This story was translated from the Spanish story "Mírame", written by me, Tsuki W.

Look at me

Chapter 2

That Saturday I cancelled the plans I had with my friends and went with my best friend to a bar in Yokohama. I told her about what had happened with Ken, and –knowing that words would not soothe my grieving- she just stayed there with me. I was deciding whether to finish the second beer I had ordered. I never drank before, but due to my sorrow and frustration, I decided to start that same day. However, the bitterness of the beer did not like me at all.

I still was there, staring at the half-full glass in my hand, trying not to think of anything. Suddenly, my best friend told me my cellphone was ringing. I hate myself for my heart skipping a beat when I saw who was calling in. I almost answered the phone, but the remains of my damaged dignity told me not to do it. Therefore, I turned off my cellphone to not being tempted if he calls again.

I thought that he might be calling because he did not know where to buy something, or because he wanted to know if his cat, Napoleon, liked more this or that brand of food; or even that he wanted advice about what to do with Aiko –that was the name of the intruder-. I was not like to answer stupid questions. I was in a mood to tell him about my anger and confess –in harsh words- I had wasted my time with him for the last eleven years. But, since he was not entirely guilty for something I had not been clear about, I thought it was not fair to vent my rage on him. Anyway, it was better not teasing me that moment.

At the end, I did not finish my beer because it had a bad taste. Naoko –my best friend- just chuckled when I said my attempt to start drinking had been a waste of time. However, that small amount of alcohol made me sleepy. Moreover, since I could not sleep well for some days due to that ungrateful man, just imagine how much I needed to put myself to sleep.

We were about to leave. Naoko got the check, and while we were waiting for the bill being brought by that sluggish waitress, someone I had not seen for some time appeared and made everything around me change from that very moment. I guess I have to thank the sluggish waitress for that, hehe.

My heart popped a wheelie when I saw him, because he was my friend and we knew each other since childhood. Due to my family circumstances, I had to leave the city where we met, but every time we come across it is as if time did not pass. He always has greeted me in an affectionate and affective way, and that time was no exception. I guess the fact of having spent a couple of years since the last time we met justified his big hug. I did not expect that hug, but I corresponded with pleasure because I always felt good being with him.

-Look at you. I did not see you for a few months and you are different again –he said, looking at me from head to toe

-It has been more than "a few months" since the last time I saw you –I corrected, smiling- You make it sound like I am a kind of frog in metamorphosis –I joked

-That is right. I should have tell it in a different way –he apologized ashamed, putting a hand on the back of his nape

-Hi, I am Hoshigawa Naoko –my friend introduced herself. I think she felt ignored and I did not want that. I did it unintentionally- I am Paola's best friend

-Hello. My apologies for not saying hello before. I am Izawa Mamoru, and I used to be Paola's best friend –he briefly looked at me, amused

-And almost my boyfriend –I clarified, while pretending being serious, remembering our childhood

-Oh, yes. Almost her boyfriend too, sorry –he followed the joke- Is a boyfriend you had when you were five just "almost" a boyfriend?

-Of course. It was not a formal relationship

-Oh, I see –he muttered, feigning disappointment, while I laughed

Forgetting about his friends, who surely would be waiting for him in another part of the bar, Mamoru stayed with us. We started to tell Naoko about our childhood, when we lived in Nankatsu city. She was very honest and said she could not imagine me living with my nasty cousin Genzo –she knows I did not like him-, even worse in such a small and boring town. The truth is, in that time, I found that city big and overwhelming, because I had been separated from my parents recently –or rather, they got rid of me-, and Mamoru was one of the people who made me feel a little better in such a bitter situation.

-Oops, by the way –he suddenly said, as if remembering something- Happy birthday! –he happily exclaimed, and my heart skipped a beat. He, whom I had not seen in some time, remembered what that day was

I guess Naoko was also surprised, because she made a funny face. I do not have many friends, because I am no so friendly. So, few people know and care about when I was born. I think she thought it was really nice to meet someone who could appreciate me. I am sure of that, because she treated him to a drink, and she never does that, much less to a man.

Having heard about our most funny and outstanding childhood details, it was Naoko's turn to tell about all the moments we shared at the Toho boarding school. In the middle of the story, Mamoru asked for a minute, so he went where his friends were and told them better not counting on him for the rest of the night. Then, he came back with us.

I do not know what time was when we decide to leave, and we did it because my exhaustion was at the limit and I felt that I would fall asleep at any moment. Otherwise, we would have been at the bar until the owner kicks us out of the place, hehe.

