong one that puts hair on your chest, please." Jules was tapping on her phone. "Okay, boyfriend diverted for the night. Food, then case?"

With a scowl, Holly asked, "Is my family really a case?"

"Mystery?" Gail shrugged and gave Holly the first espresso. Cream and sugar added, as Holly loved. "Food first, though. Dr. Peck needs to eat."

It didn't take long for them to plow through the first round of food. Licking the sweet crab sauce her finger, Juliet opened the first file. "Jeremy or Jane?"

Holly blinked, much more together now that she was fed. "Excuse me?"

"Jeremy or his mother, Jane Doe?"

Holly made a face. "My mother's name is Jane Doe? She's dead?"

Gail smiled and picked a small bit of meat off Holly's plate. "No. When people don't give names, they use John or Jane Doe. It's not just for dead people. Didn't you know that?"

"Clearly not," replied Holly, peevishly. She was allowed to be in a bad mood, decided Gail. "Jeremy, please."

Giving Gail a glance, Juliet shrugged. "Baby boy Doe was adopted by George and Mary Wilcox. They work for Discovery Channel, filming reality TV. George used to be a nurse, and was there when Jane Doe was brought in. Case notes say she was picked up after her water broke and she threw a chair into a passing car."

"Pleasant," muttered Holly. "So he was there when she gave birth?"

"Yeah, strung the hell out." Gail reached past Holly and picked up the file. "Like how was she conscious levels."

Holly leaned into Gail and read the file. "Wow. That's insane."

"I know. That's worse than the shit my dad got into." Juliet shook her head. "No ID on her, nothing in the system."

"Oh!" Holly snapped her fingers and jumped to her feet, only to wobble. "Damn it... Gail how much fucking H did you give me?"

Gail rolled her eyes. "Half a milligram, nerd. Sit down. What am I getting?"

"Folder in the filing cabinet, with my adoption records, labeled Smith."

Juliet looked surprised. "Smith?"

"Pre-adoption name. Didn't know how else to file it." Holly shrugged. "And no, I don't remember their names. I was three."

As Holly explained her childhood, Gail trotted upstairs. She knew the story as well as she knew her own life's story. At three, Holly had been found alone in an apartment, no parents in sight. The girl hadn't known where they'd gone and promptly ended up in the system. Since Holly didn't remember any details, and she never asked, her adopted parents didn't tell her anything more. Up until now, that hadn't been a problem in the slightest.

Now it was a question.

Gail sighed and went into the office, unlocking the files. Holly had her own drawer, as did Gail, and they shared a third. All the paperwork from the Peckstorm that had ruined most of her life was on Gail's shelf. She frowned at it. As of late, they had been quiet. Steve was doing alright, Bill was steadfastly refusing to talk to her, and Elaine was playing a weird game where she called and awkwardly tried to ask Gail how she was for ten minutes before hanging up.

But the storm was as much over as it was likely to be. There was no more fallout because there was nothing left to fight over. Cases were re-closed, and nary a Peck worked in the city of Toronto anymore. In fact, as far as Gail knew, there were only two Pecks left in law enforcement in all of Canada. And they lived in the same house in Vancouver.

What a strange, strange world. Two Pecks. And it was going to end with them, unless they had kids... Which they still hadn't talked about yet. Would that be something Holly would want more or less now that they had some truth to her past finally revealed?

Funnily enough, Gail used to pretend that she was adopted. It explained why she was such a different Peck to her cousins. But. She looked just like her mother. She had her father's eyes. It was, in a word, horrible. There was no way to deny she was a Peck through and through. And any child she had would be a Peck. Maybe it was best she didn't have a child.

Shoving that depressing thought away, Gail found the file and brought it downstairs. Holly was wrapping up the recap of her childhood. "I never asked my parents. I mean... I just assumed they didn't know. How could they?"

"They might have read your records, before they were sealed? I know allowances are made." Juliet paused and looked up at the stairs and Gail. "Hey, Gail is it weird that Jeremy's records are sealed but his mother's aren't?"

"Kinda." She sat down beside Holly. "Her case is open. Did you read it yet, Hol?"

Her wife shook her head and took the file. "Can I have the run down?"

Juliet eyed Gail, who nodded. "Right. Jane Doe was screaming about how her babies had all been stolen by the hospitals and social services."

