Chapter Two:

Grimmauld Place was a riot when Harry Apparated outside the gate, Malfoy still in his arms. He could see shapes running back and forth across the lighted windows, apparently searching for something. Harry's stomach squirmed with guilt; they were looking for him. As if he needed more evidence, Lupin opened the door and, upon seeing Harry, let out a loud sigh of relief and ran towards him. Even though Harry saw him nearly every day right now, he still felt a jolt when he took in Lupin's appearance. His weight had dropped drastically and, even though Harry had encouraged him to get new ones, Lupin's clothes were as shabby as every. His hair now had more grey in it than brown, and it seemed that every day a new line appeared on his face. Harry had hoped that with his new-found relationship with Tonks he might improve. As it were, no such luck.

Lupin stopped in his tracks when he saw that Harry was carrying someone.

"Oh my," whispered Lupin, and ran faster towards Harry. He lifted the figure out of Harry's arms, and when the head lolled back, Lupin's eyes widened in shock. He looked at Harry.

"Harry, surely this can't be—? Do you really—? I mean…a Malfoy?"

"I didn't know where else to take him," Harry replied, gazing up at Lupin.

"No, no, I guess not." But the shock was still in Lupin's voice as he headed back towards the house, Harry following.

Almost as soon as he stepped in the door he was confronted by Mrs. Weasley.

"Oh, Harry, where in god's name have you been?" Her face was white with anger and fright, and the guilt Harry felt grew.

"I'm sorry," he said sheepishly. "I just, I needed to get away for a bit."
"Away? Away!" Mrs. Weasley's voice reached a rather impressive octave. "You can't just leave like that, in the middle of the night! No one knew where you had gone! We all thought…" she died off, unable to finish.

Harry shifted uncomfortably. "But I'm not dead, am I? Else I wouldn't be standing here." She flinched as if he had slapped her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry everyone. But I really just wanted to get out of here for a bit. Sometimes…sometimes it gets to be too much." He looked around him, and was startled to see a tear falling from Lupin's closed eyes. He turned away hurriedly.

Mrs. Weasley's face fell, her anger replaced with sympathy. "Harry, I know it must be hard for you, being in this house." Behind him, Lupin swallowed audibly. Mrs. Weasley continued. "But you must know we have only your best intentions in mind. Dear, you can't just go wandering off like that. Please. You, of all us, know best what's out there, and, oh, I couldn't bear it if we lost you." The last was said in a whisper, and a heavy quiet fell. Then Mrs. Weasley turned to look at Lupin, and the body in his arms.

"Goodness, that's not…is it?"

"Draco Malfoy, yes," said Harry.

She flattened against the wall to let Lupin past, following him to the empty bedroom. As he laid Malfoy on the bed, Mrs. Weasley bustled forward to take a look on him.

"But what on earth is he doing here?" she wondered aloud.

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "I found him, or rather, he found me, and then passed out. I didn't know what else to do, so I brought him here. I couldn't leave him there."

Mrs. Weasley's cast a scrutinizing eye at Harry. "Where did you go?"

"I, uh, I sort of went to Hogwarts, and then into the Forbidden Forest. That's where I found him—him me."

"You went into the Forest? You know how dangerous that is!"

"I know, I know," he said quickly, wanting to quell Mrs. Weasley's temper before she got started. "Trust me, I know. It just sort of happened, I guess. I can't really explain it, I just ended up there. And then I saw Malfoy, and he fainted, and now I'm here."
Mrs. Weasley made an exasperated noise, and turned her concentration on Malfoy. She ran her wand the length of him, trying to detect any illness. When she was satisfied, she pocketed her wand again and faced Harry.

"He's half starved to death, but right now what he really needs is sleep. There's no point in bothering him until the morning." They left the room, and she shut the door quietly behind her. "But Harry," she said, looking at him, "do you know what you are doing? The Malfoys are with You-Know-Who, surely you know this?"

Harry nodded slowly. "I couldn't just leave him to die, though. And remember how I told you last year that Malfoy—Draco—, though he had to chance to, didn't kill Dumbledore, and that he had been threatened by Voldemort?" Mrs. Weasley gasped, but nodded. "I want to find out more about that," Harry finished. She said nothing, just walked Harry back to his bedroom. When they reached the door, Harry said goodnight and was about to close the door when Mrs. Weasley stopped him.

"Harry, just be careful around him. When he wakes, he can't hear or see too much, or he can't leave."

Harry listened to her footsteps receding, and closed the door and crawled into his bed. His mind raced with thoughts as he closed his eyes, making sleep hard to come by.

When Harry awoke, the sun hadn't even hit the horizon, but he could sleep no longer. He fumbled for his glasses and put them on, blinking sleep from his eyes. The glasses didn't help much, it was too dark, so he grabbed his wand and muttered "Lumos." A small light ignited at the tip of his wand, and using this he managed to hunt down some clean clothes and changed noiselessly. He went out into the hall and down the stairs, thinking perhaps of grabbing something to drink and waiting for Mrs. Weasley to cook up some breakfast, when he heard voices from the kitchen, speaking in low tones. He recognized Lupin's soft voice, and then another one, female: Tonks. That was odd, because he couldn't recall Tonks staying over last night. She was one who usually stayed only long enough to pass information, talk to Lupin, and perhaps have dinner, before she was gone again. Unless she had come during Harry's short adventure, or after he had finally fallen asleep. It was obviously a private conversation, but his curiosity got the better of him and Harry crept down the last few steps and to the kitchen.

"Nox," he whispered, putting out the light on his wand, and halted just beside the kitchen door. It had been left open a crack, so Harry didn't have to strain his ears to catch the conversation.

"…and still, you won't tell me what's wrong." That was Tonks.

"It's a bit more complicated than that. It's not just black-and-white," Lupin responded.

