This is not the chapter 2 you were expecting. It is NOT sex, because my inspiration came from the episodes themselves, and I just...well, this is what happened instead.

I think I'll return to this during the hiatus to write some Mick POV of both their first time and subsequent drifting apart, and how they make up.

Losing Kendra had mostly felt…inevitable.

Which Ray knew he should maybe feel bad about, that as much as he'd thought he loved her, he'd also expected it to not work out, for something to end things. He'd only clung to it because, for those two years in the 50s, they'd been out of options.

That loss, though, had been familiar, being rejected, losing someone because they wanted someone else. There had been plenty of girls in Ray's life, including Felicity, who'd left him, and he'd survived it.

But he'd only ever known true loss when he lost Anna.

She hadn't chose to leave him, she'd been taken, and that ached every time he thought of her, because he knew if only they'd walked down a different street, or moved to a different city, any number of possibilities and different choices, he'd be happy with her right now.

He used to feel that way a lot, wondering over the what ifs of having her in his life still. It was part of why he created the Atom suit. Years had passed since then, and he'd moved on, recovered, found hope that he could love again, but there was a permanent cleft in his heart where something had been gouged out, and he knew, deep down, that he couldn't survive losing any more of himself.

When he and Mick first slept together, it had been rushed and unplanned, an eruption of teeth, rough hands, and grinding hips the second the door to Mick's bunk shut behind them. There was no tenderness or finesse, just clothes being ripped away, and harsh, panting breaths, until they were sticky and sweaty and spent, and Ray realized what he'd just allowed to happen.

He felt guilty, like clearly he was the one taking advantage of Mick here, because Mick was the one who'd lost somebody recently, who needed comfort, who'd been seeking a connection, even though he didn't know how to outright ask for it. Mick was the one who eventually offered one tiny show of tenderness that otherwise had been lacking between them. He kissed Ray, soft and quiet and gentle in the afterglow.

Ray panicked. He wasn't proud of it, but that's what happened once he had time to think about what the development between them meant. They didn't talk about it. They didn't do it again. They had moments where they were alone, and Mick would try, however subtly, to gauge Ray's interest for another go, but he never pushed, and Ray didn't know what to say. He didn't know what he wanted. Eventually, Mick started to pull away.

Ray let himself get distracted by missions and his growing friendship with Nate. Let Mick retreat into himself again, exchanging moments of kindness only with Amaya, which…stung, but it shouldn't, because Ray wasn't fighting for anything. He hadn't tried to salvage how much he'd screwed up, and shouldn't he, if he thought he had any right to be jealous, if he wanted more than what they had?

It all hit home when Mick mumbled loud enough for both Ray and Nate to hear that he wanted to leave them behind going after Capone. Then Mick called Ray and Nate partners, when last Ray checked, wasn't the partner thing something of theirs, or had all that changed when Mick let Ray cannibalize the cold gun for the Atom suit?

That was when things had really started to drift between them. Mick had given his permission, but maybe it had affected him more than he'd admit, giving up in some ways the last thing he had of his friend. Ray should have realized. Ray should have done something. Ray should have spoken up when the others took their jabs at Mick's intelligence, which was petty and juvenile anyway, but also not true.

Ray missed his chance. He knew he was selfish. Knew he let himself get caught up in having his place back as something more useful to the team in his suit, even though Mick was the one who'd first tried to show him that he didn't need a suit to be a hero. Ray had left Mick behind the second he could be The Atom again, like sloughing off a bad fashion choice.

He was such an ass. No wonder Mick didn't want him around anymore.

But it wasn't until Ray took a moment to really think, and realized all the times Mick had put himself at risk lately—not just to protect him and the others, but just because, willy-nilly, like he wanted…

Like he wanted to die.

Like he wanted to go the way of Snart and just be done with everything.

Ray was sure he was going to throw up. He ran to the nearest bathroom and did just that. He was a terrible hero. A terrible friend. A terrible…partner. He hadn't had Mick's back at all. He missed him, but more than that, he realized that if Mick died in a blaze of glory like he seemed so intent on lately, another chunk of Ray's heart would get eaten up and he wouldn't have anything left.

"Please don't die," Ray blurted stupidly when he entered the kitchen to find Mick digging for a snack like always.

Mick stopped and frowned at him, spreads out his arms as if to say, I'm not even holding anything, idiot. "Not plannin' on burning the kitchen down, Haircut."

"No, I mean…" Ray moved toward Mick, leaving only the island counter between them. "Please stop trying to die. I know that's what you've been doing, Mick. You have to stop it."

