I do not own The Twilight Series. All Three books belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Oh, and people, I enjoy writing things that sound ridiculous, it passes the time and who cares if it makes sense… if you find this ridiculous and still enjoy reading it, then you really have no problem with this at all. I understand that this makes no sense, but I am writing more for my benefit and for the benefit of others… so people can laugh. I also read the ones recommended to me and found that the one was not that funny, and the other (ah Aro) was hysterical. Thank you all for your opinion, they are greatly appreciated… please Read and Review.

THE VOLTURI APPLICATION AND

THINGS THAT PISS OFF EDWARD

BY: ALUNAMAI AND LASTARAS

Part 2

35. When did you start thinking that a career with the Volturi was ideal?

Never. I am being forced to fill out this ridiculous piece of crap by my "mother" and "father"

Seriously, I do not want to be here. I'd rather be with Bella. If I hadn't been blamed for that damn window… and hadn't been denied any of the other jobs I applied for… then I wouldn't be here filling this stupid thing out. None of these questions make any sense.

36. How much wood would a woodchuck, chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

I don't know.

None I believe… I mean… woodchucks can't chuck wood! Who the hell is writing this damn test… I swear to god it's Aro… I mean, who comes up with this crap… Woodchucks?

37. If you could have one superpower which would you choose?

Super strength

Super speed

Ability to read minds

Empathy

Do I have to answer this question… no I believe I do not have to answer this ridiculous question.

38. Aww, come on. Please.

Fine. Ability to read minds. That is all I will say on this matter.

Not that my opinion matters anyways. I want to know who is writing this test… this makes no sense… there is absolutely no realistic questions on here. It's like the test is designed to make the applicant go nuts like Aro… which is not normal.

39. What is it like to be dead? Be honest.

I don't get to sleep. I want to destroy my girlfriend for her blood. I want blood at all times. Although the upside of being dead is fantastic. I get to run at inhuman speeds, which help me save Bella. I can read peoples minds, except for Bellas. I can protect Bella from evil vampires such as Caius and Demitri. I am solely here for Bella. She is my life and I can give her everything she has ever wanted… except for children.

40. What does blood taste like to Carlisle?

I do not know.

41. Do you like me?

I don't even know who YOU are. How can I say if I like some one if I don't know who they are. That is one of stu… wait this entire application is stupid. Why did I ever agree to do this? Why?

42. Oh, C'mon!

Tell me who you are first.

43. That is for us to know, and for you to find out later.

What I want to know is how you know exactly what I am going to put… it's almost as if Alice co- wrote this test.

44. Please?

Please what.

45. Do you want to be friends?

Not while your annoying me.

46. Why not?

You're annoying me.

47. Are you my mommy?

Umm, no. Why would I be your mother? I don't understand this.

48. Is it windy out side?

I do not know. I am not the weatherman, and I can't exactly see what the hell is going on out side since there are no windows.

49. My, are we a bit touchy.

Shut up. I really don't want to deal with this right now… I am about ready to quite this application. Then what are you going to do?

50. Find some one else to annoy… like Carlisle.

"Gianna, do I have to fill out every question… these are ridiculous. You wouldn't happen to know who wrote this, would you?" I asked since I was reaching my breaking point.

"Well, no Mr. Cullen. Although it would be beneficial if you do fill out the entire test."

"Is it normal for these things to be… annoying?"

"Yes."

Of course they would be.

51. If you could be an animal what would you be?

A mountain lion.

52. Why?

I don't know, maybe because I like mountain lion. I should ask you the same question.

53. Are you a tyrant?

No, not normally. Only when killer vampires come and threaten my Bella.

54. Hmmm, lets play twenty questions.

Fine. I'll think of something.

55. Is it an object, a mineral, or a liquid?

It is an object.

56. Does it have a name?

Yes.

This is getting really ridiculous. I mean, Twenty questions…

57. Does it breath?

I should hope so.

58. Your making this way to easy for me, Edward.

Oh, Boo Freaking Who! Cry me a river.

59. Hey that's a Justin Timberlake song.

Oh dear lord in heaven, save me from this mad house.

60. I think I know!

Oh, please do tell me.

61. Is it Bella?

Bravo! I can't even imagine how you could have possibly known.

62. I am Voldemort, and I know All!

Oh dear lord… why did I agree to this? Why? I could have just given Esme the money… hey there's an idea… I have the money… why not give it to Esme! I have enough to cover that window… hmmm… yes… that is what I will do!

I stood up and gave the application to Gianna.

"Thank you very much, but I have changed my mind. Tell Aro that I am still not willing to join his cult."

"I will. Have a wonderful evening and a safe flight home."

"Thank you." I turned to walk out the door and was greeted by Carlisle.

Hello Edward. I am here to fill out a survey. Why they couldn't just send it in the mail like I requested?

"Who knows, but you are in for a fun time. Trust me." I said as I started to leave.

A/N: Okay, Now I know that this is a ridiculous fanfic… but we have to remember that I wrote insanity! So lets get that through our thick heads people. I am going to do another chapter, only this time it will be from Carlisles pov… this shall be fun… any ideas please review… oh and the reason for why it is so random will be revealed soon… as in the "authors of the test" will be revealed at the end of the next chapter or the chapter after that.