Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders, Lucy is the only think I own so far. ;) I might add more peoples later but yea I own nothing.

Living For

Ready

Buck swung the door open with a huge smile. I felt even more relieved to see his smile.

He was squinting at me for a few moments before he realized it had been me at his door step. Buck is a rough looking man, always has been. His face tough and leathery from past wounds. For a moment I thought he hadn't remembered who I was since the last time I saw him was five months ago. A lot can do to a girl to make her look different in five months. Worrying he wouldn't recognize me I pulled my over grown hair from my face. His smile immediately grew.

Mine grew as well, then I heard a voice from inside. It was Tim.

"Buck who's at the door?"

Buck scooped me into his arms and hummed in my ear as he squeezed me around the shoulders. I relaxed a little bit more in his arms. Its not like I've ever like Buck anymore than a buddy but I really needed a hug. He felt the tension leave my body as I rest by body in his arms. With strong arms he hoisted my feet off the ground and placed me inside the warm building. He never let go of me while he shut the door.

"Louie Bird! I haven't seen you in forever!" Buck squeezed one more time before getting a good look at me.

The man held me arms length with a large smile. Looking me up and down he noticed every detail of me, as he usually does. His eyes began at my dirty, worn out converse. Trailing my loose jeans to my baggy t-shirt. With his right hand he removed all hair from my face, which is quite an accomplishment with how much of it I have. Buck stared into my silver blue eyes with his dark brown ones.

"That's the way I like it, being able to see ya pretty face." he slung his arm around my shoulders and led me into the other room where everyone was.

The room was scattered with lot of Buck's friends. Most I had not seen before but only one that I knew by name. My eyes landed on Tim who had a half dressed women on his lap. He looked the same as he always has, greased back hair with a whore on his lap. I smiled at him and he glared at me so I frowned. Tim pushed the girl off his lap and as she huffed at him he began to walk toward me slowly.

"Hey Buck, who's the broad?" looking me up and down just as Buck had, he smirk.

"Come on Tim, you know Lucy Curtis." Buck shook me with his arm looking down at me. I smiled up at him. "Sodapop's twin, you've called her Louie Bird since she was five."

"This couldn't be Louie Bird. She would have given me a hug by now." Tim kept smirking as he teased me. I looked up at Buck who was still smiling at me. I couldn't help but feel that I was the only sober one in the building, I might as well play along. Turning toward him I hugged him and hid myself from Tim.

"Buck protect me from this strange man." both men shook with laughter.

"From the sound of what Dally was telling me earlier, you don't need protection." Buck chuckled. "Told me how tough you were with those soc boys today, nice work."

"It's no big deal, I just wanted to be left alone." I said jumping into Tim's arms with a sigh. Hugs were defiantly something that I needed. Again I felt more tension leave my body.

"Miss seeing ya at the drive in Louie Bird, miss seeing ya period." He laughed pulling apart. "Where ya been?"

"In my head, where's Dally?" I asked.

"Up in his room I think, unless he left without a word." Buck said as he moved across the room joining the poker game in the middle of it.

"Well I'm going to say hi, if he's not up there I might lay down for a few before leaving, cool?"

"Yeah Louie just help yourself to anything." I nodded and headed for the stairs.

Buck's house is more like a hotel. He doesn't really have a job. His income is from his buddies. Most of his friends drink, eat, sleep, shower, smoke and all that jazz at his place. For a night he charges, for a meal he charges, for a shower he charges. The only person I have ever seen Buck let stay there most of the time without paying is Dally. Personally I wouldn't make Dally pay either.

As I got to the top of the stairs I tried to pull the far memory from my mind of which room was Dally's. The last time I'd been in Buck's place was the last time I saw him, forever ago. I decided to call for Dally and if he didn't answer I'd just check behind door number one first. "Dally?"

No answer, I wasn't really expecting one. Door number one it is, I knocked lightly and waited for an answer. None came so I turned the knob to see if it was unlocked, it was. Pushing the door open I immediately remember the room to be the one Dally always stayed in. Letting myself in I kick some clothes out of the way. Dally was no where to be seen so I figured he wasn't there. I helped myself to his bed though.

Kicking my shoes off I landed down on his bed. I've always loved his bed, its so soft and squashy. Grabbing his pillow I breathed in his familiar scent and wish I could give him a hug. Dally isn't one to give out hugs often and I wanted one from him. It would make the feeling go completely away. The dread is still there but now that I'm relaxed it was slowly disappeared but its still not gone yet.

As I was alone in his room I began to think about the dread. The sickness that's been haunting me for the past week. Had it been there because of all the bull shit happening to me this week. Or was it a warning to something. I guess I'll never know now that it is fading way. In my opinion I wish it never was there in the first place. The whole freak out at my house would have never happened. My parents and brothers wouldn't be worried about where I was or where I was going. A small bit of guilt began to crowd my thoughts as I drifted off into a light slumber.

