The next day however was a Friday *no references to Rebecca Black here*
At morning break time, Misao caught up with Patricia to ask about her uncle.
"Because you're Californian and your uncle is a "Brummie", why would that be" asked Misao.
Patricia turned around and explained.
"It's about my Grandfather on my Dad's side of the family" she replied. Konata, Kagami, Tsukasa, Miyuki, Hiyori, Ayano, Yutaka and Minami were all sitting near to Patricia and eagerly listened.
"What is a Brummie Miyuki?" asked Kagami and Tsukasa.
"A Brummie is someone from Birmingham, the 2nd Largest city in England, it used to be part of Warwickshire and some parts of it were historically part of Staffordshire and Worcestershire." Miyuki explained "Then in 1974, it formed the county of the West Midlands along with places like Wolverhampton, Walsall and Coventry, I think..."
"Hehehehe, always rely on the Miyuwiki!" Chortled Konata, "Even knows about...hehehehe...Miyuki, tell me the history of umm...Dhaka...Prague...Budapest...Bratislava...Warsaw...Belgrade,...Brno...Debrecen...Shanghai...Avignon...Rouen...Valladolid...Valencia...Manchester...Norwich...Dijon...Essen...Nuremberg...Munich...Linz...Milan...Cork...North Dakota...Minnesota...Pyroville in Craven...Greendale...Pontypandy...Yes! MIYUKI, TELL ME THE HISTORY OF KAGAMI'S TOILET!"
Kagami slapped Konata in the face "I AM GONNA SELLOTAPE YOUR ARSE SHUT!" She bellowed.
Konata fell down seeing stars everywhere.
"Sorry I don't know anything about Kagami's toilet" Replied Miyuki.
"Konata mentioned Pontypandy, is it where that Pembrokeshire Fireman known as "The Hero next Door" comes from?" Asked Hiyori
"Yes, Fireman Sam" Replied Miyuki and explained all about it!
"IF I EVER COME ACROSS THAT BASTARD NORMAN PRICE, I WILL KICK HIM IN THE ARSE!" yelled Hiyori.
"Hey hey hey! Stow it!" Yelled the indignant Patricia Martin. "You've heckled me for long enough!"
"Sorry" said Miyuki "I was explaining what a Brummie was"
Kagami snarled at Konata who just laughed.
Patty explained about her Grandfather and Uncle's history "Of course I am a Californian, but when my Dad was 5 years old, My Grandparents Divorced. Then my Grandfather married a woman from Birmingham, even though she was born in Walsall, she had a very thick Brummie accent, she must of moved into suburban Birmingham as a girl, but they did marry at St Matthew's church in Walsall. A year later, Gregory Martin, or Uncle Greg or Uncle Brum was born. He is 7 years younger than my father and he is married and has my 2 cousins, Peter and Mary. My Grandfather had 2 more marriages after the death of his second wife 18 years after they married, and when Uncle Greg was 17. She died in a car crash. Then...same old story...Married a woman from Macclesfield in Cheshire, Divorced 2 years later...and his fourth wife was from Lancashire, he married her..."
"Whoa holy shit!" heckled Tsukasa "4 marriages?"
"Hey!" Rebuked Patricia "Lemme finished...so he lived with her until he died 2 years ago in Colne, Lancashire. And as for my grandfather's 4th wife, I dunno if she's alive or dead, last time I heard from her was the year before my Grandfather's death"
"Hmmm" said Miyuki "That is quite a story, did he ever go back to America when he married your Uncle's mother?"
"Nope" Patricia Replied "He stayed in England until his death"
"Well...that was quite a life" said Minami "I can't wait to see Uncle Brum"
"Brrm brrm brrm brrm brrm! BRUM!" Chortled Yutaka
"Is she hinting to that yellow car of a similar name? And is IT from Birmingham?" asked Kagami
"Yep" replied Patricia "It was SET around Birmingham!"
"So who is coming with me in 2 weeks time?" Asked Patricia
"Me!" Chimed Minami, Konata, Misao, Yutaka, Minami and Hiyori.
"Good!" said Patricia "Do you have your parents approval?"
They replied "Yes!"
"My Mum gave me 10000 yen for all the stuff!" Chirped Misao "She wants me to get me a gift for her, my dad and my brother"
"ALRIGHT!" Squealed Patricia "Remember! 10000 yen for Bullring and other stuff"
Minami stared puzzled at Patricia "Why did your grandfather divorce your father's mother?" she asked.
"Erm because" replied Patricia "Because of religious reasons, because my Grandfather was Protestant and my Grandmother was Catholic, and she wanted to raise my Dad as a Catholic, hence I am Roman Catholic. He would not agree so that is one of the reasons for the divorce, there is more than just that, but it ain't my business"
"I didn't know you were a Roman Catholic Patty" chirped Yutaka "And is your Uncle a Protestant then?"
