I awake to the distant sounds of birds on the horizon. My eyes open, slowly at first, not used to the light. I find that it is early dawn, and the sun has not even yet risen.
The dry world is cast into Technicolor shades of lavender and grey.
I sense movement behind me, and for the first time I realize that Anakin isn't here.
I am up in a flash, attempting to hide any emotion that is coursing through my body. I should know better than this. I am a Jedi master, I should surely know better than this.
Yet, the thoughts of last night fill my mind, and I cannot help but question.
It is only then, amidst the dusty land of this distant planet that I realize something very odd.
The fact that I am fully clothed.
But, I throw this thought out of my mind as soon as it comes.
I silence everything, all thoughts and all emotions.
And wait.
The force stirs quietly, shifts, and I can feel his presence.
The ship, he is in the ship, and I am glad that Qui-Gon is not here to see my total and complete lack of restraint. Last night was bad enough, but to become so panicked when that headstrong boy is out of my sight—it is unforgivable.
Anakin has always been in a separate league.
And diligently, I follow him, cleaning his cuts and comforting him in my silent ways.
Last night was the end of that.
And now we are new people.
Or so I think.
Vacillate
He looks up at me when I entered the control room of the ship, and I can tell that he is well rested and anxious to complete our mission.
"You're awake at last, Master," he greets, his sly grin slipping out again.
At first I am rather speechless. His manners and utter lack of embarrassment were not what I had expected at all.
Perhaps he is more mature than I first believed!
"Masters are allowed to sleep in, from time to time, Padawan," I reply curtly, aware that I am smirking as well I sit down into the pilot's seat.
"Is that so? Well, I hope you will allow me that privilege, from time to time," he counters as he absently dusts off a few handles in the gray light of day.
I study him from my seat and wonder—should I say something? Is this how our relationship is to continue? On the surface that same level of formality and camaraderie and underneath the darkness that is our desire…
But that darkness is dangerous.
Easily, it could lead into uncharted waters and foreboding territory.
And just as easily it could lead to the dark side.
"We received a transmission from the Jedi counsel late last night, but I decided not to wake you up. It wasn't that important, really," Anakin proclaims, getting up to put away the rag.
"Oh?" I question, slightly alarmed and confused.
How was it that he knew of this transmission when…?
"And what did it say?" I play off the incident as though I know what I am doing. I am feeling quite cold, despite the rising temperatures of this desert planet.
"The meeting we had scheduled with this section of the Trade Federation Commission has been pushed back until later this evening—one of the representatives had a nasty run in with a speeder yesterday night."
I wince.
Anakin grins.
"Always one for clean wounds, weren't you?" My young Padawan teases, that grin re-appearing.
"Blood is something I prefer to avoid," I counter, now moving my way towards his figure.
He is nearly my height now…
I can delay this question no longer—for everything I had once presumed is now slowly disappearing before my eyes.
Is it possible I dreamt the whole scenario? Could dreams be this real?
I must be turning into Anakin, if that is the case, I think darkly.
"Anakin," I question, nearing him, unfortunately aware that I can sense everything about the boy. His scent overpowers me and I close my eyes for a moment, "What happened last night?"
He looks confused for a moment and quickly, with no hesitation, he questions, "What do you mean?"
That was the response I was afraid of. Inwardly I gulp. Calm your senses. Calm…
"I mean…did anything happen last night? After dinner, that is?"
"You went to sleep, Master. Quite suddenly, actually." He pauses, and chuckles, moving away from me. But, suddenly, I sense a wave of uneasiness emitting from his form, "You were out like that!"
He snaps his fingers to illustrate the point.
Dare I feel regret? To have dreamt such a vivid dream? To have nearly felt that pleasure? I have saved our relationship, I tell myself! There is nothing that you should regret! It was a blessing in disguise!
"Ah…I, see." I gulp, and turn away from him, quickly searching for something to lighten this tense mood.
I know he feels it as well as me. His senses are strong, if not stronger.
"Well then, no wonder I feel so rested! Come, on, let's go clean up camp and drive to Naielaer for supplies."
Anakin says nothing, but follows me out into the blossoming day.
He is always following me; it seems, even in my sleep.
Always one step behind mine.
If I turned around we would be touching.