Psychology as interpreted by Dr. Kate "Kate" Heightmeyer (please, call me Kate)
Good evening everyone. Welcome to Psychology. I am Kate, the resident Psychiatrist. Please don't get upset when I say the word Psychiatrist. If, at the end of the class, you still cringe at that word then by all means schedule an appointment with me. I am always open and available to talk for a nominal fee of $200 an hour. Just kidding that was a little Psychiatrist humor. If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at right?
Syllabus:At the beginning of every class, we will stand and introduce ourselves (first names only please) and at the end of every class we will not say goodbye but have a group hug and wish each other well.
Week 1:Introduce the ID, Ego and Superego and their roles in dream interpretation. The only assignment for this week will be to have a dream, write it down and share with the class so they might help you to understand it. Read chapter 3 of your textbook concerning Freud and other dream interpreters.
Week 2:Left brain vs. Right brain and Reptilian brain function. Come prepared to use your brain in a way it has probably never been used before. To prepare for Reptilian brain function I suggest reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
Week 3:Psycho-analysis and reincarnation. Keep a journal for one week on what you do your feelings and interactions with persons, etc. Come to class with a box of tissues. I will start the first session, and then the students will psychoanalyze each other for the remainder of class. Remember, we are all here to help each other. Read chapters 5-10 concerning proper doctor/patient interaction. Chapters 19-21 concerning your mother, your childhood (repressed or otherwise) and different cultures views on reincarnation.
Week 4:Pavlov and hypnosis. We will practice hypnotizing each other. Please come to class with little rest, as sleep aids immensely in the hypnotic process. Read Chapter 25 concerning experiments with animals and humans. Chapter 26 deals with Pavlov, students will please bring a bell, whistle or alarm clock to class.
Week 5:Subliminal (fake) messages and other tricks of the (feeble) mind. This session (experiment) will be conducted by me (Kate). Come with an open (closed) mind.
Week 6:As this is the final week we will conduct an open session where fellow students and all personnel can come in for a session or take the personality tests. Colonel Caldwell has volunteered a few of his Marines for this occasion.
In summary, I would like to congratulate you on your decision to take Psychology. I will leave you with my personal favorite quotes about Psychiatry:
You are your own best friend and worst enemy. (Unknown)
Admitting it is the first step. (Unknown)
Do unto others as you would have done unto you, unless they do unto you first in which case you must open a large can of unto on them. (Happy Bunny)
Tell me about your mother. (Freud)