Well, after a disastrous experience in bed together, Brangwyn and Young Thorin come knocking on the door of our two kings – because they know all there is to know about sex, don't they, LOL?! Can Thorin and Thranduil help or are the pair a lost cause?

.o00o.

Chp II

She Stoops to Conquer

Well, Brangwyn was not the sort of woman to let life and its vagaries dictate their terms to her and so, once the morning came, she got dressed, brushed her hair and marched out of her room determined to do something about things.

In their own bedroom, Thorin and Thranduil were also just getting up. Thorin was standing by the bed, putting on a silk shirt, but the elven king was reluctant to let him go. "Come back to bed," he wheedled. "It's still quite early." But when the dwarf only grinned and continued to do up his buttons, Thranduil swung his long legs out of the bed and, sitting on the edge of the mattress, he wrapped his arms about Thorin's waist, and buried his face in his lover's groin, nuzzling and suckling his genitals.

"Sorry," laughed Thorin, gently extracting himself from the elf lord's embrace. "However wonderful that feels, I must tear myself away. I'm expecting a guest. I'd get up if I were you."

"What guest?" grumbled Thranduil, climbing into one of his silken robes.

There was a sharp knock at the door.

"That guest," replied the dwarf. "At a guess, I'd say it's Brangwyn – come for our advice, no doubt."

And, yes, it was Brangwyn. She walked into the room with a frown upon her face and plonked herself down into her favourite chair by the window.

"I've come for advice," she said. And Thorin gave Thranduil a knowing grin. "And I would say," she added, her eyes flicking over their dishevelled appearance, "that I have come to the right people. Don't you two ever keep your hands off each other?"

Thorin laughed. "It's called jealousy," he said. But, when her face crumpled and she looked about to cry, he immediately went down on his knees next to her and gave her a hug. "Sorry," he said. "That was unfair. You're having problems with your betrothed, aren't you?"

"I knew you'd guessed," she gulped. And Thranduil drew up a chair.

"Come on," said the elven king gently. "Tell us all about it. I'm sure we can help you win the one you love."

And so Brangwyn told them all the ins and outs of the previous few weeks and then gave a detailed account of her attempted night in bed with the young prince. "And if I were a silly woman, I would blame myself," she said. "But, I know how much he wants me and I've experienced the strength of his desire. And so, I can only conclude that this has something to do with Dain and the way he's been brought up."

"That's right," sighed Thranduil. "Blame the parents. I'm sure that Legolas will have a few things to say about me when the time comes for him to form a relationship."

"But, I think you're right," interrupted Thorin. "I reckon he's never experienced love, only rejection, and now he fears that you will reject him too."

"Silly boy," muttered Brangwyn, blowing her nose. "If only he knew."

"So," mused Thranduil languidly as he twisted a strand of silver-gilt hair around his finger, "what we need to do is recreate that situation when he was so aroused he didn't have time to think whether or not you would reject him."

"Yes," agreed Thorin, "you've got to put him into such a daze of desire that all he can think of is giving you a good – "

"Thorin!" snapped Brangwyn. "I think we all get the idea. Now just explain to me how I'm going to achieve it. "

"Well," the dwarf laughed, "he was really turned on by the thought of you being a whore. So-o-o, perhaps you'd better stop acting less like a sweet young dwarf woman and more like a lady of the night."

Brangwyn giggled. "I'm not quite sure I know how to do that," she said. "Perhaps you boys can give me a few pointers. I'm sure you have a bit more experience than me."

"You do us both a disservice," was Thorin's amused response. "You should know how chaste we dwarves and elves are. But," and he gave a cheeky grin, "as young lads, groups of us used to go – er - sightseeing in the more – umm – colourful areas of Dale."

"Then you must take me there!" exclaimed Brangwyn, "and I might get a better idea of how to behave."

"We'll go exploring tonight," laughed Thorin, "fully cloaked and disguised, of course." And they cheerfully laid their plans together.

The prince made no appearance in the Great Hall for food that day, sending word that he was feeling unwell.

"Don't worry," whispered the elven king in an aside to the dwarf who was concerned that he might not seek their help. "He'll soon be feeling under pressure once more and then we'll have him knocking on our door as well."

.o00o.

The night was fine and clear and the three made their way - cloaks on, hoods up – into Dale. It was a lively place after dark: lights burned, stalls lined the major streets and people fell into and out of the taverns. Much of the town had been rebuilt in the past year and it was now an attractive place to be.

