"You're awfully quiet. What's new? How are things with Teddy?" Tandy asked as she and Rayna had lunch at a local bistro.

"He's great. Everything's fine." Rayna answered barely looking up from her plate. She'd been picking at her food for several minutes without taking a bite.

"…and you? How are you? You don't seem to have much of an appetite for someone who's 8 months pregnant."

"I'm fine, REALLY! Just ready to get this baby out of me. I feel like a beached whale. I miss performing. Teddy tells me I'm positively glowing and pregnancy suits me, but I don't feel it." She tried to smile as Tandy furrowed her brow knowingly

"…..and what about….."

"DON'T SAY IT! PLEASE, JUST LEAVE IT ALONE, TANDY! I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT…" her voice trailed off. She didn't want to say his name.

"Deacon?" Tandy asked

Rayna pushed her plate away, and got up to use the ladies room.

"I'll be right back. This baby's always on my bladder." She said quickly leaving the table, but not before Tandy noticed the tears in her eyes

By the time she came back Tandy had the lunch boxed up, had paid the tab, and was ready to go.

"Why don't we get out of here?" Tandy suggested

"Sooooo Coleman told me you'd called him." Tandy tried again as she drove Rayna back to her apartment

"I just want him to have someone to lean on. He doesn't have anyone, Tandy! That's all!" she snapped

"…and does Teddy know you're still taking care of Deacon?" Tandy asked accusingly

"Oh for pete's sake. I'M NOT TAKING CARE OF DEACON! I just think he needs someone to talk to, someone to help him when he feels shaky, and Coleman has been there. He knows what it's like to be a recovering alcoholic. Is that so wrong?" Rayna snapped defensively

"Rayna I know you paid the bill for Deacon's rehab, and I know it was well over $150,000 for 6 months at that beech front detox center."

"So What! What if I did? I was his employer. He was in my band. I felt responsible for his treatment. After all, I pretty much forced him to go, and had Watty tell him he would be fired if he refused!"

"Is he fired? I mean, I know as soon as this baby's old enough to travel, you'll be back on tour. Does that tour include Deacon?"

"I don't know." Rayna refused to look her sister in the eye

"…and how's that gonna work? You plan to live on a tour bus with Deacon, and keep the fact that your daughter is his a secret?"

"I never said this baby was Deacon's." Rayna retorted

"Oh please! You didn't have to. You were showing by the time you and Teddy announced you were pregnant. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to do the math!"

"As far as we're concerned Maddie is Teddy's child. He doesn't even want to know until after she's born. His name will be on her birth certificate and Conrad will be her last name!"

"Is that what you really want?"

"It doesn't matter anymore what I want, Tandy. Teddy is a sweet, loving, caring man. He's home every night for dinner. He rarely drinks. He loves me. He loves Maddie. He'll be a great father and husband. That's all that matters now!"

"I agree. Teddy's an amazing man. He loves you, but I couldn't help but noticed you left something out. Do you love him?"

Rayna looked away from her sister's glare. Deep down she knew she'd never love anyone the way she loved Deacon, but Deacon wasn't capable of the life their daughter needed. He wasn't dependable. He had a temper and could be violent when he was drunk. He'd never purposely hit Rayna, although he'd come up swinging from a drunken sleep on more than one occasion. He usually preferred to take his violent tendencies out on furniture or guitars.

He'd smashed more beer bottles against walls when he was angry than Rayna cared to recall. He'd punched the fender of his truck or her car a time or two in a drunken rage. The fights they'd had while he was drinking, about his drinking, about rehab, about his failing work ethic over missed shows and rehearsals were never ending.

…but then there were the good times. The really good times when he was sober or only drinking socially with a few friends. The times he was so gentle and loving. She could see into his soul and knew deep down he was a good person. She knew he loved her more than anyone else ever would. No matter how drunk he was, that never seemed to waver. She was the only woman he wanted, the only woman he saw, the love of his life. He was always so sorry after he'd hurt or disappointed her. She could tell just by the look on his face he was more disappointed in himself than she could ever be.

… when it came to music Deacon Claybourne was the best of the best! She'd never seen anyone play a guitar with such feeling and raw emotion as if it was an extension of his soul. His voice melted her heart and together onstage nothing else mattered. They could be in an arena with 70,000 fans and Deacon was the only person she saw or heard. One look into his deep blue eyes and she knew she could do anything onstage. He'd given her the courage to pursue a career in music. She knew without Deacon Claybourne there'd be no Rayna Jaymes.

It was those memories of the good times that made her question everything about the past 8 months. Everyone from her sister, Watty, Bucky, and now Coleman kept telling her to "stay away from him." "You can't fix this." "He needs to do this for himself." "He'll never get better if you don't cut him lose."

She'd found herself sobbing, alone in her downtown apartment last night after talking to Coleman. Tandy was right…she was sort of still taking care of Deacon. She'd asked Coleman to look out for him, casually get to know him through AA without mentioning he knew her. She didn't want Deacon to know she was keeping tabs on him. This way, Cole could quietly friend Deacon, and let her know how Deacon was doing, while she maintained her distance.

Cole had done as she asked. He'd casually introduced himself to Deacon at an AA meeting. Deacon never suspected a connection to Rayna. They'd become quick friends, and Cole had met Deacon a few times since for coffee.

