Square 1/2
Chapter 2 : „Here's Ranko (Not)"
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction presented by Ralf Martin
„Well Ranma," the teacher said to the new student, „why don't you tell the class a little about yourself?"
The guy in question shrugged and started to rummage in his bag. He was a good looking guy all in all. Maybe a little on the rugged side with his well-defined muscles and his shaggy hair with the pigtail in the back. But he had lively eyes of a deep blue and an easy smile that made him appear approachable. Some of the girls in class already started to strategize about how to put that part to the test.
As the guy straightened back up he held a bottle of water in his hands. Akane instantly recognised it as the same type of half-litre disposable container that he had left at the shrine in the dojo. She couldn't help but wonder if he was constantly thirsty or more of a clean-freak. Then again, in her experience most guys were too dirty for as little as a half-litre of water to even put a dent in the filth that clung to them.
"Where to start?" the newcomer wondered. He looked straight at Akane, a smile spreading over his features. "I like martial arts. Love 'em in fact. Good thing too 'cause my dad spent the last ten years beating them into me. I'm not bragging but since it didn't kill me it actually made me plenty strong."
Ranma flipped the bottle in hand, offering it to Akane bottom first.
"Would ya mind holding on to that for me?" he asked her nicely and out of reflex she grabbed the bottle. Her face though spoke of confusion and a bit of distrust. Then again, since there was a boy talking to her the class was hardly surprised.
"Well, my dad is good for two things," Ranma continued unperturbed. "Martial arts is one, the other one is getting us into all kinds of weird shit. By the way, anyone in here believe in curses..?"
He let his view wander across the students and wasn't too surprised when only one of the raised a hand.
"Gos (*) my man, you're gonna love this," he told the lonely hand, "Everyone else get ready for a bit of a shocker. Just one thing. Whatever ya think I look like, I'm still a guy. So keep ya hands to ya'self if ya wanna keep 'em."
He turned towards Akane, looking at her expectantly.
"Would ya mind splashing me with a bit of that water Ak... err… Tendo-San?" he asked, indicating the bottle she still held in an iron grip. Whether it was to comply with his wishes or because the repeated attention of a boy caused her to make a fist again, one of her less praiseworthy habits, the whole contents of the bottle splashed out in a volatile stream of highly compressed fluid. It hit Ranma squarely in the face. What followed after that looked like a CGI out of the latest James Cameron Blockbuster.
As the water connected with the guy's skin it was as if a ripple went straight through him. His body changed right before the eyes of the class. Flowing into another shape his stature and shoulders shrank while his hips and chest expanded. And just like cream poured into a hot cup of coffee the colour of his hair swirled and changed into a warm crimson colour.
When all was done a petite redhead stood in the same place that the new student had just occupied. With wet hair and a slightly wet top that clung to all the right places.
"Any questions so far?" the boy turned girl asked as if he had just demonstrated a science project.
Pandemonium ensued.
(*- Hikaru Gosunkugi, self trained specialist for the Japanese variant of Voodoo. Just in case the name didn't ring a bell.)
…
Akane Tendo wasn't necessarily an attention-hog. But stand in the limelight long enough and you get kind of used to it. And Akane had gotten enough limelight since she started high school that she could have gotten a tan from it. Not all of it because of Kuno and the Hentai-Horde ™. She simply was the kind of girl that drew in the observer's eye without ever trying. The fact that what the observer saw was kind on the aforementioned eye was helping too.
Right now though Akane could have given birth to Siamese twins in front of the entire class and no one would have noticed. It was the second time that Ranma Saotome pulled the rug from under her. Make that three rugs all in all.
Rug number one was the fact that the world didn't revolve around her. Not too much surprise there and after swallowing a bit of her pride it was all but forgotten.
Rug number two was the fact that magic actually existed. At least curses did. Ranma had been pretty convincing in his demonstration. Changing your gender at the drop of some water.
The horror!
The possibilities!
The Pervert!
Well, he insisted that at his core he stayed a guy, no matter what his form looked like at times. So he had to be a pervert somehow. Personal experience and all that jazz. The argumentation still needed some work but Akane was certain that somehow a proof of concept would be coming along soon.
So onwards towards the last rug under her feet.
