Perry looked at his list. "Okay, so I got almond brittle and a Broadway Hits CD for Doofenshmirtz, a 'Best Intern' mug for Carl… and now I only have twenty people left to shop for… on THIS side of the list."
"You don't have to get everyone a present." Devon said. "I'm only shopping for Monogram, you, Darren, Pinky and my dad. That's about it."
Perry slammed his palm against his forehead. "I forgot to put Magdalena the mongoose on the list."
"Magdalena? I've never even heard of a Magdalena."
"She's in the agency. She lives in Hawaii."
"Did you ever meet her?"
"No, but Terry's friend's father's cousin's mother-in-law's cousin-once-removed did."
"Then you don't have to shop for her." Devon grabbed Perry's list and crossed off a few names. "There you go."
"Huh. That's considerably better. Thanks."
"No problem. What are you getting Monogram?"
"A framed picture of himself. He'll love it."
"That's true. I wonder why I didn't think of that."
"HALT! We're going in that store." Perry pointed at "Musical Musicalness Of Pure Musicalocity".
"Why?"
"For Ferb. The kid loves music. I just need to get him an instrument he doesn't already have."
"How do you give it to him without… well, blowing your cover?"
"I put the presents from me on the doorstep, signed 'anonymous'. The first year I did it, Linda called the police, but they told her that the gifts weren't harmful. So now they're always happy to get gifts from their 'unknown friend'."
"You don't sign the gifts like that, do you? Because that sounds creepy."
"No. I told you, I sign them 'anonymous'."
"Okay. You shop around in there. I'll stay out here."
"You should come in."
"No thanks. I have melophobia. Fear of musical instruments."
"Seriously? Okay then…"
Perry was in and out of the store in record time, dragging out a huge xylophone. "Got him a marimba. I bet he doesn't already have that."
Devon appeared to be shaking a little. "How on earth are you going to hide that from him?"
"Let's work on how I'm going to drag it around the mall first. Can you push it?"
Devon shook his head. "I don't want to touch it… it scares me…"
"I should have gone shopping with Peter. He doesn't have weird phobias." Perry got behind the marimba and gave it a shove.
It lazily screeched a few feet across the floor of the Googleplex Mall.
A man dressed as a huge piano stood outside of the store. He gave Perry a confused look.
"Can I just leave this here and come back for it?" Perry asked.
When the man's expression didn't change, Perry scribbled the words down on a post-it note, sticking it on the marimba.
The piano man gave him a thumbs-up.
"All right, Dev. Let's move on." Perry picked up his bags and went on, Devon following closely behind.
"We should go into the Bathroom Emporium." Devon said.
"Why?"
"I'm getting Monogram a toilet plunger."
"Again, WHY?"
"He's always complaining about how he doesn't have a good plunger."
"Dev, you don't get someone a toilet plunger for Christmas. Christmas presents are supposed to say 'I'm thinking of you'. NOT 'Now you can stop your toilet from overflowing'."
"I don't get it. Why are you such a genius when it comes to Christmas presents? Hey, a pet store. We can probably get a lot of stuff for our comrades in there."
"Think they have any canned worms?" Perry asked.
"I hope not. Let's go look at the puppies. I love puppies. They're so cute."
Perry followed Devon into the store. Devon looked at a miniature pinscher in a cage.
"Aren't you a little cutie?" He said.
"Today is a magical day." Said the puppy. "It is another day with sun. I sawed it out the window."
Devon sighed. "I forget how mindless they are. All right, what should I get for Darren? Do you see any duck treats he might like?"
"No, but this toy mouse is great for Carrie." Perry took one off of the shelf. "There's little chance a cat would be scared of a mouse."
"I don't know. That cat's pretty much terrified of everything. OH. MY. GOSH."
"What?" Perry turned around.
"No, don't look. I found the perfect thing for you!"
Perry covered his eyes. "A can of worms?"
"No."
"A can of bugs?"
"No. And stop guessing!"
"You got me a can of bugs. Admit it."
"No. You can look now."
Devon placed his findings on the store counter. The sales woman rang them up.
"That'll be thirty dollars and sixty-seven cents." She said.
Devon slammed his paw down on the counter. "Twenty dollars. No more."
"What are you doing?" Perry asked, standing behind him.
"Haggling. I read about it in a book."
"Devon, people don't actually haggle unless they're buying a used boat or a car or something."
The sales woman looked confused. "Is something the matter?"
Devon sighed and reached into his fur pocket, pulling out thirty-one dollars. He handed them to the lady.
The lady smiled. "Thank you so much for shopping at Pet Paradise. Buh-bye!"
"Sure. Rub in the fact that I had a haggle-fail." Devon growled. He picked up his packages and stormed away.
