How To Speak Legato: Chapter Two
Disclaimer: Everything I said last chapter squared. As long as they don't sue me, why type extra?
A/N: Hallo! This has to be the quickest I've ever updated. EVER. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I wrote messages to all of you at the end. Anyways, on with the insanity!
"Legaaaaaaatoooooo!" sang Master.
Crap. He never sounds this happy unless he's about to do something to make my life a lot more painful. I sighed and went to his room.
"Was there something you needed, Master?" I said, dreading the answer.
"I've got a surprise for youuuuuuuuu!" he said in the same singsong voice. I attempted to look excited. Master practically skipped over to his closet and pulled something out with a great flourish. "Ta da!"
Jesus H. Christ.
It was a hideous white coat, complete with a huge embellishment on the right shoulder and several spikes protruding from it. "Put it on!" said Master in an anticipant voice. I slid it on over my turtleneck and looked into the mirror.
I looked like Quasimodo. I wanted to lock myself in a bell tower for all eternity; that's how bad it was. I turned to Master. "I…don't know what to say, Master." I stammered, which was truthful enough. I fixed an exceedingly painful smile on my face.
"It's great, isn't it?" said Master, grinning. Suddenly, his face lit up. "Hold on, I have the perfect idea." He ran off to God knows where. This time I really was scared, expecting him to come back with an ink injector and say, 'OK Legato, now I'm going to give you a butterfly tattoo.' He came running back in, and I cringed, just waiting for the worst. He whipped out: a hairbrush?
"Hold still, Legato!" Master said cheerfully. He took the hairbrush and combed a large amount on my bangs into my face. I stumbled backwards.
"Aaaaahhh! I can't see!" I yelped, waving my arms around.
Master scoffed. "Come on, you still have one eye uncovered." I sighed. Master had forgotten once again that I was nearly blind in that eye. Just in case it wasn't bad enough, Master took a metal brace and placed it around my right leg. "Perfect!" he said happily.
"If I may ask, Master," I said, trying to stay calm, "what is the occasion for this new look?"
"I'm glad you asked, Legato!" Master kind of giggled. "Today, we go pick those lucky people to become members of The Gung-Ho Guns!" Oh, of course. How could I have forgotten, Master has been talking about this for weeks on end. I looked up at him, the smile still plastered on my face.
"Why don't we go then, Master? I'm sure they eagerly await our arrival." I was a little apprehensive. What kind of complete imbecile would respond to that flyer?
Apparently there are a lot of complete imbeciles out there.
Master and I strode out to greet them; well, I should say he strode, I stumbled out. The leg brace made it very hard to walk, and I still couldn't quite see. Master stopped in front of a little impromptu podium that someone had kindly set up. I just kept walking.
"Greetings, everyone!" said Master, grabbing me by the back of the coat. "You are all here for one purpose: TO TORTURE VASH THE STAMPEDE!" He threw his head back and started to laugh again. Everyone looked around awkwardly. I politely slid up to the podium and cleared my throat.
"Hello, everybody. Um, why don't we all get to know each other? Everyone step up and tell us your name, specialty, and why you decided to audition to be a Gung-Ho Gun. For instance," I stood up straight, once again giving an enigmatic smile. "I am Legato. Legato Bluesummers." The kitties and puppies scattered again, the families ran back into their houses, more babies cried, and the fan girl from before screamed so loudly that her parents called the police.
"Doesn't that mean 'cat' in Spanish?" asked a man stupidly. I sighed and he pulled his gun and shot himself in the head. Everyone gasped dramatically.
"As you can see, my specialty is manipulation of people's actions, reading minds, and of course, looking good." The fan girl screamed louder. "And I joined the Gung-Ho Guns because I'm a sad man with nowhere to go. So, who's next?"
Mostly everyone was frozen in shock. Master was still laughing. Finally, a man stepped forward.
"Hello," he said with a wink. "My name is Midvalley the Hornfreak. My specialty is my saxophone, Sylvia," he stoked the instrument, "and I joined the Gung-Ho Guns because I've always wanted to be someone's bitch. Thank you." He went back to his spot to lukewarm applause. The next person stepped up.
