Three days after the breakup, Regina stood on the porch of Emma's old house... The one she'd shared with the one-handed pirate when they were married.
She inhaled deeply, releasing it slowly to try to calm her nerves before she rang the doorbell, hoping beyond hope that there was a possibility to fix things between herself and Emma. When the door opened to reveal Emma in a flannel shirt and bootcut jeans, Regina smiled hesitantly while her heart did backflips in her chest.
"What are you doing here, Regina?" Emma asked, her lip still swollen from Regina's hit.
"Trying to apologize... If you'll let me." The mayor admitted.
Emma shrugged. "Apologies can't fix this."
Regina gulped and tried to congregate the right words to say that wouldn't make the situation worse than it already was. She couldn't do this without Emma. She needed her like she needed air and the thought of never being able to touch her again destroyed her. "Emma, I-I don't know what happened that night. I was overly stressed, and angry, and I took it out on you. I'm ashamed of what I did, and I hate that I hurt you." She walked up to Emma cautiously and slowly lifted her hand to her cheek, but when Emma flinched at the sight of her hand, she pulled it back as if she'd just touched a hotplate. "Emma," She croaked out tearfully. "I never meant for this to happen. I swear to you that I didn't want to hurt you. You have to know that."
Knowing that Emma was terrified of being touched by her killed Regina; she wanted to fix it all, to repent for what she'd done and try her hardest to win back Emma's love, but from the looks of it; earning back Emma's trust was going to be much harder than the Queen had anticipated.
"Regina, don't you get it?" Emma asked exasperatedly. "I've heard it all before. Hundreds of times. 'I never meant to hit you, but I was just so mad!' 'I love you, but you have to stop testing me' 'I'm sorry, Em I promise I'll be better for you.' 'I didn't want to do it, but you were right there.' 'Please just give me one more chance to show you that I've changed.' I've heard it all before. I've seen it all before. I've felt it all before, and I'm not going back to it. I love you, Regina. I probably always will, but I'm not going back to that. I lived my entire childhood afraid of upsetting the people that were supposed to love me and getting hurt; I'm not doing it again... Especially not after I realized what real happiness is like. You showed me true happiness before, Regina... and I will always be grateful for it, because now I know I deserve more, that I don't have to settle for being someone's punching bag, and I won't."
"I'm not them, Emma! I'm not Hook, I'm not Neal, and I'm not your foster parents! I'm Regina Mills. The woman who can't imagine life without you in it!"
Emma sighed, a tear glistening her cheek. "You're not them, but you've been acting exactly the same way that they did." She asserted, and Regina's heart shattered. Had she really been treating Emma the way Killian had?
"Oh, Emma... I'm so sorry; please give me another chance to prove to you that I'm not like them." As soon as the words escaped her mouth, though... She realized that Emma was right... She was acting just like them, so she had to be better, she had to be proactive; prove that she was sincere. That she would never hurt Emma on purpose ever again. "You don't have to take me back," Regina said shakily... because those words felt like razor blades in her throat. "You don't have to give me a second chance, but please don't leave my life, Emma. Let me prove to you that I want to change. That I want to make you happy again, and if I am able to show you that without a shadow of a doubt, you can decide whether you want me back or not."
Emma chewed on her bottom lip for a second before sighing. "Fine... But I'm still going to need space for a while, and I'm not going to wait around for you anymore. I waited three months for you to come back to yourself, and all I got in return is a busted lip... If I find someone I'm interested in, and they're interested too, I'm going to pursue it."
Regina's stomach churned at the mere thought of someone else touching Emma. The image infuriated her. "But... we just broke up!" She growled.
Emma shook her head. "We just officially broke up, but we've been over since the moment you decided I was your emotional punching bag and not your fiancée anymore."
Regina hated that the odds were seemingly stacked against her, but she refused to give up on Emma. She bit down her anger and sadness, let out a shaky breath, then spoke through gritted teeth. "I can't decide what you do, but I would like it if you would give me a chance to prove myself before you started looking for someone else to fall in love with."
