Dean was digging through his duffle when he heard a soft, barely there flutter of wings. Without looking up, he called, "Hey, Cas, you haven't seen my silver knife anywhere, have you? Cas?" When he got no answer, Dean straightened up and looked around. And then had to stifle a groan at the sight of the familiar short figure leaning against the wall.

Gabriel smirked. "Wrong angel," he said.

"Wrong Winchester," Dean retorted with a scowl. "Sam's at the library."

Gabriel's smirk grew imperceptibly larger. "Good to know," he replied, "But it was actually you I wanted to talk to, Dean-o."

This time, Dean didn't bother to suppress his groan. This was not how he wanted to spend his morning. "Whaddya want, Gabriel?" he almost growled.

The archangel straightened up from where he was propped against the wall as the smirk on his face rearranged itself into something almost serious (Dean didn't think the former Trickster could manage totally serious even if he tried). "So, I'm sure you already know this, but just to start off on the same page, Sam and I have been having sex…" he started.

Dean didn't let him finish, holding up his hands as if to shield himself from Gabriel's words, and sputtering a little. "Woah, woah, woah, hold it. Dude, I do not want to talk about my brother's sex life. It's bad enough we had to start getting separate motel rooms and that I can still hear you two through the walls. I definitely do not need to hear about what you guys get up to in the sack," Dean groused.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Believe it or not, that's one conversation I'm more than willing to never have with you, no matter how fun your subsequent mental scars might be. No, what I want…" The archangel took a deep breath he didn't need, like he was steeling himself to do something unpleasant. "I need advice about Sam."

Dean stared at him, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "…sex advice? Because dude…"

Gabriel sighed in exasperation. "No, numbnuts, not sex advice. I've been slumming it with you humans for millennia, I think I can handle all of that myself, thanks. What I… need… is relationship advice."

Stunned silence reigned. Dean blinked a few times as Gabriel's words registered. "Relatio… Dude, I thought Sam said you two were just fuckbuddies? No strings –"

"Just sex, yeah," Gabriel cut in, rolling his eyes. Trying to have an actual conversation with Dean could make a saint contemplate murder, and Gabriel hadn't even been close to sainthood for thousands of years. "That's what I needed advice about, Dean, because it just ain't cuttin' it anymore."

Again, Dean reacted before thinking, "Wait, are you ending it with Sam? Are you seriously asking my advice on how to ditch my baby brother? Because if you hurt him, I will end you. I –"

The glare that the archangel shot at Dean could easily have been full of real daggers. Fortunately for Dean, Gabriel still needed his help so he just snapped and a piece of hot pink duct tape appeared across the hunter's mouth, effectively cutting him off mid-tirade. Dean's eyes crossed as he attempted to see what was stuck to his face. Gabriel was still glaring. "Would you just listen for a minute, you idiot? Dear Dad, Sam really is the smart one; at least he usually pays attention when someone's talking. I am not trying to ditch you brother, I'm trying to date him!"

Upon hearing the archangel's frustrated exclamation, Dean stopped attempting to peel the magicked-on tape from his face. His eyes widened and he started shaking with what could only be silent laughter.

After a moment in which he contemplated just flying off and leaving Dean with his hot pink muzzle for a while (a seriously appealing idea), Gabriel reluctantly snapped the tape off the giggling hunter's mouth. "Wanna share what's so funny with the rest of the class, Dean-o?" he growled.

"You – you wanna date Sam and you need my advice on how to do it? Dude, just go ask him. Easy as pie," Dean managed, between snorts and snickers.

Gabriel blinked at Dean a few times, a little taken aback. It couldn't be that simple, could it? Of course it couldn't, because, "The whole 'friends with benefits' thing was Sam's idea in the first place. And, judging by the way he jumps my bones the minute I show up, I don't think he wants more than sex. So, I need your advice on how to convince him that he does," he explained.

The giggles that Dean almost had control over broke out again. As usual, he had latched onto only one part of what had been said and run with it. "'Friends with benefits'? What, does he get, like, insurance? Retirement?" The hunter doubled over again, amused at his own, for lack of a better term, hilarity. Gabriel merely glared at him, fighting the temptation to snap the duct tape back in place. Finally, Dean wiped at his eyes, calming his laughter just enough to speak coherently. "Okay, you really want my advice?"

Gabriel's fingers were twitching impatiently but he nodded and Dean continued, "I already gave it to you. Just go tell him. I know my brother and he is not cut out for one night stands and definitely not for only being someone's fuckbuddy. He can fall for someone faster than you can say 'emotional attachment issues.' If you're starting to want more, I'm 99% sure Sam is already head over heels for you." Dean paused, considering something, then continued, "Besides, he's been moping for a couple weeks now. He thinks he does it when no one is watching, but he's no good at hiding it from me. I was starting to wonder why he was being more emo than normal. Now I know. He's pining, I guarantee it."

The archangel was silent for a long moment as he processed this rush of information. A slow grin spread across his features and he looked like the cat that got the cream. "You said Sam's at the library?" he asked. Dean nodded. "Excellent. Thanks for the advice, Dean-o. You've been a big help. Oh, and thanks for letting me borrow this," Gabriel grinned. With a snap and rustle of feathers, he was gone.

Dean stared, bemused, down at the silver knife suddenly in his hand. If he didn't know the guy, he'd have thought Gabriel sounded almost… sincere. Regardless, Dean scowled and muttered to the room at large, "I meant what I said, though, Gabriel, you hurt Sam and I will end you." He swore he could almost hear a snickering chuckle drift through the room.