Dez flinched only the barest amount at my scream and went about his business, ignoring me.
Thoughts chased each other in fruitless circles at the back of my mind, all giving me nothing constructive to piece together. My visual cortext must have malfunctioned, because there was no justification at all for what my eyes were seeing.
Dez... was wearing normal clothing and I mean normal. No excessive belts, no chains, no suspenders, no "I'm with stupid" t-shirts, no checkered rainbow pants...and okay the fact he was even wearing pants was a huge sentiment to the afore stated.
What. The. Flip. Batman?
Not only that, he looked like a drowned rat or as if someone had banned the sun from shining again.
"D..." My mouth worked like a rust doused machine that hasn't been touched for years and all that came out was the initial, breathless "duh" sound plus some spit. Maybe I was over reacting but this was weird.
And then he turned his head to actually face me and my face must have lost several pints of blood. His eyes fluttered away from the computer screen as he sent me a withering glance. "Hi..." and then went back to typing.
"Uh..."
Dez's eyelashes (though not very dark) stood out starkly against his pallid complexion, the light peppering of freckles across the bridge of his nose the only colour evident in his ivory-pale face. He typed almost compulsively at the computer, fingers stiff from over-exertion, eyes hollow and dark. Did I mention he was wearing normal clothing?
He looked gaunt. Drained. Lifeless. It was obvious that sleep hadn't fit into his schedule for an extended day-on-end repetition. What really jarred my bones and made my hair stand on end was that I hadn't seen him for said day-on-end repetition. I'd gone to a distant fourth cousin twice removed funeral in Nevada, which made the whole not sleeping thing escaping my attention totally plausible.
It honestly scared me that he looked so unhealthy, so un-...hold on, I'll think of a word, um...Dez-ish. So un-Dez-ish, yes, that's it.
"Dez?" The word was a bit more shrill and shaky than I liked it to be but the indication that it had finally left my mouth was good enough for me. I walked on bandy legs and bated breath over to him. I was about to pass out or throw up or something, I just knew it. "You okay?"
His answer was clipped, short, simple. "Yep."
He didn't even throw in a random word like "hunkydory" or "pippiptadoodlydoo"! I frowned as I knelt beside his spinny, computer chair on the carpeted part of the floor and peered up at the tiny printed words snaking across the screen. "What's-" I cocked my head to the side, confounded, because then he quickly exited the window with a harsh tap on the mouse and stood. Without so much as a glance my way(or a goodbye), he briskly walked away.
Imagine the huge "WTF?" imprinted on my forehead. :(
xxxxx
Days passed and if anything, Dez's condition spiraled even more downward, further down than the fiery pits of hell. His mood was affecting me. I became snippy, because I didn't know what was going on. He wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't even look at me and frankly it was pissing me off. I yelled at Trish for no reason one day; I had been sporting a general glare that sat just about every patron in the store on edge, and no one had bothered to look at me directly. I must have been exuding the aura of: "I'm pissed. Come near me, I'll shank you". Even Ally was going out of her way to stay clear of my path and that was really saying something.
Then, Trish had come through the store, her voice cleaving through the air to say, mirthfully, "Guess who got a job at-"
I'd exploded, "Oh my god, we don't freakin' care, Trish!" About twenty or so heads had swiveled as everyone in the store attuned their attention to me, but I was too busy being an asshole to notice or care. "I mean, we don't spend the entire day caring about your possibly word-record job experiences climbing higher and higher by the second! And I, for one, am sick of hearing where you got fired from, who fired you, and what the flip you did to get fired!"
Ally had stared at me, with pure, unadultered shock, doe eyes wide and hurt, as if I'd screamed at her. (Well... I might as well have... Like I said, I was being an asshole.) It was like an electric current had jolted through her; even her hair was standing up in static disbelief and her eyes kept darting from me to Trish and back again with nervous swiftness.
And then it happened.
Now, Trish wasn't the type to instantly burst into tears and run away, not like Ally. Nope.
She pounced on me, a coiled ball of fist swinging indignation with pretty ebony curls on top.
I deserved the carpet burns, I really did.
xxxxx
Something was really wrong with us. Me and Dez.
He wasn't sleeping, I wasn't sleeping, he wasn't eating, I wasn't eating, etc, etc.
The worry was starting to wear me down; it distracted me from my dancing, my singing, my Ally, my Trish- (I prefer to my songwriter and manager by their very given names, because I know, out there, anywhere, whoever'd like to compete with them, can't hold a candle to their awesome roaring flames of... awesome).
I'm seriously running out of adjectives here...