"Yep, more accurately Anglican" replied Patricia
"What is the difference between Catholics, Protestants and Anglicans Miyuki?" Asked Tsukasa
"Yeah Miyuki" requested Patricia "Could you take Tsukasa and Kagami with you whil you are explaining, I need some time with just these guys"
"Sure" replied Miyuki
"What?" Protested Kagami "Is there a secret- AAAAAH!"
Miyuki led Kagami and Tsukasa off while explaining to them.
Patricia began to explain about what will happen on the visit to Birmingham "It will be 2 weeks today when we fly over to Birmingham International Airport, we'll be then getting the train to Birmingham New Street station on one of them cool Virgin Train Pendolinos! If we don't miss it, if not then we'll be on a London Midland Train. Maybe Cross Country or Arriva Trains Wales if not. Uncle Brum is letting a Hotel for you guys to stay in for the duration of the visit, while I'll be sleeping at his place, sorry guys, it's only a 3 bedroom house and we can only fit Uncle Brum, his wife, and my 2 cousins and me, which I'll probably be sleeping in either Peter's room or downstairs. But the Hotel is just 10 minutes walk away. We'll be doing quite a lot of activities, and shopping around the Bullring, and we even have a bowling booked for one day!"
"That sounds Awesome" chirped Misao
"Does Mary have the same breast size as you Patty Chan?" Asked Konata impertinently
"Yep, she does, but she's the biggest breast size in her whole class!" replied Patricia
"Then what about Peter, does he go nuts over his sister's melons?" blurted Hiyori
"Ehehehehehe" giggled Patricia "They actually did have sex together once and they have a sentiment of romantic warmth"
Everyone shuddered "WHAT?!" Protested Hiyori "THAT CANNOT BE RIGHT!"
"I have no problem with that" Replied Patricia
Misao wanted to say something "I wanna tell you about my new friend I-" but she got heckled, the ground started rumbling.
"Earthquake!" Warned Konata
"TAKE COVER, THIS MIGHT BE A BIG ONE!" Yelled Patricia
Everyone ran for cover.
In a few moments, the earthquake was over, it did not do that much damage, except for smashed pots and glasses and such.
"That were not too bad" said Patricia as she got back up
Then the bell went to say it was time for lessons again
"Who did you wanna say about?" Asked Patricia to Misao
"I'll tell ya at lunchtime" replied Misao
"Ok!" Responded Patricia as the walked inside.
The first job they had to do was pick up all the pencils and rulers off the floor after the earthquake.
Meanwhile Tsuraya was in the centre of town on the phone to Haruhi who seemed to be rather puzzled about a lot of things.
"What?" Haruhi grumbled over the phone "Don't tell me you saw aliens run out like chickens when the earthquake struck."
"No no no" responded Tsuraya "I did see some plant pots getting smashed and the big chandelier where I am not has just stopped swinging"
Haruhi groaned "Ah Tsuraya...why do you have to be in the middle of a Shopping Mall when an earthquake strikes, god's sake, it could have been a big massive one"
Tsuraya lost her patience "Suzumiya-san, It was not a big one, and if it was, the whole fucking place would be desolate by now! Understand?!" and she swiftly hang up.
"Bollocks, she fucking hung me up!" seethed Haruhi as she walked back into the classroom, but she felt better after another grope of Mikuru's breasts.
"AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYY!" Squealed Mikuru.
"Hmmm" remarked Haruhi to Kyon "That were good" then she began to grumble again about Tsuraya. "Too much sugar from all those sweets in the Mall I supposed"
But she stopped as soon as Koizumi and Yuki walked in.
"Any news about Kyonko?" She blurted out
"Yes" replied Yuki "From what I hear, she's looking into the project"
"Good" replied Haruhi "This should work out"
"Indeed" came Yuki's response "The Uniform Foxtrot Oscar case should be sorted out with her intervention"
"What is a "Unform Foxtrot Oscar"?" Puzzled Mikuru
"It's a UFO Mikuru!" blurted out Haruhi quicky We've had a possible sighting of a UFO last week, hence Uniform Foxtrot Oscar, UFO!" and she then groped Mikuru again!
"It was possible that it was another Solar antic" uttered Koizumi
"I doubt it" replied Kyon coldly "Yuki was sure she'd seen a Uniform Foxtrot Oscar"
"Koizumi-Kun, don't blurt out such rubbish, it was one of them Uniform Foxtrot Oscars" replied Yuki sternly.
"But UFOs are just a conspiracy" Protested Koizumi
"Go with what Nagato-san says!" Snapped Kyon and Koizumi settled down to Yuki's decision.
Later, at lunchtime, Misao, Patricia and Konata sat down with Kagami and Miyuki.
"So who is this new friend of your's Misao?" asked Patricia
Misao turned red "Well, Chibikko, you are gonna like this" she blurted.