Silence reigned for a moment. "Babies." Holly's voice was a whisper.

"Yeah," said Juliet sadly.

"Plural." Holly turned to look at Gail. The wheels were obviously turning in Holly's head. Babies. "She said that before giving birth?" Both Gail and Juliet nodded. "I see." Babies meant that, before Jeremy was born, there was more than one. More than just Holly.

Gail opened her file and looked at the DNA results on 'UnSub Smith.' Without a word, Juliet flipped to the DNA in her file. It was a perfect match. "How'd she get away?" Gail tried to read upside down.

"Uncuffed herself."

Impressive, thought Gail. She'd never tried doing it from a hospital bed. "That's a neat trick." She glanced at her wife.

Holly was thoughtful and introspective. "When are his parents coming?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. You..." Juliet stopped. "You're not coming, are you?"

"I don't know." Holly leaned back and sighed. "I doubt showing up would help. I look too much like him." But then she looked at Gail. "Would... Would you?"

Of all the things Holly might have asked, Gail had not expected that. And it was a hell of a question. Logically the name Peck meant nothing to them. It was safe for Gail to talk to them about the non-murder of their son. The oddity of talking to the parents of her unknown brother in law...

Gail nodded.

If it had been her parents, she'd have laughed. If it had been anyone else, she would have ignored it. But it was her wife, the one person Gail would move the world for. Anything Holly needed, ever, she'd do.

After arguing with Hayes for an hour, Juliet finally got his okay on letting Gail be there to talk to the parents. It was incredibly creepy to Juliet to see the body of Jeremy Wilcox. She couldn't understand why Gail was okay with it. But there stood her partner, calm as anything, watching the sheet be pulled back.

George and Mary were nice people. Understandably they were sad to find their son dead. That was an understatement. They were shattered. Juliet and Gail waited outside the morgue, watching the parents sob over the body of their dead son.

"This is the shittiest part of the job," said Juliet softly.

Beside her, Gail snorted. "I was trying to think how I'd feel if it was my parents over my body."

"Well you'd be dead." Juliet winced as Gail punched her shoulder. "I bet my parents would hallucinate the fuck out of it."

"I'm betting mine wouldn't show up."

"Likely." Juliet sighed. "Makes you not want to have kids."

Her partner fell silent in a different way. Working with Gail for three and a half years, Juliet had learned to read the variegated types of quiet that came from the blonde. There was a silence of contemplation and one of disgust. She had a special one for when she felt a person was being absolutely idiotic and another for when she was impressed. And then there was this silence.

This one was the silence that stemmed from someone accidentally voicing Gail's internal thoughts. Not the ones that were insulting to people. The thought she'd kept private. A thought like maybe asking Holly about moving in or a proposal or a baby.

And Gail knew that Juliet knew her silences. "No one's pregnant." She shoved her hands in the pockets of her jacket. "We haven't even talked about it."

Juliet had, with both Nick and Gail. There had been a pregnancy scare shortly after the Perik shit. At the time, knowing how much shit Gail was working through, Juliet had been too terrified to bring it up. And then Gail sat down at breakfast, just the two of them, and handed over a pregnancy test. Because she just knew and in her own, strange, way, Gail was a friend who cared deeply.

That friendship was why Juliet stood up for Gail's right to be there and interview the Wilcox family.

"I think you two could do it."

"Probably," said Gail, agreeing. "But this shit. Now I can't even ask. And I don't even know what I want." She sighed. "I wish we were straight. Then we could just skip condoms and let life take it's course."

Juliet smiled. "I suggest you try anyway. Maybe you can make a miracle."

Gail blinked and then laughed. "Asshole."

That was Gail for 'thanks.' Juliet was about to give Gail shit when she saw the family move. "They're coming."

"You lead," said Gail, tossing her coffee cup away.

The door opened and George Wilcox startled when he saw the two women. "Mr. Wilcox. I'm Detective Ward, this is my partner, Detective Peck. I'm sorry but we have a few questions."

Mary Wilcox frowned. "Detectives?"

"Homicide." Juliet waited for the word to sink in. "Would you please come with us?"

Stunned, the parents followed them upstairs and into an interrogation room. "Was Jeremy murdered?" George spoke the moment the door closed.

"Homicide investigates all suspicious deaths," said Juliet, carefully. "Please sit down."

