Chapter 2 Redemption (Yes, I like alliteration, and the chapters will be named Realization, Redemption, Reconciliation… Cute, huh?)
I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
- OneRepublic, Apologize
Draco walked up the stairs leading to Gryffindor Tower. And down again. And up again. And down again. He knew fully well that he didn't need a password to go inside the Gryffindor common room and even into the Head Girl's dorm where Ginny resided, but he just can't seem to build up such a courage.
Draco was deeply annoyed. He had always get what he wanted, even in the… tougher times, but when it comes to love, and friendship, and any other sort of emotional relationship, he can't master their acquisition and retainment… Damn Lucius straight to hell for bringing him up in a world of no real friends, and damn Salazar Slytherin, for all he care, for building the Slytherin house into such a place with no emotion whatsoever. One can never grow up there, he thought, at least in the Gryffindor way of growing up.
He had loved Ginny: loved the way she teased him with no mercy, loved the way she spoke what her mind brought to her with no restraints, loved the way she kissed him with a courageous passion, loved the way she tossed her ginger red hair into the sky, indulged in happiness… And he knew deep down he still did. He still liked her beyond all imagination, but on this sort of thing, he also knew he can't always get what he wanted.
And that immensely bothered him.
He really wanted to quit.
To give up on her.
That will be the easy way of things.
But then he have to live his entire life with the glamour charm and blood-replenishment spells.
He sighed. He had nowhere to retreat to, nowhere to hide, nowhere to coward back.
"Alright, alright," he said to himself, "May my heart guide me to where my brain cannot." With that, he pushed the portrait of the Fat Lady in, and walked into a deserted Gryffindor common room.
The Gryffindor common room is exactly what it had looked like a few months ago, back in the… happier times. He saw himself and Ginny kissing in one of the huge armchairs; he recalled the shocked faces of Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan when they witnessed him working side by side with Ginny beside the fireplace. He smiled uncontrollably and unconsciously, his lips curving up at the memories of his relationship with Ginny. Those days were like heaven.
He suddenly realized that he's smiling like an idiot right in the Gryffindor common room wearing a Slytherin uniform. What a stupid thing to do, he thought, yet he can't stop smiling at the memories, so powerful and so sweet that a Patronus casted from remembering them can drive millions of Dementors away. But, his brain reminded him, it's time to get back to reality.
He wanted to knock on Ginny's door straight away and hug her, kiss her; but he knew that Ginny is no longer his anymore. He need a plan, to apologize to her, to make up for what he had done. Though one question remained unanswered: how? He knew that Ginny wasn't one to easily forgive things like this. He had hurt her, insulted her and enraged her, and he knew that what his actions cause might never be undone.
"Oh, god." Draco put his head in his hands in despair. He had shortly corresponded with Potter after the incidence, and Potter explained that he had only expressed "brotherly feelings" with Ginny, said that Draco was to blame for their breakup, and assured him that nothing's going on between him and Ginny. Well, it had been quite a comfort to him when he first read the lines that said "I hadn't restart a love affair with Ginny, nor will I ever do so", until realization hit him that while Potter hadn't stolen Ginny from him, he wouldn't have an excuse to his actions. And he would be to blame for the whole thing, for his own unhappiness, for his own bleeding, no matter on the outside or in the inside.
Draco thought briefly about telling Ginny the truth about his motives behind his kissing Pansy on that terrible night. Well, it's even hard to get a proper conversation with her now, but he suppose he can manage it. But then, she won't have one reason to believe that that was really the truth; in her Gryffindor stubborn eyes, a liar is a liar, a cheater is a cheater, end of story. She would believe that he is just trying to trick her into a sex relationship again, or something like that. Come to think of it, he really haven't got anything to prove that he's being utterly truthful.
He won't believe her words if it was the other way round.
He turned away from the door against his will, following instead his better judgments. He walked through the portrait hole once more. He went back down the stairs, down and down, back to the dungeons. He didn't care no more. If curing his malady is so freaking hard and might cause even more pain between him and Ginny, he'd rather leave it uncured.
0
The afternoon the same day, Draco walked into a dimly lit Potions classroom only to see he was the first to have arrived. Yes, he sneered, everyone else is enjoying their lunch. Eating has never been a favorite pastime of his, let alone something that he could enjoy. And it's even harder to enjoy it when he can't stop himself from gazing at Ginny non-stop all through the process. Why, he muttered darkly to himself, they were both school Heads; yet their situations at school are so much unlike each other. She was constantly enjoying herself, laughing with Neville, giggling with Luna and chatting with Colin; whereas he could only indulge his lonely self in daydreaming and reminiscing about things that never would come back to him.
