NINJA UPDATE!

Guess what? Yep. Bad news and Good news time. Good News:I'm updating early!
Bad News: Humor toned down for character development.

Now I know you all are going ONHOZ! or D: after reading that but we get to meet more characters in this! *thumbs up with cheesy salesman smile*

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We come back to our heroes. The AUTHOR and TRAINER. They are in the middle of a small linear patch of grass at the northern exit of Pallet town, and of course, they are nonetheless, attempting to figure out something the AUTHOR should already know.

AUTHOR: Well…Touch your face!

TRAINER: *feels face* There's something long on it, it's pointed at the tip. Any ideas what it is?

AUTHOR is silent.

TRAINER: C'mon. Help me out here!

AUTHOR: I'm thinking. Hmm. What is long and has a pointed tip?

TRAINER: Oh…you don't mean…that?

AUTHOR: …Congratulations. You have a penis for a face.

TRAINER: *swearing under his breath* Ummm…It's orange?

AUTHOR: That does not help your case.

TRAINER: It could be a beak.

AUTHOR: Or a multicultural penis.

TRAINER: Well…I can see my body, it's brown.

AUTHOR starts chuckling

TRAINER: *annoyed* Oh c'mon. What now!

AUTHOR: BWAHAHAHAHA

TRAINER: What?

AUTHOR: You're a pile of shit with a penis for a face!

The suspense clears. A look of pure horror appears on the AUTHOR'S face.

AUTHOR: HOLY SHIT

TRAINER: What?!?!

AUTHOR: You're EVEN worse than that!

TRAINER: How is it possible to be worse than dung with genitals for a face?

AUTHOR: You're a FARFETCH'D

TRAINER: OH MOTHER OF FUCK

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Up in the great shrine in the sky. Some white thing-

AUTHOR: RACISM

NARRATOR: YOU WROTE THIS

AUTHOR: CONTINUE

Is sitting upon a throne. Which it is doing quite well considering it has four legs. It also has an ornate pinwheel shape around its abdomen and disturbing green eyes.

SOME WHITE THING: Johnny! Johnny, get me the baby lotion!

READERS: Waiiiiit. Why does he sound like Fred?

AUTHOR: I needed someone with a squeaky voice.

READERS: His voice isn't squeaky…

AUTHOR: SHADDUP AND GETONWITHIT!

A giant blue floating head with a large red cap and a HUGE FREAKING MUSTACHE floats in.

JOHNNY: MY NAME IS MARIO GODDAMNIT

SWT: Whatever, get me some baby lotion!

MARIO: WHY DO YOU NEED ME TO GET IT! YOU'RE FREAKING ARCEUS, GOD OF TEH POKEMANS! YOU COULD JUST SUMMON IT RIGHT FUCKING HERE!

ARCEUS: *While angrily pointing its appendages* I'm god of the Pokemans. BUT I CAN ONLY CONTROL POKEMANS! NOW GO GET ME MY BABY LOTION YOU SENTIMENTAL DOUCHE. AND GIVE ME BACK MY LINKIN PARK ALBUMS TOO!

MARIO: THEY'RE CURE ALBUMS!

ARCEUS: That too. *files nails…err…hooves*

MARIO: *floating off* Stupid she male faggot, fish, nutless, flaming, bunny banging, cockbag. Why does that damn ARCEUS need baby lotion anyway!?

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AUTHOR: Calm down. You can still continue your journey.

TRAINER: HOW?!

Pause

AUTHOR: Dunno.

TRAINER: *angry but silent*

AUTHOR: Um…

TRAINER: *No change*

AUTHOR: I give up! You're a bird whose genitals decided to move to his face! How the hell am I supposed to do anything about it!

TRAINER: Well. If I have to go through this. So do you.

AUTHOR: NO WAY. I AM NOT LEAVING MY SKY CONDO.

TRAINER: Well…get me someone else to suffer with!

AUTHOR: Miley Cyrus?

TRAINER: Please. I'd rather be covered in the fecal matter of a moose.

AUTHOR: Your dear mother isn't here right now.