The silent Gail pulled out a chair for the parents and then leaned against the wall by the glass. Both Mary and George glanced at her but then focused on Juliet. "What happened?"

"We believe your son was in the wrong place at the wrong time." Juliet cleared her throat and then explained the situation. That they knew Jeremy was an avid cyclist. That they knew he loved that empty road and was training for a 300 mile ride. They knew Jeremy was an accountant and had loved numbers. And they knew, based on the skid marks and the bent fender and the recent wear on his brakes that Jeremy had tried to stop, been unable to, was hit by a skidding car, and thrown to his death.

The parents cried again. Juliet mentally reminded herself not to have children. The world was a terrible, horrible place. It stole your loved ones. It ruined your heart. Having kids were like leaving your heart out in the open air. What had Gail said? One drunken night, before Nick took the job and before Holly had appeared, they'd been talking about love. Holly ripped her heart out and splattered it against the wall. And that was what love was.

As the parents of Jeremy slowly came to grips with their new reality, that their love, their heart, their son was dead, Gail finally spoke.

"Your son was adopted, is that correct?"

They looked up at her, surprised. "Yes," said George. "But I thought... You said his death was an accident."

Gail nodded and sat down. "We believe so, yes. But there is a possibility. It's slim. It's possible this might be related to his birth parents. Made to look like an accident."

It was only because she'd spent years with Gail that Juliet didn't double take. Pulling crap out of the air like this, it was something Gail was phenomenal at doing. And usually she'd come up with the gold ring when she did anything like this. "While we can't tell you details of the other case," said Juliet carefully, giving Gail an eye. "We're hoping that, possibly, details on Jeremy's birth family might help us eliminate some variables."

For a moment, Juliet doubted anyone would buy that bull. And then Mary nodded. "He was a baby. I never... I never met her." She looked at her husband. "George was a nurse back then."

The husband nodded. "I was there. When he was born, I held him first. His mother, she was crazy." George paused. "Given what she was on, I guess I shouldn't be shocked."

"Was Jeremy addicted too?" Gail's voice was gentle. It was a tone she generally only used for children.

"He was. I spent that first month with him, every day." George wiped his eyes. "I always thought that's why he was such a health nut. He knew, he always knew he was adopted and that his mother got him hooked."

Gail nodded. "His mother left right away. Picked the lock on her cuffs in an hour."

Surprisingly, George shook his head. "I know that's what they wrote down, but that wasn't it." He sighed. "She was cuffed, but it was so loose anyone could have gotten out. I don't think anyone thought she was going to run off, though. She had a newborn!"

"Did she name him?"

"She did," said George, surprised at the question. "Jeremy. She called him Jeremy and then screamed she couldn't keep him. She almost threw him. I think that's part of why the courts gave him to us so fast."

"But you looked for her?" Gail somehow asked the question so unpressingly, it was practically casual. Like they were just having a conversation.

Mary nodded. "We did. Every year, on his birthday, we would call the police to see if they'd found anything. For years. And then, when Jeremy was fifteen, he asked us not to."

Asked them? Juliet looked at Gail who was equally surprised. "Did he say why?"

"He did. He said..." Mary paused and smiled at her husband. "He said we were his parents. And he didn't need to know anything else."

When Jeremy was fifteen, Holly was nineteen. It would be years before she ran her mother's DNA, just to be sure. Had the Wilcoxes kept looking, they might have found each other. But did that mean none of the other children had looked? Or had they simply not survived past childhood? What a horrible mess.

As they left, Mary paused and looked at Gail. "There was always one thing I wondered about. "

"Ma'am?" Gail was impossibly calm, but Juliet swore she could hear her mind spinning.

"The mother. Jane Doe? She said she had babies. I always wondered if that meant Jeremy had siblings."

Gail's voice hitched. "What... Would that change anything?"

Mary sighed. "I'd want to know they were alright. Loved. And maybe I could tell them how wonderful their brother was... And maybe. Maybe he could live on in them."

They were silent until the elevator doors closed for their ride back up. "Okay. So we know nothing," said Juliet.

Shaking her head, Gail leaned against the wall. "We know her mother's a runner. And now that we have two exemplars of her genetics, we can scan for any more siblings. But... Did you catch the timing on all this?"

Juliet eyed her partner. "No. What timing?"

