[Part Two: In which Kagura tries to defy the laws of nature but fails miserably.]

How many times had it already been?

Kagura let the sunlight caress her skin, accepting the pain as her punishment. It was a beautiful day, clear blue skies illuminating the bright green leaves of the nearby trees, reflecting in the water in front of her.

There was a haziness to her perception of the world, like it was never quite in focus. Probably the sunlight getting to her. With a defeated sigh, she unfolded her umbrella and huffed.

How many more times would she have to go through this?

She closed her eyes, an unintentional tear sliding down her cheek.

She would have expected to hate him by now. It wasn't physically possible, nor logically, that she still loved him after all the bullshit she's been through because of him.

Half of their encounters were accompanied by the urge to pull out her own hair and strangle him with it, the other half just wrecked her heart over and over again.

It was always at its worst when she noticed how he changed his behaviour around her. A bit more forward, a bit more direct. A flirty smirk which send her heart into overdrive. A playful wink.

Pretending not to care when he invited her out for ice cream the tenth time that week.

Waking her up by firing a bazooka at her.

Ah, no, wait, that was something else. She shook her head, trying to un-jumble her thoughts. It was summer, the sun blaring down.

At least on this planet, it was always summer. After most of her ideas fell short, she tried avoiding him altogether. It would be alright as long as they never met, right? Things always went downhill in his life the moment they meet.

She sat down in the sand, her umbrella her only shelter. There was nothing else far and wide.

What about this time? Would he really be able to fall in love with her while she was on this isolated planet in an absurd corner of the galaxy?

Surely not, right?

Right?

Maybe she would die here, without ever meeting him in this lifetime. Would that solve the problem? Break the loop? Do anything?

Her throat was parched, begging for water, but she didn't want to drink any. Her stomach was growling, but she didn't want to eat.

She wanted to cry, but had no more tears left.

It was like a bad joke, worse than the ones Gin told when he was really trying to be funny.

On this isolated planet, tucked away in the depths of the universe, she encountered Sougo Okita.

"Hmm, I dunno how to say this," He scratched the back of his neck. "but our spaceship was taken over by terrorists. I took care of them, but unfortunately I don't know how to pilot a spaceship, and neither did any of them." He pointed towards the rest of the passengers from his ship.

"Oh wait, do you even understand me?" He made some wild gestures and pointed to himself.

Kagura held up her hand in exasperation. "I understand you." She sighed.

He looked surprised for a moment, those overly-familiar red eyes boring into her curiously. "You've been to Japan before?"

"A long time ago." She averted her gaze and turned around. "I'm afraid I can't help you though."

"Why, you PMS-ing or something?"

There it was again, the urge to strangle him. "No, I just don't have any reason nor means to help you." With that, she took a determined step, then another one.

"Jeez, wait a minute, woman." He grabbed the edge of her cape, the tug making her stop mid-step.

Kagura gulped. She wasn't prepared for this. She had to resist it. Punch him in the face and run. Run all the way to the other side of the universe.

Yeah, punch him in the face. That was a good plan.

Digging her heel into the sand, she spun around, fist aimed for his annoyingly perfect face. Unsurprisingly, it didn't connect. Tch, she should have come up with a plan B.

Sougo dodged, of course, instinctively returning the favour with a handful of sand aimed at her eyes. "The fuck?" He added, clearly confused.

"Leave me alone!" Kagura shielded her face, sweeping her leg around for a kick. It only hit the empty air, but it created enough distance between them for her to break into a sprint.

She wasn't prepared for this, and she knew she never would be.

She was a bad omen in his life. That was the only explanation she could come up with. It never lasted.

The first few times she had stuck around. Accompanied him through life. Given in to the urge to be by his side.

She thought she could save him. Every time she failed, she'd push herself to her feet again and try. Again and again. And again.

When she closed her eyes, she could almost feel his hand skimming over her arm. She could picture him giving her a gentle smile, completed by a snarky remark. She could taste the ghost of a kiss before the dark cold engulfed and drowned her.

There had to be a way to break the cycle, right? Right?!

RIGHT?!

"Yeah, you're under suspicion for being affiliated with some funky space pirates." He tugged the handcuff around her wrist. "Just be a good dog and come along."

Kagura gaped at him, roughly pulling her wrist back to herself. "Go and fuck yourself." She growled. Her brain screamed to get away, but her legs failed to obey.

"just so you know, you're the one who's making me do this." He said, leisurely snapping the other half of the handcuff around his own hand. "Oh dear, looks like you don't have a choice now."

"Of course I have a choice!" She kicked him in the shin unapologetically, snapping the frail chain with her fingers afterwards.

"Oi, that's physical assault! To a police officer!"

"Try telling me again when I look like I give a fuck!" She shot back furiously, before finally escaping his sight.

Her heart pounded in her ears as she ran and ran and ran and ran.

Maybe… it wasn't meant to be? He was strong, but fragile. And she broke many fragile things without meaning to.

He tried to hide his cough, but the traces of red in the folds of his hands didn't go unnoticed.

Kagura held out a handkerchief wordlessly.

Red eyes flitted between her face and the small cloth. Eventually, he gave in and took it. "…thanks."

