The Scarlet Devil Mansion is Now Hiring

Chapter 2

"You don't get breaks."

Youmu stared slack-jawed. "I'm...I'm sorry?" She was twenty hours into her first shift already.

"As a maid, you need to always be available for your master. If she needs something, being on break is not an excuse. Similarly, if something needs to be done urgently—say, a burst pipe—you must deal with it immediately. You do not get breaks. You do not get 'time off,' as such things are usually judged."

Sakuya crossed her arms, and Youmu couldn't meet her gaze.

With a sigh, Sakuya loosened her stance. "I am not so cruel, Youmu. I recognize the need for dedicated breaks—it actually increases efficiency overall. You may take two hours to yourself in each 24-hour period. But you still must make yourself available. Expect to be interrupted." Sakuya scratched her chin. "Wait, you don't need to sleep, do you?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Good. Two hours then."

Youmu gave a long sigh, which Sakuya ignored. They both walked back towards Youmu's room, although Youmu was still far from understanding the mansion's layout. She only knew where they were headed because Sakuya announced it.

It did give Youmu an opportunity to show off, though. "Chief, question." She said. "When I was wandering around earlier, it seemed to me that the mansion was designed so you could reach any room quickly no matter where you are."

"Correct, but that's not a question."

"Ah, er." Youmu cleared her throat. "Wouldn't it be more efficient to just connect every room to one central room, like a big wheel with spokes?"

"Foot traffic," Sakuya responded. "We employ a lot of fairies, and that sort of design would lead to a very crowded central room. And then it would get noisy, with so many fairies in such close proximity. It would bother the mistress. Plus, a room with that much traffic would need its carpets cleaned twice per day to maintain proper levels of cleanliness."

Youmu quieted her voice. "I didn't think of that..."

"It wasn't a bad thought." Sakuya shook her head. "But mostly, there are a few rooms intentionally out of the way. Not every room needs nor should have equal accessibility. Speaking of which, welcome to the hub."

Sakuya pushed open a smaller-sized door the same color as the wall. It blended into the background in such a way Youmu probably would have overlooked it. She entered into the room, her feet hitting a stone floor instead of the usual carpet.

The hub, as Sakuya called it, was in such contrast to the rest of the mansion Youmu almost didn't believe they were in the same building. The wooden walls were adorned not with portraits or paintings, but with chalkboards and graphs. There were tables and counters littered with junk, tools were laying about in every corner, and it seemed dirty.

Youmu took a look at the chalkboard, but it was esoteric. On it was a grid, the rows labeled starting with "BLOCK 1" and ending at the bottom with "BLOCK 27." The columns were labeled with numerous words and acronyms, some of which Youmu could figure out such as "Dust," "Walls" and "Ceiling," but others were completely foreign. She had no idea what "Vent" or "HWE" meant. The cells contained X's, O's, and some contained dates.

When she entered the main area in the hub, Youmu counted seven fairy maids in the room. She spied one of them working on the broken lamp she had earlier, and the others all seemed to be involved with their own tasks. They tensed up a little as she and Sakuya entered.

A hand rested on Youmu's shoulder, and she turned to see Sakuya with a resigned look on her face. "I clean this room twice a day," she said. "But it never stays that way for long. This is the 'hub,' a sort of command center for keeping the mansion clean. The board describes what needs to be cleaned and when." Sakuya then gestured towards a door on the other side of the room. "Through there is the storage area. Any supplies or tools you need will be there."

Sakuya then walked through the door. Before Youmu could follow her, Sakuya emerged with a long tube coiled around her shoulder. She pulled it off and pushed it into Youmu's arms before heading back into storage. She emerged again, carrying a differently shaped tube, some brushes, and a large bottle.

"We'll start off with carpets," Sakuya said. "Follow me."

Not a minute later they arrived in what was apparently their destination, a typical hallway. Sakuya led Youmu to the middle, set down her tools and knelt down next to a small door in the wall. Youmu recognized it as the same type the fairies were using earlier.

Sakuya opened the door. "These are the lifeblood of this mansion," she explained. "Look."

Youmu looked into the alcove. She saw a line of small, yellow valves and two larger pipe ends with larger, red valves on top and small levers on the side. They were unmarked except for a single label on the back of the alcove that read "BLOCK 17."

"Wait wait wait," Youmu said. "The hallways are numbered?"

Sakuya nodded. "A block consists of a hallway with one of these panels, and every adjacent room. If you get lost and don't know where you are, you can use these to reorient yourself. Cleaning is handled one block at a time." Sakuya pointed towards the smaller, yellow valves. "These control the lighting in the block's rooms. The mansion uses gas lights, and you can raise or lower the light level by opening and closing the valves. Sometimes it's more helpful to brighten up the room while cleaning, but always remember to turn it back down. The mistress prefers the low light."

Youmu nodded and waited for Sakuya to continue her explanation. So far the fairies' actions were explained from earlier.