"Jeremy's Holly's full brother."

"We knew that," said Juliet, derisively. "DNA."

"Yeah, but it means when she lit out on Holly, she was pregnant. Which means her father's probably still in Toronto."

"Not like Holly would remember," said Juliet with a sigh. "Think it's a mental block?"

Gail nodded and stepped off the elevator. "Trauma does funny things. I still don't remember a lot about Perik."

That was understandable. "I don't remember a damned thing about Andro," she admitted. "It's all one big blur once he put the knife to my neck." Juliet paused. "Jesus. You think they did anything to her?"

The blonde sighed loudly. "I really hope not. But digging into it anymore, that's gotta be her choice, Jules. Not mine."

It was Gail's idea to sit outside after dinner. She pulled out a fuzzy blanket, spreading it over a spot in the backyard and turning off all the lights in the house. Holly was desperate enough to shut her brain up that she followed without a word, stretching out on the blanket with Gail and resting her head on Gail's shoulder. The strong, noodle arm wrapped around her, holding Holly close and safe.

While Gail looked up at the stars, Holly picked up the detective's left hand and ran her thumb over the scar. It had healed as much as it was ever going to. A thin, wavy line across the whole width of her palm, bisecting the simian lines. It ran from between Gail's pinky and ring finger, down to the meat of her palm.

They had been incredibly lucky that it had been as shallow as it was. A cut like that had every chance to sever tendons. It could have ended Gail's career. Instead, it was an everlasting reminder of a flubbed proposal. Like their rings, it was something physical that Holly could touch and understand as a thing.

When Lisa had seen the original scar, she'd criticized the hell out of the surgeon and promptly extended her stay after the wedding in order to fix it. Gail hadn't really argued, finding it hilarious and a decent apology for torpedoing them the first time. From Holly's point of view, the surgical work by Lisa was superb. The jagged lines from the tear were smooth. There was no sign of the stitches.

"Admiring Lisa's handiwork?"

"Admiring your simian lines."

"My what?" Gail picked her head up, surprised.

"The lines on your palm." Holly traced the lightly. "Heart, love, life... They're just creases in your palm from how you close your hands. But Mom... Mom would say this cut represents severing your old life from the new. That the universe wanted to define you as not what you had been, but what you are now and what you could and would be."

Gail huffed. "I can't believe Maya and Celery got along so well."

Smiling, Holly kissed Gail's palm and stretched along side her. Immediately, Gail's right hand began to stroke her hair. Her mother had loved Oliver and Celery, who stood in for Gail's parents. The witch and the hippie talked for hours about how lives were intertwined, and how Gail and Holly were destined for each other.

"I think Dad was jealous."

"He and Ollie can be bros while Maya and Celery talk about the mystical nature of love and life." Gail yawned. "How are you feeling?"

The data dump from Gail that evening had been hard to take. "I... I don't know. I want see them, meet them, and I don't."

Gail's hand kept stroking her hair, soothingly. "I didn't tell them about you."

"Thank you." Holly shifted and looked up at the stars. "What was the Peck Cabin like?"

"Until I was twelve, awesome."

"What happened at twelve?"

The hand on her hair paused. "So. We've got this place up north of the city, Toronto, three hour drive if there isn't traffic. Beautiful. No one nearby. No power except the generator. At night, you could see the stars."

Holly looked at Gail from the corner of her eyes. "Like here?"

"Yeah. Like here." Gail hesitated. The hand moved to rest on Holly's head. "It was in the family for a hundred years. I don't know if they have it anymore. Maybe it was part of the gang shit too, dunno." There was a tension to Gail's voice. "Anyway. There was this one summer, I was twelve years old. My parents drive us into town. I went into the store to get something... A magazine with Johnny Depp I think. Candy bars. Usual kid shit. And when I came out, Mom and Dad were gone."

"Gone?" Holly was surprised. "They just left you?"

"Yep. You find your way home through the woods, on your own. It's a Peck family tradition."

Holly made a face. "If we have kids, I'm squelching that idea."

"Well I don't have a cabin anymore, Holly," Gail pointed out sincerely.

There was something in the undercurrent. Holly frowned. "Do you want kids?"

Gail laughed. "What?"

"Children. Would you... Do you want any?"