"Hello, my name is…"
"Go." I interrupted, pointing for the door. "Leave. Now."
"Why?" said the man, utterly confused.
"Because I don't like you," I said, irritated.
"Wait!" cried the man plaintively. "That's not fair." I gave him a sympathetic look, and he shot himself in the foot. "Owwwww! OK, I'm leaving!" He ran off, gunshots echoing in the distance the way he left.
"Next," I commanded languidly. One brave soul stepped up. Everyone did a double take; this one couldn't have been more than 5 years old.
"Awwwwww," said all the potential Gung-Ho Guns at once.
"Shut up!" snarled the kid, in a voice that belonged to a 50 year old serial killer. Everyone took a step back, silenced. "Good. My name is Zazie the Beast." He paused and smiled. "RAWR!" Everyone jumped. "I have no specialty, I'm good at everything. And I joined the Gung-Ho Guns to KILL ALL OF YOU! Thank you." As he went back to his seat, there was a great scramble to get away from the obviously possessed child.
"Next," I choked. Two men walked up, both wearing similar black outfits and carrying crosses. One of them, who had creepy glasses, waved. The still-jumpy assassins flinched.
"Hello, my name is Chapel the Evergreen," he paused, looking to the younger man, elbowing him in the ribs. He sighed.
"Hello, my name is Nicholas D. Wolfwood. My specialty is firing this," he motioned to the cross, "and preaching. I joined because HE made me, he jerked his finger at Chapel.
Master suddenly stopped laughing. "LEGATO!" he screamed. Everyone jumped again.
"Yes, Master," I asked.
"It's time to go pick up Monev the Gale. You can take the horn guy and Priesty there with you." Everyone simply stared at him. "NOW!"
'Well this is just perfect,' I thought. 'Here I am, driving out in the middle of nowhere, flanked by Bank Geek and Poser Priest, off to pick up a purple spandex clad muscle man at his castle dungeon château to go torture a nearly-impossible to track outlaw.' That, and I was still thinking of her.
I sighed, resting my hand on my cheek, thinking of how she tightened her grip when she knew the man was suffocating. How her face turned red like her head was about to explode. How…
I was wrenched from my thoughts as Midvalley hit a high note on his saxophone. Wolfwood, who had been falling asleep at the wheel, jerked awake, swerving to the left and screaming incoherently. Once the car had been straightened, I turned calmly to Midvalley.
"If you touch that saxophone one more time, I swear to God I will make you throw it out of this car." I said evenly. He gulped and nodded.
Eventually, we got there. Nobody but Master would think to put him out here, iles away from civilization, without a thought to how long I'd be stuck in the car.
"You two can stay in the car, I won't be long." I nearly ran from the car, stumbling over the leg brace. I walked down into the cellar, where the freak was training. He snapped to attention.
"How long have you been standing there?" he asked.
'About two seconds,' I thought. "I've been watching you the entire time," I lied. To my utter revulsion, he giggled and blushed, before remembering himself, going on to complain about how we shoved gunpowder up his nose or some such nonsense.
"So, who am I hunting?" he finally asked. I told him; at the same time there was a huge thunderclap. There was silence for a minute.
"Eh? I didn't quite catch that, could you repeat it?" I sighed, repeating it one more time, with another thunderclap.
"Do you think you could say it louder?" I nearly screamed this time, but yet again I was drowned out by a thunderclap.
"Do you want to write it down?" asked Monev sympathetically. I mouthed silently for a few minutes, then sighed.
"It's a surprise, Monev."
"Ohhhhhhh. I love surprises!" He nearly skipped out the door. I followed, dreading the long ride home.
Jen- Thanks! You're so good to me, lol.
AnonymusTrigunOtaku- I know, I know, can't comment officially yet. But the compliment was still nice. *blush*
DaggerIX1- Thank you so much! I noticed you added it to your favorites too, I'm so happy! Talk to you later!
Apples- Mwahaha, I love being evil :-).
Ala- No! Don't die! Lol. Glad you liked it!
Kagome-angel2000- Was that quick enough? Lol.
Shiningcrystal- Thank you, hope you like this chapter as much!
Review, everyone, it makes me happy! I'll have the next chapter soon!
