"First night's conversation between Luffy and Zoro after they found out," requested by RobotInTheRoom. Warnings for potential squick regarding early pregnancy symptoms; i.e. Zoro can't seem to stop throwing up at the drop of a hat. And kudos to anybody who figures out why Luffy insists on waiting until the following day to tell the rest of the crew; there's two major ones, I suppose, if you're counting.
xxx
Chopper quietly gathers up the contents of his medical bag, stuffing small vials of brightly tinted liquids and strips of litmus paper and a haphazard sheath of scribbled notes out of sight, and excuses himself from the mens' quarters, stammering awkwardly as he offers to keep the others out for a while yet to give his crewmates some privacy and time to think.
Lying on the sofa with his arms wrapped loosely around his middle, stubbornly resisting the urge to curl into a miserable ball around the churning, see-sawing pit of his stomach, Zoro watches the flabbergasted reindeer's exit in silence, unable to meet the gaze of the younger man beside him, although those slightly widened eyes aren't focused anywhere near his singular one but rather fixed on and taking a thorough survey of his midsection, as though their owner is attempting to peer through the layers of haramaki and shirt and trousers to see what's hidden beneath and not even yet visible to someone who's looking much less a casual observer.
Nngh- how long's he gonna keep staring at me like that? Where's Usopp with an explosion when you need one, or the shitty cook with a plate of food to-
"Chopper!" Luffy exclaims suddenly, bounding up from the floor where he's been sitting beside the table dugout to race after their doctor and catch him in the doorway. "Chopper, what about-"
The swordsman squeezes his eye shut as the sound of his captain's raised voice causes an intense surge in the nausea frothing in his gut. He feels like hell, too ill to move without throwing up and headachey and very, very tired, and now he knows why- or at least Chopper claims HE knows why, but the older pirate's not sure he believes a word of it. Or rather, he doesn't want to believe it.
He's wrong- all his tests are wrong. I don't know why or how, 'cause I don't know shit about how they work, but they're wrong. All of them. They're wrong and it's a mistake and THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.
The door clicks closed and he hears sandal-clad feet slapping Adam wood on their way back across the room and, after a moment or two, weight settles on the cushion beside him, and he reluctantly opens his eye to find Luffy peering down at him, face filled with awe and concern. The rubber man reaches down to brush fingers across his cheek, and Zoro's nearly overwhelmed with numb terror at that tentative caress because his lover's never treated him like this before, never touched him with such gentle deliberation as though he's some delicate glass bauble that might shatter at the slightest provocation.
Yeah, well, you've never been pregnant before either.
The nausea abruptly spikes, sending long fingers of acid curling up his esophagus into the back of his throat, and he knows he's going to vomit, and he knows there's a wastebasket resting beside the table and scrambles upright reaching for it, but-
"Zoro-?"
"Luffy, you're in my way!"
He's not prepared for the surprised hurt that surfaces in his captain's eyes and is momentarily taken aback, but then the exact nature of the younger pirate's consternation - his MISUNDERSTANDING - registers and he utters an exasperated groan, because although Luffy's generally a lot brighter than he acts, sometimes he's a bit quick to jump to the wrong conclusions. "You're blocking the TRASHCAN, dummy! Now move or I'm gonna puke on you!"
"Oh. Oh!" A stretchy limb flies out to capture and reel in the wastebasket and Zoro grabs for it, yanking the wide rim under his head as it's pushed towards him, and just in time too, because his dinner is coming back up in one hot, vile burning rush. The sour scent of bile and partially-digested food curdles his stomach even more violently, and he's left blinking furiously to clear his watering eye, coughing and gagging and producing horrible meaty urp-ing noises as he struggles to control his spasming diaphragm.
To his credit, Luffy doesn't retreat, although he makes a faint sound of commiseration as he settles on the cushion beside his swordsman, one hand slowly rubbing small circles on his lower back while the other helps hold the garbage bin in place. "Zoro's really sick, huh? 'Cause- what'd Chopper say again? 'Cause Zoro's body's having a really hard time getting used to the-"
The older man utters a choked groan and dry-heaves forcefully enough to make his straining abdominal muscles twinge in protest. To his immense relief, his captain immediately shuts up about the way his body's betrayed him and concentrates on stroking his back and murmuring encouragingly as he gently pries the can from Zoro's trembling fingers and sets it on the floor between his feet.
"-hate throwing up like that..." But he feels a little better now that he's actually done it, and the fingers now kneading lightly along his tense spine feel good too.