TRAINER: *Furious*MY MOTHER IS NOT A MOOSE!

AUTHOR: *enjoying this*I can make her a moose.

TRAINER: Damn you.

AUTHOR: Okay. Now the suffering partner you wanted?

TRAINER: Hmmm… *looks down at himself* How about a female Farfetch'd?

AUTHOR: You have no genitals. Plus you have stooped lower than Miley Cyrus herself.

TRAINER: Pole dancing for kids.

AUTHOR: Almost as low…

TRAINER: Okay, I want a busty blonde girl then. Who has a Farfetch'd fetish

AUTHOR: *look of disgust on his face*

TRAINER: What?

AUTHOR: IN the best interest of not letting this fic become a furry sex romp your new partner is now a Mudkip. *crosses arms and bows head like a genie then poofs*

TRAINER: THIS IS POKEMON RED THOUGH!!!

VOICE: *In a fake Californian accent* Ohai! I heard you liek Mudkips.

TRAINER: *turns around very warily with both eyes closed*

*insert suspense here*

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We now bring you to or ever lovable Mario, in the palace of Arceus, the break room to be exact, but to be more exact, in the shower…

MARIO: CRAAAAAAWWWWWWWLING IN MY SKIN. THESE WOUNDS, THEY'LL NEVER HEEEAL!

VOICE: WHAT IS THAT INCESSANT RACKET!

MARIO: ITSA ME! MARIO!

VOICE: *walks into shower* Why did you just use that voice?

MARIO: I don't know, Higgins. It's like something spurred inside me, something that forced me to make that voice.

VOICE: IZ TAHT WAT I HERD?

HIGGINS: *looking around* Oh dear god. Not that crooning cuttlefish again.

VOICE: WAT YA DOIN IN THAIRE? *looks into the shower* OH DEAH LURD!

HIGGINS: SILENCE! Goddamnit, what is the matter here? We are Pokemon. We are naturally naked anyway. And just as well, cease using god's name in vain!

ARCEUS: I CAN HEAR YOU!!! WHERE IS MY BABY LOTION!!!

The VOICE runs away down the hall.

HIGGINS: Oh god. My Umbreonic ears are oh so sensitive to that woman's voice. I would rather have sewage wax shoved down my throat thank you.

MARIO: Two questions. First: You mean Greg? He's a man… Second: What's sewage wax?

HIGGINS: It's what they use to clean the sewage. What else would it be!

MARIO: *baffled*Okay…Why would they clean sewage?

HIGGINS: So they can filter it into clean water. But of course not all the sewage is still perfectly sanitary. *walking off*

MARIO: …*silently looks up at shower that is pumping liters of water onto him*

All is silent.

Still Silent…

STILL silent…

STILL SILENT GODDAMNIT!

GREG: OHHHH! CUE MEH AGEN PLEAS!

NARRATOR: *grumbling* All is silent.

GREG: WAAT! YER PREGNENT! WHO THE HELL KNOCK'D YA THIS TIEM?!

MARIO: *snaps back to reality* Waiiit. Why the hell am I taking a shower? I'm a Rock type! *looks at shower* Oh noz. *Reality*

MARIO's screams are heartrending.

ARCEUS: WHERES MY BABY LOTION!!!

*cue fade to black*

AUTHOR: Now that was good… It was like I wrapped up sitcoms and famous character's names and mixed in some barbecue sauce and smoked them through a pipe. *sniffs* Ahhhh…

We hear a thump on the table. Yah. That's it. Live with it. My shift is over.

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How was that? Huh? HUH? Well. I actually do want to know .;;. Review! REVIEW! RREEEEEVVVIIEEEWW!!! GOD COMMANDS IT. I COMMAND IT. YOUR CONSCIENCE COMMANDS IT.

Also if you guys don't know who Fred is. You have not lived...err...I mean go to Youtube and type in Fred. If you don't know what Youtube is...well...may god help you. Or those people that fine you if they find out you've read something or SEEN(porn) something you are to young to see. I did not make that up.

G'night all!