'Til then, Helena.
Disclaimer: Everything I said last chapter squared. As long as they don't sue me, why type extra?
A/N: Hallo! This has to be the quickest I've ever updated. EVER. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I wrote messages to all of you at the end. Anyways, on with the insanity!
"Legaaaaaaatoooooo!" sang Master.
Crap. He never sounds this happy unless he's about to do something to make my life a lot more painful. I sighed and went to his room.
"Was there something you needed, Master?" I said, dreading the answer.
"I've got a surprise for youuuuuuuuu!" he said in the same singsong voice. I attempted to look excited. Master practically skipped over to his closet and pulled something out with a great flourish. "Ta da!"
Jesus H. Christ.
It was a hideous white coat, complete with a huge embellishment on the right shoulder and several spikes protruding from it. "Put it on!" said Master in an anticipant voice. I slid it on over my turtleneck and looked into the mirror.
I looked like Quasimodo. I wanted to lock myself in a bell tower for all eternity; that's how bad it was. I turned to Master. "I…don't know what to say, Master." I stammered, which was truthful enough. I fixed an exceedingly painful smile on my face.
"It's great, isn't it?" said Master, grinning. Suddenly, his face lit up. "Hold on, I have the perfect idea." He ran off to God knows where. This time I really was scared, expecting him to come back with an ink injector and say, 'OK Legato, now I'm going to give you a butterfly tattoo.' He came running back in, and I cringed, just waiting for the worst. He whipped out: a hairbrush?
"Hold still, Legato!" Master said cheerfully. He took the hairbrush and combed a large amount on my bangs into my face. I stumbled backwards.
"Aaaaahhh! I can't see!" I yelped, waving my arms around.
Master scoffed. "Come on, you still have one eye uncovered." I sighed. Master had forgotten once again that I was nearly blind in that eye. Just in case it wasn't bad enough, Master took a metal brace and placed it around my right leg. "Perfect!" he said happily.
"If I may ask, Master," I said, trying to stay calm, "what is the occasion for this new look?"
"I'm glad you asked, Legato!" Master kind of giggled. "Today, we go pick those lucky people to become members of The Gung-Ho Guns!" Oh, of course. How could I have forgotten, Master has been talking about this for weeks on end. I looked up at him, the smile still plastered on my face.
"Why don't we go then, Master? I'm sure they eagerly await our arrival." I was a little apprehensive. What kind of complete imbecile would respond to that flyer?
Apparently there are a lot of complete imbeciles out there.
Master and I strode out to greet them; well, I should say he strode, I stumbled out. The leg brace made it very hard to walk, and I still couldn't quite see. Master stopped in front of a little impromptu podium that someone had kindly set up. I just kept walking.
"Greetings, everyone!" said Master, grabbing me by the back of the coat. "You are all here for one purpose: TO TORTURE VASH THE STAMPEDE!" He threw his head back and started to laugh again. Everyone looked around awkwardly. I politely slid up to the podium and cleared my throat.
"Hello, everybody. Um, why don't we all get to know each other? Everyone step up and tell us your name, specialty, and why you decided to audition to be a Gung-Ho Gun. For instance," I stood up straight, once again giving an enigmatic smile. "I am Legato. Legato Bluesummers." The kitties and puppies scattered again, the families ran back into their houses, more babies cried, and the fan girl from before screamed so loudly that her parents called the police.
"Doesn't that mean 'cat' in Spanish?" asked a man stupidly. I sighed and he pulled his gun and shot himself in the head. Everyone gasped dramatically.
"As you can see, my specialty is manipulation of people's actions, reading minds, and of course, looking good." The fan girl screamed louder. "And I joined the Gung-Ho Guns because I'm a sad man with nowhere to go. So, who's next?"
Mostly everyone was frozen in shock. Master was still laughing. Finally, a man stepped forward.
"Hello," he said with a wink. "My name is Midvalley the Hornfreak. My specialty is my saxophone, Sylvia," he stoked the instrument, "and I joined the Gung-Ho Guns because I've always wanted to be someone's bitch. Thank you." He went back to his spot to lukewarm applause. The next person stepped up.
"Hello, my name is…"
"Go." I interrupted, pointing for the door. "Leave. Now."