Mick cringed, lip curling up into a snarl, and pushed from the island to back away. "Don't know what yer blatherin' about."

"Don't do that, Mick," Ray stood his ground. "Don't lie. It's been getting worse, I've noticed. You always go off on your own. You've been drinking more. You barely look at me—"

"Whadda ya want from me, Ray?" Mick surged back toward the island and banged his fists on top of it. "You made it clear yer not interested. So I backed off. Can't have it both ways."

"I don't want it both ways. I want…" Ray tripped over himself fumbling for how to explain, but he knew what he wanted now. He'd had more than enough time to pine and mourn and hate himself for his newest mistakes. "I want you, Mick."

Mick sneered at him. "You got Pretty Boy now," he said, and pushed from the island to turn around and head for the exit on the other side of the room.

"Mick, wait! It isn't like that!"

"Yer better partners with him," Mick gruffed out, keeping his back turned.

"I don't want a partner, Mick, we're a team. All of us. But I do want you. If you want to call that 'partners', fine, I don't care what we call it. I panicked, okay, I was stupid, I'm sorry. I just want you."

The silence stretched thick and suffocating between them, until Mick peered over his shoulder. "No ya don't. No one in their right mind wants me." He turned around fully, expression stony and cold as he stared Ray down. "Yer just feelin' guilty coz you think my misery is yer fault. It ain't. Been miserable a long time, Ray. Losin' Snart's just another heap on the shit pile. I'm not. Tryin'. To kill myself," he said deliberate and punched.

Ray didn't want to fight. He just wanted Mick to listen to him. "You're not trying real hard to keep yourself alive either." When Mick didn't deny that, Ray started to move around the island. "I'm sorry I freaked out, Mick. I didn't know what to say, how to move forward. I'm really terrible with relationships."

Mick snorted.

"I miss you," Ray pushed on, dragging his hand along the countertop as he moved, because Mick's hands had found their way back there, and he just wanted to touch him. "I don't want to lose you. As a partner, a friend. From my life. As however you'd be willing to have me. Please," he said again, coming to stand in front of Mick and letting his fingers drift up over the back of Mick's hand, "stop trying to die. And the next time I start acting like an idiot, scream at me for it. I deserve it."

Mick didn't say anything at first, but he didn't pull out from beneath Ray's touch either. His gaze went distant, and he seemed to look at something behind Ray. Part of Ray wanted to glance back, but he didn't think anything was there, and he didn't want to take his eyes off Mick right now.

Finally, Mick's gaze drifted down and his brow scrunched like he was trying to squeeze the emotion out of himself so he wouldn't have to feel it. "I'm no hero, Ray, and I'm never gonna be one."

Ray curled his fingers around Mick's hand and squeezed. "You're a hero to me. I don't need you to be more than that. You're…you. We can agree to disagree on some moral ambiguities," he smiled, hoping to a coax a smile from Mick that seemed just shy of peeking through his gruff exterior. "And maybe, sometimes, even convince each other to go along for the ride being hero or villain."

That was just it, wasn't it? That they shouldn't try to change each other, but be able to accept who each other was enough to dip their feet in on occasion without either having to lose who they were.

Mick looked up slowly, settling on Ray's lips before he reached his eyes. "Like stealin' jelly beans from the President?"

Ray chuckled. "I could be coerced to steal something bigger next time. Like…Starbursts. Or even get really crazy and upgrade to peanut M&Ms."

Mick barked out a laugh. Ray didn't think the rest of the crew had any idea what a genuine laugh from Mick Rory sounded like, when it wasn't laced with putting on the show of being manic Heat Wave. "Real scandalous, Haircut," Mick said, voice softer than usual—fond.

Ray rolled his eyes. "Mick, seriously, keep calling me that and I will blast you the next time I'm in my suit."

"Sure ya will…hero."

Ray couldn't restrain his smile. He drew his hand away from Mick, but only to make it easier to move into his body. Ray would never blast Mick. He didn't want anything to blast him or hurt him ever again. "So…I'll try harder not to be such an oblivious, insensitive tool,"—Mick snorted again—"and you'll try harder to...stick around?"

All at once Mick's expression looked sad and unsure. He glanced behind Ray again, at that spot where no one was standing, but whatever had pulled his attention before didn't seem to be there anymore.

He looked back at Ray and a corner of his mouth quirked up. "Why would I wanna go anywhere?" he said, and tugged Ray forward, full-bodied against him, to claim a fierce but also tender kiss.

TBC...

Thank you all so much for the AtomWave encouragement!