Note: After I've finally been able to go on a short holiday trip, I'm back on my desk and Chapter two is up. Hope y'all enjoy. Thanks for all the nice reviews that motivate me to continue!
Chapter Two: The Considerations
All the way home, I felt a strong mixture of confusion, great happiness and horrible fear. The vampire I loved so badly and I was considering of marrying despite the fact that I had though a normal life with him could never be possible, had just introduced the fact that in the end it might be possible after all.
"And you've been thinking about this ever since we got together?" I asked for about the fifth time in the past twenty minutes. "If you knew there was this possibility, why haven't you told me before?"
Bill, with his superhuman sense only glancing on the road casually every now and then whilst driving, gave a sound that displayed the first signs of exasperation.
"Well, as I told you. I used to think it was only a legend, but when I started to dig deeper into the matter and research some literature on it, I began to think that maybe there might be something to it. I'm still not entirely sure if it is possible and from what I've heard it could be very dangerous."
"From what you've heard?" It sounded like he had even spoken to someone about this.
"Yes, well. I told you I had some kind of surprise for you. I invited an old friend…a very, very old friend I met in the nineteen twenties. I contacted her as soon as I found out more about the … method used to perform the transformation. She too wishes to undergo the procedure."
"And she knows how to do it?" I asked, suddenly excited. All the talk about it being potentially dangerous that had dulled the pure joy I had experienced once Bill had told me there was even the slightest chance we might live happily ever after was forgotten for an instant. Only now, that the finality of the impossible had made room for the tiniest glimmer of hope on the dark horizon that had deemed me our relationship lately, the realization of how badly I wanted this hit me. I wanted Bill, and I wanted all of him every day and most of all every time of the day. If this woman knew how to turn Bill back into a living, breathing, mortal man… I tried desperately and absolutely in vain not to get my expectations up too much. She certainly wasn't going to do this tonight, or was she?
"Sookie." Bills dark, sonorous voice woke me from my reverie. He sounded slightly worried. "Before you meet my friend and before we go any further in this matter, I need you to think about if you really want this."
I gaped. "How could I not want this? Unless you don't…"
"Oh, no. I do. I do want this, very much. It's just…." Again he suddenly seemed shy and nervous, as though there was some aspect to the subject he hadn't told me about yet and he felt terribly uncomfortable to talk about. I was just about to tell him to spit it the fudge out, when a slight notion crept into my mind. Was my beautiful, charmingly dangerous, manly and gentlemanly vampire feeling a little self-conscious about becoming human? I was absolutely sure it weren't the announced dangers of the procedure that were troubling his mind, but maybe he was having doubts about swapping all the bad and uncontrollable fits of bloodlust but also all the superhuman speed and strength against a beautiful, normal and quiet life but also against all the weaknesses of a mortal, human body. Was he afraid that he might not be able to protect me should there be another vampire craving my fairy blood out there? I decided to just ask him about it and the way his chest imitated the movement and sound of heaving a heavy sigh told me I had hit home. The fear that he might change his mind about trying a transformation tightened painfully around my heart. I had to convince him we would be alright.
"Bill, with Eric, Russel and the Magister gone, there should be no one out there who knows my secret. Of course we can never know for sure, but don't you think that once you can pull yourself out of the vampire society once and for all it will be much less likely that some other crazy, bloodthirsty creature will notice me?"
I could tell that he wasn't convinced, but he gave me a small smile. I touched the cool back of his large hand that was lying unmoving on the gear shift.
"This is the one chance we have. I love you, Bill, and I will stay with you whatever existence you choose to lead, but if we are ever going to live in peace, this is our one shot at achieving that!"
The tender, insistent tone of my voice finally seemed to ease some of his qualms, but I was sure there was still something else on his mind.
"There would be other changes besides the loss of my vampire strength and speed." He spoke in his usual slow and quiet way, but the fact that the things he was about to say was deeply troubling to him was showing.
"I would be a normal man, with a normal body temperature, with normal complexion. I would have to shave and eat and… use the bathroom. The sex would be like with a normal man too."