It was an eerie, hard to grasp feeling.
Like looking at a dream from outside.
A dream that you haven't dreamed yet.
And still feel like it is a thing of the past.
A déjà vu gone horribly wrong, painted in the wrong colours and slapped over the here and now.
Like people performing on a stage while an old Super-8 flick was projected in overlay, showing the same actors but a different play.
Everything seemed out of sync and it gave her a headache trying to put a finger on what it should be synced to in the first place.
It felt... wrong.
It felt as if the fabric of reality had started ripping and all she could do was watch the hole widen around the irregularity that was called Ranma Saotome.
A hole that, if she wasn't cautious, Akane soon might be slipping into.
If she did, and of this she had no doubt after their ominous first meeting a week ago, she would be in way over her head.
So where did that urge come from? To cannonball straight in and blow caution to the wind.
…
Ranma's new homeroom teacher had little illusions as to getting any of today's lecture done.
On the day that guy, or girl, no wait, guy again, had turned up with his mother, the same demonstration had been given to the assembled teachers and they hadn't reacted all that differently from those adolescent kids.
Truth be told, these kids filing the classroom with cries, arguments and demands for an encore probably still dealt with the matter a lot better than their grown-up counterparts. Remembering how the Science teacher still went on and on about conversion of mass and the impossibility of the change after pouring the sixth cup of either hot or cold water had been bad enough. Having the PE teacher go on about shower incidents on one hand while already planning for a new star-player in both the male and female sport clubs was worse.
He had a point though because the new kid was freakishly strong as a member of the staff found first hand as he tried to take the then girl's ...errr... measurements. One cup of hot water later the offender and the new student had a talk 'mano a mano' in which said new guy made a very convincing argument as to why he should always be treated as a male. No matter how cold the shower. His mother had been strangely contend with that particular show of force.
The principal, from his summer residence in Hawaii, had send a note asking for the keikii to be shown the good ol' hospitality. This basically translated into Ranma Saotome to be left alone as far as he didn't go too much overboard. Given the Principal's ideas as to what was acceptable this meant the boy/girl had as much leeway as the Principal's own offspring Tatewaki. That made him pretty much untouchable for the teachers and led to another interesting question.
What kind of power did the Saotomes wield? Connections to the higher echelons of the Ministry of Education or dirt on the Kunos? Or something more sinister? They were dealing in what they called curses after all.
On the other hand, no one dared to hint at the possibility that the note might be a fake. It was delivered via coconut-mail after all. Through the window. To the head of the vice-principal. What more proof do you need as to its authenticity?
Talking about proof. For obvious reasons, such as them being enlightened people of high educational standards, none of the teachers had believed in curses at first. Shortly after a certain demonstration none of the teachers had not found an excuse to run to a nearby shrine and buy some wards and related merchandise.
Compared to that a couple of hormone driven kids who's sense of wonder had already been blunted by way too many SFX in games and movies looked almost tame.
Still, the poor teacher noticed the signs of a major headache in the making. Declaring the class as self-study he simply stepped out, unnoticed, and headed for the school nurse. There he'd hopefully get some painkillers and a chance to lay down. He was in dire need of both.
…
When the chaos after Ranma's sensational magic trick finally subsided the whole thing evolved into something like a Q and A.
Basically Ranma got bombarded with questions and with some effort managed to sort out the more serious ones from those of a lecherous or insulting nature.
He told the class, in detail, how he got to China and how he got to suffer from that special affliction.
He explained how, while he indeed possessed a 100% female body while, well, being female, he still would NOT share the same monthly problems as he had no intention of staying female for a month to get them in the first place. No, not even as a science project, thank you.
He explained how indeed his male and female forms smelled and tasted things slightly differently. Meats and sweets were notably different. Not worse or anything, just different. Some drinks where more intense as a girl. Teas were most noticeable among those. Fruit tea a guy? Not interested. As a girl they were an option.
On the other hand, Hiroshi was never an option. Considerably less so as a girl, or so Ranma declared to the great mirth of the class. Well, minus a still shocked Akane who was past listening and a miffed guy whose constant lecherous comments had earned him that rebuke ten times over.
Then someone asked the most basic of questions and for once Ranma had no answer prepared.