"I know. Everybody's been getting really worried that Zoro's been sick for so long." Luffy plants a kiss on his forehead, still exercising that disconcerting caution. His free hand hovers undecidedly for a moment and then hesitantly slips inside his lover's haramaki to rest on his flat belly, and they both look down and stare at it, neither of them able to speak for a moment.
"The crew should know," the rubber man says finally.
"Shit. D-Do we have to tell them, Sencho? Can't we just like, y'know, hide it or something?"
His captain utters a small amazed laugh. "Nami's eventually gonna make Chopper tell her what's going on, and everybody's gonna notice anyway, when Zoro's tummy starts getting bigger."
The swordsman flinches and then stifles a curse as his stomach rolls lazily in protest. He takes a deep breath. "Wh-When-?"
"Tomorrow." Luffy declares immediately, surprising him. "We'll tell everybody tomorrow."
"... not tonight?" Zoro asks hesitantly. Not that he particularly wants to rush headlong into the three-ring circus that their sudden and highly improbable news will inevitably produce, but he's slightly confused that Luffy's not chomping at the bit to spread the word that their unlikely family of nakama's about to get just a bit larger.
No recruiting necessary- just produce and grow your own crewma- oh god, I think I'm gonna-
He lunges for the wastebasket, retching loudly and silently cursing the younger man pressing supportive hands to his heaving back and shuddering abdominal muscles.
Goddamn it, Luffy, how the hell do you always manage to land yourself- me- us- square in the middle of completely impossible, totally screwed-six-ways-to-Sunday shit like-? Oh, for fuck's sake, who am I kidding- we've never had to deal with anything like THIS before!
"Zoro?" There's a note of trepidation in his captain's voice, and he can't help feeling a sense of fierce satisfaction, because the idiot SHOULD be worried, seeing as how it's LUFFY'S fault that he's so miserable and exhausted and puking his guts out like it's going out of style. "Is Zoro okay? Should I go get Chopper? I know he said that throwing up is supposed to be normal, but Zoro's really throwing up A LOT, and that can't be good for him or the ba-"
"No- don't need Chopper," the older pirate gasps, cutting the word short before his captain can say it. As long as neither one of them says it out loud, his frazzled nerves assure him, it's not real- this thing that's hijacked his body and started bending everything about his daily routine and personal health, from his suddenly erratic sleep cycle to his constantly rebelling stomach, to its every whim ISN'T REAL. "I just need to- I just need to go back to sleep, because this is just some fucked up dream and I'll wake up tomorrow morning wondering what the hell the shitty cook slipped in my food when I wasn't looking."
Luffy's frowning and opening his mouth, presumably to tell him that no- he's definitely not dreaming, when the door bangs open and their crewmates wander in, talking loudly and jostling each other despite Chopper's half-hearted protests for them to be quiet because "Zoro's got a migraine" although the doctor's proclamation earns the swordsman a few odd looks because so far as everyone knows, he doesn't get migraines. Granted, nobody, including the green-haired pirate himself, thought he got sick either...
If you only knew a headache and an upset stomach were the least of my problems, he thinks dazedly as he glares back at Sanji, who's appraising him with one raised, coiled eyebrow, and then he nearly explodes off the sofa in a panic, because he's only now just realized that Luffy's still got a hand shoved inside his haramaki, with fingers feeling tentatively at his lower belly, but the cook merely smirks and makes a scathing remark about their captain stooping to molesting invalids and then his nausea's forgotten in the rush to strangle the blond bastard.
xxx
Some time later, after Luffy's been sent outside to dispose of the unpleasant contents of the wastebasket that Zoro's been threatening to upend on Sanji's head and everyone else has finally retired to their bunks, Zoro finds himself wide awake and staring up into the darkness hovering over the sofa. While he's seriously hoping that he's done throwing up, there's still a queasy little flicker not unlike a minnow wriggling on a hook somewhere inside his gut, and he figures spending the night here with the waste basket within easy reach will be a hell of a lot easier than bolting upright and accidentally barfing over the side of his box hammock, especially if his captain decides to-
Sure enough, the rubber man's sliding over the back of the sofa and snuggling down beside him even before their nakama's bedtime banter dies down to deep breathing and faint snores.