First, they had a drink in one of the taverns and, from their secluded seat, Brangwyn was able to study the behaviour of the bar girls. She looked carefully at their clothes, their hair, their make-up – but, mostly, she studied their interaction with the customers. They were very relaxed; they laughed a lot; they bent down and leaned over on the tables; and a huge amount of casual touching went on.

Outside once more, the three strolled down one particularly notorious street where women sat at the windows of the upper storeys and called out brazenly to passers-by, sometimes being coarse but, at others, surprisingly quick-tongued in their exchanges. She had to laugh when both her companions were propositioned and it was interesting to see how uncomfortable they felt about it.

"Of course," said Thranduil, "it is because we are in the company of a lady."

But, being a lady was no protection and soon a group of men began to follow closely behind them. "Time to go home," whispered Thorin. "They think you're a new girl. There can be no other reason for a woman to walk down this street." And his hand went to the sword that he had concealed beneath his cloak.

In the end, when the crowd grew more pressing, they had to run for it. And Brangwyn finally made it back to Erebor, breathless and giggling a little bit hysterically.

"I think I've got the idea," she thanked them. "I'll try a few things on him tomorrow evening." And they retired in an optimistic mood to their chambers.

.o00o.

"Come on," said Thorin, leaping out of bed the next morning before his lover could grab him. "I'm expecting the prince this morning. He's had two nights now to get himself into a state. He can't hold out much longer."

Thranduil grumbled about the price of looking after the concerns of young people, but he got up anyway. "And tomorrow," he said, "kissing the dwarf and pulling him hard against a very needy erection, "tomorrow morning we shall have a lie-in and you can make it up to me."

"Or perhaps," murmured Thorin against the elf's throat, "you can make it up to me. You're just so much more creative than I am."

The expected knock came at the door and the two kings reluctantly parted. Young Thorin entered the apartment looking anxious and pale. They ushered him to a seat and both gave him a kindly and encouraging look. They were ready with a pre-arranged scenario.

"I think you have a problem," said Thorin gently, "and I think you may have had it for some weeks."

"How did you guess?" the prince asked, turning a little pink about the ears.

"Well, it's obvious," Thorin continued. "All men have problems when they become betrothed."

"They do?" asked the lad wide-eyed.

"Well, yes," said Thranduil reassuringly. "They're entering into the unknown, aren't they? If they're close to their father, young elves and dwarves usually have a good chat with them but, if they're not, they just muddle through and make a mess of things. We've been waiting for you to come knocking at our door for some time – and we're a bit upset that you've taken so long to ask for our advice."

"You are?" said the prince.

"Oh, yes," continued Thorin nonchalantly, "because, as far as betrothals are concerned, Thranduil was married before and didn't need any advice but I certainly did."

"You did?" asked his heir. He found that very difficult to imagine. "Are you telling me that your first night wasn't too successful?"

"It was an absolute failure," lied Thorin. "I found Thranduil so intimidating that I couldn't get it up."

(The two kings had argued for hours over who should tell this ignominious lie and had finally tossed a coin.)

Young Thorin relaxed a bit and slowly began to recount his failures as a lover.

"First night nerves," Thranduil reassured him. "You'll be fine if you try again."

The prince's face dropped. "Well, I can't be sure of that," he muttered. I wish there were a way of ensuring an erection."

He noticed that the kings looked at each other. Thorin rose from his chair: "There just might be a way," he said slowly. And then he went to a bedside drawer and pulled out a small phial. "There are two doses in this bottle," he explained. "You must be very careful when you measure it out. If you take one dose an hour or so before you make love, you should put on quite an impressive performance. We don't recommend two doses because it will then make your performance so spectacular that Brangwyn might suspect."

Young Thorin seized the phial eagerly as though his life depended on it. "The drug has a bitter taste," added Thranduil, "and so it is flavoured with sugar and lemon."

The prince gave them effusive thanks and left the room, clutching his phial, and looking more than confident. "I think we've done a good job there," said Thorin. "But," he growled, "I wonder how long it will take for the rumour to spread around Erebor that I have trouble getting it up?"

"They'll never believe it," laughed Thranduil. "But, I wouldn't mind a demonstration, of course, just as a reassurance that you can." And he pushed the dwarf backwards into the bedroom.

.o00o.

Third and final chapter: All's Well that Ends Well. Will the potion work? Will Brangwyn successfully imitate a common tavern wench? And will the whole of Erebor be agog in the knowledge that their king can't get it up, LOL?!

Thank you for reading and thank you for your comments. Have a Happy Easter!

.o00o.