"Why come out about your curse like that?" one girl who's name Ranma had yet to learn asked while tapping a pencil to her lips. "Wouldn't most people try to hide something of this sort? Maybe dress up in waterproof clothes or something like that?"
"Yeah well," the guy at the centre of everyone's attention muttered, absent minded tracing the inside of his left palm with the nail of his right thumb as he searched for the fitting words. "I kinda tried things like that before. But that always kinda blew up in my face. I don't really know how that works but it's like this stupid curse actually needs to be triggered every once in a while or things get funny. The harder I try, the funnier the results. And lately I'm kinda running out of laughs..."
Ranma raised his head, revealing a serious, haggard expression to the crowd that had been hidden by his unruly hair. The class fell completely silent, the background noises falling away as his eyes swept a cold, tired gaze over them. Then he looked at Akane and the faintest traces of a smile could be found on his lips.
"Besides, I promised my wife to be more honest...," he concluded as his gaze fell down to his palm again.
"Your WHAT?!" came the surprised cry as the crucial part of this comment settled into the minds of the assembled classmates and once again all hell broke loose.
And to her great surprise, Akane Tendo found that she had been among the loudest callers.
…
After the first two hours had been declared self-study, which had derailed into an intense case of Ranma-grilling, the following lessons consisted of English and Japanese Literature.
The teachers in session were adamant about the Saotome kid sitting in the farthest possible corner from everyone else, something that suited Ranma just fine.
He needed some quiet and he was positive that the coming hours and days would be just as strenuous on his vocal chords as they would be on his temper. But well, this was the path he had chosen and considering he was on the clock the direct approach seemed unavoidable.
'Change what ya can, accept what ya can't' Ranma remarked internally.
He whipped out his notebook and started scribbling. Ordering his thoughts onto paper had been new to him but his wife had been right about it. It did help sorting his priorities. Thinking about her his eyes sought out Akane's profile three rows forward and two to the left. He started making a second list. Once he was done he ripped the page out along the perforation line, folded it neatly twice and stood up.
The teacher saw him rise but remembering the principal's orders he refrained from noticing this as being unusual. Compared to Tatewaki Kuno's habitual exits from class this kid was rather discreet which helped a lot.
In turn the class noticed the teacher choosing not to notice, and fully aware of who sat in the direction of his pointed ignorance, turned as one man to see Ranma place his folded note on Akane's desk. They saw him bow slightly as she looked on in surprise and they saw him return to his seat as if carrying notes across the classroom was the obvious thing to do.
Seconds later all hell broke loose for the third time today, only more subdued and in the form of pieces of paper thrown at Akane's desk.
…
As the lunch bell rang, Ranma was out of the window and up to the roof before anyone could turn on him. Thus the class had no target for their pestering and dispersed, carrying the news of the water-soluble freak to all four corners of the school.
The rumourmongers of Furinkan High had a field day, Nabiki Tendo at the front. She had no problems adding 2 and 2 when she heard the description of the new guy's looks. It was the same guy that had graced the dojo about a week ago with his sneaky act to get out of an engagement he didn't want.
Well, not that she or her sisters would have wanted to be engaged to a gender changing freak. Then again, being a renowned hater of boys, Akane might have considered it, Nabiki thought with a nasty snicker.
Still something didn't sit right with her. Why did that guy go to such lengths last week when he was already married as he claimed to his class this morning? That alone should have been enough to get their father off his case, shouldn't it?
Deep down Nabiki knew that this guy had an agenda beyond the obvious and dirt on her family that she didn't know about. This was proven by his insights into both pending engagements. The one he got out of and the one remaining. And by the effect the name 'Happosai' had on her father.
What else did that kid know? Information was power. Power to protect and power to kill. And judging by the reaction of her father both kinds of power would be needed once this old master showed up as Ranma had prophesized.
Now what Nabiki really needed was a good plan to bleed the kid dry of everything he knew.
Most people didn't realize it but when it came to her family she was every inch the warrior her sister was. Only the kicks and flips she used were of a different kind. They hurt the target just the same though.
…
While the whole school was getting crazy with rumours, Ranma was getting comfortable on the roof.
