Out of the Mouth of Babes

Driving down the street, the sun on my face and a breeze drifting over my cheek from the open window, I basked in the peace of the moment. It was my first day off in over two weeks and I was taking full advantage of getting away from the hustle and bustle of the hospital. Soft music had been playing in the back ground and I had been humming softly along, but when Happy by Pharrel Williams came on, my passenger in the back squealed out in sudden excitement.

"Turn it up, Dr. Sean, turn it up! Please?"

I chuckled at the sheer enthusiasm in little Jaimie Ayers' voice and turned up the volume of the radio until the music was at a comfortably loud level. Looking into my rearview mirror, I laughed out loud at the sight of Jaimie dancing and singing along to the song in his car-seat. "You like this song Jaimie Boy?"

"Yes! Carol likes to play it when we clean up at home and Seth and I dance to it! Sing with me Dr. Sean."

I shook my head, deeply amused, and started to softly sing along to the upbeat song, drumming my fingers along to the beat on the steering wheel. My voice steadily gained volume as we sang along with each lyric. By the next chorus, we were both belting the song out at the top of our lungs, Jaimie almost unintelligible because he was giggling so hard.

"Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do"

Jaimie was bouncing around to the song, his fluffy black curls flopping into his eyes and his golden eyes glowing, clapping his hands to the song. I felt my grin expand at his obvious joy and turned into the parking lot of our destination. Jaimie was too into the song to notice that we had stopped, or he just wanted to finish the song. So, I continued to join in and ignored the odd looks I was getting from people watching us belt out the song at the top of our lungs. As the last strains fell away, I turned around to face the flushed and giggling boy, and gave him a wink.

"Well, Jamie Boy, that was a spectacular if I do say so. I'm impressed! I never knew anyone could giggle and sing at the same time, but you sure showed me! What is that, singling? Siggling? You should practice that more often."

Jaimie only giggled harder to at that and shook his head in delight as I started helping undo the buckle to his car seat. "Dr. Sean, I was singing! Not giggling. Giggling is something girls do."

"Oh, well if that's true, maybe you should start asking Carol to put pig tails in your hair and get you some pretty dresses, because you were definitely giggling there Jaimie boy."

"Shut up! I'm a boy!"

I lifted the squirming, giggling child out of the seat and set him over my shoulder and began to casually make my way into the small shop. A small bell sounded through out the brightly lit and colored ice cream shop and people turned to regard us as we entered, Jaimie's giggles and shrieks of laughter sounding loudly. Ignoring the reproving glare that I was getting from an uppity looking women, I walked to the counter, Jaimie nearly breathless with laughter at this point and probably a little light headed from blood rush. The girl behind the counter was fighting a smile at our antics and asked us what she could help us with.

Swinging Jaimie down and holding him steady, I turned to ask him what he wanted. His eyes were instantly glued to the large glass cases in front of him, filled with flavor after flavor. The look of awe in his young face sent a thrill of pleasure through my chest. Last weekend, Carol and Tom had hosted dinner for all our family and had vanilla ice cream for dessert. I had asked the kiddos what flavors were their favorites, hoping to make a mental note for future reference. Seth had instantly popped in with mint chocolate chip, but Jaimie had gotten quiet and never answered.

Later, Seth had informed me that Jaimie had never had ice cream before a month ago and so far had only had vanilla and chocolate. It had completely boggled my mind and I had promised Jaimie that the next day off, I would take him to my favorite ice cream shop. Every child deserved to enjoy the sweet creamy goodness that was ice cream, in all the flavors of the rainbow. And Jaimie was going to get a crash course in all of them.

"Dr. Sean, I don't know which one to choose. They all look soooo good!"

"Well, how about we try one of each and then you can choose your favorite." I turned to face the waiting girl and directed my next question to her. "Is that fine? Can he sample them all? I'll pay for it, regardless."

"Oh, no need sir, I'd be happy to give him a taste of each if he wants."

For the next five or so minutes, Jaimie sampled all 28 of the flavors available with the severity of a professional wine taster. I had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing at how adorably serious he was treating each sample. After he had tried the last one, he turned to me and said, "I think I like them all, but bubble gum was my favorite. And the cotton candy was pretty good. And the cake batter one too!"

"One bubble gum, cake batter, cotton candy cone coming right up then. Miss, can we get that in a waffle cone? And we'll also get a large strawberry cheesecake waffle cone please."

The girl behind the counter quickly rang us up, shooting me a large smile, and turned to make our cones quickly. Jaimie looked awed as the large three scope cone was placed into his eager hands, which he held almost reverently. I directed him to a small table and took a seat and just watch Jaimie's obvious pleasure with his treat. Every child enjoyed ice cream, but it was obvious to me that Jaimie had never had the pleasure to do this before. I felt a small burst of sadness that he had been deprived of a normal childhood full of normal childlike things.