"What will I like?" stammered Konata
"Don't be bullshitting us with this Misao!" Snapped Kagami
"She's that green haired girl called Tsuraya-senpai, from your favourite anime" Replied Misao with pride. "She is around here for a week, and hopefully Kimdori will also come around!"
Konata froze...she could not belive it "You serious?" she stuttered at Misao
"I am serious Chibikko!" protested Misao "Look at these selfies we've done on my phone" and she showed everyone them.
"Holy Virgin Mary!" exclaimed Patricia "You ain't buckin' us around now!"
Kagami snarled skeptically "I think it's just some arse clown who is cosplaying, not the real Tsuraya"
"No" Misao loudly protested "It is the real Tsuraya!"
"Oh my GOD!" Exclaimed Konata "Misakichi! I cannot believe it!"
"Now I know they are actually real!" Miyuki stammered "I wonder how she and Haruhi are getting on!"
"It's a load of bullshit" Dismissed Kagami "If onee-chan found out Sgt. Frog was real, she'd be shitting herself with joy"
Hiyori eyed over Misao's shoulder.
"DON'T TELL ME THAT IS REALLY WHO IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE!" She shouted hastily.
"Ah...Hiyori-san, you nearly made me drop my meatball" Misao shrieked "This is a commotion I know"
"Sorry" Hiyori blurted "Me and Ayano were wandering about Kona-Chan's excitement"
"Never you mind" Konata back chatted "You dunno"
"Ah, well Hiyori-san sure knows who it is" replied Ayano "and obviously it's Tsuraya, who's been hanging out with Misao"
"HOW IN THE NAME OF LORD LAVINER'S ARSEHOLE DO YOU KNOW?!" Hiyori shouted "IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE? ARE YA KIDDIN' ME?!"
"No" replied Ayano calmly "I saw Misao with her yesterday evening as I was heading off home"
"I must be on a losing streak!" Gasped Hiyori and she ran away squawking like a guinea fowl.
"Gosh" muttered Kagami "I must be on a losing streak as well"
"You're actually on your period Kagami" laughed Miyuki "So yes, you are"
"DO I LOOK LIKE A COMPLETE ARSE CLOWN?!" snarled Kagami
Konata sniggered "Kagamin would make a bad clown"
"THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR FUCKING GOB AND BLURT OUT A SHITLOAD OF FUCK!" Kagami thundered
Patricia simply said nothing while Konata facepalmed
"So, do you guys wanna meet up with her after School?" asked Misao excitedly
"YEAH! YA BETCHA!" Konata answered quickly
"Yeah!" Responded Patricia
"I AM NOT!" snarled Kagami "DO I GIVE A FUCK?!"
"Erm...No, I cannot sorry" replied Miyuki "I need to visit the dentist, again" and she began to shudder.
After School, Misao, Konata, Patricia and Minami went over to meet up with Tsuraya.
"YO, MISAO!" yelled Tsuraya "How is it goin'! Oh who have you got with you?!"
"I do not believe it!" squealed Konata "It really is Tsuraya-senpai!"
"Neither can I" squealed Patricia back
"Who is this?" Asked Minami
"TSURAYA! HOW IS IT GOING?!" Misao excitedly "How was your day around the town"
"Well, the earthquake did not freak me out a lot" replied Tsuraya "and who are your friends by the way?"
Everyone introduced themselves, but not before Konata excitedly introduced herself.
Tsuraya turned to Minami "Oh look, green haired Yuki Nagato!" she laughed "You have so much in common!"
"Eh?" stuttered Minami "What motivated you to call me that?"
Tsuraya replied "Well, you sound just like her, and you are quiet, and a similar personality, for a moment, you seemed like Sakaki from Azumanga Daioh"
"Ah, she's just a bit jumpy" said Misao to Minami
"Oh" replied Minami "I see"
"It is just some awesome to meet ya Tsuraya!" Chimed Patricia "I cannot believe this"
"Oh well that's ok" replied Tsuraya "Kimodori should be around tomorrow, she has been down with a cold, poor soul, but she's better!"
"Ah...Kimdori san is coming as well?" asked Konata "Anyone else from your gang?"
"Just Kimdori, Haruhi and the others are on a case about Uniform Foxtort Oscars"
"WHAT?" Everyone said at once.
"UFO's" explained Tsuraya "Yuki has somewhat reported one last week along with a few other people, so they are sorting the case out"
"Why you call it Uniform Foxtrot Oscar" asked Minami
"It's the NATO phonetic alphabet" Explained Patricia "Basically, Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Foxtrot, Golf, Hotel, India, Juliet, Kila, Lima, Mike, November, Oscar, Papa, Quebec, Romeo, Sierra, Tango, Uniform, Victor, Whisky, X-ray, Yankee, Zulu"
"Whoa" everybody except Tsuraya exclaimed "That was awesome"
They all went down to a local Café and had something to drink
At the Café, Konata had a bright idea.