Here he'd have some privacy, at least he assumed as much, since the doors leading to the top of the western part of the building were usually locked. Few people in this school had the ability and nerves to come up here any other way. And of that elite few who did, none had a reason to bother with the climb today. Or so he figured.
He unpacked the handmade bento his mother had prepared for him. A smile crept on his face as he looked upon the various delicacies that had been prepared by a loving hand. Maybe a bit too loving considering the way the eggs and sausage had been arranged.
'Mom's still got to rub in that manly business, huh?' he mused, raising his chopsticks and taking a bite out of the Wiener.
"Now THAT is one disturbing picture," a voice called out from off to his right. Turning his head he saw Akane gliding over the railing, her own Bento in hand.
"Would it have helped if I turned into a girl first?" he quipped back, raising up another of those half-litre water bottles and shaking it for effect.
"Don't you dare," the girl shot back, her own involuntary shaking mirroring the bottle. She stepped up to him and without ceremony planted herself right by his side. Putting down her lunch she let out a heavy sigh, shaking her head in annoyance.
"Why am I even here?" she complained loudly.
"Ya asking me?" Ranma inquired, one eyebrow raised in surprise.
"Why am I not in some secluded corner," the girl continued unperturbed, ignoring his question, "plotting how to kill that pervert that manhandled and molested me in my own dojo and in front of my whole family?"
"Ya point being?" Ranma asked, flipping a small rice ball into his mouth and chewing with gusto as he waited for her reply.
"Why don't I hate you like those other perverts?" she finally concluded, shrugging her shoulders and starting to poke at her Bento.
"Ya talking 'bout that welcome committee that goes out of their way to greet ya in the morning?" Ranma inquired, down to his dessert and still going strong.
"Oh, so you already saw them?"
"Well yeah," Ranma agreed with a lopsided grin, "that show was hard to miss."
He let that remark hang in the air for a moment before continuing.
"Maybe it's 'cause I'm one of the nicer types of pervert. And I just offered ya a chance at some real training. Not like that lot of punching-bag wannabes"
"You're talking about this piece of drivel here?" Akane asked, pulling the folded piece of paper from the pocket of her jumper.
The boy cast a glance at it and simply nodded.
"Yupp," he agreed. "Everything on there is tried an' proven. Should help with ya martial-arts an' general well-being."
Akane favoured him with a glare before making a show of reading from that list.
"Rule Number 7:" the girl started to proclaimed aloud, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Stop trying to cook like Kasumi. Kasumi can't cook. She just copies your mother. Use a cookbook and start with page one."
Akane held the paper in front of Ranma's face for inspection. Not that he needed to read it. He was the author after all.
"Kasumi can't cook? Are you nuts?" the girl exclaimed heatedly. "She's officially one of the best cooks in Nerima."
Ranma looked at her for a moment as if weighting his options.
"Ever noticed how there are always leftovers after dinner?" he finally replied with a question of his own. "Like about one portion? (*) That's 'cause ya mom always cooked for five. Kasumi must 'ave been a real smart kid. I mean, she figured out how to do everything just by watching and from a couple of notes ya mom left behind. But that's also why she never strays from the original recipes. 'Cause she was never taught how to. Still, it's really impressive that memory of hers. Kind of a waste to keep her locked up in that kitchen..." he finished, his voice almost dropping to a whisper.
"That's a load of bull and you know it!" Akane declared angrily, unable to believe what her ears were reporting. "Stay away from my sister you creep! And stay away from my family! You know nothing about us and I refuse to listen to any other word you say!"
She rose from her seat as if to leave and her hands began balling up that cursed piece of paper to throw it right between his eyes. She didn't get the chance to go through with that as Ranma also rose and snatched the paper right from her hands.
"Ya don't wanna believe me? Fine with me. It's ya own choice an' I can't force ya..." he grumbled with such low boiling passion in his voice that it shut Akane up rather effectively. He smoothed out the paper and refolded it as neatly as possible.
"But I haven't lied to ya once. An' that ain't 'cause I'm such a nice guy..." involuntarily retreating a step Akane found herself with her back against a wall. And Ranma himself took a step forward too, for all practical purposes pinning her to that exact wall.
