Part two has arriiiiiiiived! I'm confused as to whether to add more "r's" or "i's" in that sentence. I am a dummy!

Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Looney Tunes, Phoenix Wright, Monty Python, Dora the Explorer, or Charlie the Unicorn.

Spoilers in number 19 for Pride's true identity in Brotherhood and the manga.

13: If Riza Hawkeye is angry with me, I will not cry, "Sniper no sniping!" three times.

"How is that paperwork coming along, Colonel?"

Roy Mustang's head jerked up and his eyes widened in panic. "Take a nap," he had told himself earlier that day. "Hawkeye will be at the shooting range all day!"

Yet here she was, back early.

Still holding her pistols.

His subordinates, at their desks, were snickering at the boss's predicament. Flustered, Mustang waved his hands around, all panicky, and cried, "Sniper no sniping! Sniper no sniping! Sniper no sniping!"

"Aww, man!" Breda piped up from his desk.

A few days later, a repairman finally came to plaster the bullet holes in the office wall. Roy Mustang was also reported missing, and Riza Hawkeye gave no comment when questioned by reporters.

14: Collecting blood from Gluttony's gut for the Amestrian Blood Drive is unwise.

Ed scooped up some blood into a measuring cup and peered at his quarry. "Hey, what blood type is all this, anyway? A, B, AB, 0?"

Ling was too busy puking to reply, overwhelmed by the stupidity of this plan. He was never helping a rival country again.

15: I will not one-up the Flame Alchemist by becoming Combustion Man.

Mustang openly gawked at Major Armstrong's forehead. "Major...what is that?"

That happened to be a black tattoo of an eye on Armstrong's forehead. The man's sparkle glittered loudly (no one knows how this is possible, since glitter is not an onomatopoeia, but it did happen) and responded, "It fuels the art of combustion alchemy, a technique that has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations! Observe, Colonel Mustang!" Briefly, the tattoo glowed - and then a light beam shot at a vase, causing a big, violent, and beautiful explosion.

While Mustang gaped at the Major's work, Edward chose that moment to walk in. "Alright, Colonel, listen up..." All speech ceased to escape Ed's mouth once he saw the Major. About a minute later, Alphonse witnessed his older brother fleeing the command center, screeching, "ARMSTRONG'S OPENING THE GATE ON HIS FOREHEAD!"

16: I will not make real life Looney Tunes, nor will I transmute anvils and grand pianos to drop on people's heads.

Working in tandem, Edward and Alphonse Elric succeeded in creating the most successful show on the newly discovered television. Favorite episodes included stunts such as a giant metal safe crushing Envy's skull and Edward smashing Pride with a wrecking ball.

No Homunculi were (fatally) harmed in the making of this show.

17: The Armstrong do not use steroids.

When Winry plucked up the nerves to ask if Major Armstrong used enhancers, the Major puffed out his chest and answered, "Drug addiction has not been passed down the Armstrong family for generations!" No one dared question it, as it was the maddest anyone had ever seen the Major since Ishval.

18:I will not use the Holy Hand Grenade against a Homunculus.

In the midst of assisting Edward and Alphonse in their hunt for a Homunculus, Ling turned to Lan Fan. "I can feel them growing close..."

Lan Fan nodded. "As do I, my Lord. Shall I?"

Ling shook his head in assent. "Bring the Holy Hand Grenade!"

Holy music resounded through the heavens as Lan Fan (aided by several unnamed men garbed solely in white) brought forth the Holy Hand Grenade. Meanwhile, Gluttony drew close, ravenous and craving human flesh and White Castle, preferably the former. Lan Fan unrolled an enormous scroll. "And Saint Attlia raised the hand grenade up on high..."

After seventeen minutes of scripture reading, Lan Fan managed to wrap it up. "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

Ling took and aimed the grenade. "One, two, five!"

"Three, my Lord!"

"THREE!"

He ended up missing Gluttony and hitting an apartment complex instead, but it was a pretty explosion, and that was all that mattered in the end.