We walk for a while. He was telling us how everything was going on with him and his soccer team. Then, just then, when he mentioned the "soccer" word I remembered Ken. It might sound ridiculous, but I felt proud of myself –and thankful to him- because thanks to Mamoru I could stop lamenting –at least for some hours- Ken's indifference and cruel unawareness. So, before taking the cab Naoko called, I dared to kiss Mamoru on his cheek and say a sincere "thank you". Although he did not know was I was talking about, he smiled and promised to keep in contact with me. He hoped to see each other again, so did I.

If Naoko did not do what she did, it would not be Naoko –she likes to do unexpected things-. She asked the driver to wait for a moment when the cab was about to leave. Then, she opened the window, put herself above me, leaned out the window and asked Mamoru with no shame if he had a girlfriend. Quite confused, Mamoru said, "no, I do not". Naoko smiled widely and said "ah, okay", like if nothing had happened. Then, she asked the driver to move forward, while saying goodbye cynically to Mamoru. I wanted to die of shame. Why did she want to know that if she is married?

-Ah, silly, I have found it out for you –she said, while smiling mischievously

-Why for me? –I asked, I did not understand. Did she not get I was already suffering for a man?

-Because a hand washes the other, and this "hand" is not only good-looking but also good for you –Naoko answered, pretending to be very smart

-I prefer not to inquire –I said. Anyway, my brain was almost turning off because I was tired, so I did not want to analyze Naoko's ideas

I woke up some hours later on the futon Naoko had put for me at her home and turned my cellphone on. Then, my Facebook and email notifications popped up –most of them were junk-. I noticed I had some missing calls from Kazuki, and a couple from Ken. The last ones caught my eye.

-He found Napoleon's food, for sure –I thought sarcastically. Then, I noticed I had a voice message from him

Even though I wanted to ignore that message –I wanted to keep my dignity-, I gave in to my curiosity and called voicemail to know what kind of message he had left.

-"Why don't you answer? Did you forget to charge your cellphone again?"

-Pfff, did he leave a message to complain about why I did not answered the phone? –I was angry

-"I was eating with Aiko-san when I remembered what I had to do today, and I am so sorry" –he said, and my heart frozen- "I really forgot about your birthday. Are you with the guys? I hope you are having fun. Say hello to them for me. Bye".

That was all. Like a stupid, I played the message two more times to know if the message was complete. And yes, it was. There was not a "happy birthday" or "I will reward you", nor even a "I will give you a hug when we meet". There was nothing. I guess I was expecting too much from him. After all, he would not have time because he was with the only woman who caught his attention. The only woman from whom he had accepted an invitation. The only woman he would be doing "other things" with, things I did not want to even imagine about.

It hurt. Realizing I had been falling in love with someone so selfish and apathetic hurt. Someone who was no interested at all about how thoughtful I was to him. Someone who would never see me as anything but a friend or "Napoleon's official feeder". Because, when he is not in the city, I am the person who goes to his apartment to feed and take care of his cat. He, for sure, loves his cat more than me, because he is more affectionate with him. Stupid cat and stupid Ken. Well, I take back my words, Napoleon is not stupid, it is nice and good with me. But its owner is really stupid and I keep it: Ken, you are stupid.

That weekend he did not call again. I guess he thought that simple message had been enough for me. As the week went on, he did not call. Then, I realized I was always the idiot who used to plan to meet him or to go for lunch with him. Recounting, he never invited me o told me to do anything together. Even those times I went with him to his club's parties or meetings, I had heard about them by chance –usually, his teammates tell me about it-. I myself suggested I could go with him if he wanted to. He, shrugging, used to reply that "could be". I was really dumb.

At that point –I guess it was the lowest point, because it was the height what I thought and you will know what- I asked myself how the hell Sanae had endured so much and at the end, out of nowhere, she got married to Tsubasa. I assumed that man would not be so fool as I thought, because he had noticed there was life beyond soccer. He realized Sanae was not a cone –those ones used during soccer practices-, but a woman. However, I do not want to analyze how they managed to have children. That would be too much for my swamped brain. I just can say that Tsubasa could understand that some parts of his body have more functions than the usual, and I will not tell more about that topic.

Paola Wakabayashi, Naoko Hoshigawa, Aiko Fujimiya and Napoleon (the cat) are OC characters created by Tsuki_W.

All the Captain Tsubasa's characters belong to Yoichi Takahashi and Shueisha.

Thank you for reading!