Downstairs Dallas had entered through the front door. He swaggered over to the bar in the next room and asked for a beer. Than he turned to his friends and cracked a small shady grin.

"Hey Dally where ya been?" Tim asked moving over to sit with him at the bar.

"Just left to go get some more cigs after I got back."

"Somebody is up in your room lookin for ya." Buck chimed in with a smile from the poker table.

Dally smirked thinking of who it could have been. He silently hoped it to be Sylvia waiting for him. "Oh who is it?"

"Louie Bird." Buck answered shuffling the cards.

"Who the hell is Louie Bird?" Dally thought out loud.

"Lucy Curtis." Tim rolled his eyes in an annoyed fashion.

"Lu? What is she doin here? She okay?" Dally tried not to sound eager and worried in front of them but he couldn't help the hint of panic from slipping from his lips.

"She seemed fine to me, maybe a little tense and quiet but fine." Buck answered cooling his friend down with his smooth voice. "You might want to make sure though, you know Louie."

Dally nodded and headed up the stairs with his beer in hand. At the top of the stairs he turned right and quickly opened his bedroom door. His fast heart rate relaxed at the sight of me. Entering the room he closed the door behind him and made his way over to my sleeping form. He thought about how peaceful I looked and that he didn't want to wake me.

He sat on the floor leaning up against the bed deciding he would when he finished his beer. Setting the bottle down he pulled out a weed and began to light it. Dally sat there for about twenty minutes enjoying his beer and cig. Taking his time to give me the rest the he knew I needed.

With his last drag he threw the butt out the slightly opened window and sat on the edge of the bed. His hand gently shook me out of my sleep. Being woken with a small start I jumped away from him. I panted into the corner away from him with my hand over my heart. The dread feeling slightly entering my blood stream again. It felt like a million worries were crushing me. Like ten thousand mistakes were piercing my chest. Tears were in my throat and I held them back trying to calm myself out of my fright. Breath women, BREATH!

"Lu?" Dally being who he is, was calm but inched toward me with a blank face. "What's wrong?"

I heaved air into my lungs then let it escape when I calmed myself. Another breathe when in and out for a few more times before I took my hand of my chest and smiled slightly. "Sorry you just scared me a little."

"Well come here." Dally out stretched his arms to me.

Still feeling the effects of the dread I cradled onto his lap. "Dally.." I began trying to speak of my feeling but not able to put into words just yet.

No body really understand Dally like I do. He hates to admit it but its true. I've even seen him cry a few times before, something he wouldn't even let his mom see him do. We are similar that way, I hate people see me cry. That's another difference between me and my twin, and my brother Pony. Soda and Pony cry all the time, they are really emotional sometimes. They don't cry in front of the gang but they have before. Mom told me that Dad cries more than I do. They sort of make fun of me for it, Darry says I'm a rock just like him. Its different though, I do cry, but not when can see me. Dally is probably the only one I cry in front of. He cries too, more than you would think.

"What is it baby girl?" I sat on his lap and leaned into him as he cradled me.

"Dally, I have such a horrible feeling that something bad is going to happen."

"How long have ya had it?" he whispered.

"All week."

"Is that why you've been acting funny?" Dally gently rubbed my arm with his thumb.

"Yeah, I just can't get it out of my head. I came here because I needed to get out of the house and quick."

"What do you mean quick?" I sucked in some air and began the whole story of me running out the window.

I knew Dally was listening intently like he always does. He even told me once that he would go insane without our conversations. They were all about life and how much it's a bitch. More on one occasion we both end up crying in each others arms.

We both shared the shit of our hell on Earth. I would tell him about school and how much I hated it. Then he would tell me to drop out and join the circus. Or I would mention disappointing my parents and my brothers because I wasn't even close to being as good as them. Dally would tell me I was full of shit and he would tell me how much better I was than everyone else.

Dally always told me about how his parents hated him and how his mom laughed when his dad would almost kill him. He would mention how he saved his mom life more than once. I would tell him to forget about those shit heaps because they are in the past and don't matter anymore. Then I would hug him and tell him that he was my best friend and I would be lost without him. Also he would tell me about life in New York and his gangs he hang with. Or his time in jail and how it changed him to be tougher. With that I would punch him in the arm. Then I'd say that he was soft and squashy like his bed and that I loved him the way he was.

The both of us were close but we never really told anyone about it. My parents don't have a problem with Dallas, neither do my brothers. They would flip if I told them I was spending the night at his house though. It would be the same story, I'm headed to Rocky's for a sleepover be home tomorrow. Dally thought it was best as well, but we never did anything which is what my family would expect if they knew.

When I was done telling Dallas about my shitty feeling he rubbed my back and told me everything was going to be fine. "Lu everything is gonna be fine, you dig?"