Perry struggled to lift the giant stuffed panda toy he had found for Peter onto the counter. The only thing he knew about Peter the panda was that he liked dismantling things, but it was hard to find a present based on that knowledge.
"Are you going to be able to carry that?" The sales lady asked.
"First the marimba, now the two-ton panda." Perry heaved the panda over the side of the counter. It flopped over.
"Are we done yet?" Devon asked.
"Not quite. I still have to find something for Phineas."
"What did you get Candace?"
"A new phone. To make up for the time when Palmer ate hers."
"What if someone already gets her a phone?"
"She loses phones like every two seconds. As soon as I find Phineas something, we can pick up the panda and the marimba and head home."
"How are we going to fit all of this on your scooter?"
Perry thought for a moment. Then he pulled out his phone.
"Calling a cab?"
"Nah."
Doofenshmirtz had been sitting on his couch, watching the Uncovery Channel when the phone rang.
He picked it up. "Hellooo?"
"Gnakakkakakaka."
"Perry the platypus, is that you?"
Another chatter.
"Look, I don't know why you bothered to call me. If this is about work, you don't have to come in today. I haven't built an inator, I've been too busy doing…" Doofenshmirtz turned off the television. "Other, very important things."
A series of chatters.
"I can't understand a word you're saying."
Perry made a noise that Doofenshmirtz suspected was a cross between a snort and a sigh.
"Look, why don't you text me or something? It's easier." Doofenshmirtz hung up and turned the TV back on. He knew Perry wouldn't text him unless he needed to.
His cell phone buzzed in his pocket. Doofenshmirtz took it out and looked at the screen.
GIANT PANDA & MARIMBA & OTHR STFF. ONLY HVE SCTR. PLZ BRNG TRUCK 2 GOOGLPLX MLL.
"Stff? What's a stff?" Doofenshmirtz muttered to himself. "OH. Stuff. He really needs to work on his spelling."
"You didn't find the thing for Phineas." Devon said as they loaded Perry's scooter onto the bed of Doofenshmirtz's truck.
"I'll get him something later. I'll know the perfect gift when I see it."
Doofenshmirtz closed the bed. "Devon the dog? I haven't seen you in years."
Devon shrugged.
"Yes, you left me. You exchanged me for a new nemesis. Don't think I've forgiven you for that. I'm evil, so I can hold a grudge if I want."
Devon turned to Perry. "So he's driving us back?"
"Yep. Is that okay?"
"I guess. Do you trust him?"
"He may be my nemesis, Dev, but he's not completely evil. Get in."
When Pinky came into Perry's lair, Perry was lying on the floor, packages and bags surrounding him. Devon was rubbing his back.
"Full day of shopping, huh?" Pinky said.
"Everything is sore." Perry mumbled. "So very sore."
"We must have been in that mall for at least eight hours." Devon said.
"You got quite a haul." Pinky said. He picked up a paddleball that was on the floor.
"Aw, I forgot to hide that." Devon shook his head. "That was for you. Happy early Christmas… anyways."
"Awesome! I love these things." Pinky bounced the ball against the paddle. "I'm pretty good with them, too. Did you hear Monogram's brother Frank is in town for Christmas?"
"No." Devon said. "What's Frank like? Did you meet him?"
"No, but Darren told me Monogram's been trying really hard to impress him. Shouldn't be hard. Not every human's the lead of a secret agent organization." Pinky held the paddleball sideways as he played with it.
"Do my shoulders." Perry murmured. Devon adjusted his paws.
"As you can see, I've trained elite animal agents." Monogram opened the door to the lair.
Monogram stared at the three agents. Pinky waved at him, still playing with the paddleball. Perry looked up at him drowsily.
"These are your elites?" Frank asked.
"Never seen them before." Monogram said quickly. "They must be Wanda's agents."
"I'm one of Wanda's agents!" Pinky yapped.
Monogram closed the door.
"Guess we're not going to get introduced." Devon said.
"He should give us a break." Pinky said. "Just because you're giving him a massage and I'm playing with a paddleball… oh. Maybe Monogram was expecting something more professional when he opened the door."
"Ya think?" Perry smiled at him.
"My hands are getting tired." Devon said.
"Don't stop."
"When can I stop?"
"When I want you to."
"When's that?"
"I don't know. Keep going."
Pinky squinted at one of the presents. "Who's the xylophone for?"
"The marimba? That's for Ferb."
"Where's he going to put it?"
"Who knows. He'll figure something out."
Alan the alligator poked his head in the room. "Guess what, guys? Carl made lunch for everyone! By accident, of course. He made too much macaroni and cheese."
"LUNCH!" Devon jumped up and ran out of the room.
"I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO STOP." Perry called after him.
"When there's free mac-and-cheese at stake, other business must wait." Pinky said.
"Good point."