"Patty-Chan" she asked "Can you spell our names with the NATO Phonetic alphabet?"
"Urmm.."said Patricia "Well, for you Konata...it would be...Kila, Oscar, November, Alpha, Tanga, Alpha! TADAAA!"
Everyone stared at Patricia in amazement "Do more" said Konata
"Well, Misao" Said Patricia "Mike, India, Sierra, Alpha, Oscar. Minami, you would be, Mike, India, November, Alpha, November, India. Tsuraya, you would be, Tango, Sierra, Uniform, Romeo, Alpha, Yankee, Alpha. And of course me, Papa, Alpha, Tango, Romeo, India, Charlie, India, Alpha, or alternately, Papa, Alpha, Tango, Tango, Yankee! DADAAAA!"
"Oh my!" Exclaimed Minami "How clever and amazing!"
"Meh" replied Tsuraya "The SOS brigade always use NATO Phonetic Alphabet when on mysteries, and the UFO case is the latest example"
"Obviously" blurted Konata
"Lord, that were cool and all...but...I need to excuse myself to the toilet" said Patricia as she got up and headed to the toilet.
"Man, that soda were amazing" said Tsuraya "Now did we pay for the drinks...I can't remember"
"We did" replied Konata "We did so when we were ordering them"
"Yeah, I had the same flavour soda as you Tsuraya!" chimed Misao "Now I could do with a pee as well"
"Yeah well" replied Konata "wait until Patty gets back, urgh...stupid me, I had too much between going to the toilet, urgh...jeez...I could be quite a while..."
"What is up Chibikko?" Asked Misao
"I am bursting" groaned Konata "I stupidly forgot to go between a few drinks, now can I go Patty comes back...urgh!"
Patricia returned "Hey guys I am back!" She chirped but Konata quickly dashed to the toilets before she could even sit back down "What the?"
"Kona-chan is bursting, she cannot hold on much longer" explained Misao
"Oh Lord" gasped Patricia "That is not good"
A minute later, Konata returned..."Whew, that is better"
"Why did you rush to the toilets like a jack rabbit?" asked Patricia as Misao headed off to the Toilets
"Because I stupidly forgot to go between having a few drinks" Konata explained "I swear I could of filled a bottle of Coca-Cola full to the brim of pee back there"
"Whoa" exclaimed Patricia.
Later, as they were all walking back, they bumped into...surprise..surprise...KAGAMI!
Kagami stared and gasped in shock "WHO IS THIS?!"
Tsuraya stepped forward "It's me, Tsuraya-senpai!"
Kagami flinched "IS THAT ARSE CLOWN!" she yelled
"No no no no, Kagami, it is Tsuraya, no gimmicks!" replied Konata
"Tsuraya is not an Arse Clown!" protested Misao "She is my friend"
"OH BOLLOCKS!" Kagami snarled and she stomped away back home.
"Ah well" giggled Tsuraya "At least she did not have the wit to call me a green head!" then her phone rang. It was Kimdori.
"Yo, Tsuraya!" chirped Kimdori over the phone "How are you going with your comrade? Having a fun time?"
"Yeah! It is awesome, I also met her friends!" chimed Tsuraya back "We had a drink, and Patty Chan managed to spell out all our names with the NATO Phonetic Alphabet, me and Misao had the same flavour soda, and poor Konata has just been bursting for a pee. Hehehehe, other than the small earthquake this morning, things have been going well! Hehehehehe! Will you be coming over to Misao's house tommorow?"
"Yeah!" replied Kimdori
"As Misao said that she would get her guitar out, I haven't seen it yet, but apparently, it's a "Jazzmaster" if you know what that is, she is really in to 90s Indie stuff." said Tsuraya.
"I'll look forward to it, see ya tomorrow! Bye!" said Kimdori
"Oh ho ho ho ho" Said Patricia to Tsuraya "When Patty rocks on on her guitar, it is like ture 80s 90s Indie Rock, Grunge, you name it!"
"Yeah!" Chimed Misao "I'll get it out tommorow, you'll see my Jazzmaster in all it's glory!"
"Can't wait!" Chirped Tsuraya "See ya guys tommorow!" and they all headed back as the sun began to set.
Author's notes
I've learned about this stuff about, historic English counties, and you name it, mainly on Wikipedia, but I am quite intelligent myself, I was even joked as a Human Wikipedia like Miyuki Takara in my last School
A bottle of Coca Cola is about 500ml, silly old Konata for that.
I am not sure about Misao's handness, if she is right handed, she'd have a Squier Vintage Modified Jazzmaster, if she is Southpaw, then it's a Fender Japan lefty Jazzmaster, but the colour however is Candy Apple Red