But that's why you are here, I reminded myself. You are here so that Jaimie can experience the simple pleasure of a sugar rush that leads to a eventual crash. A rite of passage for every child, of any age. I was enjoying my own ice cream cone in pleasant silence when a ding from the doorway drew my attention. A heavily pregnant women entered the shop with what I presumed was her husband or boyfriend and approached the counter. Judging from the large belly on her petite frame, she was getting very close to her due date. Her build was similar to Sang's and I found myself wondering if she would look the same whenever she had kids. I forced myself to stop that train of thought, however, because if I wasn't ready to think about the logistics of that reality. Maybe someday, I though wistfully.

"Sean, how are babies made?"

Jaimie's innocent inquiry took me completely by surprise and I said the first thing that popped into my head.

"Babies grow in a cabbage patch, Jaimie Boy."

I immediately wanted to smack myself for how stupid I sounded right then and based on the look Jaimie was leveling me at that moment, he thought so too. He rolled his bright eyes in exasperation, a pout on his cherubic face. "Dr. Sean, I 'm five, not stupid."

Feeling a little sheepish, I nodded my head at him. "No, Jaimie Boy, you most definitely are not stupid. Well, that's a good question...you see, when mommies and daddies love each other very much...a baby is made."

Are you shitting me, Sean, I berated myself, that was your grand explanation? I looked at Jaimie, hoping that he would accept that answer. "I know that Dr, Sean, but HOW is the baby made. My friend at preschool, Davie, his brother told me that babies are made when parents wrestle with one another. He said that's how their baby sister Angie was made. Is that true Dr. Sean?"

His eyes might as well have been lazer beams, they were so focused on mine as I floundered to find an appropriate answer. I ended up deciding that the path of least resistance and trauma was the best course of action. "Well, that's true Jaimie, mom's and dad's do wrestle to make a baby."

Jaimie nodded his head, instantly accepting my explanation as pure fact of the world and my heart melted a little at his innocence. I sighed a little to myself, feeling as if I had just managed to avoid a crises when Jaimie popped in with a question that took me completely by surprise.

"Does that mean that Sang is pregnant?"

In my shock, I had inhaled some of my ice cream down my windpipe and I sputtered and coughed for a good couple minutes, struggling to clear my airway. Jaimie just watched me in bemusement as I floundered around. As soon as I was mostly recovered, I instantly questioned Jaimie. "What makes you say that squirt?"

"Well, the other day, Sang and Luke came over and we made cookies and watched a movie. Sang and Luke started wrestling on the floor during the movie. So doesn't that mean that Sang's going to have a baby?"

"No, Jaimie Boy, no! She's not pregnant!" Thank God, I added to myself. "Babies aren't made from that type of wrestling...it's something that only adults can do and they like to do it alone."

Jaimie scrunched his nose in adorable confusion, his face a little dubious. Damn, this kid was way too damn smart. "So, you are saying that it is a special type of wrestling that is only done when mommies and daddies are alone?"

"Yep, you got it Jaimie boy! Exactly, so that's how babies are made."

"Okay...but how do the babies get in the mommies tummy?"

Oh, fuck, what the hell was I supposed to say to that? This kid was like a dog at a bone, I swear. My thoughts were frantically trying to think of an answer that wouldn't ruin the child's innocence. This was too nerve wracking! Nice Sean, you can cut a man open and play with his innards, no problem, but when faced with the baby inquisition, you turn into a coward!

"Um, Jaimie Boy, that's a funny thing, that. The daddy kisses the mommy" with their genitals maybe "and they exchange some...uh, love juice," if that's what you want to call it, "and uh, volia! The mommy gets the baby put in her tummy."

"Ohhhhhh, that's how it happens. Thanks Dr. Sean for telling me!"

I sent a silent prayer of relief that it was over as Jaimie turned back to devouring his melting treat. I had just popped the last of my cone in my mouth when Jaimie spoke again.

"Dr. Sean, what is twerking?"

And off I went again, chocking on the shards of waffle cone in my windpipe, which felt like tiny shards of glass. Here we go again, I thought to myself. Next time I went out with Jaimie, I was bringing Owen. I was so not going to be the only one responsible for ruining this poor kids' childhood. Whoever said curiosity killed the cat had it all wrong. Curiosity killed everyone around the cat in reality/ I hadn't even recovered myself fully before Jaimie popped in with a new one and then I just lost it.

"And what's a rachet ho? Is that like a gardening hoe?"

Oh dear lord, this kid was going to kill me! Thankfully, Jaimie had just finished his cone, so in my fit of helpless giggles, I scooped him up and hurried out the door. There was no way in hell I was going to be caught stuck with an ever curious Jaimie when the sugar rush hit! I'll leave that little gem of fun for Tom and Carol. Jaimie protested a little at our sudden departure, but he seemed completely amused by my helpless fit of laughter. As I pulled out of the parking lot onto the road, Happy popped up on the radio once again and Jaimie was distracted once more, thank God! Now it was my turn to practice siggling and Jaimie joined right in.