Luffy doesn't say anything, just settles closer and pillows his head on the swordsman's chest and gives a soft hum of contentment when he's not chased away or rudely shoved headfirst into the trashcan, but the older pirate's acutely aware of the slim fingers prying and pushing their way past his haramaki into the waistband of his trousers. He jumps a bit when the invasive hand starts straying a bit too low, but before he's able to do more than utter a warning grumble - sex is nowhere near the top of his list of priorities right now - the downward movement stops and he realizes that Luffy's fingers are spread wide, spanning his abdomen.
Stretched out on his back with his lover's body molded against his side and one warm palm pressed firmly against his bare skin, Zoro feels the first cracks start to form in the mental barricade he's produced to shield himself from what their doctor insists is true and his captain's merely accepted as fact, just as easily as he's accepted every other strange thing they've encountered since their entry into the Grandline and - more recently - the New World.
Pregnant. Chopper says I'm pregnant.
He twitches involuntarily, and Luffy makes a sleepy noise of inquiry and carefully adjusts his grip, thumb gently circling the indentation of his navel, and just like that, the crazy flip-flopping in his stomach has nothing to do with the-
-morning sickness. Oh my god, what the fuck, I have MORNING SICKNESS. And I have MORNING SICKNESS BECAUSE I'M-
The full impact of it finally hits him then- really hits him- and it's like being struck between the eyes with Usopp's stupid old five-ton mallet - if the thing was real and actually weighed five tons, that is, and wasn't just an inflatable prop comprised of paper-mâché and balsa - and he's struck with vertigo so strong that he's reduced to clutching at the side and back of the sofa, clenching his jaw to contain the shout of protest that he's almost sure will emerge as nothing more than a squeak, although he's not willing to risk it.
I'm- I'm-
He's twenty-one and male and going to be the World's Greatest Swordsman, and he's pregnant. PREGNANT. Somehow, despite the sheer impossibility of it all, his nineteen-year-old male lover- his CAPTAIN has made him pregnant. Knocked him up. Gotten him in the family way. Put a bun in his-
-what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK, Roronoa, you don't even HAVE an oven to BAKE a bun, his beleaguered brain insists helplessly. And besides, Sencho doesn't give people food- he steals it!
As though that thought makes any more sense than what he's already struggling to process.
xxx
Lying awake beside his swordsman and feeling the tension surging through the older man's body, Luffy searches for something, anything, that might calm Zoro's anxiety but ultimately comes up empty and settles for providing what he hopes is silent support. He doesn't know what to say to make things better and is well aware that most of the things running through his head right now could possibly make things a lot worse, considering how hard the green-haired pirate's heart is pounding beneath his cheek.
Despite his own initial surprise at the unexpected news - he doesn't know near as much as Chopper about biology, although he figures he knows enough to immediately recognize why their given situation shouldn't be likely much less even possible - the rubber man's quickly processed the most important pieces of information and found them more than satisfactory.
Zoro- HIS Zoro- is going to have a baby, and it's HIS baby.
No, it's OUR baby, he corrects himself with a start, because me and Zoro made it together...
Knowing this, as he lies curled against his lover in the dark, feeling the rise and fall of his chest and his breathing gradually slow - Zoro's confused and scared, Luffy knows, but he's also very tired and unable to escape his increasing need for decent sleep that's more restful than catnaps on deck or in the crowsnest - the Straw Hat captain can also feel the excitement bubbling inside himself, filling him with a strange euphoric warmth from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.
He doesn't care that Chopper was muttering about medical marvels or that everyone's going to ask how the hell he and Zoro expect to raise a child on the Sunny, surrounded by the waters of the New World and sea kings and Marines and other pirate crews, or how they expect to become the Pirate King and the World's Greatest Swordsman with an infant needing their care and attention. He's not, in fact, at all worried about what their nakama will think, and is so excited with the prospect of sharing the news that he wants to run around the ship hollering it at the top of his lungs to anyone who will listen. He's going to be a father, and he wants the whole damn world to know it.
But that will probably freak Zoro out, and Zoro's already having a hard time deciding how he feels about the new life that's even now growing and developing somewhere below Luffy's palm. If he wants his swordsman to understand how much this means to him, he'll need to be very careful and think very hard before he opens his mouth, because he wants very, very much for the older pirate to want this just as much as he does.
It doesn't matter that they're going to have to work just a little harder to achieve their dreams, he thinks as he slides his hand forward until his arm's cradling the toned muscles of his lover's abdomen and the spark buried beneath them. The adventure- the journey to that final end, whatever it might be and however long it might take- means just as much if not more than the outcome itself, and unwittingly or no, they've just been provided with an adventure fit to rival and possibly even surpass his quest to claim One Piece.