"Why?" said the man, utterly confused.
"Because I don't like you," I said, irritated.
"Wait!" cried the man plaintively. "That's not fair." I gave him a sympathetic look, and he shot himself in the foot. "Owwwww! OK, I'm leaving!" He ran off, gunshots echoing in the distance the way he left.
"Next," I commanded languidly. One brave soul stepped up. Everyone did a double take; this one couldn't have been more than 5 years old.
"Awwwwww," said all the potential Gung-Ho Guns at once.
"Shut up!" snarled the kid, in a voice that belonged to a 50 year old serial killer. Everyone took a step back, silenced. "Good. My name is Zazie the Beast." He paused and smiled. "RAWR!" Everyone jumped. "I have no specialty, I'm good at everything. And I joined the Gung-Ho Guns to KILL ALL OF YOU! Thank you." As he went back to his seat, there was a great scramble to get away from the obviously possessed child.
"Next," I choked. Two men walked up, both wearing similar black outfits and carrying crosses. One of them, who had creepy glasses, waved. The still-jumpy assassins flinched.
"Hello, my name is Chapel the Evergreen," he paused, looking to the younger man, elbowing him in the ribs. He sighed.
"Hello, my name is Nicholas D. Wolfwood. My specialty is firing this," he motioned to the cross, "and preaching. I joined because HE made me, he jerked his finger at Chapel.
Master suddenly stopped laughing. "LEGATO!" he screamed. Everyone jumped again.
"Yes, Master," I asked.
"It's time to go pick up Monev the Gale. You can take the horn guy and Priesty there with you." Everyone simply stared at him. "NOW!"
'Well this is just perfect,' I thought. 'Here I am, driving out in the middle of nowhere, flanked by Bank Geek and Poser Priest, off to pick up a purple spandex clad muscle man at his castle dungeon château to go torture a nearly-impossible to track outlaw.' That, and I was still thinking of her.
I sighed, resting my hand on my cheek, thinking of how she tightened her grip when she knew the man was suffocating. How her face turned red like her head was about to explode. How…
I was wrenched from my thoughts as Midvalley hit a high note on his saxophone. Wolfwood, who had been falling asleep at the wheel, jerked awake, swerving to the left and screaming incoherently. Once the car had been straightened, I turned calmly to Midvalley.
"If you touch that saxophone one more time, I swear to God I will make you throw it out of this car." I said evenly. He gulped and nodded.
Eventually, we got there. Nobody but Master would think to put him out here, iles away from civilization, without a thought to how long I'd be stuck in the car.
"You two can stay in the car, I won't be long." I nearly ran from the car, stumbling over the leg brace. I walked down into the cellar, where the freak was training. He snapped to attention.
"How long have you been standing there?" he asked.
'About two seconds,' I thought. "I've been watching you the entire time," I lied. To my utter revulsion, he giggled and blushed, before remembering himself, going on to complain about how we shoved gunpowder up his nose or some such nonsense.
"So, who am I hunting?" he finally asked. I told him; at the same time there was a huge thunderclap. There was silence for a minute.
"Eh? I didn't quite catch that, could you repeat it?" I sighed, repeating it one more time, with another thunderclap.
"Do you think you could say it louder?" I nearly screamed this time, but yet again I was drowned out by a thunderclap.
"Do you want to write it down?" asked Monev sympathetically. I mouthed silently for a few minutes, then sighed.
"It's a surprise, Monev."
"Ohhhhhhh. I love surprises!" He nearly skipped out the door. I followed, dreading the long ride home.
Jen- Thanks! You're so good to me, lol.
AnonymusTrigunOtaku- I know, I know, can't comment officially yet. But the compliment was still nice. *blush*
DaggerIX1- Thank you so much! I noticed you added it to your favorites too, I'm so happy! Talk to you later!
Apples- Mwahaha, I love being evil :-).
Ala- No! Don't die! Lol. Glad you liked it!
Kagome-angel2000- Was that quick enough? Lol.
Shiningcrystal- Thank you, hope you like this chapter as much!
Review, everyone, it makes me happy! I'll have the next chapter soon!
'Til then, Helena.