Not to mention his stupid situation. God, how love can complicate one's life! And Merlin damn whatever heavenly bodies or deities who had put all this upon him. Draco rolled his eyes a bit, before sitting down in the second row of the classroom, pulling out a piece of parchment filled with explanations and ideas on the Anti-lycanthropy potion, and started to check for mistakes.
He went through his essay for two times before assuring himself that it would definitely be bestowed one of those O marks; he put down the parchment and, feeling somewhat tired about all that has happened in this terrible day, rested his head on the marble table and gradually became engaged in a much-needed nap- after all, he was an hour early.
It was then that one thing suddenly hit him.
Blood-replenishment spells ought to be reapplied every 10 hours.
0
Ginny Weasley hurriedly went to attend the first session in the afternoon, which happened to be Potions. She knew that, as Head Girl, she must never be late, and would be very much expected to arrive there early. Especially in Snape's classes. If Snape ever walked inside his seventh-year class listening to noisy arguments and finding chaos everywhere, she'd be the first to be blamed. Ginny fastened her pace as she thought, almost bumping into a highly annoyed Theodore Nott, who remarked coldly about nasty redheads never being calm and polite. She ignored purposefully his comments and half-heartedly excused herself. Slytherins are so haughty about themselves, feeling that all the others were dirt, she said to herself. Feeling that Gryffindors weren't even clean enough to touch at all.
Well, probably not all of them. Ginny continued in her mind, there's one Slytherin who seemed quite eager to touch her-
And what good had that done in the end? Ginny snapped angrily at herself and shook her head. No, Draco had indeed seemed obsessed with her, but who knew that he could be such a jerk when he felt… maybe bored about their relationship. Come to think of it, he had never shown his reasons why he had acted so bastardly that evening. This had been a question that had bugged Ginny's head for months. She wondered about her motives. True, he hadn't talked to her at all the two days before that incident, but they had been so happy just a week before, and nothing had really changed or happened in that week. And it is downright obvious that Pansy's only a tool, too: Draco didn't even bother to talk to her after his kissing Pansy. It's strange, thought Ginny as she found herself close to her destination. Probably he just wanted to hurt her and her family; after all, Weasleys are born in a rubbish bin.
She dismissed any further consideration from her mind. No, what has ended has ended, and there's no point thinking again and again of that.
She walked in a nearly empty classroom, except for Snape, two Ravenclaws, a Hufflepuff, and a sleeping Slytherin. By the look of his hair, Ginny could deduct that it was Draco. She cannot stop herself from observing him for a moment; his hair is disheveled, much unlike his usual manner, and he seemed superiorly unaware of what was going on around him as he slept. Even he has his bad days, thought Ginny. She took her seat at the far back of the classroom, and, checking her watch, found that the period's about to start in 5 minutes. Not really in the mood of doing anything substantial, Ginny stared at Snape, at Draco, and then at nothing, deeply engaged in thoughts that she's not even aware of, deep in her mind.
Snape's voice pulled her back to reality. "As I said," he said threateningly, "If any of you cannot even finish your Anti-Lycanthropy Potion successfully today, don't be surprised if I put you into a small closet with a raging werewolf." Ginny nodded automatically, and glimpsed around the room to see that everyone was anxious yet nervous, afraid to be on the receiving end of Snape's merciless wrath at the end of class. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of one student who didn't seem frightened at all. In fact, the boy wasn't even listening to Snape. Draco was still sleeping, his calmness unperturbed. Snape didn't seem to notice it at all. Or he was just being protective of his kin again. Ginny copied down all the instructions Snape had magically written on the blackboard.
Snape let the words stay on for just a few seconds, barely enough for Rita Skeeter to note down all of them, before wiping it clean again, causing many students to groan in frustration. He seemed totally unconcerned about whether the class has copied it down or not, before waving his hand and saying, "Go."
She had started chopping her roots in neat portions when Snape suddenly appeared from behind her and acknowledged, "Miss Weasley."
"Yes Professor?" She tried to appear calm but can't keep her hands from moistening. This can't be anything good.
"Well, I'm afraid I have some distressing news. Your partner in school affairs and Head Boy, Mr. Malfoy had fallen asleep before my class, as I believe you noticed?" Snape asked. Ginny nodded slowly, and Snape continued smoothly, "It turned out he wasn't asleep at all. He's in a state of coma. He is suffering from a symptom of a very powerful magical damage, Miss Weasley. I'm sure you know what to do."