Unfortunately, Ling missed it all since his eyes remained closed. He still blames the manga artist to this day.

19: I will not sue Pride's shadows for sexual assault.

Pride would NOT have this nonsense. "Your Honor, this suit of armor has no right to claim that I defiled his armor. I'm just an innocent little boy, the son of the Fuhrer-"

"OBJECTION!" Ed, Alphonse's lawyer, exclaimed heatedly, pointing a finger at Pride. The finger point wasn't just any ordinary finger point. No, the action was hotblooded; that single digit was filled with Edward's righteous fury! "Your Honor, this so-called child's shadows penetrated my beloved brother's armor! That's child molestation in anyone's book!"

"Thanks, brother," Al muttered, feeling dirty and upset by the fact that showering wouldn't make him feel better, it'd just make him rust.

The old, weary judge rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply. "I'm calling a recess, this crap is too weird and technical for me to process at the moment!"

20: The Gate is not the entrance to Candy Mountain.

"So...you don't remember the Gate," Izumi murmured, half to herself and half to the brothers.

If he had eyes, Al would've blinked in confusion. As it was, he succeeded in making the soulfire that was his eyes flicker. Epic win! "What's the Gate?"

Ed sprung from his chair and waved his arms around in some sort of demented glee, bouncing on top of Al. "It's a land of pain and truth...and truthness!"

Al shied away. "Brother...please stop bouncing on me."

"The Gate of Truth, Alphonse!" Ed cried in a sing-song voice. Eventually, Izumi joined Ed, and they kept repeating their cry even after Alphonse fled from them, which resulted in him getting kidnapped by a pimp Homunculus who tried to steal Al's nonexistent kidney.

Ed and Izumi were too busy discussing leoplurodons to notice.

21: I will not attempt to get off work by calling in dead.

Just barely five minutes after Ed called, Alphonse overheard Mustang planning Ed's funeral. Horror-stricken, he nearly went on a Homunculi killing spree before Ed appeared and told him it was a lie.

Hugs were exchanged, and in their joy the brothers still decided to kick the snot out of Envy.

Later on, Ed waltzed into Central, with Al dragging a bound and gagged Envy behind them. As Mustang passed, he snarked, "Fullmetal, I regret to inform you that they don't make coffins for people of your stature."

"SHUT UP!"

22: Referring to Scar as my token black friend will by my doom.

May went around introducing her friends to their new partners, the chimeras. "I'm May Chang! This is Xiao Mei," she gestured to the miniature panda on her shoulder, "Yoki," the thinly mustached man waved sheepishly, "Dr. Marcoh," the doctor smiled, which looked awfully creepy on his deformed face, "and my token black friend, Scar."

Awkward silence. Then, Scar finally said, "I'm Ishvalan, not African American."

"Suuuuure, and I'm not really Asian!" she retorted.

23:I will not refer to Edward's impalement in Baschool as "shrimp kebab."

"HELP!" the blond and bleeding Fullmetal Alchemist screamed, begging any passerbys to aid him.

For a few moments, no help came, but then Ed couldn't help but hear an odd series of squelching noises. Puzzled, Ed looked left, right, and up - just in time to be smashed in the face by an enormous tomato wedge, which was being shoved onto the metal girder.

"OKAY, YOU GUYS REALLY SUCK, YOU KNOW THAT?" he bellowed with his trademark anger, before wincing, as the action caused another explosion of agony.

24: I will not ask Izumi Curtis for ninja training.

Edward and Alphonse begged on hands and knees for hours, but the housewife simply repeated the same response of, "No!" four hundred and sixty-three times. At the four hundred and seventy-fourth time, her temper flared full force and she finally kicked them out, howling, "A NINJA DOESN'T SIMPLY SHARE HER SECRETS!"

So which was your favorite? Mine were 13 and 19!

Also, soon I'll be publishing another fic, 100 Jobs For a Former Alchemist. Expect lots of chuckles and Brotherhood/manga spoilers.

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