Emma smiled sadly. "We will see what happens, Gina. Right now, though, I'm heading to the station. I'll see you around." She said as she closed the door behind her and headed for her slug bug.
Regina watched her pull out of her drive way and head down the street, her heart was aching, her soul was craving for Emma, and all she wanted was to turn back time... But time travel wasn't possible, so the next best thing was hoping that time truly did heal all wounds and that with a lot of effort and love, they could mend this; but she was terrified that Emma would find someone before they could.
XXX
Regina figured that the first step to fixing this would have to be fixing herself, and the only way to fix herself was to find out how to deal with her anger... The only one who could help her do that was the cricket himself; Archie.
That's precisely where she was, too. Sitting in Archie's office, allowing him to once again, guide her through the process of becoming the person she wanted to be.
"So, what you are telling me, is that you aren't sure why you took your rage out on Emma?" He asked casually.
Regina gritted her teeth and nodded. "Yes. That's what I'm saying."
He hummed and wrote something in his notes. "Every time you get upset at something, ask yourself if you were to die tomorrow, was it worth wasting your time being angry? Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear, or frustration. So, I ask you... what is hurting you, Regina? What is hurting you so badly that you'd risk losing Emma over?"
Regina bit her lip. "I DIDN'T THINK I WAS RISKING LOSING HER!" She yelled. "I didn't know I was hurting her. I thought... I thought we were okay."
"No you didn't, Regina. You knew she was unhappy. You said yourself you knew she was trying to find a way to make you happy. You knew you were being cruel, so you can't honestly believe that you thought your relationship wasn't suffering."
Regina huffed and folded her arms defensively. She hated therapy because she hated being vulnerable, especially to p[people that weren't Emma. "I just didn't think that she'd leave."
Archie smiled. "There's some progress! Now, why didn't you think that she'd leave?"
Regina averted her eyes. "Because she never leaves relationships... She has to be forced away from them."
Archie raised an eyebrow. "Don't you think that the way you were cheating her was forcing her away?"
Realization hit Regina like a ton of bricks. The main reason Emma left was that Regina punched her; that was the final nail in the coffin, but the biggest reason Emma was keeping them broke wasn't the hit; it was that she felt like Regina had been forcing her away all along. "How do I fix this?"
"Well, for starters... we need to hone in on why you are so angry. Has anything been happening that is particularly hard for you to adjust to?"
Regina frowned. "Henry moved away six months ago."
Archie nodded. "Yes, he did. I remember the going away party. But you haven't been acting out for six months, only three."
Regina's lips pursed. "He's canceled every visit he's planned for the past three months."
Archie smiled. "Ah! Let's start there."
XXX
Regina walked into Granny's soon after her therapy session was over, and when she saw Granny standing behind the counter, her stomach churned as she saw the pitying expression on her face... Emma told someone about their break up... Which meant that by now the entire town knew... indicating that they were officially, genuinely, through.
"I don't know what happened. I don't know why it happened, but I do know that you and Emma are just as in love as Snow and David. You will find your way back to each other again." Granny said as she handed Regina her usual kale salad and coffee. "I just know it."
Regina smiled sadly. "If you knew what happened, you wouldn't want her anywhere near me."
Granny shrugged. "Did you hurt her?" She asked with a chuckle, apparently not believing that Regina was capable of hurting the Sheriff.
Regina averted her eyes. "Have a nice day, Eugenia" She whispered.
Granny gently grabbed Regina by her bicep, pausing her movements. "If you give up now, in a few months someone is going to tell you that Emma is seeing someone new, and that she's happy with them... and your entire world will fall apart at that moment because then you'll know for sure that it's really over for you two.
So you have to work hard to get her back, buy her flowers, woo her, because I can tell just by the way you look at her that, that woman is your life... So prove it to her, or you're going to lose her for good."