"I dig, but Dal I'm so scared. What if it turns out horribly?!" I was shaking.

"Hey now listen to me Lu, this is you being paranoid." he answered holding me close. "Everything is going to be fine and you are going to be thanking me about reminding you that it is."

"Okay I believe you." shakily I gave in.

"Now you need to chill and quit your shaking." He said looking me in the eyes. "Need a cig?"

"Sure." he handed it to me after lighting it. Then he lit his own and we both smoked in silence before I looked over a the clock.

"Dal its eleven thirty, I've gotta go fix things at home." Dally frowned.

"Can't ya stay a little longer? I haven't talked to ya all week. And you haven't come around here in five months. " he whined.

"Sure, how have you been lately?" I said climbing off him and laying on his bed. He sat next to me while I leaned my head on my hand.

"I've been okay." He said with a blank face.

"LIES!" I yelled as he jumped up startled. His face was a little red from the embarrassment. Well I couldn't resist and I burst out laughing. I laughed for the first time that week.

"Your gonna get it now girl!" he warned and bounced on me. He began to tickle me and he sat on my middle. "NO!" I cried out.

My feet were kicking around and his left hand was holding both my wrists from hitting him. His right hand tickled my sides, a evil smirk plastered on his face the entire time. "ASSHOLE!" I yelled laughing.

"Calling me names isn't going to help you." he chuckled.

I began to rock my body back and forth. Eventually his weight was used against him and the both of us fell to the floor. Now I was on top of him but it wasn't fair that he wasn't ticklish like I was. So I held down his arms with my knees and tried to restrain him. My hair was falling in his face and he was whining about it. With a strong grip I held him down with my entire body, knowing I wasn't going to hold him for long I needed to act.

My nostrils breathed in a lot of air and with my throat I hacked the mucus from my nose into my mouth. "FUCK NO LU!" he scream and began to panic. He knew what was coming, giant Lu loogy in his face. Of course that is probably the grosses thing I've ever done. Hell I live with four men and have most guys as friends, what do you expect?

The spit left my mouth just as I lost my grip and Dallas had pushed me off of him. I was across the room in a second and I slammed against the wall. I grunted in pain for a moment and laid in a bundle on the ground. My eyes looked over at Dallas who was making sure nothing was on his face. The Lu loogy was all on my face and in my hair. Dally ran over to me with a worried look.

"I'm sorry Lu!" when I didn't respond he grabbed a shirt from the ground and whipped my face. He cradled me on his lap again. "Are you okay?"

Without warning I burst out laughing and slapped Dally on the shoulder. I stopped laughing quickly and hissed at the pain in my back. "Lu what hurts?"

"I'm fine Dally, don't worry about it."

"No, I just killed your spine or somethin." Dally began to panic and lifted up my shirt leaning me forward.

His hand brushed on my skin inspecting it. "Breath in deep Lu." he ordered.

"Dallas Winston I'm fine." I said trying to squirm away.

"Do as I say and breath in deep." again he commanded me to do as he says. Just so he would shut up I breathed in rolling my eyes.

"Satisfied?" I pushed him away and put my shoes on. After stuffing my shoes on my feet I got up and walked out of the room.

"Lu, I just don't want you to be hurt. I don't know what I would do without ya." he followed behind.

"I know Dal, I understand."

"Where are you going?" he asked trying to get in front of me on the stairs.

"To see if Buck has something for me to eat, I haven't eaten yet today. Than I wanted to see if he would give me a ride home." looking at the clock on the wall, it was twelve eleven now. Holy shit time flies.

"Buck?" I called and entered the room he resided. "Got any food or something?"

Buck left the room and when into the back to get me some food. I sat at the bar with Dally and Tim. He came back with a sandwich. "Thanks." I smiled at him.

The three of us chatted like old friends and soon it was twelve forty. I was about to ask if Buck would give me a drive home when a whole bunch of people entered through the front door. One of the men yelled, "Party!"

Everyone began to dance, smoke, drink around me. Everyone was having a great time and I had forgotten about what time it was while I watched everyone enjoying themselves. Music was the main sound in the house and everyone dances around with each other. Soon Dally was preoccupied with a girl that he was whispering in her ear in the corner so I just sat there. Tim came up to me after he noticed I was alone. He asked me if I wanted to dance with him. I love to dance but I don't know if I should, I looked at the clock again than smiled at time.

"Umm, just one. Okay?." he nodded while bring me over to the dance area.

Tim spun me around and we dance together through the whole song. Then we danced again through the next one. Our hips going in to twine with each other in rhythm with the song. We held hands as we danced and waved our arms back and forth. I let loose and was feeling a lot better to be relaxed. The song ended and I thanked him for the dance. Tim and I walked over to the bar for a rest. I was talking to him when I felt a sudden pain the back of my head. Someone had just slapped my head.