"You should be careful." She muttered. "Don't overexert yourself."

"What, you worried about me? That sounds ridiculous." He wiped the corners of his mouth, removing all traces of the illness.

She merely clutched the hilt of her umbrella tighter. It has happened so many times already. So, so many times.

She should be able to deal with it by now. Her words died in her throat, because she wasn't ready.

"What is it, Kagura?" He tilted his head curiously. "If you have something to say, just say it."

"I'm sorry." She whispered, much to his surprise.

"You're behaving weirdly. You eat too much mayonnaise or something?"

That joke came at least once a lifetime. It stopped being funny the first time around, but Kagura let a bitter smile slip on her face at those stupid words.

"Yeah, you could say that."

It kept happening, no matter what. She could tell herself to stay away from him for hours and hours, only to end up in his embrace anyway. It couldn't be healthy, not in any shape or form.

But when he pushed her against the wall and kissed her, she could forget about the world. About all her problems. About her sorrows and the way he would tear her heart and soul apart unintentionally.

When she tasted his familiar lips, she could feel a spark of warmth in the emptiness.

When his fingers got tangled in her hair, she could pretend it was only the two of them, no devastating time loop bullshit and no interferences.

When she gripped the thick material of his jacket, she felt reassured, because he was here, and he was real.

And when she woke up by his side, it was almost like she was finally home.

The illusion never lasted long, always followed up by a wave of deep self-loathing. As far as she was concerned, she was the reason his life kept spiralling downwards.

She was the trigger that always lead him to an early death.

It would be unfair to say that he was the only person in this hellhole.

It was everybody. All her dear friends didn't know who she was, and each and every time she'd meet them again and again. Biting her tongue and resisting the urge to pull them into a bone-crushing hug.

Because they didn't know who she was.

Soyo smiling and holding out her hand was just as heart-breaking as Gin-chan almost running over her with his bike every cycle.

Nobume not even glancing in her direction when walking down the street, stuffing a donut into her mouth.

Tsukki didn't know her either, so showing up in Yoshiwara would just be weird.

Her earth family – Gin-chan, Shinpachi and Anego – didn't even know she existed.

Edo was so empty. So cold. So wrong.

Which is why she tried to fix it. Over and over and over again.

Until she finally accepted that it didn't seem to be the way out. It always ended the same way, regardless of her efforts and pain.

The moment she woke up, she started running, anywhere, anywhere but here. She needed to get away.

She wanted it to stop, stop, stop, stop.

Just stop.

Please.

Her feet led her to a river, where she fell to her knees and broke out in tears. She couldn't do it again. No, please, no.

She couldn't take it, her heart was already shattered, what more could she do?!

She clutched her palms over her mouth, swallowing the sobs.

She could count the days in her head.

Kagura watched as the first signs of Mitsuba's illness began to show themselves. She had tried finding a cure for it in a few lifetimes, wondering whether a certain sadist wouldn't be such a little dipshit if she managed to save his sister.

But much like her mother's sickness, some things just couldn't be changed.

Sighing, she started at the brown lawn. This was wrong, and she was fully aware of it. When the young boy had approached her at the river, she was mentally prepared to run away again.

Unfortunately, her feet kept her rooted, unable to move. He was just a stupid, bratty kid with mischievous red eyes.

Why couldn't she just walk away?

Why couldn't she just let go?

He looked angry. Upset. Incomprehensive. Hurt.

But she couldn't take it any longer, she had to go, clear her mind, get her priorities straight. She needed to stop straying from her path, even if she didn't know where it led.

She needed to breathe.

But he still caught her. He always did. She always let him.

Because underneath all the hurt, pain, anger and guilt was the desperate need to feel safe. In his arms, for just a second, she could feel secure.

She held his cold hand, putting it to her cheek as colour drained from it slowly. "I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed."

Again. Got involved in his life and he died, again. His pale face and blank eyes stared back at her, the haunting image already deeply ingrained in her memory.

She shook her head fervently as tears kept spilling from her eyes.

The permhead almost hit her with his bike again. She managed to dodge it just in time, effectively avoiding confrontation.

Otose opened the screen door just as she passed the building, and with hasty movements Kagura disappeared around the nearest corner.

She knew what route to take to avoid everybody.

"Oi, you!" An unfortunately familiar voice called out, distorted by a megaphone. She ignored him, climbing up onto the nearest roof in the hopes of ditching him.

"Travel by rooftop violates regulations! Show some respect for the hardworking citizens of Edo!" The voice drawled on with minimal earnest.

She grit her teeth. "Get out of my head!" She screeched, clutching her hands to her ears. "Just… get out of my head…"

Kagura fell on her behind, the hot desert sand scalding her palms of her hands. She tilted her head backwards, looking up at the sky, finally slumping onto her back.

Her skin burned, but she ignored the pain and slowly stretched out a hand towards the mocking heavens. "Gods above, please… If you exist… release me of this misery."

AN: *screams into the void*

This fic deserved a better ending, but my brain is mush. Sorry for the long wait. Still, do leave a review, please~ (even if it's just to say it's terrible, I'll gladly take that)

~Emi