The Wizard of Who!!
**The Fittings**
Scene: In the Costuming Department.
Me: All right, is everybody here? I see most of you have already gotten started.
Sally: *giggles as she twirls in a lovely white lacy ball gown* I haven't worn something like this since we were married!
Ned: *beams at her* And you look just as lovely as you did then, my dear.
Sally: *beams back* Oh you!
Burt: Heh, get a room, you two!
Ned: *sweeps Sally around in an impromptu waltz* What's the matter, Burt? Jealous?
Burt: What, think I can't dance better than you? *grabs Ms Yelp and whirls her around*
Ms Yelp: Stop this, please! I've no time for such nonsense!
Me: Ok ok, let's get back on track here. I have an apology to make, along with a very special announcement. First off, I didn't fill a role here yesterday as the script was left in the Xerox machine.
Ms Yelp: Sorry, I got distracted by some screaming in the background.
Ned: *sulks* I was just trying to help!
Sally: We know, dear, but perhaps some things are best left to the staff?
Ned: *grumbling* I swear all staplers are out to get me.
Me: No problem, we got it settled now. It's the part of Uncle Henry.
Ned: Oh yes. To the Chairman's Aunty Em. Who's going to be the significant other, I wonder.
Chairman: *mutters*At least I know it won't be you or this young whelp of yours.
Me: I also overlooked the addition of another actor for this play. One you all know and love and is eager to assist us. *speaks into walkie-talkie* Hey! You there?
Horton: I read you loud and clear, Director!
Ned: Hey Horton!
Horton: Hey Mayor!
Sally: So you're going to be in this too? How nice!
Horton: Yep. I'm Uncle Henry!
Jojo: Great to have you here, Horton!
Horton: Great to be here, Jojo! Well, in a sense, anyway.
Chairman: Yes, well, that's good but how can he be in this play when he can't even come onto the stage?
Me: Simple. We make up a cardboard effigy and put a loudspeaker in it! Jojo, that's your department since we're also going to be looking to you for the special effects here.
Jojo: Special effects? Me? Cool! I can think of a lot of neat stuff that we can use!
Me: I'm sure you can. But let's not get carried away, ok?
Burt: Hey Horton! Remember me?
Horton: Oh yes, how could I forget Burt from Accounting? How's things, Burt?
Burt: Pretty good. I'm the Scarecrow, you know.
Horton: You are? Well, then just remember this. *pauses for effect* 'A person's a person, no matter how straw!!'
*Everybody moans*
Ned: Horton? That was truly awful!
Horton: Heh, isn't it though? Sorry, I just couldn't resist! Usually I don't think of those lines till later.
Chairman: I wish you did. Much later.
Me: Ok, back to work. Um…..Dorothy, where's my Dorothy?
Hanna: I'm here. But do I –have- to wear a blue dress? I don't like blue.
Me: Wellll, that could be changed. What color do you like?
Hanna: Fuchsia!
Me: Oy. On a farm? You're supposed to be living on a farm.
Hanna: Oh. Ok. Could it be red then?
Me: Red is doable.
Hanna: Yay!
Me: All right, Burt. Did you try on your Scarecrow costume?
Burt: Yeah I did. And I'm afraid there's a problem.
Me: Uh…what is it?
Burt: It's mostly straw, right?
Me: Yeah. Scarecrows usually are stuffed with straw.
Burt: Well, y'see..I have hay fever sometimes and…
Me: Oh. Great.
Sally: Couldn't you use that fake straw stuff they sell in craft stores?
Me: We're going to need pounds of that though. Have to consider the budget!
Burt: I could take double my medication….
Me: Don't do anything that would risk your health. We'll just find another scarecrow.
Burt: But I like being the Scarecrow. That costume goes well with my mustache even if it –is- straw.
Ned: *chuckles* What, your costume or your mustache?