I could have started crying with anger and relief at the same time. Here he was, letting me sit and ponder about why on earth he wouldn't want to get what we had dreamed of ever since our relationship turned into something serious, and he was worrying that I might be disappointed in having regular, human sex with him?
"Do you really think me that shallow?" I did not mind a bit how he flinched in surprise, when I positively bawled at him.
"No, Sookie." His voice was soothing and apologetic. "No. I know you're not. Just think about it. You can't deny that my being a vampire was part of the attraction, part of what drew you to me. If I go through with the transformation, given that it will work, I will be a man just as any other." This just made me angry again.
"You'll never be like any other…"
"You would probably be able to read my thoughts."
This knocked the air out of all the points I had been planning to make. In my delusional happiness about what had become possible that I had thought utterly impossible, I had forgotten that particular and not entirely irrelevant fact. What if I would be able to read Bills mind? I couldn't deny that the peace and quiet I experienced around him had added a rather big part to my falling in love with him in the first place. Would it change my feelings if I would have to keep up my mental walls around him too for the rest of my life? Would I start to withdraw from him once I could hear whatever was going on in his head? Would I be unable to relax in his presence the way I had been able to do it until now? The questions raced in my mind and cast a dark and dampening shadow over the bright light of my joy. I noticed Bill looking at me from the drivers' seat with a sad and troubled expression. My long silence seemed to hurt him and suddenly I felt angry with him for spoiling my happiness by bringing up this horrible, horrible idea. Although I didn't feel sure about my feelings at all, I responded to his silent gaze out of mere mulishness and defiance.
"We don't know that for sure. Besides, it won't matter to me. Until now I have loved every part of you, even all the dangerous vampire stuff. By now, I think, there can be nothing in your head that's worse than nearly killing me by sucking me dry or getting me in deadly danger every time one of your vampire buddies comes to town."
It wasn't even a lie. At this exact moment, that was what I really felt. But would I still feel this way once confronted with a human Bill an all his human thoughts? I pushed the doubts away as far as I could and reminded myself of how often I had lain in my bed fantasizing about a normal and quiet life with Bill. Imagining how our children would look – in my mind we had a boy and a girl, the girl pretty and blond, the boy handsome and dark haired with bright blue eyes. I felt embarrassed by this girlish little dream of a perfect family – how it would feel to take a long walk in the bright evening sun, how Bills hair might look in the golden light of a late afternoon. Hell, why was I worrying about the few things that might change for the worse when there was the possibility of so many things changing for the better? The happy feeling returned to my body in form of a burning hot desire to touch Bill and find his flesh soft and warm.
Just when I thought about how much I yearned to meet this person he had mentioned, who was going to help us with whatever magic was required to bring a vampire back to life, I noticed we were already back in Bon Temps and on the direct way to the old Compton house. Maybe my remark about "sucking me dry" had brought up to many remorseful thoughts or maybe Bill was lost in his own contemplations concerning our future, but he had replied nothing to my last remark. He drove in solemn silence, looking like the perfect stone effigy of a man driving a car. It wasn't until he pulled over on the lawn in front of his house and saw the dim light shining from behind the curtains of his living room that he spoke again.
"Anna is already there." He turned to look at me, a sad but tender smile playing around his lips. "I believed myself beyond the ability to hope for many decades, but then I met you. You cannot know how much I hope that she'll be able to help us."
It was such a sudden and passionate outburst of his feelings, that I didn't resist the urge to pull him into a long, ardent kiss until my breathing grew irregular and his fangs appeared retracting his thin, delicious upper lip slightly over his teeth. The deep, smoldering look we shared when he broke the contact of lips, was a silent agreement that this would definitely go on later. For now he just brushed away a strand of blond hair that had come loose from my pony tail and let his hand brush over my cheek lightly.
"I love you." His voice was deep and sonorous and thick with desire. I answered that with another short peck on the lips and then we quickly got out of the car. As Bill opened the big, old door to his house, my heart was racing wildly. The dream I had dreamed all the time I had been together with Bill was feeling so close to touch, that I almost imagine to feel Bills hot breath on my neck, as he entered the house close behind me.