Regina just swallowed thickly and made a curt nod before continuing towards the door... But just as she did, she was face to face with Emma, and the entire Diner went silent. "Hi." The mayor said nervously.
"Hey." Emma replied with a fake smile. She gestured to Regina's container. "Kale salad?"
Regina smiled, and nodded her head. "Every day."
Emma gave her another fake smile. "Well, um... Enjoy." She responded before making her way to the bar to pick up her food.
Regina watched her for a few more moments; longing to walk over to the blonde and kiss her soundly on the lips... But she knew there would have to be quite a bit of work to do on herself before she could do that.
XXX
That afternoon, Emma was sitting at her desk, playing trashcan basketball when she heard the station doors open. When she looked up, she saw her ex-fiancée standing in the doorway. "Regina?"
The mayor nodded. "I fucked up in ways I swore to myself I'd never do again; I know that I don't deserve you because of it, but I need you to hear what I have to say before I go."
Emma furrowed her brow, her heart beating rapidly in her chest; being around Regina hurt her in a way she thought was impossible. "Okay." She croaked.
Regina nodded. "I wasn't looking for anything when you found me. I was just trying to cling to Henry and keep him loving me; but then I looked at you one day, when the entire town thought that I had killed Archie, and you were the only one to stand up for me, and I questioned everything.
Was Henry really all I needed?
Was I ready for love?
Was I even capable of giving it?
I don't think anyone is ever ready for love... Especially not me, but you made me feel alive again, after decades of feeling soulless, so you were worth the risk... You still are. You have my heart, Emma and you always will. I'm never going to stop loving you. I'll never stop wanting you. I will continue to try to win you back until the moment you find happiness with someone; whether it's me or someone new. I just want you to be happy, and although it would destroy me if it weren't with me; your happiness is all I care about."
Emma was so conflicted; she wanted to believe Regina, she wanted to take her back; but she knew that if she did it would immediately go straight back to the way it had been for the past three months; she'd done it all before, and she couldn't do it again; esp[ecially not with Regina. "Regina, please. I need space."
Regina nodded, resigning herself to an Emma-less life for a while; feeling like her world was imploding in on itself. "I know I fucked up. I know I hurt you, but I'm going to fix myself. I'm going to do whatever it takes to prove to you that I'm never going to treat you like that again, and that I'll never hurt you ever again."
Emma let out a breath; her heart was aching... Being close to Regina was painful right now, and talking about this made everything worse. "You think I wanted this? I didn't, Regina. I love you. I love you so much I can't breathe sometimes, and that's why I let you treat me the way that you did. I don't know what you got out of treating me like that. I don't understand why you started doing it in the first place, but I hope you do find yourself again, Regina.. because if you ever fall in love again I don't want them going through that too. I waited for you to come back to yourself. I gave you chance, after chance. I gave you everything I could think of, I did anything that you could possibly want me to do, and you took it all for granted. I tried to hang on, because I thought you were worth it; I thought you were different and when I finally, FINALLY had enough and stopped taking it; you hit me.
But, the thing is, even after everything, I'm still in love with you. I still love you every second of every day, and I do miss you. I miss making you smile, because I haven't been able to in months; I miss hearing you randomly tell me that you love me; because I feel like the only reason you're saying it now is that I'm gone. I miss feeling close to you, and just staring into each other's eyes. I miss making love. I miss giggling at three in the morning because we can't keep our hands off each other.
I'll always love you, Regina, even if one day I do fall for someone new, but we turned toxic... You turned toxic, and I'm not sure I can ever go back to you after that."
It hurt Emma to say, but it hurt Regina ten times as much to hear it... But she wasn't going to give up.
There were a lot of things Regina needed to work on herself, but as soon as she was done, she fully intended to fight to get Emma back; but not until she was the woman that Emma had first fallen in love with again.
I hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you think!