"...'cause I'm not," he continued with great intensity. It was as if he was trying to force her into understanding simply by the power of his will. "I grew up on the road an' some of the things I did to get by might really make ya cringe. But..." he took the paper and very slowly, very carefully, inserted it into the front pouch of her jumper "... I promised I wouldn't lie no more. At least not to certain people. An' that happens to include ya. I''m not gonna lie 'bout the small stuff and certainly not 'bout the big stuff. That's what I promised on everything important to me. An' I always keep my word."
Akane couldn't help but stared at his face in wonder. She just couldn't understand how Ranma could be so overwhelmingly intimidating and at the same time so not scary. It was the Dojo all over again where he had immobilized her. At the same time she had been feeling helpless, angry and frustrated, but also strangely safe. Back then Akane had understood, on an instinctive level but with absolute clarity, that if she had faked an injury Ranma would have let her go that very instant. Maybe it had just been the way he had held her, or maybe his smell had lulled her into some false sense of comfort. Just like right now, sandwiched as she was between the wall and the guy in question. Only in the Dojo she had been unable to witness the expression on his face.
The way his blue eyes bore into her, willing her to understand where his words might fail him.
The way his brows furrowed and the edge of his mouth twitched in frustration.
This observation obviously brought her attention to his lips.
Classic mistake.
For a reason Akane neither understood nor cared for at the moment, her hands shot up, grabbing both of the sides of Ranma's face and, half pulling him down, half pulling herself up, planted a kiss on his lips.
And it was sweet, and hot, and everything a kiss should be.
"I know you do," she found herself whisper as she drew her head back and slipped past his shell shocked body. The strangest, most enticing images filled her mind as she ran off towards the railing. Images of her and Ranma in various states of dress or undress, being more or less intimate.
"Yeah, all boys are perverts," shot through her jumbled mind as she simply jumped from the roof, "Tomboys included..."
(* In case of a visit by men from the Saotome Clan there will be NO leftovers. Even in case that the amount of ingredients has been doubled.)
…
Ranma didn't pay attention to Akane hopping over the railing. If he had then his troubled mind might have shorted out completely. He was in a bad enough condition already, so no reason to kick a man that's down.
"What, what, WHAAATT..?!" he stammered, dropping to his knees. He stared at the now deserted wall with unseeing eyes, his hands covering his mouth as if that could make the unthinkable become undone. It helped about as much as a handkerchief can wipe away an ocean.
"What's that stupid Tomboy doin'?" he wailed, his hands wandering further up to start ripping at his hair.
"We didn't even... I mean we haven't yet... an' there's no way she'd ever… not until… " Ranma gestured wildly left and right, neither his arms nor his mind being useful in dealing with the situation. He fell on his back in a boneless heap with a frustrated scream of "Aaaaargh!"
"This is sooo fucked up..." he sighed, looking up at the clouds. "Could this damn day get any worse?"
Just then the bell rang for the end of the lunch break as if to answer Ranma's question.
…
When Ranma returned to the classroom he noticed two things. All eyes were on him and Akane was missing.
The attention of the classmates towards his person hardly came as a surprise to him. But Akan missing was never a good sign as far as he was concerned. He entertained the idea of abandoning school and going on a search for her. But he didn't follow through with that idea.
Acting like that would have given the class too much inspiration for wild speculations. Ranma prefer to keep the tomboy out of those for as long that she'd let him. Considering the amount of ridiculous rumours about himself, the curse and the possible implications that were most likely already making the rounds at school.
As much as Ranma's fists were itching, that also meant staying out of the morning fights. He was well aware that choosing Akane to splash him with water as way of an introduction to the class had been a bit of an inconsistency to that plan. But let's face reality. Who else could he choose for his first real public freak-show?
Not that he had been nervous. He was the Ranma Saotome after all!
But having Akane do the honours kept the smile on his face at the very least. That much he could admit.
In the same line of thinking, maybe he should have delivered the note more discreetly. Oh well, what's done was done.
Deep in such thoughts, Ranma spend most of the afternoon brooding. The teachers didn't bother to disturb him and his classmates couldn't decide who to send forward. A couple of notes found their way towards his desk but he ignored them. And no sooner did the last bell ring that he was out of that place at a speed that made three-thirds of the school's sports clubs retake their vows to scout him.
….
End Chapter 2