It was the middle of the night. Three o'clock in the morning, to be exact. Sodapop stood over the kitchen sink, staring mindlessly out the window into the backyard. He held a glass of water in his hand, but he wasn't drinking it.

He was tired. So damn tired.

This had become his routine.

Sometimes he could manage a few hours of sleep before he'd wake up, mind spinning and thoughts racing. He'd lie in bed, desperately trying to fall back asleep, before he gave up entirely. He'd focus on Ponyboy's light snores or chirps from the crickets outside. Anything to keep his mind off his troubles. But somehow, he always ended up here. In the kitchen. Wide awake.

Tonight, he hadn't even slept a wink. How could he?

He was worried. So damn worried.

With a heavy sigh, Soda sunk into a chair, elbows resting on the kitchen table. He ran his hands through his tufts of hair, wondering when in the world he became this guy. This guy, who sits up late at night, worrying and thinking and worrying some more.

A year ago he didn't have a care in the world, save for maybe a Soc or two.

But then again, a year ago, his parents hadn't been killed in a car wreck. Darry hadn't been forced to give up his college dreams. Ponyboy hadn't run off to Windrixville. Dallas Winston and little Johnny Cade hadn't died too early. Social services hadn't been breathing down their necks. Sandy hadn't left. Evie hadn't cheated. Old man Randle hadn't snapped. Soda hadn't felt like he was losing his best friend.

It's amazing how much can change in a year.

"Sodapop?"

A voice broke into Soda's inner turmoil and he looked up to find Darry standing at the doorway, arms folded across his chest.

"We have to stop meeting like this," Darry joked lightly, dropping his arms and taking a seat across from his brother at the table. Darry was notorious for not being able to sleep, and it wasn't uncommon that the two of them would cross paths in the middle of the night.

Soda gave him a half-hearted smile. "Tell me about it."

Darry was looking him over from across the table, eyes scanning his face. Soda knew what he was going to say before he said it. "You look exhausted, Soda. You can't keep doing this."

"Look who's talkin'," Soda retorted. "You ain't exactly the poster boy for getting a good night of sleep either, Dar."

Darry chuckled lightly. "Yeah, I know that," he said tiredly, rubbing his eyes with his palms. "But don't you think one insomniac in the family is enough?"

"More than enough."

"So why don't you go back to bed, huh?" Darry asked. "You need your sleep."

"I can't, Darry. I'm wide awake."

Darry sighed. "Listen kid, I know Steve gave you a scare today. But he's okay. He's still in one piece."

Sodapop swallowed hard. "I know… it's just…" He could feel himself starting to get worked up, so he trailed off. He'd told Darry his concerns about Steve before. How Steve seemed to have lost all his sense of self-worth, how he barely said a word anymore, how he hadn't cracked a genuine smile in ages…

"I know you're worried about him, Soda," Darry said softly, reading his mind. "We all are. But you have to remember he's been through a lot. Hell, we all have."

Soda nodded. "I know," he said looking down at the table.

Darry tilted his head at Soda. "You said something to him today, didn't you?" he asked, obviously referring to the little squabble he and Steve had had earlier, while Darry was patching him up.

Soda grimaced. "Yeah, I did."

"What'd you say?"

"I told him that he wasn't himself, and I dunno, that made him really upset." Soda remembered how it had turned into a heated discussion. Soda had even noticed that he'd sounded a lot like Darry, saying things like "you're living in a vacuum" and "you don't just stop living because you lose someone."

"So what happened?" Darry pressed.

Soda shrugged. "We made up. I apologized and told him I was just worried about him."

"And?"

"He told me there was nothing to worry about, same as always," Soda sighed. "But then he went charging down the street at those Socs - playing a goddamn hero like some sort of suicide mission - and screw him if he thinks that ain't gonna worry me."

"Soda, look at me," Darry said gently. He didn't continue until Soda's eyes met his. "Steve might feel like he's lost a lot - and he has - but he still has you, and me, and Two-Bit, and hell, even Ponyboy has his back. He's going to be just fine. I promise."

Soda looked down at the table as he let Darry's words sink in. And he actually allowed himself to believe what he was saying. Steve was going to be okay, because they wouldn't have it any other way.

Soda glanced at his older brother with a slight raise of the head. "Thanks," he told Darry sincerely. Because he always made Soda feel like he wasn't alone.

"Sure," Darry said hoarsely.

They sat in silence for a long while before Darry spoke again. "Hey Soda, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He was nervous, that much Soda could tell. "I figure now's as good a time as any."

Soda snapped into attention at Darry's demeanor. "Sure," he said, furrowing his brow in his brother's direction. "What?"

Darry let out a deep breath. Whatever he was trying to say certainly wasn't easy. "We have a tough anniversary coming up," he said finally.

Soda tensed. He knew exactly what Darry was talking about. Two days from now would mark the one-year anniversary of their parents' death. "Right," he said softly over the lump in his throat.

Darry cleared his throat gruffly. "Has Pony mentioned it to you at all?" he asked.

Sodapop shook his head. "No," he answered. But he was sure Ponyboy knew it was coming up. They all did. Soda had been dreading that day for almost a month now. "Why?"

"I was thinking we should visit their gravesite," Darry said. He started chewing on his lip in anticipation of his brother's reaction.

Soda swallowed. Darry had offered to take Pony and Soda back to the cemetery several times following the burial of their parents, but each time his brothers had declined. Soda always felt it would be too hard. And so Darry had stopped asking. He hadn't asked in almost six months.

"I don't know, Dar…" Soda said unsurely.

"Just run it by Pony, okay?" Darry said calmly. "I think it'd be good for us. I think it's time."

Soda nodded vaguely. "Okay," he agreed, a yawn escaping his lips before he could stop it.

Darry gazed at him, a knowing twinkle in his eye. "You are tired."

"Doesn't mean I'll be able to sleep," Soda returned.

Darry folded his arms across his chest, not hesitating to switch from "brother" to "guardian." "Well, you need to try," he said sternly. He nodded his head at the doorway. "Go back to bed."

Soda was only going back to bed on one condition. "I'll go if you go."

Darry grinned at him. "Deal."

With that, they both lifted their tired bones from the table and headed into their respective rooms.

TBC...