Burt: Now who's jealous? *wags mustache*
Me: We'll see what we can do. Maybe if we use just the slightest amount of straw, Old Man in the Bathtub (or out of it at this point) how does the Tinman costume fit?
OMINB: Fine but there's no place to put my rubber duck!
Me: -_-
Me: All right, The Wicked Witch? Where's my Wicked Witch?
Chairman: I'm here. *strikes dramatic pose with broom and black gown* This does make quite the fashion statement, doesn't it?
Jojo: *smirks* Yeah, that the wearer is a colorblind boob.
Chairman: Oh, is someone's dog collar on a bit too tight?
Jojo: *shows teeth* Grrrr!
Me: Come on, you two. Break it up. Ah…Jojo?
Jojo: Hm?
Me: Toto did not have a spiked collar.
Jojo: But it looks cool! Like I'm a pit dog or something!
Chairman: Yes, a pit Yorkie.
Jojo: *shows teeth again* Grrrrr!!
Me: Come on, Jojo. Toto is a small cute dog that cheers Dorothy up. A terrier, to be precise. He wasn't a junk yard dog.
Chairman: *musing* That could be arranged..OWW!! LEGGO!! *hops about* Keep him off me!!!!~
Jojo: WOOF!!!
Me: Jojo. No arguing. Lose the spikes. Plain collar. Ok? And stop biting!!
Jojo: *crestfallen* Oh jeez. Ok.
Me: The Lion. Where's my Cowardly Lion? Oh there you are. Ah….one suggestion.
Mr Mugillacuddy: Mmph?
Me: The face is frontwards. *takes head off costume and turns it around* That's better.
Mr Mugillacuddy: Hey! I can see!
Chairman: *rolls eyes* It's a miracle.
Me: Ok, it seems we're up to speed on the costumes. And the missing role, now played by Horton.
Horton: That's me! Good ol' Uncle Henry! *starts singing* I am Uncle Henery the Eighth I am! Uncle Henery the Eighth I am I am……
Me: Ah….yeah And thankfully we have no widows next door. *makes note on clipboard* That leaves me more time to figure out this next problem.
Ms Yelp: And that is?
Me: Well, you know the witch has these soldiers and a troop of flying monkeys. I have to figure out how many we can afford to get as stage extras. Darn budget really isn't allowing for much here.
Sally: Ah, may I make a suggestion, Ms Director?
Me: Heh, 'Ms Director'. I like that! Oh, yes, Sally. By all means. Suggest away!
Sally: You're using our daughters as the Munchkins, correct? Well, since they're only going to be in that role for the first part of the play, why not have them change costumes and half of them be the witch's soldiers and the other half the flying monkeys? That should simplify things.
Me: *stares open-mouthed for moment* Sally. That is Brilliant! Simply brilliant!
Sally: Oh, it's nothing, just a thought I had.
Ned: *comes up and kisses Sally* See? That is why I married her! That and she makes great Whoberry pancakes!
Chairman: *mutters* At least –somebody- in that family has some resemblance of brains…OW!! YOU BITE ME ONE MORE TIME, YOU LITTLE MISCREANT, AND I AM CALLING THE WHOVILLE POUND!!!!!
Jojo: GRRRRRRRR!!!
Ned: Jojo! Knock it off! Heh, he didn't mean anything by it, Mr Chairman. Really. Heh.
Chairman: *in an icy tone* I trust he's had all his shots?
Ned: Why, yes. All our children's vaccinations are current!
Jojo: *sticks tongue out at Chairman* Woof.
Chairman: *mutters* Insolent whelp.
Me: All right all right all right! Tomorrow we're going to start a quick rehearsal. Everybody be here by 11. Got it? Horton, I don't know if you've got any time pieces in the jungle but it's almost noon, got that?
Horton: I'll be here. Just give me a shout.
Me: Very good. Ok, remember, look over your lines.
Everyone nods and the group starts to break up. The Chairman walks past Jojo and 'accidently' whacks him with the broomstick.
Jojo: Yipe!