The cold knot of fear in my stomach was becoming a constant companion; I've never felt this scared for anyone else. I mean, I could almost hear my blood pressure rising day on day as I watched the lack of sleep gradually eating away at Dez's spirit- it was eating at mine too, but my stubborn heart was solely concerned for him, not me.
I felt the nagging suspicion he was keeping something hidden from me almost constantly. And he knew I knew. I knew he did. And how fucking messed up was that to know I know and still keep it hidden from me? Did he know that I knew that he knew that I knew?
...Yikes, that's a eye-crossing, confusion of a thought.
The next day, I finally started interrogating...
xxxxx
I forced him to eat. Now, okay, I didn't really force him, per se, but I caught him in the morning before he had time to escape my clutches. Breakfast was a common ritual for us. We'd alternate days, sneaking breakfast into the store, finding a hiding place, and sitting down to eat and discuss random nothings.
Well, that's what it was like before...
I watched helpless, frustrated as Dez laboured miserably through a stack of pancakes, abandoning the attempt halfway. The fork fell against the syrup coated porcelain plate with a clink as he shoved it away from him, wordlessly wiping his face with a napkin.
I blinked.
I was trying to be patient, I really was, but this was getting ridiculous even by his standards.
I mean, who couldn't eat pancakes? My pancakes? Refusing my pancakes was like...like refusing thirst quenching cactus juice in a meloncholy desert wind. C'mon! They rocked! Dez loved my pancakes! Who wouldn't? Normally- if that term even fit in any context to describe Dez- Dez would have named each bite of pancake, dubbed them his family, and started crying instantly when I ate his "family members". It was the same every morning, excluding recently.
"What's wrong, dude?" I asked cautiously, for the tenth zillionth time.
"Nothing."
I sighed and felt frustrated tears pricking at my eyes. I pushed my own plate away, appetite lost as I stood and left.
Lying sonofabitch.
xxxxx
I attempted again, half-heartedly at noon. He seemed to have developed a stoop; lunch was equally disdainful, pushing fries listlessly round his plate; he ate three of them.
I asked the question again.
"Nothing"
I could just smack him.
xxxxx
Eventually, I snapped. I couldn't handle it anymore. My school grades were lagging (more than usual), my singing sucked, I danced worse than Ally, I just knew Trish was planning to assassinate me, and my best friend was turning into a sulking sad, stranger.
And I couldn't ask Ally if she knew what was going on. Every time she approached me to interrogate my mood swings, I screwed up: I'd yelled at her or lied, saying nothing was wrong... Just like Dez. O.O... God, this is frustrating. And asking Trish? No, thanks. I don't wanna be decapitated at fifteen.
Dez was typing away on the computer in Sonic Boom, clad in the most unusual attire for him- I cannot stress how much other's would have considered it normal- and ignoring me, hiding his secret work from me.
When I tried to form the words I wanted to say, they caught in my throat and I made a petrified little noise, like the bleat of a frightened animal. The sound drew his attention and he looked up at me, finally a flicker of life twinkling in his eyes.
My chest heaved as my throat closed up and I couldn't breathe and he simply canted his head to the side, watching curiously. Emotion built like a rapid condense of a filling river and finally the dam shattered. I gave him the most crippled, hurtfelt look I could muster and collapsed in degrees of crying. Pools of tears streaked down my face. "Dez-what? What is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this, god, WHY?" I was bawling now, snagging Ally's and Trish's eyes. I knew they were watching, but I didn't care. I didn't care, I wasn't mortified. I was hurting.
Dez's eyes widened as I, like a child, sobbed spasmodically, leaning forward and burrying my face into his shirt, hugging him to me with a sort of desperation bordering histeria. I took it all in in one crippling, sniffling inhale: his cologne, his soap, the smell of his hair, his skin...
...What? I missed him...
I let out gasping, heart-stuttering cries. "D-dez, I-I...I...I-I-" I clung to him tighter.
"Um?" he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back, head tilted, eyes brimming with... concern? "What's wrong?"
"What's wrong? What's WRONG?" I felt myself shaking with anger, "What do you mean what's wrong? I've been worrying myself sick over you!" I stood suddenly, rimrod straight, heat rising to my face, not with embarrassment, no. I, Austin Moon, was in the heartland of pure, Raw Rage and every one around me was about to witness my wrath.
"Austin, calm down," I heard Ally's soft, chiding voice. Her frail, spidery fingers gripped my arm. "Please, just tell us what's wrong," she beseeched. I shook her off. Her touch was like acid eating away at me. I didn't want to be touched.
"That's what I'm trying to figure out!" I rolled my eyes and gestured wildly to the form of my problem. "Ask him!"