"How is he really doing?" Rayna had asked Cole the night before on the phone

"He's doin good. He's sober for himself for the first time ever. He misses you, Rayna. I'm not gonna lie and say he doesn't, but you need to let him go. I know you love him, but if you give him false hope, and then things fall apart again you'll send him right back to the bottom of a bottle. He's fragile. Total sobriety is new to him. He's in AA. He's writing and working again. The best thing you can do now is let him be. Get on with your life and let him get on with his." Cole had told Rayna as she fought back tears

She hadn't seen Deacon for about 8 months. It was the longest they'd been apart since they started dating. She'd thought it might get easier as time passed, but the baby growing inside her was a constant reminder that Deacon Claybourne was a permanent part of her life whether he knew it or not.

There had been a slight chance the baby was Teddy's. Her first sonogram had confirmed otherwise. The only possibility for conception was the last night she'd spent at the cabin with Deacon. The night he'd so lovingly proposed. She had been so happy that night she'd felt like her heart might explode. Finding Deacon on the couch early the next morning with an open Jack Daniels bottle on the table had been horrible, but worse because he didn't remember anything about the night before. He didn't remember proposing to her, or making love for hours on the floor near the fireplace. He didn't remember talking most of the night about a future together.

Deacon's final voice message to her confirmed he knew about the pregnancy, but he didn't seem to realize there was even a chance the baby was his. She couldn't fathom how he remembered nothing about their last night at the cabin together. She knew if he suspected the baby to be his, he wouldn't just stay away so easily. She'd secretly hoped he would try to see her once he got back to Nashville. She was really a bit surprised that he hadn't. No calls, no letters, no cards, flowers, or candy. All of it had abruptly stopped about 5 months into his rehab stay with a single tearful voicemail from Deacon.

The hurt in his voice acknowledging he knew about Teddy, the wedding, and the baby was heartbreaking. She'd betrayed him. While he was away trying to get better…for her, she'd moved on. It wasn't the first heartbreaking message. They'd all reduced her to tears. Once Deacon got phone privileges he'd left her at least 2 to 3 messages per week. Before that it seemed a letter from him showed up every other day or so.

Every call, every letter telling her how sorry he was. He'd make it up to her somehow. He loved her, and wanted the life they'd always talked about. He was clean and sober, and planned to stay that way.

"This time's really gonna stick, baby. I can feel it. It's different this time. I know you don't believe me, but you'll see. You were right to send me here 6 months. They've fixed me up. I'll be home soon. I can't wait to see you. I miss you so damn much, Ray. I love you, baby. Please think about giving us another shot when I get back to Nashville. You won't regret it, Ray. I promise this time's different."

He sounded so confident, so sure. It took every ounce of her will power to not answer his calls. She'd had her phone in her hand so many times close to calling him. She'd written him letters too. They were all tear stained, but he'd never read them. She never sent them. They were all hidden away in a box at the back of her closet, along with the ring he'd given her, pictures, even one of his old Tshirts.

She still cried herself to sleep every night, hoping, praying that maybe somehow things could be different, that maybe he could be the husband and father she always wanted him to be. The man she could depend on, to love her, and their child, and provide a safe and loving home. Part of her wanted to believe that man was in there somewhere and someway he'd suddenly make everything right again.

"Rayna…I asked you a question. Do you love Teddy?" Tandy shook her from her thoughts of Deacon

"Of course I love him. He's a wonderful man, and he'd do anything for me and my baby. I owe him everything. You know, I'm really kinda tired and Teddy will be off work soon. Thank you for lunch, but I really need to lie down." Rayna said getting up and ushering Tandy towards the door

"Are you sure you're OK?" Tandy asked worried

"I'm just tired."

"Have you heard from him?" Tandy finally asked as she opened the door to leave

"No. He's been back in Nashville almost 2 months and I haven't heard from him." Rayna sadly answered

"Let him go, Rayna. He isn't good for you, and he sure as hell isn't a father." Tandy closed the door before Rayna could argue

Rayan burst into tears as soon as Tandy was gone. She was hoping a lot of it was just hormonal changes due to the pregnancy, but deep down she knew it was a longing for Deacon. She retreated to her bedroom and pulled the box of Deacon memories from the closet. She put his old Tshirt to her face and took in his scent. God, she missed his scent. She'd even snuck to the East Nashville house a few times just to feel closer to him before he got out of rehab, to take in the smells, the memories, look at his guitars, and lyrics he'd left strewn about.

She packed everything back into the box and stashed it deep in the back of the closet again. She wondered what Deacon was doing now. "Was he writing a new song?" "Was he thinking of her?"

She curled up in bed and cried herself to sleep, cradling her baby bump. Her dreams took her to Deacon more and more often. At least in sleep he was still hers, and she was still his.

"Hey, sweetie…it's almost 6. You'll be up all night if you don't get up for a little while now. Rayna, Come on…wake up! Ray…"

"I've missed you so much. Just hold me and never let go." She smiled sleepily, still not completely coherent as she wrapped her arms around him.

"I don't plan to ever let you go. How's my baby girl today?" he asked rubbing Rayna's bump as she snoozed in his arms smiling

"Wha….where….I….." she couldn't catch her breath. She'd been so deep into a dream about making love to Deacon, she hadn't realized it was Teddy she was wrapped around.

"Hey…hey…it's OK. I'm right here, Rayna. Is it the baby? Are you OK?" Teddy asked sensing the fear in her as she woke and realized it wasn't Deacon she'd been wrapped around