My shouldered hunched, my teeth clenched, my eyes tightened before I turned around. All eyes were on me and a bitch that just slapped me. The music was still playing but everyone had stopped to take in the scene. The bitch had a smug scrunched up nose and yellow gritted teeth. Her breasts were hanging out of her short cut dress. I rose my eyebrows together waiting for her to explain her actions. Than I realized she was the whore that was hanging all over Tim when I got there.

"What gives you the right to touch my man?" she asked.

"Umm excuse you but what are you talking about?"

"Tim. You put your filthy, ugly hands on him. You tramp!" she hollered pointing to Tim next to me as he sipped his beer. I breathed in slowly calming myself while I looked over at him. He wasn't going to say anything, Tim just smirked at me as though giving me permission to kick the shit out of her.

"Okay, first of all, he asked me to dance. Second, I don't want to waste my time on a whore like you so I'm out of here." I said pushing her out of my way and was head toward the door.

"Bitch, come back here when I'm talkin to you." she yelled thinking I would care.

I just kept walking and pushing people out of my way toward the door. Buck and Dally followed me outside. My feet were graceful, I wasn't stomping them on the hard dirt floor. Dallas grabbed my arm when I kept walking.

"Lu, how could you let her talk to you like that?" he was angry for me. He always is.

"Dally, she isn't worth it." I said looking at him and Buck who was looking over Dally's shoulder at me. "I'm not like her, she can yell and pout all she wants. She's not getting a reaction without swinging first."

"Well Louie Bird she did swing first." Buck whined, he was mad for me too.

"Still she isn't worth my time, I could kill her if I wanted. Why should I hurt my hand beating the shit out of her?" I said walking away again. Sure I was plenty mad and I really did want to teach her a lesson but there just really isn't a good enough reason. I knew that if I was around here any longer I'd go back in a sock her, so my legs were walking pretty fast.

"Well you could have used a chair." Dally scoffed.

"Louie! Let me give you a ride its too late to walk." I turned around and headed back to give Dally a hug. He doesn't like giving me hugs in front of his friends so it was quick one.

"Night Dal." I said walking away. "Thanks for tonight."

"Don't worry about it. Good luck with the family Lu, remember its gonna be just fine." he nodded for me to hurry.

Buck and I were in his car a second later. He turned on the radio and we listened to Johnny Cash. To my surprise Buck was singing along. He had a pretty good voice too for such a tough guy. We didn't really talk but we smiled at each other a lot, Buck was a good buddy. Everyone always said how much of an asshole he is, truthfully he is an asshole but a polite one. He doesn't really get along with people that he doesn't respect or don't respect him. Lets just say he wouldn't mess with you if he knew you, kind of like Dally in a way.

"Thanks for the ride and a good time Buck." I said as he pulled up to my house. "I'd invite you in but my family is probably sleeping."

He smiled and gave me a one armed hug, "Don't stay way too long this time. Okay Louie?"

"Alright Buck, night." my body climbed out of the cab of the car and I walked up my steps with one last wave to Buck.

With all my might I turned myself to face my house. The light was on in the living room. Both doors were shut but I knew they would be unlocked. Or perhaps my family hates me now and I have to sleep on the porch. Guilt that's what I'm feeling now, the dread is gone. Personally I'd rather feel guilty even if is for a stupid reason.

I could hear light breathing inside from where I was on the porch. My legs moved me closer to the doors and I tried coming up with the courage to reach for the door knob. 'They are probably all asleep anyway, you might as well go in. Dally said everything is going to be okay, just fine. You can believe him, can't you?' I tried giving myself a small pep talk before I went in.

My left hand opened the screen door and pulled it open. Than I hesitated again, I was beginning to shake again. I could taste the small bit of dread in my mouth while I tried composing myself again. There was a small bit of air I breathed in and let out before I reached for the second door. My right hand turned the door knob and I breathed again when I entered.

In the arm chair was a sleeping Darry. He was slightly snoring in his slumber, his right foot twitching gently on the coffee table while his other foot on the floor. On the floor were my other two brother. Pony had his head rested on his arm when Soda was laying his head on Pony's stomach. Soda was drooling on Ponyboy's shirt. I smiled at the scene, they tried waiting up for me. My eyes trail over to the couch were my parent were resting.

My mother had her feet crunched together on the couch. Her arms were cradling my fathers right arms. She was leaning her head on Dad's shoulder. They both were holding hands. Mom was sound asleep, Dad on the other hand was sitting up. Both his legs rested on the floor as he was leaned against the couch. He was upright and staring right at me. His cool eyes looking right through me as I stood there.

I slumped my shoulders as we stared. It felt like an eternity that we stared. Hazel eyes against silver ones. We both weren't going to back down, both of us are very stubborn. Finally I knew I had to speak.

"Dad." I began. "I'm ready to talk."