"There are two methods we use for carpet cleaning," Sakuya said. She grabbed one of the tubes, and pulled it towards the alcove. "The first is a typical surface cleaning, done with a vacuum cleaner. Take this tube, and connect it to this pipe here." She pointed to one of the pipe ends, and then stuck the open end of the tube on it. "Then be sure to twist the valve to open the pipe."

Youmu wasn't sure what to make of the situation, it was unlike any cleaning method she was aware of. Sakuya demonstrated by holding the other end of the tube, which terminated with a long metal pole with a funnel at the end, and flipping the switch in the alcove. There was a soft hum that came from within the wall, and the sound of rushing air in the tube.

"Here, feel." Sakuya said. Youmu reached her hand out to the funnel, and felt it being sucked in. It was pretty powerful, but not enough for her to be worried about losing her hand.

"Wow, is this magic?" Youmu asked.

Sakuya shook her head. "No, actually. I had the kappa help install this system into the mansion, no magic required." Sakuya then spun the vacuum around and pushed it against the carpet, running it along. "Drag it along the carpet, and it will suck up the dust and dirt. It's pretty effective and quick too. Every room gets this treatment every other day."

Sakuya handed the vacuum to Youmu and had her clean the hallway with it. It was intuitive, and Youmu got the hang of it quickly enough. Besides the odd comment here and there about making sure to get into the hard-to-reach areas, Sakuya stayed mostly quiet. Youmu felt uncomfortable in the silence, with Sakuya's gaze dead on her. She tried to focus on the work.

It took awhile for Youmu to finish the entire block, but Sakuya seemed pleased. "The first thing you should work on is making sure you clean thoroughly," she said. "After that, you can work on efficiency."

At Sakuya's instruction, Youmu turned off the vacuum and detached the tube. Sakuya then led her to the adjacent block.

"The second method we use to clean carpets is a deep cleaning. Most rooms only need this once every three months, although blocks that see heavier use I like to do monthly." When they arrived, Sakuya grabbed the bottle off the ground. "The method is called hot water extraction. You can think of it like washing your hair. First, you use shampoo, then you brush your hands through it to get the soap in deep, and then you rinse with hot water. We do the same thing to the carpet." Sakuya swung the jar back and fourth. "This is the chemical we use to precondition the carpet."

Sakuya demonstrated quickly by spraying some of the chemical onto the carpet, getting on her hands and knees and then rubbing the carpet with one of the brushes. Seemed simple enough, and Youmu got the hang of it after a few minutes.

So now Sakuya was staring at Youmu work again, except this time Youmu was on her hands and knees. It was even worse than before. And to add insult to injury, Sakuya was issuing commands every few minutes telling Youmu to scrub harder.

Youmu understood the dog metaphor, now. The only thing missing was a collar around her neck and a leash in Sakuya's hands. Youmu's face flushed red at the thought, and she tried to shake it off and concentrate on her work.

After about twenty minutes, far from Youmu being done, Sakuya started lecturing. She proposed an interesting conundrum to start with: dusting shelves and other furniture causes a lot of the dust to land on the carpet. However, vacuuming kicks up dust which gets on the shelves. The question then, is which to do first when cleaning a room.

Youmu tried to come up with a response, but when she started thinking Sakuya told her to scrub harder. It was hard to divide her attention like that, even with a menial task. So she simply said she didn't know.

Sakuya wasn't bothered. The solution was apparently that it didn't matter—at the frequency the mansion is cleaned, the amount of residual dust is negligible. She followed up by explaining if she really did face the conundrum, all she had to do is multiple passes. Dust, then vacuum, then dust again, until you're satisfied.

After a couple hours, Youmu finished preconditioning and scrubbing the block. It was a lot of floor space. When she stood up and wiped her hands, Sakuya handed her the other tube. It was similar to the vacuum, but a bit larger. "Time for the fun part," she said.

Sakuya explained a bit about the mansion's build-in cleaning system. In one of the basement rooms there were machines that all the block panels were hooked up to, one of them for the surface vacuum, the other for the hot water extraction. This made it easy to perform proper cleaning from anywhere in the entire mansion.

Youmu hooked up the tube to the panel and turned the valve. Sakuya told her that hot water would be sprayed onto the carpet under the funnel, and then immediately sucked back up, taking all the dirt and grime with it. The carpet would still be wet afterwords though, so she advised Youmu to come up with a route so she didn't have to walk over parts she already cleaned.

She took a minute to come up with such a route, then flipped the switch and got to work. Sakuya had been right in that it was a little fun. The area she went over the extractor with looked way nicer than the areas she hadn't.

Another hour later, and the job was done. Sakuya smiled as Youmu turned off the machine and unhooked the tube. "Good work," she said. "It takes about four hours for the carpet to dry."

Sakuya snapped her fingers. The carpet instantly dried.

"So, now that that's done, let's return to the hub."

The hub was buzzing with fairy activity, just how they left it. Sakuya placed the vacuums and brushes back in the storage room. When she emerged, she turned Youmu's attention to the board and pointed to a few of the cells.