"I don't know," said Gail. Her voice was quiet and thoughtful. "Sometimes. But then I think about the shit my parents did, and this with your birth mom, and I think that we live in a world where bringing more kids into it is horrifying..."

That made sense. Holly sighed. "I used to think I'd adopt. Save some kid from the system. Make the world better. But I never thought about siblings. Not like this."

"You never looked for your birth mother?"

"No," said Holly, guiltily. "I thought about it, but never seriously. It just … It was what it was."

Gail made a noise as if she understood that. "Do you want to look now?"

Holly didn't answer for a while. "I don't know."

Nodding, Gail accepted the statement for what it was. "Well. Whatever you decide. I got a whole building full of cops who want to help."

Silent again, Holly closed her eyes and settled against Gail's shoulder again. It was safer. They lay like that, quietly. "I should call my folks, huh?"

"I would," said Gail. She ran her fingers through Holly's hair and over her back. "I mean, you have the cool parents."

"Hey, your mom's been cool lately."

"Relatively. It's like saying Mercury is cooler than the sun. Still too hot for me to want to handle."

Holly laughed softly. "You made a science joke."

"You're rubbing off on me, babe."

"Can I decide later?"

"Sure." Gail was so calm about it, it was more soothing than the hand caressing her hair.

Holly exhaled and let her body relax, pressed up against her wife. They'd have to go inside, shower, and change for bed in a while. But for a while, she could forget about the confusion and pain.

The facts were simple, if few. Her birth mother had been totally insane, and her brother was born eight months after Holly had gone into the system. Meaning her birth father had to be around the months before the abandonment. Which meant her father left her.

There was absolutely no memory at all of any of it. Holly's first clear memory was her first foster parents explaining about the new school when she was five. Maya, the woman she thought of as her mother, had taken her to therapy and tried to help her remember the first years of her life. But to Holly it was all a blank.

And Holly had an incredible memory. She could remember every class she'd ever taken, every book she'd read, and every song she'd sung. She remembered every camping trip with her parents. The time her baby brother, Drew, tried eat the Christmas tree.

Her brother Drew.

Her brother Jeremy.

Holly sighed. She opened her eyes and looked up at Gail. The blonde's eyes were closed, a small smile gracing her lips. Gail looked younger than her years just then, not childlike (though certainly she could be that) but youthful. Holly reached up and caressed Gail's face, letting her fingers trace the cheekbones and jawline.

"Hey," said Gail softly.

"Hey." Holly pushed herself up to sitting. "I can't turn my brain off."

The blonde tucked both hands under her head. "Lie back down and count the stars." Gail's blue eyes opened, bright, cold, and yet warm.

Her heart stopped. Not literally. It was the way it had stopped the first time Holly had seen the woman. The pale skin, the sharp gaze, and features that struck Holly and told her that this, this was why she'd been born a lesbian. It was for a woman of beauty but also brilliance. A woman who looked like she walked off the silver screen and a mind like a diamond to match. Gail was witty and darkly funny and not only didn't mind that Holly had a weird job, she had one too.

From the get go, Holly felt Gail was the girl for her. If only Gail was gay, or bi. And then she was. And then Gail had seen through the babble to discern the meaning. And then Gail knew that Holly cared about her. And then the woman who spurned all love, all attention, all affection, kissed her.

Sometimes Gail joked that her world changed the moment she kissed Holly back in the coat room. Holly knew her world would never be the same the second Gail had her hands on Holly's face and held her still to kiss her. It was desperation and fear and hope and desire. It was everything Holly had hoped for and dreamed about.

Now she was married to the dream.

Instead of lying back down, Holly leaned in and kissed Gail softly. She let her lips ghost over Gail's, their breath mingling, and then she gave in to gravity. Her wife's lips were soft and warm and inviting. Luscious. Desirous. As they kissed, Gail's lips parted slightly, welcoming.

Holly braced her hands on either side of Gail's head, fingers digging into the blanket and the earth below. "I want to go inside," Holly said softly, kissing Gail's jawline and then neck.

"If that's what works," said Gail, freeing her hands and gently pushing Holly away. "But you have to let me up."

Sighing, Holly kissed Gail once more before getting up. She watch Gail methodically shake out the blanket and fold it up. The detective seemingly absently swept the yard with a glance, looking for anything they'd forgotten. Gail was obsessive about keeping the place looking beautiful, which to her meant not letting the yard look like anything but the nearly wild land it was. Gail mowed to the tree line and left it at that. Nature did its thing, and she wouldn't fuck with it.

