This is not how it happened in the book.
Was it supposed to end like this? It would be different if it were me, lying cold and lifeless, but it's not, it's someone I care about.
I wait for the tears, for the aching in my chest, but they don't come.
I hear noises and see faces, but their meaningless blurs, all my mind can register is the pale, limp figure on the floor, the body twisted at an angle too awkward to be sleeping.
I still can't cry. Is there something wrong with me? Am I really the cold heartless bitch I made myself out to be?
Hands try to pull me away; voices try to convince me it's going to be all right. But it's not. How can it be?
It's all my fault.
A single tear finally falls before the blackness consumes me.
***