"We surface cleaned block seventeen and HWE'd block twenty-one. Erase the days in those cells, write Wednesday's date for 17 and two months from now for 21."

Youmu did so. Of all the things she had to endure today, this was simple. Sakuya nodded, and patted Youmu on her head.

"Good work, Youmu," she said. "If you see anything on this board that needs doing, feel free to take care of it. The fairy maids do their part, but usually I have to finish up a good third of the list in the last five minutes of each day. I reset the board at midnight."

"Ah, okay. Chief."

"The mistress will be waking soon. Meet me in the kitchen in half an hour."

With that, Sakuya vanished.

Although Youmu would have liked to spend the next half hour relaxing she didn't actually know how to get to the kitchen. She couldn't really waste any time resting. It was probably just luck, but within fifteen minutes Youmu made it to the kitchen. Sakuya wasn't there, so Youmu decided to sit down at one of the chairs and take a moment to herself.

Working at the mansion was more...uncomfortable than she predicted it would be. She admired Sakuya, but being in her presence made Youmu anxious. She was just so perfect, becoming like her was an unobtainable goal.

But what really bothered Youmu was how embarrassed and nervous she got. She just couldn't pull off that cool demeanor Sakuya always wore. Youmu could only hope that over the next ten weeks, she could control herself a little better.

Sakuya entered the kitchen carrying a book. When she saw Youmu, she headed over and held it out. "Here," she said. "You can consider this a present, or just a textbook. Your choice."

Youmu tilted her head and took the book, reading the cover.

Cooking For Vampires: Breakfast I

Izayoi Sakuya

"You wrote this...?" Youmu asked. Sakuya nodded as Youmu opened up the book and flipped through the pages. Each spread had a breakfast recipe on the left, and the same recipe but including blood on the right.

"I went over most of the basics of choosing meals yesterday, but it's an art that you'll be working on for the rest of your life. Not even I have mastered every nuance of my mistress's tastes. So I'll start teaching you recipes from here on out, and practice through them. Today we will be making the mistress a yogurt bowl."

Sakuya pulled various fruits from the time-locked cabinets, a tub of yogurt from the fridge, and as always, a vial of blood. She also pulled a sharp knife and set it down before gesturing for Youmu to come over.

"Why do you think we're preparing this meal, Youmu?"

Youmu shrugged. "Because it was hot today?"

Sakuya raised her eyebrow. "Indeed. The mistress has woken up right around sunset today, which means she'll enjoy her breakfast on the balcony. Since the temperature is warm, a cooler breakfast will be appropriate. A yogurt bowl also gives me the opportunity to use some fruits that don't work well with other dishes. For example, bananas are good with almost anything, but peaches not so much."

"I...I was just guessing, chief, I didn't think all that through..."

"I know." Sakuya nodded. "But you should have more faith in your deductions." Sakuya spun the knife in her hand and held the handle out towards Youmu. She took it carefully, and began to peel and cut the fruit.

"No, not like that," Sakuya said and came up behind Youmu. "Here, let me show you."

Youmu's heart started pounding in her chest as Sakuya rested against her back. She gently took Youmu's hand and begun chopping the fruit with it. It was hard for Youmu to concentrate on the technique Sakuya was walking her through when they were so close.

When Sakuya backed off Youmu exhaled. She couldn't bring herself to look up from the fruit, and continued chopping. Next Sakuya showed her how to mix the blood in with the yogurt, and from there it was a simple matter of mixing in the fruit. It was pretty simple to make, and Youmu found the entry in Sakuya's book for it. She was confident she could make it, it was definitely simple.

"Wait," Youmu said when they were done. "Chief, can you explain this part here..." Youmu pointed to part of the book entry on the yogurt bowl. Under the 'blood' ingredient, there was the phrase "type: sweet/light."

Sakuya looked at it and nodded. "According to the mistress, everyone's blood tastes differently. It can be sweet, bitter, spicy...pretty much anything. Obviously we don't want to spike a yogurt bowl with something spicy, so we have to use appropriate-tasting blood for each dish. I have her taste a sample when I get a new source and label accordingly." Sakuya turned to look at Youmu with a strange look. "Now that you mention it, yours would go well with this dish. Sweet, but fleeting."

"Eh? M-My blood...?"

"Maybe next time, no sense in re-making it." Sakuya placed the breakfast on a platter and waltzed out of the kitchen, Youmu quick behind her. Remilia was sitting where Sakuya predicted, on the balcony adjacent to the throne room. The sun must have just gone below the horizon, and the sky was a vibrant orange.

Remilia didn't pay Sakuya nor Youmu any attention and took her breakfast wordlessly. Sakuya bowed and left. Youmu took a look at the sunset, and followed her chief back inside.

"Hey, chief?" Youmu asked. "If I may...what does your blood taste like?"

Sakuya grimaced, and her eyes lowered.

"Ah, I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's..." Sakuya sighed. "Remilia has only had my blood once. She...described it as 'toxic.'"

Youmu didn't have a response for that.