Author's Note

Welcome back, one and all!

Thank you all for your kind words and support! It really means a lot to me.

Since Lincoln has already admitted that he and his sisters have used the D-word, it only felt logical to me that they might've also used the curse word Lily parroted at the end of "Potty Mouth" at some point in the past, whether it was intentional or not.

On a brief side note, since "Potty Mouth" aired on a Wednesday, I'm having this story set on that specific day. You'll see why as you read. If you get the reference, more power to you!

Lastly, I just want to say that I don't condone child abuse in any way, shape or form. This story is only meant to be satirical, in that regard.

The Loud House, including its characters, episodes, and dialogue are the property of Nickelodeon and Chris Savino.

—

Chapter 2: Grawlix Deal

Upon realizing what they were in the process of consuming, the ten Loud children prepared to eject the bath soap beads from their mouths. Unfortunately for them, Rita had anticipated this.

"Do not spit them out until I say so!" she ordered. Her booming voice prevented the kids from following through.

"Now, I can't punish Lily because she doesn't know any better," resumed Rita. "But the rest of you do. And you all should've known better than to use that kind of language around her. I can't imagine what would've happened if Dr. Shuttleworth had heard that expletive come out of Lily's mouth."

"I mean, I admit, we all have had a couple—Uggh!— slips of the tongue or two," Lincoln said with some difficulty. After all, trying to talk around a bath soap bead will do that to someone. "But, Mom, you have to—Yechh!—believe us that we would never have used that word in front of Lily."

With the same degree of difficulty their brother exhibited, Luna, Lynn, Leni, Lisa, Luan and Lola and Lana, respectively, also spoke up in an overlapping fashion.

"Yeah, honest, dude!"

"Absolutely not!"

"Like, never in a million years!"

"Scientifically impossible."

"No joke!"

"Bluebell scouts' honor!"

"Either way," the Loud matriarch concluded once the caterwauling died down. "You're all still guilty of cursing in this house. Now since you felt compelled earlier to try and change your bad behavior, I feel compelled to contribute, as well. However, I think my method will have a longer-lasting impact." She reached into her pocket and took out her cellphone. After making a couple of adjustments on the screen, she set the phone down in front of her on the table.

"So here's what we're going to do. You're going to keep those bath soap beads in your mouths for exactly one minute."

Ten sets of eyes widened again; this time, it was in shock.

"If any of you spit them out during this process, I will reset the timer," warned Rita.

"What?!" came ten stunned voices.

"If any of you talk during this process, I will reset the timer," warned Rita further. "Whether you choose to let this punishment run its course or prolong is entirely up to you. Is that understood?"

Each of the Loud children fervently nodded their heads.

"Then let's begin." She tapped the screen of her phone and the stopwatch it displayed started running.

—

As they fought the urge to regurgitate, the Loud kids took this time to gather their thoughts and reflect on their punishment.

I've always been a lover of the darkness, the macabre, and even torture, Lucy thought solemnly. But this might be too much torture, even for my liking. With the awful, lingering taste of the soap bead, Lucy found it hard to suppress the temptation to verbalize a groan.

I've eaten some grody things before, but I'd rather eat peanut butter and sauerkraut than this garbage, reflected Lana distastefully. Lana then quickly covered her mouth with both hands and suppressed a gag.

I wonder if Dad's Weinerschnitzel will get this taste out of my mouth, Lincoln wondered. His eyes started to water.

What to do? What to do? Lola angrily contemplated in her mind. She furrowed her eyebrows. Hock a loogie in her coffee? Write on the wall with her makeup? Hold the car keys for ransom? But like her twin Lana, she, too, suddenly covered her mouth and suppressed a gag. Well, it'll at least be worse than this!

Does this mean I've been putting shaving cream on my ice cream this whole time? Leni pondered introspectively. The thought suddenly made her face turn green.

32 . . . 33 . . . 34 . . . 35 . . . Lisa counted methodically in her head. Could time go any slower? Then another thought crossed her mind. I wonder if my wig could be used as a barf bag . . .

Normally, I'd find humor in this, but I've got no soap, radio, Luan internally joked. Upon further reflection, though, she frowned and cast her eyes downward. Dang it! It sounded funnier in theory. Suddenly, she squeezed her eyes shut and puckered her lips in disgust. At least that joke was in better taste than this bath bead.

Talk about taking one for the team, Lynn complained as she crossed her arms irritably. Go, team, go! she finished off sarcastically. Her nose began to run, so she wiped the snot away with the palm of her right hand.

I bet Mick Swagger never had to go through this, dude, Luna postulated. She then felt a chill go up her spine and forced herself to shake it off.

Oh, do I literally have a few choice emojis about Mom that I'm going to text to Bobby later, Lori fumed. She would've continued that train of thought had it not been derailed by the sudden need to cover her mouth and suppress her gag reflex.

"Aaaaand . . . time!" Rita suddenly announced. She tapped the screen of her cellphone again and the timer stopped. Ten sets of eyes turned to face the Loud matriarch. "I must say, I'm impressed with you guys," Rita followed up. "I was almost sure I'd have to reset the timer at least once or twice, but you proved me wrong."

The siblings tried to smile proudly, but were only partially successful in doing so due in part to the soap beads still contaminating the insides of their mouths.

"I hoped you kids learned something today from this."

"We sure did, Mom," Lincoln answered. "We'll never swear around Lily again. We promise to set a better example for Lily in the future, especially since she'll be entering daycare. By this time next week, we'll make sure that we're a much better influence on how Lily imitates our behaviors."

His sisters voiced their agreement the best they could.

"I'm glad to hear that," replied Rita. "But since you kids want to talk like sailors, you're now going to work like sailors. For the next month, you're going to clean this entire house from top to bottom. That means extra chores for everyone at this table. That also includes cleaning the attic, the basement, the garage, the backyard, the front yard and everything in between. I want this house turned upside and down, inside and out until it absolutely spotless."

Then Rita suddenly snapped her fingers.

"Oh, one more thing." Now she spoke in a slightly foreboding tone. "I noticed some of you were giving me the stink-eye, like you were contemplating future retaliation. I'm warning you all right now—if you go down that road, you better think twice. Or I will personally see to it that everything you cherish and hold dear in this house ceases to exist. Do I make myself clear?"

The kids would've gulped, but not wanting to accidentally swallow their soap beads, they exchanged nervous glances with each other.

"Yes, Mom," her children replied obediently in unison.

"Good." She then switched back to her normal tone of voice. "With that said, you may now spit out your soap beads."

The children didn't need to be told twice—they vehemently ejected the soap beads from the confines of their mouths, scattering them all over the dinner table. Then there came a mass exodus as the kids bolted from their seats and disappeared into the kitchen.

From her place at the head of the table, Rita heard the sound of running water mixed with that of her children arguing and gargling.

She then got up from her seat and went about cleaning up the strewn, saliva-laced soap beads.

—

What do you want to bet that the Loud kids trying not to swear is going to be short-lived?

I guess only time will tell.

Reviews, comments and concerns are always welcome!

Thanks again for reading!