They dusted off their legs and held hands, walking the short slope back to the house. There, Holly distracted herself with the woman who'd crashed into her life and upturned it all. She forgot a world that was anything beyond the two of them, just for a little while.

When she'd been a young girl and was introduced to the idea of what attraction was supposed to be for another person, Holly had been terrified that her thought was of a girl. Her best friend, a girl who had money and expensive toys, but always wanted to play with Holly at her simple house with her hippie parents. And then, one day, they'd been watching Star Wars at Ruthie's place, a laser disc, and Ruthie's older sister announced that Luke was cute, but Han was more her type.

Suddenly Holly realized there was a world where people really did talk about things like that. Ruthie didn't, and she hadn't, but they saw in the older sister a glimpse of what they would become. Ruthie said she liked the cute ones, and then the sisters both looked at Holly. She remembered turning beet red and muttering that she liked Han.

It was a truth. But she didn't want to date Han. She wanted to be Han Solo. She wanted to be the lovable rogue, witty and snide and shooting first. She wanted to fix the Millennium Falcon and be a pilot. She wanted to use a blaster and save the princess. Never once, not ever, did Holly want to be rescued. And if Ruthie wanted to be Princess Leia, then Holly was Han, but now it was all ruined because Holly couldn't be the boy. She didn't want to be the boy, she wanted to be the girl who did the boy things.

When she got home that night, Holly shouted she didn't want to go to Ruthie's anymore and cried in her room. Maya came in and climbed into Holly's bunk bed, hugging her and telling her no matter what it was, she could tell Maya, and she would always be loved. Because Holly was their daughter. Because they loved her.

Eventually, weeks and weeks later, she told her mother that she thought she was broken. Her friends were starting to like boys. She didn't. And Maya told her that was normal too. Sometimes girls liked boys, and boys liked girls. But sometimes girls liked other girls, and boys liked boys. Some people liked both. Some never liked either. Some people were born boys when they should have been girls, and so on and so forth. But as long as she wasn't mean to anyone, as long as Holly was honest and good and kind, Maya and Dieter would never be hurt by whomever she loved.

Of course, Dieter sat her down for a talk about bigots and homophobes. He wanted his little girl to be prepared for the assholes out there. And Holly realized that it didn't matter. She had people who loved her no matter what. She was protected and safe and even when people would hate her, she'd have parents who loved her.

Now she had Gail, too. She'd had girlfriends before, but Gail was the first who'd been a friend before she was more. And she was the first friend who had never cared if Holly was gay or straight or anything. Simply, Gail liked Holly for being Holly (and for not being Andy or Chloe, she suspected).

After she'd kissed Gail at the wedding, Holly called her mother in a panic. She'd ruined a friendship and lost the best person she'd ever met. Maya talked her down and pointed out that Gail hadn't shoved her away or run off. So when the next time they talked, Gail said nothing about it, Holly decided that Gail too didn't want to lose a friend over a silly kiss.

In the end, they did end up losing each other as friends for a time. It wasn't over a kiss. And then they became friends again. And then more again. And now Holly was married to the most insane, beautiful, inscrutable, frustrating, silly, person she had ever met.

Any fear she'd had about the straight girl was long gone. Gail admitted she'd long thought she might be a bisexual, since she hated pretty much everyone unilaterally. But men were easier to divest one's self from when they got annoying, it was simpler to date them. When they met up again, eight months after Holly had moved, Gail was clearly, exclusively lesbian. The blonde jokingly blamed Holly, since sex with women was incredibly mind blowing and wonderful. Even when that sex was with someone like Frankie.

Now, though, there wasn't room for anyone else but each other. Holly's world narrowed to the woman in bed with her. She became blissfully unaware of anything else. There was Gail's skin and her smell and her hands and her body and then there was nothing but release and relief and emptiness.

Lying next to Gail, smiling, Holly's whole body felt boneless and relaxed. Gail's fingers gently brushed the hair away from her face, and soft lips pressed against her forehead. "Sleep," said the detective softly.

Closing her eyes, finally, Holly's mind and body were at peace.

She could just be Holly Peck for a while.

A bit of a safe space before we address the elephants in the room.