"What?" exclaimed Ginny, "But, shouldn't he be in the Infirmary right now?"
"Yes, and I ask you to accompany him." Snape said. Ginny can do nothing but nod again. "Take care of him."
"Yes, Professor." Ginny stood up, evanescing her Potion with one flick of her wand, and walked up to Draco Malfoy's rigid form. He looked so vulnerable right now, she thought. She hovered their schoolbags as Snape instructed, and hesitantly, carried Draco in her hands. She had used a spell to lighten his weight; well she would have hovered him just like an object, but Snape demanded her not to do so. She quickly took them and their things all to the Infirmary.
Madam Pomfrey had found, to Ginny's horror, that Draco's losing blood out of nothing at all. She applied a blood-replenishment spell, but she said that was all she could do. She said that Draco might never get out of this losing blood.
Ginny was quite shocked at the revelation. Never had she heard of something remotely close to this- but then again, neither had Madam Pomfrey, apparently. Snape had told her not to leave his side while he's unconscious. Well, she was doing so, but by doing so she was beginning to feel extremely bored.
She found herself reaching out for Draco's bag. She hadn't got anything particularly interesting in her own bag, so she thought she might as well went through his to look for something interesting. After some search, she found a leather-covered notebook labeled "Draco Malfoy's Journal". She remembered that she had told him to keep a journal to record everything that others had done for him and that he had refused very confidently that a journal is a girly thing. Back in November. Back when they were still a happy couple.
Ginny sighed at the memories her mind was bringing up. Fine. She was going to read his journal anyway, so these memories will most definitely be revived some time or other, so she didn't care. Though, she told herself, his approach might be spiteful and mocking and very possibly full of stories about him torturing and insulting her in the process.
Whatever. She was just looking for something to do. She would just regard it as a random romance novel.
0
Opening the front page of the journal, Ginny couldn't hide her surprise and gasped.
On the first page, before any content, was a photograph of them smiling in Hogsmeade on one of their dates. The picture was magically sealed to the journal. She smiled intently upon seeing this photo, though she quickly wiped any pleasure from seeing it here of all places. Ginny's extremely confused. Why would he still kept this photo in his journal, when he had no more feelings for her, when all they've been through was a lie, when he had moved on? It doesn't make sense.
Perhaps he just forgot how to take it off, she explained feebly to herself. She really can't find no other explanation.
She flipped through the pages, looking at the contents. There weren't any feeling involved, it was just a very detailed account of all that had happened in his life. How very typical of him.
She flipped through their many dates, through their stolen kisses now and then at school, through the November night she had given up her virginity to him in her dormitory. She flipped through jokes that they exchanged, through confessions that they made to each other, through the promises they had sworn to keep.
She closed her eyes, savoring the moment. Surely it can't hurt to indulge in some childish girly dream for a few seconds? Her hands turned a page when abruptly, her eyes fluttered open, as well as her near-sleeping heart.
December 28th, 1999
Today must be the most awful day in my life.
I had lost, yet again, to that stupid wanker Potter.
After 4 months spending to court Ginny, to gain her admiration, to strengthen our feelings… One look is what took them all away.
Potter had been in Three Broomsticks, touching her, hugging her, kissing her… Witnessing all this make me almost on the verge of vomit.
And Ginny! She had always been the definition of sweet, loving, caring in my books! How could she cheat on me so swiftly without any reconsideration even…?
I need a plan. I have to revenge.
Oh fuck I'm going mad.
Probably it's due to the sixth bottle of Firewhiskey I had today. Ugh!
Draco
Ginny didn't know what to think or feel then- joy, regret, sweetness or bitterness. So after all, this is what all the fuss has been about. She sighed. Could she hope that they would get back together after all this? She had rudely refused to accept his apology in January, and they've really talked about nothing except Head duties after that. Oh, why couldn't he had told her!
Because you never gave him the chance. Whispered Ginny's mind.
Sudden realization dawn on her. Draco Malfoy had been so protective of her as to get jealous just because of some light touches and a kiss on the cheek? This sort of jealousy just reflect how deep a feeling he's got for her. And she knew at that moment, that no matter how hard she wanted to rule the feeling out of order, she was falling for Draco just like before.
She had never stopped liking Draco all during this. And knowing that his heart had been so deeply attached to her just pulled the last straw. She, again, loved him with all her heart.
"Oh, Draco," Ginny whispered softly, "How I wish I can have you back."
It was at that exact moment, when Draco Malfoy woke up from his unconsciousness.
A/N: The story isn't really angsty at all, but if there is any, it all ends here pretty much… Hope you enjoy and review.