"Just tell me, Remus. Tell me why you suddenly decided you can't do this anymore."

"I told you when you first asked me. I'm too old, too battered, and a werewolf to top it off."

"But you know that that doesn't matter to me. How many times have I said that?" Tonks's voice wavered, and she cleared her throat before continuing. "There's another reason, I know there is."

"Tonks, I just think you deserve someone better."

For a few minutes neither said anything, and Harry was just getting ready to go into the kitchen, when:

"It's him, isn't it?"

Harry froze, wondering who Tonks could be talking about.

Apparently Lupin didn't know either. "Who?"

Tonks exhaled loudly. "You know who I'm talking about. Don't be an idiot, Remus, it doesn't suit you."

Lupin did not speak, so Tonks continued.

"Every time I mention his name, even in passing, or something that's connected to him you freeze up, or turn away or change the topic, and I'm tired of tiptoeing around it."

"Tonks, I really don't think now is the time to talk about this…"

"No," she said forcefully, "now is the only time to talk about it. Why won't you just answer my question?"

"It's not exactly an appropriate question—"

"Do you love him?"

Harry lost his balance and almost fell over, but managed to catch himself. He held his breath, listening if they had heard him. They hadn't.
"I ask you again: do you love him?"

Some time had passed before Lupin answered, and when it came it nearly broke Harry's heart.

"I can't," he said pleadingly. "I can't anymore."

A chair scraped the floor, and Harry prepared to flee if someone should come out the door, but no one did. Harry dared a peek through the small slit. It seemed Tonks had gotten up only to go to Lupin, who had his face in his hands, and Harry could see the tears falling to the table. His breath caught, and Harry could feel a burning in his own eyes. He swallowed his tears and listened more to the conversation.

"Of course you can, of course you can." Tonks was making soothing noises, and wrapped her arms around Lupin's shoulders.

"No, I can't anymore." Lupin's voice was thick with emotion. "I can't, it hurts too much."

"That's part of love, darling. You win some, you lose some. But it's always worth it."

"But why did he have to leave me?" he asked in that same begging voice. "Why did he have to go? He only gave me two years with him, two years! And I've waited for him since I was fourteen. I've loved for him for so long, and he never acknowledged it, not until he got back from Azkaban. And now he's gone, and he can't come back." That last dissolved into silent tears, and Harry's tears joined Lupin's as he realized who he and Tonks were talking about: Sirius. Harry, who had been standing, slowly felt his body slide down wall, understanding for the first time that what Harry felt when he lost Sirius was nothing compared to how Lupin felt. He pulled his knees up to his face and rested his forehead on them, his tears wetting his jeans. After a bit, Harry raised his head and wiped his cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt. Tonks had begun to speak again.

"Just let it out, let it all out. You've held this in for far too long."

Lupin hiccoughed slightly, but had stopped crying. "You're not…you're not mad at me?" he asked dimly.

"No, dear one, I'm not mad. Well, a little mad, not because of you loving Sirius but because it took you so long to finally admit it."

"You knew? All along?"

Harry assumed Tonks had nodded, because then Lupin said:

"But if you knew, why did you want to start a relationship with me?"

"Because, well… you were so depressed, and I thought that if I managed to make you even just like me, you might realize that there are things worth living for, and you might start taking care of yourself. And, I do love you."

"You-you do?"

"Yes, I do. But I also understand that you loved him too much to love another the same way. And even though you feel like dying a little inside anytime someone mentions him, understand that there are others here who love you and who are very sad at seeing you like this."

"But, I don't…like what?"
Tonks replied patiently. "You don't eat. You sleep half the time, and the other

half you walk around like you're still asleep. You shut yourself away. I mean, the only times that you pretend to care is when the kids are around, and you barely manage that. And I know for a fact that you are only doing that because you don't want them to see how you really feel. They aren't dumb, Remus. I'm pretty sure at least Hermione has figured it out."

Remus gave a sad chuckle. "She would, that one. She's too smart for her age."

"I think you should talk to Harry," stated Tonks.

"No. I can't. Why?"

"Because," she said, "He loved Sirius too, and I think he would understand best out of all of us how you feel."

Lupin was quiet. Tonks took this as a signal that Lupin didn't want to talk anymore, and got up.

"Just think about it, okay?" she implored. "You can't keep all that pain inside all the time, and neither can Harry. You're kindred spirits in this, and I think it will help both of you."

Lupin responded faintly. "When did you become such a psychiatrist? I never expected any of this from you."

Tonks's answer came from nearer the door, but Harry had no desire to hide.

"I hate to see you hurt yourself again and again over this. I don't think Sirius would have wanted that. I'll see you later, Remus."

She opened the kitchen door and headed to the front door, without seeing Harry. Harry sat where he was for a while longer, before deciding to go into the kitchen. When he walked in, Lupin again had his face in his hands, and once again Harry could see the tears falling. He walked mutely across the floor and kneeled down beside Lupin, placing his hand on Lupin's leg. Lupin started and looked down at Harry and was surprised to see tears swimming unshed in those green eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," whispered Harry. "I heard everything."

Lupin placed his hand on Harry's head, gently stroked the black hair. He couldn't say anything, and so the two of them sat in silence until the others started to wake up.

Mrs. Weasley bustled down before any of the others, and Harry and Lupin quickly separated and scrubbed their faces. She looked at the two of them when she entered.

"My, aren't you two up early? Well, Lupin, you can help me with breakfast then." She started pulling out pots and pans and lit the stove. When Harry got up to help as well, Mrs. Weasley waved her hand at him in dismissal.

"Not you, Harry dear. I want you to take up Mr. Malfoy's breakfast. He needs some food."

Harry looked at Mrs. Weasley, surprised. He had completely forgotten about Malfoy.