There was a hesitation, a faltering sigh, and then Ally reached around, put her cold hands on my face and turned me so that I was looking at her directly. "Austin," she stroked my face with her thumb. Uh, okay...then...? I tried to squirm away. She held me firmly in place. "There is nothing wrong with Dez," was the punctuation to her quiet sentence.
I blinked.
She watched me warily.
I blinked again and there must have been something manic crossing my face because she suddenly let go of me and backed away slowly. "What the hell? Look at him!" I pointed to Dez again. "You don't see it?"
She shook her head minutely, dark hair rustling gently against the startched fabric of her vest. "No, honey." Honey? What's wrong with her?
Dez blinked up at me, an indeterminate expression on his face. He just suddenly...went blank, calculating. "Tell me," he prompted softly. "What's wrong with me?"
"WHAT?" My mind reeled. This was just so weird, so surreal, so...I don't even know! It had the prescience of a dream, the paranoid feeling like the whole world could shift if I wasn't careful, if I so much as blinked.
Dez just watched, waiting, and the more I glared at him, the more detatched from him I felt, like he wasn't Dez, like he wasn't even real. And if he wasn't real-
No. I stopped the thought abruptly as I clenched my fist, my fingernails biting into my palms so hard. I felt the warm, syrup-sticky trickle of blood sliding down my hands, weaving through the crevices between my fingers. Even as Dez glanced down to look at it, eyes wide, I didn't. I continued to glare at him. This hollowed out, fake replica of him. It was making me sick. The creeping feel of nausiea built in my throat as I started shaking and the tears started again. Vertigo gripped my head tightly.
"Oh, God, I'm going crazy," I whispered and Dez gave me a look, a look so strong I couldn't decipher before he closed his eyes and sighed. "Austin-"
"Don't say my name like that," I ordered, choking on a sob. Why oh why am I acting this way? Why am I the only one seeing this? Suddenly, Dez was just a different person. Not Dez, my mind repeated this litany as I stumbled back from him, eyes watering, shaking my head. Not my Dez, not my Dez, not my Dez, no-
"Austin!" Ally gasped as my knees buckled and, startled, I found myself on my knees. When they collided with the floor, I thought I might pass out. White sparks of light danced before my vision and I shook my head as they grew bigger. Dez stood quickly and looked down at me with disdain.
"Austin, are you alright?" The way he said it, so stoicly, it made me sick- the real Dez would have panicked. I just shook my head and cried, dragging the back of my hand over my eyes. My tears were warm, little bursts of my pain before they cooled.
"Dizzy..." I said hoarsely, as the white spots started growing monolithic. My heart had been thrumming erratically with my vehement emotion, now it started slowing, turning sluggish as I grew groggy. "Everything's...white." The white expanded across the span of the room, all of it- the plaster dry walls, the floor, the counter, the jacket- the jacket?
I blinked. Dez's jacket had been black,(and normal, need I stress again) a moment ago. Now it was white and lavishly long, like a doctor's jacket. I shook my head, my eyes were betraying me. The whiteness was everywhere. I closed my eyes.
Dez placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "Austin, you need to calm down."
I had time to think, Not my Dez, one more time before I blinked once more. Only this time, my eyes didn't open again. Unconciousness took me greedily, spreading dark hands over my vision.
xxxxx
When I woke up, I was greeted by something I desperately didn't want to be greeted by.
White.
"Austin?" Dez's voice.
My head jerked to the side to find him. I was laying on a spongey mattress, white crumpled sheets snaked around my legs. My forehead was damp with sweat, tangled strands of my hair plastered to the side of my face, and my eyes felt swollen, my head felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls. Why get a stuffed animal, when you can have a stuffed Austin?
I raised a hand to wipe my forehead when I realized I couldn't. I tried again, this time with more exertion and heared a metallic clink that made me gnash my teeth together. Looking down, I almost started panicking.
My wrists were bound by leather wristlets linked by chains which were attatched to metal beams supporting the bed. My breath hitched and my eyes widened as I jerked my arms up almost forociously. "What-?" I clawed at the leather, my heart running erratically. "What the...DEZ!" I screamed, arching my back and yanking with all my might. Realization struck me hard as my eyes caught the white that I was wearing. Everything on me was white clad. The jerking wasn't helping an inch. My wrists were still held captive and I squirmed. "Dez, help!"
"Shh!" A hand landed on my forehead and I froze, blinking, as it brushed back my bangs. "Austin?" Slowly, I tilted my head back and peered up at the white ceiling. Red hair entered my line of vision. "I'm sorry, we had to restrain you," he smiled apologetically.
Dez.
He wore that damned white jacket and hugged a clipboared to his chest. I started trembling.
"Welcome back to the Institute."
xxxxx
Confused? Great. Me too. Thanks to all!